The True Tale Of A False Reality......
Prelude...
Hello I am Thomas and the tale inside this book is my past life story
over the course of the last few years. You must understand that life is
very strange and that life is very unique for each of us. I know it
will seem strange, but why would I allow what you read to be in print
if it wasnt true. I am very aware of reality and the the alternative
state of mind in which perception becomes distorted hence the name of
this book. My story starts at a point of my life where I was trying to
make a life for me and my family yet made all the wrong choices in
doing so. I was taking the worst path I could to try to achieve the
right and happy life I had dreamt of for so long. So i decided to try
to alter my reality and take a diffrent path to make happiness a
possble prospect for me, and that is where our story begins. So one day
in october i was called by my mom and asked to move out to where she
was living and I decided to give it a try I called Hill and told her i
was going to move and work on life and try to better myself and then
after a whole lot of time consuming planning i went to the town of
Susie Missouri. I spent a while out there but I snapped and I couldnt
take it anymore. Hill had decided that the so called friend of hers was
more important to me and started to want to have a realtiionship with
him. On top of that life in genreal was horrible and i want to go back
to Kansas City, Kansas so I tried to kill myself in order to sucrure a
way back to home. I ended up going home and I was put away in a mental
home and spent my days sitting around pondering life and past mistakes
while writing down thoughts and feelings in my journal. This is where
the story begins and now that you know why and where I am lets
countinue and you can see what can happen when reality and illusion
become one and the same.
.1.
As
the world takes hold of each of us we are forced to battle our demons
that live in each and everyone of us. When we decide to confront one
demon we facede with the great task of accepting a truth that will
forever change our lifes. The change may not be the best, but in the
end it will make us better. The many thoughts that crossour minds are
always disorinating and confusing. In the time I have been locked up
here I have gone through many thoughts. The words that are scattered in
my books and tablets that sit on my desk are a testiment to the fight
of personal torement and pain I must face head on, but in order to do
that I have to find the weakest point in my mental wall of anguish. For
6 months I have read books and tried to resaerch them to find a
plausible answer to that very problem. Time is running out so I must go
through it all again. If I read back through the words I have wrote
then maybeut maybe the answer will be in them. So I go to my room
and grab my books and read trough trough them as I sit on a bench
outside.
As i sit here i start to pour through the journal entries.......
journal entry ......
As
a man of many personalities and visions I am bound to say it blunt ,yet
to speak what I write is hard. Do you see that you are the same way?
Can you express feelings more clearly one way more than the other? If
you only see one heathly option than follow it, yet as I speak I notice
I have lived thorugh my words. Words which haunt my visions. The way I
feel tears me up so I write then never read it. Why do this? So my
feelings dissapear never to be felt again. Is this healty? No.....not
in the least. Ever notice how no matter how much it helps ease the pain
that pain will always remian inside you? I have i only fear one thing
in life and that fear is myself. Nothing ever sets out to hurt you more
than your own actions. They call this a test of god....I call it self
destruction. We set out to destroy ourselfs and only stop once we are
dead. This is how we are trained to survive life. And we do it as much
as possible.
journal entry............
The
first thing you learn in sunday school is the verse John 3 16, and that
christ died on the cross for our sins therefore telling us that we can
sin as much as we want then turn right around and pray to him and all
of our actions will be forgivien. This is not the way we should raise
our children. If you sin You should ask for forgiviness after you can
acknoledge the fact your actions were wrong and why they were wrong.
You should be able to atone for your sins before you ask him to. This
is my theroy.
journal entry.................
Ok
so I finally cracked, and well I have no idea how this all will end.
Even my closet friends are a threat to me. I dont think I will be able
to come back throught the door of insainty. I will now have to become
what I have dwelled on avoiding for years. We all eventually become
what who we pretend or fanitize to be. I have so many sides if i were a
rubics cube you couldnt complete me propely. I lost myself to demons
and sin. Lust, greed, hate, abuse, submissiveness, dominance,sickness,
eating disorders,my ego, narsitic tendienceis, and hatefullness are
everyday feeling good in small doses. Well consider me the
over-acheiver you hated in high school. I take them all, and plant them
in my soul add miracle grow,water, and rogaine then allow them to
fester and grow. They become a ball of emotin so powerful that pandoras
box seems like a jack in the box. It becomes to powerful to control,
and consumes me to the point where mental functionality shuts down.
