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| Dear Respected Dominants,
Please allow me to introduce myself to you by sharing my previous bdsm history. I have been slave to a dominant lady, my Goddess, for the last five years. I did have submissive passions before meeting her, but only discovered the full beauty of feeling devotion for a person through her guidance. I must say that she inspired devotion in me when I just looked at her, and she had ways of using my devotion to guide me to the point where her needs meant anything to me, while nothing else seemed important to me any more. As a basis of her training I received the whip from her on a daily basis. Each time she made sure to let me have it harder than I was able to enjoy. That way she taught me that it was about her sadistic passion, not about my masochistic passion. When she watched TV, she enjoyed sitting on my face. She had a specially designed armchair bolster with a hole in the middle for my head to rest in, and she enjoyed to feel my tongue inside her anus. To teach me that pleasure was for her and not for me she made me wear a chastity belt. For her pleasure she had lovers, whom I used to suck hard for her. It was also for me to lick her clean afterwards. Even though I did know the sweet feeling the hardness of men can cause a woman from my previous life, she denied that pleasure to me throughout the entire time of my service to her. Serving means to give, not to take. This pristine tenet of true devotion did sink into my mind and soul very deeply. The warmth I was filled with when I fully embraced this tenet for her gave me so much more satisfaction than the sweet but comparatively superficial feelings I previously derived from opening myself to male penetration.
As the past tense in this report suggests, things have taken an unfortunate turning. One year ago my Goddess died of cancer. Even though time has passed, I am still in a deep mourning period. I also feel that I am not coming to terms with life as it evolved since then. My Goddess left the house to me, and her other resources so that I am financially secure. It also does show her love to me. As she had no children, I was her child. But I am not an expert in stock market investments. I cannot handle these things. I really cannot take care of it. More significantly, I miss guidance. I miss it so much. I would appreciate if somebody could take my training further. Ideally I would hope for a female dominant. But I did have experiences also with male dominants before I met my Goddess, even though these never went that far. My Goddess was University Professor of English, and I did also receive education from her. She read Shakespeare with me, and demanded service in intellectual conversation as well. I hope to find a cultured dominant again. It is important to me to serve with body, soul, mind, and intellect. I cannot reduce service just to a physical level. If a dominant has a degree and maybe a Ph.D. there is so much beauty in also serving as a conversation partner for intellectual passions and agendas. If the intellectual background of a dominant happens to be rather flat it will unfortunately also reduce the relationship to a shallow level. I, however, hope to serve with all I can offer.
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