After a long week of snow and gloomy skies, it's sunny out today!  Makes me look forward to warmer weather and all it entails...  The great outdoors...  Mmmm...

supple the leather, firm the grasp

soft the leather, hard the strike

smooth the leather, warm the scent

strong the leather, long the memory

Two roads less traveled.  Apologies to Robert Frost.

A sharp intake of breath, then I hold it, bracing…  Waiting…  Nothing happens…  And then finally let it go but ahh!  He times it perfectly to pop me out of that brief illusion of comfort.  He teases me by varying the intensity, interval, and location of the impact.  But as the scene goes on he gets his rhythm and allows me to find mine.  I reach deep within myself to breathe deeply enough and not too fast.  The breathing is the important thing.  The out breath has to be longer than the in breath.  The goal for me is to keep breathing, evenly and deeply, and that allows the muscles in my body to relax, to stop bracing, stop tensing up.  It starts in the diaphragm, and the relaxation radiates out slowly, sometimes with a tingle, down each of my limbs, and to the tips of each of my fingers and toes.  And then, as he continues in his space, my head finally goes to my space.  I can feel everything – perhaps even more intensely than I normally would.  But I am so relaxed that there are no involuntary movements.  My logical brain would call it pain, but in sub space it is something else.  He knows I am there because he can see me breathing deeply, easily, and that I am relaxed, almost in a sleep state.  Time stops, or becomes endless, I’m not sure.  Now he whispers in my ear that it’s time to stop.  I want to say no, but I cannot.  My bonds are released, I feel a warm blanket, a sip of cool water.  Strong arms surround me, I snuggle into them.  I continue to breathe as before, interrupted only by an occasional long, deep, contented sigh.

Another time, another place.  I offer my arms to be bound and I feel the smooth rope on my skin.  The rope is beautiful, flexible, relaxed if an inanimate thing can be relaxed.  But in his expert hands, the rope becomes strong and unyielding, tight and constricting.  Breathing is still the important thing.  The bonds are tightened as tight as they can be, and then yet more.  There is no yield whatsoever, and he finds more parts to bind, places more rope, tightens and tightens again.  Only the rope is allowed to resist.  My eyes close and I begin to perspire as the effort to keep my muscles quiet is practically overwhelming.  I breathe as I know I must breathe…  Same as before – breathe out longer than breathe in.  I hear his breathing – he sounds so focused while he works.  I don’t remember much after that.  Time has stopped for me again.  This isn’t rhythmic, it’s like being slowly swallowed into a vortex.  My logical brain doesn’t feel anything – I’m a cloud…  The physical confines of my body melt away and somehow in the tightest of bondage I am free.  I am not allowed to stay this way forever either and I begin to feel the edges of my body coming back into definition.  I feel like I am being poured back into a bottle.  The rush of feeling is overwhelming – waves of sensation crashing on my shore.  Almost identical to the feelings of impact play but in reverse.  Now I work hard to keep my breathing steady and absorb it all, and then I begin to awake.  My soft blanket, some water, and the warm, strong, embracing arms to snuggle into.  And another deep sigh.

Speaking during a scene...  Do I talk, does he talk?  What is said, what enhances the experience, what doesn't?  I'm not pondering "communication" in the broad sense, just simply talking.  Words, phrases.  Sometimes a particular phrase a Dom says will thrill and arouse me down to my toes.  Those words ring in my head for days afterwards, sometimes longer.  Could be anything - a threat, a warning, an order, a snippet of praise, feedback...  Best way to get into my head is probably with the voice.  A voice of confidence and control.  I wonder if I can say something that will thrill him.   What words turn a Dom on?  Or are groans, grunts, and screams what he craves?  I imagine it's different for each Dom.  Conversely, there are words that interrupt or disturb a scene for me.  "Are you ok" more than once or twice just makes me feel like the Dom is lacking confidence in his skill and doesn't believe in my ability to express when there is a problem.  He must trust me to tell him if I'm in trouble as much as I trust him to get me out of trouble.  I'm not fond of Daddy-type conversation at all.  I do crave feedback and praise and during the scene and afterwards.  And correction and orders during a scene.  Part of me wanting to please the Dom - what am I doing that pleases him, what isn't pleasing him?  Generally I'm not inclined to speak during a scene...  I can and do make lots of noise, but not usually words unless I'm asked a question or told to speak.  That's more of a habit than anything.  I do know that as I get closer to and into subspace, my ability to speak fades away, and so does any other noise I might be inclined to make.  I get quiet, I get still, and I relax.  This has been a pretty rambling entry as I'm sorting out questions and experiences in my head.  Bottom line - a good Dom voice and the right words can be as effective as any toy in the toy bag. 