Depression and agression follow. If everyone is after me who do I turn
to? Certianly not family, friends, and not myself. Thusly this is a
question i cant even answer. The emoitons have created a void that will
be hard to fill since it makes the black holes in space seem small and
pathetic. there is me somewhere in this mess of emotions and I just
hope i can fix it myself for everones sake.
journal entry...........
Few
things in life can trully make us feel alive. They say life, liberty,
and love are these things. I dont believe this truth to be evident in
all we do through out our life. We spend it searching for love, and
beileveing we really have liberty to do as we wish. We see that in
truth love is a joke. Life is a never ending circle in which we will
always bear witness to our pain. Liberty is a tight rope in which we
actually have to stop and think about the steps we take or else we fall
off and the law takes over, so what makes me happy? Being alone with a
woman with a brain. Working my job, and writing what is one my mind.
What fuels others? Is it a need to suceed, an inner hatered,or is a
feeling of love? We may never know that unless we ask. The only stupid
question is the one left unasked. I ask you how then can we make life
what we want it to be? Simple really just live life everyday to the
fulliest extent you wish to take it.
journal entry...........
What
drives a man to screw up his life? Could it be life itself? Is it
possible we doom ourselves as early as childhood? A visioucious cycle
in which greed and lust is allowed into life lessons. We learn from
mistakes throughout life as if a jesture of good faith that the needed
lesson will become embedded in our subconcous. How many times do we
repeat bad things? We tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over
again. Things like over-eating, smoking, drugs, greed, material
obsessions, swearing, blasmhafy, and of course sex. These things are
taught to us as being bad, yet as adults we just justify them as
habits. You see no one trully learns from mistakes we just adapt in
order to justify what is wrong in our actions. A visious cycle doomed
to counitiue till we destroy ourselves. Then will we finally learn our
lessons? Does the final outcome warrent teaching our children habits
are ok once you become adults? I think not.
As
I sit here reading through this first journal I begin to ponder
thoughts that were long buried away. Why am I so dark and depressed?
What happened to me that made me so cycnical? Where in my childhood did
I pick up such bad ideals? So many questions and yet there is no
answers just more questions. If i keep reading I might open a flood
gate of emotins and demons will just pour out, but if i dont then what
will be come of me? I decided to countuine on and keep reading in hopes
that the answer will present itself before it is to late for me.
journal entry............
Question.... What is the point of friends and family? They always turn on you dont they?
When you are finally certain that it is okay to relax they take their knives stab and twist deep inside your belly.
Answer....
Because we are coundiotioned to believe that they are meant to be your
allies when in reality dont all alleingences fade and doenst bllod turn
bad? Science and Reality even christianty all points toward the same
thing. Traitors are the only traiotors when they where your friends to
begin with. What is the only way around this? Death is the ultimate
escape.
Henceforth
I am in short suscide is an escape for all. My mind is shot and my
feelings are numb. Hatred breeds pain and all i feel is hate. There is
no more love, no more caring, no more nothing, yet I contuniue to
search for the answer so death isnt the only way out for everyone that
suffers everyday of their life
journal entry.....
Welcome
to the world i created where pariona riegns and hatred is an everyday
feeling. Heatache and misery are running rampat. Children dont exist
due to the conditions we adults created. With no love there is no care
for ourselves henceforth no love to bring about the act of child birth.
The leader of this world is an evil and tyranical didctator of
absoulote control and void of a heart. In each of us there is a simalar
battle raging. Please dont give in. Fight the battle and life might
just turn out bearable if not exciting and fulling. Let the proper
amount of humainty and loathing control your emotions and life will
work itself out for the best.
journal entry......
