ElusiveSpi		elusive816		elusivedel

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I am not new to this but have distanced myself from it for a while to do some internal searching. I struggle with my identify in this realm; all these labels have come into it, i.e. submissive, masochist, slave, bottom, etc etc etc. But it is hard to identify with which one best fits.......I like to please a woman, yet I don't look upon myself as a domestic servant. I don't exactly 'like' pain, but feel the need to experience it from time to time. I don't really want to be humiliated and degraded, but wonder if I need to accept that as part of the experience. I am drawn to the idea of total power exchange yet at the same time, not sure if I could do this in a 24/7 capacity. I am not a 'macho' man, but still want my identify as a man respected. And it goes on an on. And so the question, 'Where do I fit in?' One thing that I have never experienced is a 'real' punishment. Perhaps there is a domme out there who who will help me understand what it means to be punished and humiliated in a fem domme scenario. *sigh* A lot has changed in this realm over the years and anymore most who see the word 'punishment and humiliation' can think only in terms of something like 'Bad boy needs a spanking'. On a mental level, I need someone who can do this with some element of refinement and elegance as opposed to assuming some 'prom queen with an attitude' persona. For me it goes a little bit deeper than that. For now three questions. 1. Are you real? If you are just someone trying to 'fit the mold' of a domme, it won't work. 2. Are you safe? i.e. Can I put aside concerns of being in the ER as a result of what happens in a scene? 3. Do you care? The question can be asked on different levels. Do you care enough to be safe? Do you care enough to be cruel? Do you care enough to help the submissive process the feelings? Are you strong enough to share your own feelings? More later...... I also want to put up front that I am married. I will gladly explain the circumstances, but please, no judgements. If it is a problem for you, please just move on.