One of the most frequent questions I hear and also one of the most difficult is some variation of "what are you into?"  For a "hard-core" submissive like me, the answer is really "what are YOU into?"  I have some hard limits - pretty standard stuff.  I don't have any real phobias.  What REALLY turns me on is when the Dom is happy.  REALLY happy.  I want to know what HE truly wants.  What he craves, hasn't been able to do or try often enough.  I live and relive his words after a scene.  Did he achieve what he desired?  Did he enjoy himself?  Does he want to play with me again? What could I do or not do next time to make the scene even better?  I crave the praise following a scene.  Secondary to that, when playing in public, did the people watching enjoy the scene?  Did they find it hot?  Did it stimulate other D/s couples to try something new and exciting?  Do other Doms want to play with me at some future time, even today?  Yes, there are things that I love - but that list is expanding with each scene, with each Dom.  I can be MADE to love something under the right Dom.  On the other hand, if I love it and the Dom doesn't - it ain't no fun and I'd rather he do something he loves.  Does that make sense?

(I feel like I'm repeating myself - does nobody read this?)  Do you live near Albany, or do you plan to visit Albany in the near future?  If the answer is no, wait and contact me when the answer is yes.  No, I'm not going to engage in phone or cyber.  I have one rather everyday picture, and if you really want to find out more of what I look like, plan to meet for coffee or a meal.  Near Albany.  For my own safety, I impose a rule on myself not to play the same day we meet, so plan on another trip to Albany on another day if you are interested.  (I make exceptions for couples and group events.) 

Please, please, please, if you aren't in the greater Albany, NY area, or you don't travel here regularly, or you don't plan to come here, please don't write!  I don't do cyber or phone.  I'd rather meet in person than send or see a picture.  I will travel a couple of hours to attend group events but not for an individual.  My suggestion to all is to join a local group - you will find like-minded people in your own area, everyone will be safer, and you will have much more fun and learn something new all the time.  I do.

I was going to explore the concept of "sense of humor", but it seemed so broad that I decided to narrow it down to teasing.

Teasing takes a lot of sensitivity to do effectively - physical or mental.  It's a little dance of pushing and pulling back - just enough to get a reaction, but not too much as to hurt.  One has to be able to feel where that line is, and it differs for every person.  Not only that, the line for person A might be one place when playing with person B, but in a totally different place when playing with person C, so you can't judge by observation.

I grew up in a family that is big on teasing.  We have many laughs at each others' expense, and we enjoy trying to one-up each other.  Nobody gets their feelings hurt - it's almost like a bonding game we play and we love each other.

I find that someone who enjoys giving and receiving a good tease (and here I am mainly talking mental/emotional) is also highly attentive and has a great sense of humor and a quick wit.  This is someone who is dialed into my subtle reactions and is probably a great person for me to play with. 

On the other hand, there is cruel teasing.  That falls in the category of public humiliation for me, and I'm not big on that.  I know some subs who live for it, and Doms that can do that are a better match for them.

I am disease free and intend to stay that way.  Play doesn't have to be sexual for me, but if we decide it will be, then I expect protection.  Some risks aren't worth the benefit.

It's a rainy day and I'm enjoying a quiet, unscheduled day.  So rare, so pleasant, so quiet.  It's great to be busy and active and having fun, but a day of rest is a great idea.  Can't take credit for it though.  It's documented in Genesis.

I had to drive a total of 6 hours yesterday.  Did a lot of drafting behind 18 wheelers to save gas.  Also listened to Springsteen's Born to Run about 5 times.  That #7 track - Meeting Across the River - is awesome.  The story, the haunting trumpet, the piano... 

I like to think submissives can be a lot like chameleons.  Constantly observing and adjusting to fit the environment. 