I
throw in the towel and wave the white flag. No one should take this
pain. No one should deal with the burden that rests on my heart. The
pain and grief I have caused others is surmassing on my soul and the
stench of blood and tears are encircling me to the point of no return.
That very pain emcompasses my heart and lays heavy on my soul so much
so it actually seeps into my very essence. Death is the way to make it
all go away... the way to make it all stop. I am a failure. I never
make the right desicions and cant please one person either alive or
dead. When asked to explain why I never have an answer. When asked
whats wrong all I can ever answer is nothing because no one cares to
the point that is trully needed....not even me. If I dont then I know
they wont. All my past friends are stupid fucks that are ready to ditch
me for another or hate me for who I am and what I stand for. I think
why....why would they ....how could they? How could they damamge our
friendship so easily and without any remorse?
I
just realize I was never trully thier friend just a third wheel or a
tag along. Like the dog people feel sorry for so you let the little guy
hang around. The poeple I live with now are turning against me as well
and from here I have no where to go so I am going to finish what the
god lord started so many years ago. I will state that to those that
cared I am sorry but death invited me and well I decided to r.s.v.p.
and to those that dont well then you all can just go fuck yourselfs. In
short goodbye.
journal entry.........
Today
is the day that hearts collide. Pain will increase ten fold and mothers
take their children inside to protect them from the outbursts and roits
that will be invoked due to the suffering of millions of tormented
souls that finnaly deciede to end their grief if not through words then
through violence and pain. Blood will flow through the streets as it
once flowed throught thier veins, yet even as they hang on to their
last breath of life something is evil is born right below their feet.
An evil well beyond the stories we were taught in sunday school. The
monster under your bed looks like santa claus next to the creature
stirring under the mass heap of bodies that lie scatted amongst the
streets. It is born of a clusterfuck of of emotions ranging form envy
to fear and all the hatred and suffering the people have felt over the
centuries have caused it to go insane with bloodlust. The only way to
calm this massive beserker is to relase the hatred it feels towards the
human race. It tears through the asphalt and stumbles about. Once it
catches its balance and composes its self it starts on a rampage. The
beast realeses all the hatred that it had bottled up. There is no way
to stop it no way to make it go away. This is the end of human life as
we know it and all the wrongs will be made right. There will be no one
left to fell pain. No one will have to suffer any more. The bullies and
biggots, the rednecks and extremists, the terriost and the crocked
government officals will all reap what they have sown. Hate fuels the
the rage and allows his bloodlust to grow more fury and rage. Nothing
will be left standing and his path of destuction will be massive and
gruesome. Forget running for it will not protect you from the man made
horiffyingly demon. This is a vision of our future if we dont change
our actions and alter our perception towards our fellow man. The demon
my not be real but the destruction he brings is. Mankind has the power
to help or hamper and if we dont stop to think of the reactions to our
actions then in the end there will be no one left to tell the tales of
our fatal error.
journal entry........
Here
I sit hating life and all the things in vovled with it. The people I
know, the things I do, even the way my life is going. They are all dead
ends. A path in which it requres more engery to back up and find a
diffrent path then it took to get to the dead end to begin with.
Suscide is at the end of every path I walk and to turn around from that
is extremly taxing on my soul. Pain breeds hate, hate breeds violence,
and violence always leads to destruction whiether it is self infilcted
or wide spread. I pledge from this day on to ignore all others and only
care about myself. To look out for number one. Fuck everyone and
everything else. May the world fear me because I am cabale of mass
destruction and world wide hysteria. I pledge to destroy them all and
things they hold near and dear to them will be worthless once I crush
them as well. Their land will be pouloted, thier air poisioned, and
thier food supply destroyed. Kill them all and let god sort them out.
