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fiendishDomme

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6/12/2016 - Well, I moved to Texas and hated it so I moved back to NJ. Now I'm in North NJ. I'm considering starting to date again. Maybe. We'll see. :-) I was submissive for about 20 years. One night a couple of years ago I co-topped a scene as a favor to a friend, and my life changed significantly. I found that I loved topping people, and have spent the last couple of years learning and honing my skills. I still have some things to learn, and now I'm hoping to find a steady submissive partner to explore with. I feel that knowing both sides makes me a better top and Domme. I'm looking for an actual relationship, not just a play partner. Anyone I date must be reasonably local. The right guy will be under 55 (the real number, not the fake profile number), physically fit, and at least 5'10" (I am 6 feet tall in my bare feet). These things are absolutely not negotiable. His sexual orientation can be either straight or bisexual. I have played with bisexual men before, and enjoy it very much. He will be single and completely available, and that is also absolutely not negotiable. I'm not interesting in being anybody's dirty little secret. I'm single (divorced) and can date openly and freely, and I expect the same. He should be willing to get into a real relationship and D/s dynamic when he meets the right person. He will be an alpha male in every way and very masculine, but he longs to be submissive to his lady behind closed doors. In spite of being masculine and alpha, he'll be able to express himself. The emotionally unavailable need not apply. Although I do believe that some of the D/s dynamic naturally filters into every day life, I'm not looking to micro-manage anyone's life. I need a man who is whole and complete and able to take care of himself and make decisions, but who is also happy serving his mistress and pleasing her to the best of his ability. I'm looking for a real relationship with all the vanilla parts of life in a healthy balance with the kink. We'll go to movies and plays and vanilla dinner parties just as often as we go to dungeons and play parties. Any guy who is solely interested in knowing what things I will do to him if we get together is not the right guy. A submissive of any gender should know what they like and should be able to share that with a prospective Dom or Domme, of course. A submissive should also understand that they are there to serve and service as well, and should be at least equally interested (if not more interested) in what they can do for a potential dominant that may enter their lives. Male subs on here would have a lot more success in finding someone if they were a little less "do me" and a little more "what can I do for you". I'm a nice person with a sadistic streak. I love to spank, but I also love to kiss. I can degrade and humiliate and then be the most affectionate person ever after the scene. I believe in aftercare, passion and romance, and I believe that there are a lot of different aspects to any relationship and all are equally important. I am not interested in a guy referring to himself in the third person, and I hate all that capitalization bullshit. I don't have to be an arrogant putz to prove that I'm a dominant woman, and my sub will not have to commit any crimes against the English language to prove that he is submissive. We will know what and who we are, and that's all that matters. I have a lot of interests outside of BDSM. I am happy, positive and upbeat, and I love to laugh. I make a point to laugh out loud every day, and I want someone who is also happy and positive and will laugh with me - sometimes even at me, but I just may punish him for it...lol. ;-) I have an insanely strong sex drive, which is a large part of the reason for my age preference. It's difficult to find guys in my age range who can truly keep up with me. I appreciate the people who respect my preferences. I guarantee that I now start getting a ton of mail from men over 50 telling me what great sex drives they have. It will go straight to my spam folder, guys, so don't be surprised if I never read it - I won't even see it. My BDSM interests are varied and continue to grow and change as I learn more and more about myself. I used to be very active in the local BDSM community, and now that I'm back I'm starting to get involved again - anyone I get involved with will have to be okay with going to munches, dungeons, play parties and weekend fetish conventions. If my partner truly doesn't enjoy playing in public, I'm okay with that. These things can be negotiated. But he'll be willing and able to attend with me - he can watch me play in public with others, and I'll take care of his business in private. I am NOT interested in forced feminization, cross dressers or sissy maids. While I have friends involved in all of these activities and love them all very much, it quite simply does nothing for me sexually. I am really only sexually attracted to very masculine, alpha male types. I am completely real, and I'm looking for REAL TIME ONLY. I have no interest in cybering or online D/s. Potential partners must be LOCAL and able to do at least half of the commuting. Be prepared to meet in person rather quickly. I may not rush into getting sexual, but I do want to get to know each other in real life, on dates and hanging out together in person. PLEASE NOTE: Please don't send me a chat request. The IM function on here doesn't work very well, and I never get notified that I have a request. Send an e-mail. Photos are available once I feel comfortable and after I've seen yours. Don't ask for one without first sending one.

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4/5/2012 8:32:38 AM
Why do guys who are cheating on someone think that the women they're hitting on will never figure it out? Very few guys are really that slick and even fewer women are really that stupid...

