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It's been a while, but I've been thinking about the orbits of planets, moves on chessboards, and the poetry of life.
Kinky? One may say so, if they knew.
With tumultuous peace ...
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For what it's worth: if you'd like to start a conversation with someone, providing more than a simple 'hello' may spark a little more energy back. I'm just sayin'.
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I'm feeling hungry; I'm feeling antsy. I feel like a caged animal who intensely paces in its walls ... waiting, wanting for something primal. Too much energy.
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How does one know the balance between wanting too much and not wanting enough?
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At the moment, I'm feeling two very distinct thoughts/emotions:
1) Really ?!?!
2) So very much is about the illusion, isn't it?
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"And what is a man without energy? Nothing -- nothing at all." (M. Twain)
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"Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let's love turbulence and use it for change."
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Okay, people. In general, I'm a pretty upbeat, positive person. At the moment, though, I am just sick of all of the shit. And since I can't rant in a PC way on the more vanilla sites, nor do I necessarily want to rant on sites where I may be slightly less anonymous, I'll say it here. I am sick and tired of ... stuff. [Big sigh ...] |
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Electricity/
Hums through the air. Everywhere./
Pulsating tension.
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F Words: /
Facets. Faces. /
False. Fantasy. Fear-based. /
Fury. Fiery. Fuming. Frenzy. /
Fuck it.
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Perceived freedom - actual restraint / Perceived restraint - actual freedom / Increased comfort in life - increased complexity / Hardship - ease in decisions / Interesting opposition, don't you think?
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In honor of the new year, two-thousand and ten, I'll dedicate my first letter cinquain of the new year to the letter "T." :
T words: /
Tasty, testy /
Taunting, teasing, tonguing /
Teeth torturing, tears transcending /
Thrilling
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I'm curious ... I hear so many men say they like to see stripes and coloring on a woman's backside, yet if you ask them about the color of dress or the pattern of a (whatever), they say they don't have an eye for it. Interesting ... ;-)
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I am not a cynic. Often I am viewed as an optimist. I view myself as a realist. And today, what I realized is that despite how close we think people are, everyone, yes *EVERYONE* lives to fulfill their own needs and we are all ultimately standing by ourselves, alone. People who think otherwise are wrong, and I'd willingly engage in a healthy debate any day.
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Is a rubber band meant to be stretched to its limits and break before its true limits and abilities are recognized? Or, is it enough to *know* that it's elastic and can stretch far without having to push it to its breaking point? I wonder ...
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"A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what what directs his conduct in the world." S. Freud. Okay folks, do you agree or disagree?
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It's a red wine/turn the tunes up/lie between the speakers kind of an evening. 'Feeling both mellow and anxious at the same time. Trying to work it out.
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Feeling greedy, needy and wanting.
A single crack risking an entire dam.
Struggling to maintain the veneer of control.
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Wow, I don't know what makes a chick more dynamic ... chick flicks or listening to chick tunes. Hours of Emmylou Harris and Janis Joplin certainly changes one's mindset. That, coupled with some good cabernet, makes for an interesting landscape ;-)
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'Tis the season to be ....
feel free to fill in the blank :-)
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Transgressions. Philandering. Judgments.
When are people going to realize that this is not new nor newsworthy? People are people and for us to expect them to be more than human ... well, causes unnecessary angst and grief. It's those damn expectations rearing their ugly heads again.
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Nothing too symbolic; just some thoughtful lyrics:
With my confidence on fire/I set to fixin' up my roles/My separation of desires/Just left me deeper down in the hole/But when I tried to make it more/Well it was always less/And it's a thin line between pleasing yourself/And pleasing someone else"Thin Line" by the Indigo Girls (yeah, i know, they're still a favorite from my college years)
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People are interesting, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop being fascinated by motivations, reactions, desires, fears, etc. At my best, I try to respect the differences we all bring to the table. At less than my best, I fail to understand and/or realize things fully, sometimes resulting in hard feelings. I can say, however, that I don’t recall ever intentionally doing something malicious -- others may see things differently, of course. |
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"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people." -- Carl Jung
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I'm finally feeling a bit better, but all of the sleep I've gotten must have built up because now I'm lying in bed staring at this screen (better than staring at the ceiling). My mind is going in all different directions -- recipes, art, music, the holidays, house projects, work projects and more. I think I need to resurrect my meager attempts to meditate. Or else I can go to the basement and emulate J. Pollack (nah, don't feel like drinking, nor cleaning up paint).
