Why do so many men have pictures of women as their main profile picture?

Just a though....try not putting down other doms. It makes you sound petty and mean.  They may be different to you,  yes they might be rude or trolls, but don't worry about them so much. Every letter that asks if I am overwhelmed with the trolls and the fakes is deleted.  Dominants aren't mean spirited people and they certainly aren't gossips. Lead by example. 

Please stop asking me what experience I have. Seriously, I have none.

Submissive at home, vanilla in public!!!  I get a lot of letters that tell me this is what they require.   I understand the need to be acceptable to social norms as far as behavior is concerned. I'm not talking about a leash in public, but I'm not a chameleon either and how I am outside of the house is very much how I am in it, personality wise.   I think men focus too much on this and it's becoming a red flag for me. Are they saying they will act one way at home and another when they are out? 

Once again, the check up was all clear.  Feeling great.

The latest check has seen me once again cancer free.  Phew!

I want to thank everyone who writes to me telling me they understand through their own cancer experiences and that they have lost love ones.  I really appreciate it but it is a little depressing to read of so many people loosing this battle when I am still fighting it.  While I really do appreciate your good intentions, I'm not sure it's the best way to cheer me up.

Thanks, em

I feel like I'm backsliding.  James really helped in stopping that but since his slave is having a baby I don't want to bother him with the small things, and every other man I talk to only wants  to talk about the bdsm aspect,  or sex.  I was ok when dealing with the cancer but now that I'm trying  to get things back on track life wise, I'm lost.

Just a thought about  photos.  A great many men have a picture of their naked chest ( usually taken in the bathroom with their phone)  and I have to say, in a non judgemental way,  that there not the best photos.  I'm not actually interetsted in seeing any kind of naked picture, even if your pants are on.  Its just a  little strange to me.

thanks for the all the well wishes.  I don't want to explain it in every email  so I'l just say I went through chemo,  things are getting better and I'm hoping to be back in school soon.

I was very confused when I began this change.  I was angry, though I don’t know why, and resisted for some time.  After a lot of contemplation (6 months) I took James up on his offer to help me, not in any  sexual way, but as a compass for behaviour and change.  I was dismissive to the men writing to me and I didn’t care for their feelings and why they choose to write to me. I did not look on it as a great privilege to have someone be interested enough to take the effort to write.  He explained I was throwing away a great opportunity and that one of those men I was insulting might be someone who could change my life, only I wasn’t giving them the chance to show me themselves and I certainly wasn’t doing that in return.  

I had made the choice to put an ad up, no one had made me. I was the one who labelled myself submissive, no one had made me.  And yet I was acting superior. Even though 90% of the men writing to weren’t suitable for me, many were rude and demanding, did I really want to be an angry ball of energy?  Would it be better to be open and accepting and see if that worked better for me?  They were the two things that got my attention.  It was a challenge.  I am safe to open myself to new experiences and ideas when I have someone behind me to turn to for advice. 

In reflection I have gained a great deal from the past month. I am happier, less stressed and healthier.  The changes aren’t just those put into practice here, but throughout my life.  I’m sleeping better thanks to the yoga and meditation, eating better …all round better.   This way I am better armed to shake off the silly things that get sent to me here.   I still fall down but I don’t give up when I do. I keep going forward.

I'd like to talk a bit about mentors and my reflection on the relationship. He's asked me to think about this after the amazing amount of negative mail I get putting down the relationship. I have many thoughts on it but will try to condense them and make sense of it.

Most of the letters in the negate have said this is an abusive relationship, I’m being taken advantage of, and that he’s getting pussy without commitment. Let me say that this relationship is not in any way sexual. It is philosophical which is probably not something the negative people are familiar with ( I had to get that in, I can’t change overnight J  )  It’s in many ways fatherly without the daddy element. It’s about getting wisdom from someone who is older and wiser on things that I cannot talk to my own family and friends about without them thinking I’m seriously sick and twisted.   He’s a non- judgement friend.

He is an honest voice, sometimes too honest who can say to me that I think you’re wrong and I would like you to think about a different way to approach this problem or habit. It’s about someone saying that’s destructive, stop doing it and learn a better way.   This doesn’t just help my submissive nature but in other areas of my life. I’m relating better with friends, family and school.  Mostly it’s improved the relationship with myself.  I have moved closer to pulling down some walls and stepping outside my comfort zone.

I think the mentor submissive relationship has a bad rap.  Mostly due to those who don’t understand the role or can’t imagine helping a submissive without getting sex.  The dominant gets very little other than the satisfaction of helping someone. The submissive gets a great deal.  A dominant who is willing to give up their time to help someone they may never meet and will never own is very rare

I think more submissives, particularly young ones like me would get a lot out of it if they let themselves be critiqued without their pride getting in the way. It’s not easy  having someone tell you  “your acting like a bitich, change it or you’ll never find what you want. “

While I have struggled and I have a long way to go, I have learned a great deal.  I know I have someone who cares, who will answer my emails and my calls and help me.   Thanks James for taking the time and for being willing to be criticized by strangers who know nothing about you or about what being a dominant is.

So I'm finding the month of re-adjustment exhausting but I can see the point.  I really would like to delete 90% of them  but that's not the exersise is it.  It's about humility and opening up and taking another point of view.

It's still exhausting and makes me avoid the place but then when I do I have pages to get through.  

Groans.  No whining just reflecting.

Iam trying to make it through all the messages but have no hope of doing it all the next week.  If you have written, thanks. I will try and reply shortly,  working from the oldest to the newest.