3/19/2012 6:35:39 PM

I'm so excited - I'm getting a dog next week!!  I adopted a beautiful little girl from a local shelter.  I have been looking for a while and finally found a dog that is just right for me.  If you're thinking about getting a pet, please try to adopt and save a life of a sweet fur-baby who might not survive if they don't find a loving home soon.


3/9/2012 2:35:57 PM

Back from Florida.  Glad I got to go swimming and get some sun, but equally glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed.  I have really great pillows, and I missed them.  That probably sounds weird, but it's true.


3/1/2012 9:38:36 AM

I find the spurt of well-known people dying in their 40's to be a bit disturbing.  It's never easy hearing about people who are close to my age dying. 

 

Death is unavoidable obviously.  Getting healthier may give me more time.  I've kicked a lot of bad habits already, but I could be doing even more for myself.

 

I guess the best thing I can do is to live each day to the fullest and not let fear hold me back from anything I want to do.  None of us know how long we have in this world, so there's no sense squandering a single minute of the time we do have.  There's a lot to think about....


2/23/2012 7:13:50 PM

Today I got some new business, got some great news about a medical issue my Dad was having, and then spent a relaxing evening watching "Kinky Boots" and drinking wine with a friend.  

 

A most excellent day.  :-)


2/22/2012 11:23:15 AM
Alice: Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad Hatter: That is an excellent practice.
I was watching my sister-in-law encourage my young niece to dream big, imagine all kinds of crazy things and believe that anything was possible, and it got me thinking about a few things.
How would my life be different if I had never heard words these words:
Stop daydreaming!
Stop being silly!
That's impossible!
If I had become an adult believing that anything was possible, that daydreaming was good and that being silly was beneficial, my adult life would have probably been much different. 
Watching Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland always makes me feel good.  It's such a "girl power" inspiring kind of film for me.  It reminds me of me being a kid and being pushed to conform to something I didn't really believe in and didn't want, then having to go out all alone and forge my own path, face my fears and find my own power.  I've sat my older nieces down and explained to them how it's about a woman coming into her own power and then had them watch it again - they all got it and that was very exciting to see.  In some ways I wish that I had been encouraged in that way as a child, but on the other hand, I wouldn't have had this incredible journey through my adult life if my childhood had been any different.  It hasn't always been easy, but it has been very rewarding, and I'm not sure I'd change anything if I had it to do over again.
There is a part of me that loves those difficult lessons that I had to learn.  I revel in my own growth and the things I've accomplished with no real support from anyone else.  In fact, I got a lot of discouragement from others, and had to stand firm against constant attempts to tear me down and make me fearful and doubtful.  It made me stronger.  I love the many ways in which I've grown and continue to grow.  I lost my muchness at one point, but I got it back 10 times over and it continues to grow every single day.  My own growth has given me the strength and desire to help empower others, and that has become the most fulfilling thing I've ever experienced.  I can't imagine wanting to do or be anything else than I am right now, but I also fully embrace the fact that I will evolve and change going forward.  I'm exciting to see who I will be in 5, 10, 20 years.  Embracing the idea that imagining, daydreaming and being silly is good for the soul has become part of my belief system and will continue to be part of my evolution, without a doubt.   
And now I think I may start believing in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.  Simply because it would be a fabulous way to start my day.

2/21/2012 9:41:15 AM

The last few days have been really awesome.  Mostly things haven't been turning out exactly as I might have hoped, but I've been feeling fantastic and every single situation in my life is working out in a way that just feels right and good even when it's different than I expected.  And with that, new opportunities have emerged every single day that are really exciting.

 

It always pays to focus on the good and to be aware of every possibility that arises.  When I keep my eyes wide open and stay aware of the world around me, I don't miss out on all the little things that can turn into big things.  When I am fully present in each and every situation, I experience the full benefit of every encounter.

 

I've learned a lot in the past few days, simply by being ready to receive whatever was coming my way.  I love seeing my life as a classroom and I love being open to learning whatever I need to learn.

 

I have an amazing life that makes me really happy.  I wake up smiling most of the time.  I suspect that not too many people can say that, but I hope they find it, because it's an awesome feeling.

 

I hope everyone has a great day today.  I know I am!!  :-)


2/16/2012 12:16:08 PM

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Neale Donald Walsch

 

One of the best things about getting older is learning more about yourself.  I've gotten to a place in my life where I can be okay with making mistakes because I know it's an opportunity to learn and improve myself.  I no longer beat myself up severely for being foolish, taking an unwise chance on something that has little chance of working out in my favor or flat out doing something stupid.  Sometimes doing something stupid is what is required in order to open oneself up to the chance of fulfilling our dreams.  Playing it safe is not the way to accomplish anything.