Deep breaths .... om ....
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I've posed this question to a few people already, but I'd like to bring it to a larger audience:
As an adult, if you haven't been ingrained with it throughout your life, what is easier to learn and develop in your later years? Confidence or humility?
Your thoughts are welcome and appreciated.
Thank you. |
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It's a fire/
These dreams they pass me by/
This salvation I desire/
Keeps getting me down/
'Cuz we need to/
Recognize mistakes/
For time and again/
So let it be known for what we believe in/
I can see no reason for it to fail.... .../
'Cuz this life is a farce/
I can't breathe through this mask/
Like a fool/
So breathe on, sister, breathe on/
From "It's a Fire", Portishead |
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It seems that my recent posts have inadvertently offended some folks, so I apologize. In the spirit of trying something different, I offer you this:
Recollect me darling raise me to your lips/
Two undernourished egos four rotating hips/
Hold onto me tightly I'm a sliding scale/
Can't endure then you inhale/
Clearly/
Out of body experience interferes/
And dreams of flying I fit nearly/
Surrounds me though I get lonely/
Slowly ...
From Inertia Creeps, Massive Attack
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"Live like you're dying." Quite a popular philosophy, but why do we need negative consequences to motivate us? How about, "live like you're alive?" Now that would be a novel concept. Peace and good vibes to everyone.
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Holy crap. I'm going to be a hypocrite for a minute here and complain about 2 petty things:
1) Why, why, why do people make a big deal out of inconsequential things??? Why do you they harp and bitch about tiny, minuscule things that aren't even an issue??? [yes, i realize i'm doing that right now, but after 100 whines to me, i give myself a free pass to do the same.] People -- think big picture!!!
2) Okay, maybe I'm overstepping my bounds here, and I've never used this forum to judge people, but ... do folks realize this site is focused on kink??? If you have childhood issues to resolve or past lives that need reconciling, go to dr. phil's site or something -- not here. Yes, we can all lightly complain about how we have daddy/mommy issues, there weren't enough kisses, things were too strict/not strict enough, etc, etc, but seriously, if you really want authentic empathy, emailing a stranger, probably isn't going to help. Jeez. Let's keep it at least somewhat light, people.
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Frenetic energy has been replaced with a mellow randiness. Music, wine, dim-lighting and the full moon must be contributing ;-)
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The Nurturing Power of Dysfunctional Families
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
--Leo Tolstoy
It is important, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, to take time to reflect on the competitive edge it has given you. People from happy, harmonious homes may feel healthy and well-adjusted, but they're fixed on one family model which they try to emulate the rest of their lives. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, however, you may be deeply damaged, but you've acquired a broad repertoire of negative models to outgrow. As you go about your adult life, you should be thankful to your parents: they have given you the kind of education that happy children, through no fault of their own, never receive.
-- From Daily Afflictions, Andrew Boyd. |
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Today, I went to a marriage ceremony and celebration that was quite wonderful. It began with a reading of The Raven, followed by Andrew Boyd's Loving the Wrong Person, concluded by a reading of the Velveteen Rabbit. Everything was awesome in that it completely reflected the wise and mature dynamic between two evolved adults.
Happy Halloween, everyone.
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The day is done; nine years have passed.
I can now rest easy, I’m by myself at last.
With the world sleeping, I have solace and calm.
Denial and numbness provide an excellent balm.
I, oh so wish, I could match creativity and the sublime,
but I’m so very stunted, I can only write in rhyme.
Thank you for reading and sharing a bit of my soul,
I appreciate your attention to what is not very droll.
Be well my friends, and enjoy the ride ...
Never let your core dreams subside. |
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Weak Haiku Marking the Day:
October Two-Eight:
Love at first … now close to hate.
Things change – it’s our fate. |
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Lots of thoughts, but nothing to say.