I like when a profile is filled out so that I can get a sense of the person.  A paragraph maybe about what you are looking for or what makes you happy.  I don't care if you do the interests...

You'll find me an assertive person.  It's important to me to demonstrate that I am in control of myself, that I am a complete person, that I don't have to be submissive to whomever might come along.  If I am submissive to you I want there to be value in it.  If I can't make you feel that my submission is of value, if I don't fill a need that you have, then it is not satisfying for me.  This to me is what a true submissive nature should be.  Not a doormat waiting to be trod upon.  Not a selfish and demanding person topping from the bottom.  I want to get to know you.  I want to know what you would like a scene to begin.  What types of play you enjoy most.  I like lots of types of play, so what I love most will revolve around what you enjoy. 

But I am not a match for everyone.  If I sense that your needs and mine aren't going to blend, I will wish you luck in your search.  And I will truly mean it.  We all have different flavors of kink - it's fascinating!  But the kinks have to dovetail or it's not going to be good for either of us.  I'd rather have no play at all than have a bad play session.  You will find the person that you want.  Be patient and hopeful and choosy.

I'm pretty much stuck staying local.

I don't mind driving.  In fact, I have averaged 40,000 miles per year over the last decade or so.  But the price of gas is insane.  As much as I'd like to take a trip to visit someone, it's generally cost prohibitive.  And I am a single mother of a teenager too, so unless she's with her dad I have to come home at night.  I have other responsibilities here as well.  As much as I'd like to drop everything and run off, I can't.  At least not for another few years.

Random thoughts...

I'm still not used to being single!  But it is very exciting.  For so long I was stymied in my attempts to please my man.  He was not going to be happy no matter how perfect I was, or what I did for him or to him.  Now I realize that it was emotional neglect and abuse.  And it was cruel.  I don't want that ever again.  I don't want to be taken for granted, because I am worth a lot more.  I have an unquenchable drive to submit, to please, to make you happy.  What more could a Dom want?  Of course, there has to be compatibility - the Dom's needs and wants must somehow dovetail with mine.  The greatest Dom in the world may not be the right one for me.

I'm simply happy with the process right now.  I have no goals other than to enjoy myself and to please others and to stay safe.  In fact, I am studiously avoiding any sort of commitment.  Some day maybe I'll embark on a "relationship".  Not now.

An example of control and submission that I found very exciting...  I consented to having my hands bound overhead on a St. Andrew's cross, but my feet were not bound.  I was blindfolded.  My back was to the cross.  It was tall enough so that he could flog my ass which was wonderful (I love flogging.)  As a second dom joined in, he began to work with medium intensity on the front with a crop, which is not one of my favorite toys.  I pulled my legs together in an almost involuntary attempt to protect the sensitive areas, and heard a quiet "spread those legs" followed by a hard strike on my thigh.  I immediately spread my legs and submitted to the crop on my more sensitive places.  The flogger behind, the crop in front.  And if I shifted my feet at all, he only had to touch the inside of my thighs lightly with the crop with a quiet "spread them"  and I immediately adjusted back to where I was supposed to be.  Eventually there was a vibrator, and there was at least one other person involved...  Maybe more...  Then I had an intense orgasm which was prolonged to the point of excruciating sensitivity...  I'll never forget that quiet, almost whispering male voice "spread them."  The confidence, the authority, the underlying threat...  An incredibly sexy combination of firm and gentle.  I still don't know who he was.

If you e-mail me I will answer.  But don't be insulted or too surprised if I respond that I am too busy/involved.  I only have the ability to get to know a finite number of people at a time!  And to be truthful, maybe there's something in your profile or note that I really don't care for.  That simply means that we're not a match, not that there is something wrong with you.

I'm not looking for virtual relationships, phone sex, etc.  I really want to get to know someone in anticipation of meeting in person.  If that's not your plan as well, let's not waste any time, ok?

The one time I was tied down and shaved it was so erotic - I really didn't want to be shaved, and I fought like a good heroine, but then I was petrified to move and risk getting cut.  I much prefer that to having to do it myself.  <wink>

Question of the moment:  Shaven or unshaven?  And do you want her to take care of it ahead of time, or do you prefer to do the shaving yourself?