Upon
reading these last few entries I noticed that I am far more disturbed
than I was aware of. In fact it was as if a whole diffrent enity wrote
these words. Was it possible that I was more than one soul? A tangled
web of personalities and emotions that were just lying under the
surface waiting to get the chance to come out and reap destruction and
mayham on civilaiation, and what of the kinder yet more cynical entries
i read first? What would that enity trully want to do? Can I be so
dilutted i never tryllu understood the seriousness of my inner
thoughts, or did I know and just decided to turn a blind eye in hopes
it would all go away? So much to comprehend yet things where starting
to make some sense? Some answers were actually hidden in the under
lining meaning behind the entries. I must keep reading and descover who
or what has been allowing myself to be so distorted.
END CHAPTER ONE.
.2.
jounal entry..........
I
keep hearing voices. I have dreams about death. Dreams in which
everyone I know dies in some form by my hand or by a sport of sorts.
Then there is my other dream. It starts off with stamps that are
possessed and then in a freak turn of events come to life. It ends with
me in a coffin, only the coffin is a car. Caring the car is four crabs.
They were caring me into the water to rest in an enternal watery tomb.
My
mind races and I cant focus. It feels like a roller coaster only I dont
move an inch. I blackout, yet remain aware. I dont remember what
happens to me from time to time. My heart races just like I ran a mile
and I cry non-stop.It is becoming harder to remain calm and not scream,
yell, and lash out. My inner needs are killing me, and my greatest need
is overcoming me. I am yearning to be a baby again and for the last few
years it has become overpowering. I also feel like there is two sides
of me. One of those sides is happy and the other yearns for havioc and
chaos.
I
stopped real quick and noticed the first refrence to the other enties
inside me. I must of been sub-conisoulsy aware of them and in my
writing they all seem to surface. All the emotions and needs I hide
from even me cant be contained once I unleashed take my pen to paper. I
now am sure that I must contiune reading the words I have written. I
have proof that I can fight the demaons that consume me.
journal entry...........
When flowers bloom and the sun rises while the world sleeps open to surprises.
Women wake worried about their breath while men wake to worry about things in depth.
the children sleep with visions of cheery thoughts while seniors wake with hopes of one last fling.
As
the day passes before thier eyes thoughts race through their minds.
Where, when, and how? What and why? Is their a god? Will she think I am
cute? I hope mommy makes a pie for dessert! Where are my keys? How am I
going to get the bills paid? I miss my spouse. Where are my kids?
While
this all takes place emotions carry thier souls on. Like a roller
coaster with a missing track going up and down till it finally crashes
in a fiery explosion. Life kicks them in the teeth, yet they crawl into
bed. They lay there till they fall into a dream state. They repeat this
every day in hopes of something better than the day before. People are
dependable to always struggle on no matter what lies ahead.
journal entry..........
There
is a time when a man must come to terms with all that confronts him.
Depending on the time the terms can be diffrent. Dreams haunt our souls
and skeletons rent our closets. To fight with inner demons is always a
personal battle. On the other hand skeletons can be evicted by anyone
with a mouth or a paper and pen. You see you can live a life without
ever having a skeleton realased. Someone always wants to know more
about you tthough so in retrospect you will excert more energy trying
to hide them then to deal with them. If only demons worked the same
way. If you could get around dealing with them without all the stress
of concealing them then you wouldnt be brought down. Life would run so
much smoother. Sounds like a nice wish right? What about those around
you? demons effect everyone else around you as well henceforth once you
allow someone else to try to fight your demons those demons can consume
them as well. I am a man of very many demons. To name a few.....oh hell
why bother putting it off on someone else. I am a of solitude. Destined
to walk the path of life alone. As I walk I keep my I keep my head hung
low in sorrow. others look upon me and worry, or wonder, even think I
look for pity. If they only knew I walk my path looking for the one who
will show me life is worth living. That isnt supposed to be a hardship
all the time. I have a job I enjoy, but I cant trust anyone I work
with. Everyone wants to twist the knife that is already four inches
deep in my soul. I claim to be a complete asshole.....only to know I am
a baby at heart. Misery consumes my body, soul, and mind. Everyday it
gets harder to fight it off, and it devors me bit by bit. I continue to
fight thoughts of susicide, but everyday it grows harder and harder.
