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Submissive sexual slave
Sometimes i wish i could go back there, to the time when i was young. Back then i thought that mountains were sleeping creatures and would shift around late at night.
When i would squint my eyes out of the car and invision my secret protector spirits, the only ones who could save me from my family, wizzing by my window along with the 70 mile per hour scenery.
When i thought boys could make babies with each other but that didn't matter cause everyone had a penis.
To the first time i heard music in a way that wrecked me.
Back to the magic of being 16 standing over a freeway pass and wanting nothing more than to jump off into the blur of oncoming color.
But that would be returning to a hell that i couldn't survive twice. if you are young and feel the same let me assure you it gets better. i promise.
Sometimes when everything is too much for me i fill the bathtub up and lay there with my head under the water preending like i'm a sea creature from some other planet. water is very important to me, if you don't like taking showers and baths or bodies of water then we can't be friends as you will most often find me in one. without it i lose my essence...
In the beginning I was fooled by Dominants who were good looking, had charisma, dressed well, and had that "dominant" personae. I soon realized that these things are easy to fashion. Real Dominance is a deep and visceral thing, something that has nothing to do with the trappings.
BDSM is filled with similar paradox's. Such as Pain/pleasure. Enslavement/freedom. A circular and connected balance to exist between apparent opposites.
The BDSM ritual may be predominantly sexual in expression, however the goal is not gratification per se, but ecstasy. BDSM is, above and beyond a physical need, the psyche's effort to make sex a sacrament. Only through the understanding and acceptance of the sacramental value of submission will this be true. By the same token, of course, it also becomes holy.
To have someone give you control of their bodies and minds,
to be entrusted with the responsibility to take care of them,
to have someone willing to suffer for you,
to forsake pride and dignity to please you...
what other gift in this world can possibility equate to that?
And more importantly, what makes you worthy to receive it?
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