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I an Not looking for anything more than chat.

*Owned*

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7/31/2009 10:16:52 PM
Can you be slave to the need to be a slave? Can a person move past the conceived idea of being slave to another, move past that desire to be cherished and needed and priceless, and simply become... slave?

Can someone who's married to kink accept that shallow life and submerge themselves into slavery, not slave to this other person, but simply a slave?

If you feel deep in your soul that you are a slave, when you feel nothing as beautiful as chains and surround yourself in chains.... does this mean you're less than those who are priviledged enough to belong to an owner who places the chains instead?

7/22/2009 3:25:42 PM
She sits, her body heavy, her eyes blind with unshed tears. Her heart is in her throat and aches unbearibly. She feels her own worthlessness to the depths of her soul, her own filth, ugliness and self loathing swapping her completely.

What worth is a slave that is stowed away to be hoarded yet ignored?

She stares at the boots that she's told not to kiss, at the man who so casually treats her like a buddy, a friend, not a slave, not his property.

In her head she feels the reasoning, the whole "if you're a real slave, you'd just kiss my boots all the time, you'd crawl to me and beg" and yet she remembers kneeling before him many times, only to be ignored or dismissed with a perfunctory pat to the head, that pat, pure insult, the dismissal cutting worse than any blade.

The more she's expected to just pretend each day, each moment, as if there were no preceding moment, as if her feelings and desires were without fear or reaction of a previous attempt to express them.... the more trapped and hopeless she feels. In wanting and fearing... she fails.

So though she wishes to be chained and cherished.... she's instead the epitome of buddy-wife, and simply waiting for the mercy of death.

6/8/2009 11:44:27 PM

Curling up inside her too-big robe, she attempts to hide within herself. Staring at the white computer monitor in the pitch black room, she lets her tears spill freely. She thinks of Him asleep in their bed and is engulfed in shame.

She drank, smiled, and flirted, she cleaned herself out, both holes, in preparation, and even aroused herself, trying to be anything he would want from her. As she walked into their living room, her heart lurched into her throat, her body helplessly tingling as he silently pointed upwards, letting her know to go to bed.

Breathlessly, she curls under the sheets, eagerly awaiting Him. Once he climbs into bed with her, she feels suddenly afraid, waiting for him to reject her and roll over. She feels his soft touch to her back and moans helplessly, arching against the questing fingers, writhing next to him, grinding her ass ever so gently against his hips. Breathlessly afraid, she grips her phone tightly, pretending to read, dreadfully terrified, if she turns to him, he'll lay there like a dead fish, limp and bored in her hands.

His hands pull away and she feels him silently turn to face the wall. Tearing up bitterly, she silently cries into her pillow, feeling the final bitter rejection, that not only of her submission, but even of her body.


6/8/2009 6:14:40 PM
She sits, helpless and rejected, bile rising up into her throat, tears seething behind her forced wide eyelids. Biting her teeth so hard her jaws hurts, she forces herself to be silent. Watching him ignore her, dismissing her once again she wonders why she doesn't unlock her collar and walk away. It's not like he'd stop her. He'd just blame it all on her again, Just like he did today.

Reliving his harsh words, "Why should I even bother with you?" She gags deep in her throat. "You didn't even offer me lunch." Well, why did she have to grovel and slobber all over him when he treated her like this? the more she tries to act the slave, the more he simply expects her to.

Shouldn't a Master thrill at demanding dinner? shouldn't her smile at her bowing her head? She tried to be a good girl and wake him with a smile and when he glared and just said no without thinking about the question she asked, she reacted in pain, recoiling from him and leaving his site. Trying to do as him ugly mood demanded and leave him alone, she simply goes back to her chores, attempting to not feel rejected. Imagine her pain when he tells her he's leaving, not inviting her alone, scowling at her, looking disgusted with her. Was she supposed to read his mind? Know that he was hungry? All she felt was alone and disgusting. Again, she tries to be nice, talking all pretty to him when he calls and when he comes back, he's still mad.

By this point, his attitude and sulking has her closing herself off, defending her bruised heart with anger and hostility. She asks him how to this, he doesn't care, she asks him where to put that, he ansers in a condensending voice. She didn't know he's want her to haul the garbage out front, she thought perhaps he had a trash bin outback, but she doesn't dare say anything. She hauls the garbage out with bitter tears in her eyes. Walking into the house she surveys his cloths strewn everywhere, the garbage overfull and dirty dishes everywhere. Feeling overwhelmed, she begins to pick up. Against her own desire she blurts out, "you really woke up in a bad mood, " To which he snears and tells her she's the problem, when she says, "what? You didn't even want me to go with you to the store" he responds with "Why should i? why should i even bother with you?"

feeling defeated she retreats to her chair, biting back tears.

How can you be slave when everything is your fault? when you're expected to rate yourself, change yourself, control yourself, punish yourself?

5/24/2009 9:11:52 AM
She tucks her head and fearfully slips through the halls. Feeling alone and sad she remembers the shame of crawling to her Master and being ignored, of not being a slave anylonger, but a person living with him, to hear him say that he won't just give her what she wants cause she wants it. Her eyes overfill as she struggles to understand how a slave isn't supposed to act like she wants to crawl, beg, serve, and be punished for wrongdoing. She doesn't mean to disobey rules, she just fades out of them when there is no followup on them, when she comes to Him and tells him she did wrong and that failure is ignored.

Wiping the tears from her face she rushes to their bedroom and franticly searches for her chains, needing to feel their soothing clasp and sound. Feeling a shame well up from enchaining herself she bites her lip to hold back an hysterical sob. Not knowing why he's so bitter at her, nothing she's done has made him touch her slavery, her very  appearance seemingly enough to irritate and anger him. Finally finding the heavy links in their play bag behind scalpels, ropes, hoods and implements, she pulls them out and simply holds them, staring at them as a feeling of peace rolls over her. Hearing her mind calm from the frantic despair, she openly begins to sob. Slipping the chains in place, she works to lock them on her own. Reaching along side the lower bed rail, she locks her retaining chain to it, then locks her own ankle in it.

The feeling and sound of the chain begins it's magic as she settles back, nude, against the cool sheets. Closing her eyes, she forces her mind to focus on the thought "I am a slave."

Suddenly the door opens and her Master walks in. Holding hersef very still, she doesn't drop and grovel like she desires, she just sits quietly. He speaks in a racid mocking tone "I thought you couldn't find your chains." and she carefully replies, "I couldn't find my heavy ones, just parts of these light one." She expresses surprise that he's came to bed this early and he says "I took an Ambien and my sleeping pill, i'll be out for hours"

Bitter acceptance rushes through her at hearing he's ignoring not only her tears, her feeling, her chains... but that he would rather take a sleeping pill and roll to face the wall than come together with her. He pulls away and stares at the wall and she falls apart inside.

5/20/2009 8:30:11 PM

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SquirtMistress
 
 Age: 27
 London, United Kingdom