When there is no one to turn to what do you do? Pain, sorrow, and
nothing but sadness are not what a person should feel. Heartache and
love are not meant to be one and the same. Why is it at the age of
twenty-four I feel as if life has no meaning?
journal entry..............
When
love comes into someones life they open thier hearts wide and let love
take over. For a time they are happy then one day that love turns the
person from being at peace to putting thier life in peices. Happiness
turns into depression. People walk through thier life seeing and
hearing only what they wish. For this reason alone we take our
heartfelt risks and sink lower in life if we fail. I want remind all
that you conrtol your fate, and the path you take is always forked with
serval diffrent paths. Te path you take is up to only you. Remember
that land you will find the piece of mind you seek in life.
Once
again I was caught off guard. Did I write this as well? Everything i
have read thus far has been bleak and cold, yet this last page was so
bright. The feelings of comfort and support were so clear and just. It
made sense in what was meant by the words. To hold on to hope is the
one way everyone can overcome adversity. I can see that all of me is
not so dark, and it is clear that there is a war raging on deep inside
the recesses of my mind. I know the answer lies in the underlining
meaning, and I want to keep reading but it is time to eat. I grab my
books and head towards the cafertia for lunch. I know that even though
I have been here for a few weeks I have yet to make any friends. I cant
risk allowing another to effect me when I am so close to finding the
answer to the equasion. I reach the cafertia and grab a tray. i gather
my food and sit down to eat. Just going through the motions they call
it, but if that was the case would I still insist on sitting alone and
emmersing myself in books and journals? Who knows people with degrees
think they know everything thusly no matter what my take on the matter
is it will never be right. As I sip my tea I pick the journal back up
and contiune to read where I left off.
journal entry........
Birds of a feather flock together while hearts entwine and we feel devine.
Just
then the book was ripped from my hands by a staff memeber. I was still
holding the spine of the book though and he only got the page i was
reading. He spoke to me in a stern and irrtated voice.
" you know you arent allowed to bring anything to the lunch room"
I tried to reply
"but..."
He cut me short.
"Dont
give excuses and dont think you will get this back till you leave our
lovly facilty. If you open that book again then I will take them all
from you. Now eat you have ten minutes left."
With
that he turned away and went to another table to stop some other group
from horseplaying. I was pissed. Now I wont be able to finish that
entry. I pray that the answer wasnt on that page. The first line was so
cryptic and the words rang through my head. I decided to finish eating
so I could go back to my perch on the bench. Once i was done i put my
tray up and asked to be excused. I was allowed to leave. As I trudged
down the hall a fear seeped over me and I swore I heard a voice. I
looked up and then turned around......no one was there. Just then I
heard it again.
"
Give up Thomas this is a futile effort on your part. The truth you seek
doesnt exsit. The true reality is that even if you can find the
backdoor inside your soul you wont be able to fight us all. Fruitless
waste of energy on your part. Just give in, and be what we want you to
be."
I
turned to see who was screwing with me and the hall still remained
empty. I must of caused something inside me to stir. That voice must be
the one I was refering to in the journal. I hurried back to the bench
to resume my quest knowing that I have made my mark on the demons that
haunt my dreams. I know had proof that there were in fact enities
residing inside of me. There must be because the voice said "us". I
finally reached my destionation and sat down. I thumbed through the
book till I found the ripped page. Once I did I resumed reading
confident that today I would find excatly what I i was searching for.
END CHAPTER TWO
.3.
jouranal entry.....
Smiles
and frowns. The emotions that control us, move us, even express us are
shown everyday. Happiness and sadness are the basic portion of everyday
life. Yin and yang, good and evil, man and woman, and young and old. No
matter how you cut the perverbile deck it will have to always be an
equal amount of each. If there is one without the other the tides of
emotions will proceed to destroy the so called "natural balance of
life". The rule of life is the strong eats the weak then the weak grows
stronger thusly creating a cycle to be repeted over and over again. In
example a couple gives birth to a child, and as the child ages he
amasses knowledge and builds strength while his parents are losing the
very same attributes. In the end the child will repaet the same
process. Animals fight for dominance and we make documentries so we can
sit at home and watch them in awe. Where as humasn fight for dominance
and we glorify it through diffrent outlets like books, magizines, news
repirts, and even reality tv. Why is it nessacary for the human race to
oppose peace and promote war? Simply put if we didnt the value of
competion would deminish and our society would fall apart.
journal entry..........
