We have all discovered that their are a lot of fakes, on-line role players and tourist on this site. Interestingly enough, they are on the other sites, as well.
Since my goal is to actually connect with someone, I thought how better than to have a journal.
My thought is, my counter part is out there. I will be patient and work on personal growth but at heart I am an ever changing "lifestyle" submissive.
What lifestyle means to me is ( you never know what words mean to different people)
Lifestyle, (d's definition) someone that has been actively seeking to engage and educated themselves about BDSM, S/m, M/s...ect.
They have bought books and studied websites. They have a gained enough knowledge and experience to Own a toy bag. They can communicate clearly about BDSM. (they haven't just been a Dom all there lives because they like to be in charge)
I have been exploring BDSM all my adult life. It has taken turns and morphed at times. I always come back to wanting a Strong, Assertive, Controlling, slightly arrogant DOM.
D/s is a beautiful dance.
I always come back to that analogy because one Lead's and the other Follows. This happens very naturally in a true D/s dynamic. Where it is complete. It is a safe place to explore and experience. There has to be trust, time to learn each others rhythm.
Some people click immediately, move together like they were make for each other. Others build knowledge more slowly. They practice. Laugh when they step on each others toes.
Simply enjoy the dance. No matter how imperfect it may seem.
Me, I seek a true dominate man that is willing to be patient. To learn about me, allow me to learn about him.
Yet, this is the contradiction. I recently was able to explore what it would be like to have a TPE. Master/slave dynamic. I think the dynamic we were building was a little ridged but I responded to it very well.
I learned that I truly do like to not have to sweat the small stuff. Not have to read between the lines. Knowing that I was expected to do exactly as I was instructed, not required to get creative or to read between the lines was so freeing.
So, I will be patient. A submissive in need of training and guidance, yet content to work on self improvement until the Sir of her dreams materializes.
I do have a very strong desire to be collared but only after being trained. Not looking for a Velcro collar. It wouldn't be real and it would not last.
patiently waiting
d.