 

My newest favorite quote:  "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."  Neale Donald Walsch

 

This is a lesson I've been learning for about the past year, and it's been a difficult one for me o absorb.  Fear of making a mistake, getting hurt, looking foolish or being vulnerable can make even the strongest of us hold back.  For as long as I can remember, I have been terrified of making a mistake and looking stupid.  It's was a lesson learned as a young child, and it was the thing that ruled me for most of my life.  It's taken a lot of work on my part as an adult to work to get over that fear.  Even when that fear was mostly conquered, stepping across that line that separated my comfort zone from the complete unknown was still something that I struggled with and avoided. 

 

The past year has been an eye-opening experience for me.  I've made some major changes in my life and have been venturing out of my comfort zone pretty regularly.  Sometimes it's been great and sometimes it's been a disaster, but I've felt more alive than I ever have before.  It's been worthwhile and a great learning experience, although it's still never easy.  The big difference is that even though it isn't easy and probably won't ever get any easier, it's become my only option.  Once I started pushing myself and leaving the comfort zone, once I started feeling fully alive as a result of both the good and the bad choices, there was no turning back.

 

I'm still making mistakes, but I'm also still practically vibrating with life and excitement every single day.  I still find that I'm feeling better than I ever have.  Experiencing all the emotions, good and bad, is what is required in order to live fully.  Knowing that makes all the mistakes, embarrassments and even little heartaches so much easier to handle.  Every tear shed is knowledge and wisdom acquired.  I can't find success without taking a risk.  I can't find love without risking a heartbreak.  I can't learn all of life's lessons without fucking up once in a while.  In fact, fucking up is practically a requirement in some ways, and that's good news for someone like me who seems to fuck up rather frequently...lol.  :-)


2/14/2012 8:49:41 PM

Valentine's Day.  Bah humbug.  It's amazing how such a stupid "holiday" can be so irritating.


1/11/2012 11:50:14 PM

Yes that new pic is me - wearing my brand new thigh-high leather boots and holding my brand new dragon tail whip.  I'm ready to party!  :-)

 

I keep trying to set it as my primary photo, but this crazy website is just not cooperating.


12/24/2011 7:57:50 AM

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday weekend and a healthy, happy, prosperous and extremely kinky New Year.  {#}{#}{#}


12/21/2011 8:43:57 PM
Today is the Winter Solstice. The shortest day of the year and the longest night of the year. Starting tomorrow, the days slowly begin to get longer again. Today is the turn toward spring and although the worst of the winter is yet to arrive, we have something to look forward to as the days gradually begin to lengthen again.
The solstices are much like D/s in my opinion - the shifting of light and dark, a play in contrasts, the shifting of power.  There is deep power and intimacy in these things.  Some cultures and spiritual beliefs consider the solstice days to be very powerful days in spirituality and the universe. It is believed by many that everyone on earth has extra connection to the divine universe on the solstices and are able to tap into universal energy in a much deeper way on these days.
For those who believe in the magic and deeper spiritual connection of the winter solstice, it's a great day to reflect on the previous year as a representation of the dwindling dark and set intentions for the upcoming year as a representation of the growing light. More than New Years resolutions, this contemplation of the dark and light can be a very spiritually moving experience for many people, regardless of their religious beliefs (or lack thereof).
As I reflect on the previous year, I am celebrating my successes and my growth in all aspects of my life as well as taking responsibility for choices that I made that may not have always been in my best interest.  The good and bad of the past year has made me a better person, a stronger person and a more well-rounded person.  I am healthier, physically and emotionally, than I was at the start of the year.  I have learned quite a bit about myself this year, and learning is always a good thing.
I am taking some time this night to forgive myself and leave my mistakes of the year behind but also remembering the lessons that I've learned from making those mistakes.  I'm enjoying the happy memories and celebrating the pleasures and successes of the year.  I'm remembering fondly the people I spent time with this past year.  I miss some of them that I no longer have contact with, but I am smiling at the memories of our time together.  I'm sending my love out to all those that I care about, whether they are currently active and present in my life or not - my caring, love and deep feelings continue without regard to our current status.  I am congratulating myself on some major accomplishments and the fears that I've overcome.  I'm acknowledging my growth as a result of hard work, mistakes made, boundaries pushed and risks taken.  All told it has been a good year, and I have no real regrets.
As I get ready to meditate one last time before I go to bed on this longest night of the year, I would like to wish all of my friends and everyone on earth much joy, peace, prosperity and good health in these coming days of expanding light.  Be well.  Be happy.  Be love and be loved.