The travels of a young man
One day there was a man. This man traveled
across the land. Till the year he met a woman. wearing nothing other than a dress that was hand woven.
he had a lonely existence. It felt like a sham. his dreams were shot. Emotions closed inside as tight as a clam.
She changed his opioin. She opened his eyes. The world was his for the taking. The riches come to those that try.
When
she was close by the world passed by ever so slow. Things seemed to
crawl to a stop. Into a state of nirvina he always sank.
Life passed on. Time went by. Happiness was abundant. She was the apple of his eye.
Old age came. Bones grew weak. Diease crept over her. Just like the darkness that approached as the sunset.
He awoke one day and turned
the sleeping body of his wife. He wanted to tell her happy birthday and to give her gift.
The life was gone. The air was drained. Blood stained the ground around her head. For her to be alive is all he desired.
Shocked and amazed. Hurt took over his thoughts. Why did this happen? Why not me? As he cleaned the blood from her face.
He went to his knees. He prayed for the answer. Begged for her life in place of his.
Without her there he relasped and reverted. His hatred and dispair was all for not.
So he dug a grave. Into the ground he layed her. In the dress she wore when they met. He laid her with care and a tear.
His thoughts were muddled. Hatred filled his bones. He
dicided what to do. another hole he dug.
His
hands blistered and his face was smeared with a mixture of blood and
sweat. bloody and battered his body appears. In the hole he lays.
Diease to the life of a loving couple. Yet know they stand together once again. Happy once again.
This
story was strange. A odd mixture of despair and hope. Why is everything
I write starts off and ends on the opposite end of the spectrume? I
stop pondering and resume reading.
journal entry.......
I
had a dream that went something like this. It started in a strip club.
There were eight women dancing just then the lights blacked out. When
the lights came back on there is a woman laying there with a man
cutting out her heart. He looks up at me and there is distiqusing
features besides this smile that seems to eminate an evil aura of its
own. It made me cringe as soon as I laied eyes on it. Then it all went
black again, but this time screaming and yelling. I could hear crying
and stampeding footsteps. When the lights come back on again there is a
bakers dozen of men and seven women sitting there. The lights flicker
and in a instance another woman is gone and I can hear a scream in the
distance then the sound of someone running. I turn around and walk to
the back area of the club and see her lying on the stage. Her arms and
legs are ripped off. I look away and see him again. Nothing on him has
changed and the smile is now pulsating. I turn and scan the room
everyone is in tears of fear and then i hear the trash is going to be
taken out everytime. this sends a chill down my spine for some reason.
What did he mean and who was he? Could that of been me? Just at that
point I awoke in a cold sweat. Fearfull of the dream I decided to write
this down and forget it.
journal entry..........
There was a man. This man was alone. The man lived in misery. This man decided on a plan.
There was a woman. This woman was always pre-occupied. This woman was alive. This woman had a future.
There was a child. This child was always wondering. This child was hopeful. this child had a dream.
This
is all one person. This person is me. This person is delusional. This
person is the after effect of changing so much to fit in that the
orginal soul is lost in limbo.
There
it is . The answer is right there in front of me I had my answer. I set
the book down and start to unravel the puzzel. Soon i would have my
therapy appointment, but till then I would sit here and disecct this
till I come to the end conclusion.
END OF CHAPTER 3
.4.
As
I sit there on the bench I stare at the ground trying to comprehend
what is going on around me. The world seemed to keep moving while I was
stuck in the same place. It was as if I was dying then being
reincarnated into the same body. Strange feelings crept over me and I
sank into a pit of emotionless depression. Others walked by and even
though I could only see thier feet I knew they were looking at me.