Frenetic mental energy... |
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Ack, whoever would have thought that a crumb natural/kicker of silly asses would be so fucking hot? Life is full of surprises. |
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Okay [she says cracking her knuckles], it’s been a while since my last letter-based cinquain. Let’s try this:
B Words:
Brazen, Ballsy
Breathtaking, Beautiful
Bitch, Bite, Beat, Bottle up and Breathe
Brilliant |
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In a recent conversation with a colleague who’s fiancé lives in Manchester, UK and will be taking on a new job (vanilla sales) that will require a form of role play to successfully push product and make numbers, this colleague commented how successful his fiancé will be because ”no one in England knows how to role play.” I couldn’t help but think of the folks on this site, laugh to myself and think that he has *no idea* how many people in the UK can role play. People can be amusing. |
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Ahh...sexual, frenetic energy, just bouncing around and no where to go. Time to bundle up, brave the cool weather, and go for a trot along the local trails -- 'need to get this energy out of my system. |
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My mind is running, it will not pause.
I possess so many -- this is just one of my flaws.
I have no haikus or even one cinquain --
Maybe I'lll just join Gladys on her midnight train.
Oops, though, that moment too has passed.
A simpler place and time? Maybe I can fall asleep at last. |
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It's 5:30 PM on a Sunday and I'm exhausted ... I guess a weekend full of extended family will do that to ya. I'm looking forward to the work week ;-)
In the mean time, I'll close out the weekend with a crackling fire ... take some of the chill out of the house. |
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I'm just thinking that part of the reason I so enjoy the fall season is that it releases so many different and wonderful pleasantries for the senses ... the intense color of the changing leaves, the smell of the cooler air, the sound of the wind and the falling, crispy leaves, the feel of the chill on the skin. It's all delightful and sensuous ... comforting and exhilarating at the same time. |
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Another poll:
How many times can a ball bounce before it stops bouncing back? |
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Anonymity.
One of the nice benefits of this site is the journal. I’ve enjoyed reading some of the entries, and I was drawn to the fact that I could randomly post silly things, thoughtful things, mildly emotional things and there was a safety to it … posting to an anonymous world … and getting anonymous feedback.
Now, however, as I am meeting people, things are becoming less anonymous and my perceived freedom to openly share is also becoming less so.
Hmmm…I suppose I should get over that ;-) |
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Wide awake at 2:30 AM, with no darkness at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe the scorpions? Maybe something else ... ;-)
Yep, there it is ... I can see the subtle (or maybe not so subtle) grin. |
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"In Mexico, more than 100 people are killed by scorpions a year."
"Even if a scorpion is frozen in a block of ice, it will walk away unhurt when the ice has melted."
From Scorpion vs Tarantula
Isabel Thomas, Raintree Publishing
Fascinating.
(You can determine the authenticy of the voice here.)
[THANK YOU TO MY EDITOR ;-) ] |
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Argh...frustration & anger.
Can't post on the more public sites b/c people will ask.
And, of course, people here probably think I'm frustrated with something mildly related to CM things. Nah ...
Red wine ... yeah.
Fuck.
How's that for an intellectual post? |
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Skepticism and doubt: healthy or not? how much? how little?
I invite your thoughts on the matter. |
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Let's try another letter-focused cinquain today:
S Words:
Sassy, Subtle
Strong, Smart, and Submissive,
Struggle, Sin, Savor, Sate, Slap, Spank
and Smile
(thanks to mr. silverdevil88 for the suggestion of "s") |
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I notice that many people use this forum to rant and rave. Others use it as a way to artistically express themselves. And still others use it as a way to voice a part of themselves that otherwise may not be heard.
This evening, however, I am posting a sentiment that I also posted on more traditional sites: that wonderful peaceful feeling of contentment. Today was a day where almost everything gelled. Ahhh ... ya gotta love it when that happens.
Peace and good vibes to everyone out there across the planet. |
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Let's try a traditional cinquain today:
F Words:
Finger lickin’
Fire, Fallopian, Feast
Feisty, Fetish, Fantasy, and
yes … Fuck ;-)
(the idea of "f" generated by the bmc in chicago) |
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Tuesday Haiku
Improvisation
In life, in love, in lust -- one
Must feel the rhythm |
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Monday Haiku, Part II
Time, time, who has time?
Lust is an undercurrent
It bleeds into all. |
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Monday Haiku:
Roles, expectations
School buses, meetings and work
Where does desire fit? |
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Diversity in tastes and preferences is a beautiful thing. Thank goodness we all don’t march to the same drummer, or boy the world would be boring, wouldn’t it??? |
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People try to be philosophical and/or artisitc in their representations. I am neither at this particular moment, but I'm taking a poll (albeit from a very specific sampling ...). Compartmentalization: good or bad for life? [Interpretations of the question/labels will be your own.] I am curious about what people think. |
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