11/29/2011 11:03:19 AM

Happiness is a new BDSM toy!  I bought myself a new whip this weekend - a dragon tail that is handmade and really beautiful.  I was never much into whips before.  I usually prefer paddles and canes, but this thing was just calling my name. 

 

I was never good at throwing a single tail, but the dragon tail almost feels like I was born with it in my hand.  Getting pretty accurate with it already and really enjoying how a slightly different flick of my wrist can cause such a different or more intense strike. 

 

I am definitely going to have some fun with this baby.  There are going to be some mighty sore men in the NJ/NY area very soon....lol...


11/11/2011 10:48:37 PM

Okay, the iPhone 4S ROCKS.  Seriously.  It's AWESOME.  {#}{#}{#}


11/3/2011 12:04:52 PM

I realized something interesting today.  It used to be really easy to figure out who the crazy people probably were.  Strange looking people wandering down a street talking to themselves were pretty much a sure bet.  These days it's impossible to tell if someone is talking to themselves or simply talking on their mobile phone.

 

Life has gotten much more complicated.  ;-)


10/30/2011 3:01:27 PM

Getting a lot of friend requests on here lately.  I don't really get that. 

 

Guys, if I haven't ever met you in person, we're not friends.  I doubt I would ever accept a friend request from someone I've never actually met, and I definitely wouldn't accept a friend request from someone I've never even e-mailed with - that actually seems kind of creepy to me for some reason.


10/26/2011 3:05:32 PM

For anyone who seeks good fortune, a major Hindu holiday begins on Sunday, October 30 - the holiday to celebrate the Goddess Lakshmi who is the Hindu Goddess of Fortune.  For five days Hindu people will celebrate the holiday and invite the Goddess Lakshmi into their homes and lives.  It is said that Lakshmi will smile upon anyone who invites her in, even if they are not Hindu.

 

Lakshmi helps bring good fortune of all kinds, including love, abundance, prosperity, well-being and harmony.  No matter what kind of fortune a person is seeking, visualizing it and asking Lakshmi for help daily, especially during this 5-day holiday, is supposed to open up the cosmic connection to all the good things that we seek.  Check out this link for more information:  http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/goddess_lakshmi_wealth.shtml

 

For anyone who believes in the law of attraction, the practice of paying attention to the Goddess of Fortune every day is a wonderful way to practice the positive thinking, visualization and raising your vibration that make up the most essential elements of manifestation. 

 

Since I am ultimately seeking the big, crazy, world-rocking love of a lifetime that I know is out there for me, I'll surely be lighting a green candle on Sunday and asking Lakshmi for help.  I'm not Hindu, but it certainly can't hurt!  :-)


10/22/2011 9:10:30 PM

The centipede has disappeared.  In some ways that makes me happy - I'm hoping it's gone for good.  In some ways, it's freaking me out - I'm afraid that it's hiding and waiting for me to let my guard down so it can pounce. 

 

I believe I may need an army of male submissives to stand guard over me while I sleep.  :-)


10/20/2011 2:46:44 PM

A rather large centipede appears to have taken up residence in my bathroom.

I'm not too happy about this.  I don't want to kill it (especially since it's HUGE and could possibly wrestle the broom from my hands and whack me back).  I just want it removed from my apartment and set free.  It's times like these that I realize I need an actual relationship or at least a full time sub.  Most casual play partners would be reluctant to come over solely for bug removal...lol.

So there I was, the big, bad Domme - screaming like a little girl, jumping up on the side of the tub and hanging from the shower curtain rod in sheer terror.  All because of a thing that is less than two inches long, although in my own defense, it did look bigger and pretty ferocious at the time (what do you mean centipedes don't have 3 rows of fang-like teeth - I know what I saw!).

All this because a bug got rather close to my bare feet.

Yep, a little teeny bug just made me scream.

It's so embarrassing...lol.  :-)


10/10/2011 9:43:25 AM

I get asked almost daily on here "how would you humiliate me?".  I don't get that.  How can I know how to best humiliate someone I've never even met?  Some aspects of BDSM require familiarity.  I need to know you, get in your head and figure out what makes you tick.  Then I'll know how to humiliate you in a way that really humiliates  YOU.  Anything else is just playacting and fluff.


10/9/2011 8:44:35 AM

I can't be the only person on here who has their real age listed in their profile, can I?  I actually log in every year on my birthday and change it since it doesn't change automatically.  Is it just something no one thinks about or is it a deliberate deception?


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coffingirl
 
 Age: 30
 Rockville, Maryland