Sometimes they stopped to try to speak to me, but I never responed to
them. I was dead set on solving this puzzel. I foresaw trouble when I
decided to overcome this emotional obstical course. Someone stopped and
started to speak to me again. I just tuned them out as I do all the
others. They started to tap me on the shoulder, but I still refused to
look up and acknowldge them thinking if I ignore them long enough they
will go away. Instead of leaving they started to tap with alot more
force then before so I decided I should look up and see who it was.
There was an urgency in the tapping that made me feel uneasy. As I
looked up I saw the head nurse standing above me. She looked highly
irritated, and I knew if I didnt answer I would be punished by the
hospital stuff somehow. I spoke to her in a hushed whisper in order to
keep from further upset her.
"What can I do for you, mam"
She
stood silent for a moment and I gave her a vacant look that I give
everyone here. After what seemed like an enitrny she spoke in a
surprisinly kind manner.
"Thomas, It is time for your thearpy session. Please go see Dr. Rose in
the sunroom. She has been waiting patienly for the last ten minutes, and i dont advice making her wait much longer."
I replied to her without any hesitation in the same hushed whisper as before.
" Yes mam"
With
that I stood up and slowly headed inside. As I drug my feet across the
ground I thought of how much the head nurse reminded him of the type of
woman I had searched for my entire life. She was a bigger woman with a
dominat personality complemented with a mothers kindness. She was one
of the only four people in the entire hospital I could talk to. Now as
I neared the doctor I begun to feel a type of regret that I couldnt
find an answer to. Questions that always halted my progress in therapy
and in my search for the answer to altering my bleak reality. If onlys
and what ifs flooded his mind yet once again. When he got out of
therapy he would have to try to see the head nurse once again. She
always made some sort of strange feeling stir deep inside him. Yes he
would go see her. He was so deep in thought he walked straight into the
door smashing my skull on the glass and knocking me to my feet. I just
sits there rubbing head. This happens at least twice a week due to the
fact I never look straight ahead, but always at the ground. The door
opens and I have to jump back in order to not get smacked again.
"So there you are. See I have told you you need to pay more attention to the things around you"
I
look up and saw a rare sight. The doctor was holding out her hand to
help up.....and she was smiling. Dr. Rose never smiles around me, but
why would she want to? All she ever hears from me is insults,
complaints, and arguements. I have never been able to tell her anything
that is crucial to her because I myself dont know the answers to the
questions she asks. Not to mention she reminds me of my finacce. She
was the splitting image of her with the curly red hair and glasses to
boot. She also had her firm and shaply rack and body. Dr. rose was also
able to speak in the head strong manner that made me want to fight and
argue with everything she said to me. She reminded him of all the good
and bad times he has been through with his fiancee for the last seven
years. It always made me so sad to be around her. I lifted myself off
the ground without her help and walked into the sunroom. As I sat down
She came into the room and shut the door. I just stared at her as she
pulled up a seat and sat down. She spoke in a very disconcering manner.
"You
will not be able to do this without my help. The sooner you realize
this the better off you will be. I am the last hope you have as well as
the last doctor on this staff that will deal with your attudiue, so
either you work with me or you will be sent away to another hospital
and trust me i will arrange it to where you have no freedom when you
get there. If you dont allow me to help you help yourself with
something as petty as helping you off the ground then maybe I should
allow them to transfer you. Would you like that? I think not. If you
dont make a break-through by the end of our session I will wash my
hands of you. I hope you understand what I am saying to you Thomas. Now
shall we begin."
As
she finished her speech I heard a creak. I turned towards the door and
noticed one of the patients had opened the door and was ease-dropping.
Dr. Rose screamed for him to close the door and he slammed it. We could
hear him running down the hall.
As
I turned around I fell out of my chair. With in seconds my head
connected with the floor and I slipped out of concuiousness. As I faded
away I saw myself as a child standing right in front of me grining
maliciuosly. Then I was in a room with the younger me. I wasnt able to
see my parents but I knew I wasnt alone with the other me. There was a
mirrior in the room and he walked over to it and started to stare
vacantly into it. Then even though the child never moved the image in
the mirror moved. I got closer to see what had moved and was shocked to
see a creature in the mirror staring back at me. Then as the little boy
moved the creature did as well. I realized that finally it was starting
to make sense. The creature was the little boys true form. It was
almost as if the little boy was the devil himself. I want to say
something to the younger me to get the answer I needed , but as I went
to speak the room started to fade away and then I was back in the
sunroom again. I screamed out in a mystified scream. I felt robbed and
cheated. The answer was right there and I couldnt find out anything.
Well at least I know that there trully is demons that have manifested
inside me. I looked up and saw Dr. Rose standing above me with a look
of concern on her face. I spoke with a accomplished tone.
"I now have part of the puzzel to the egnima that has been haunting me"
"The answer to what?"
She
was obisoulvy convinced I was suffering from a concussion and trully
concerned, yet not making an effort to hide the fact she thought I was
delusional. I was not aware I was out for twenty minutes. She had
called in the staff for help with me. I was till oblivious to the staff
standing around the room. I spoke again this time I am trying to show
her I know what I am talking about and not crazy.
"The
point were it all started. I know what caused me to lead myself down
the path I walk this very day, and more so to the point that I am aware
that I have at least one other entity walking with me the entire time."
As
I finished I actually noticed the other people in the room, and they
were standing there slack-jawwed and amazed. They had never heard him
speak that much at one time. I was not here for thier stares and
amusement anymore and I intended for every last one of them to know it.
"
All of you like what you see, if so please stay and intrude on my
private thoughts and feelings because you know those high-school
diplomas you all used to get your piss-ant jobs must certainly quailfy
you to be in here giving your opioins. Wait no they fucking dont so get
the hell out of here and respect the patient-doctor
confidentuallity act. "
They all just stood there still in
shock
"
I said now! " I was so pissed off and this was far beyond what I was
willing to deal with. I turned to look at Dr. Rose and she looked at
me. After a moment she motioned for them to leave, so they did. I could
tell they were angry at me, and why not they where just humilated by a
nutjob. More so they had only been there to help him. They were weary
about leaving and you could see it in the way they swaggered out of the
room, but once they were told to leave us they had no choice but to go.
They knew as I did they would find out more later in the staff meeting.
I turned away from the door much more careful this time so as to
prevent yet a third accident. When I was facing the good doctor once
again she spoke to me with a probing manner seeking answers to my
sudden outburst.
"You said how you havent been alone, yet I never told you that I suspected you had multiple
personalities. So how did you find that out?"
"When I passed out I saw one of them and I have been reading through my journal. There are refrences to to others inside me."
I replied to her confident in what I am saying.
She
was shocked. She tripped over her words for a few moments then paused
to compose herself then in a slow pace she proceeded to reply to my
statement.
"Ok I am now at a complete loss for words. Are you making this all up in order to keep from being tranfered?"
"No,
I was going to fake something to stay. You are true enough in that
fact, yet when I fell I had a sort of out of body flashback and saw
myself at the age of five. Not to mention I saw what I really was back
then, and trust me it is a frightening image." I replied defianentlty.
"Ok
I believe you. You were unconciuos so I can specualte the truth beyond
your story, so Thomas what exactly did you see? More so how is this
going to be the answer to ending your downward spiral?"
She asked inquistivly.
I answered her in a calm manner fiiting to her needs.
"Well I saw myself in a room with a mirror. I was staring vacantly into the mirror....."
She was getting antsy.
"Go on"
"In
the mirror I saw a demon. The devil to be exact. Thats when it came to
me. Everytime I have looked in the mirror a feeling of anger and hatred
sweeps over me, and I cant control my actions anymore. The younger I
was the stronger I believed I was. I was so passive agressive I managed
to manifest an identy that could be the angry and abusive kid I wanted
to really be therefore taking the balance out of a normal childs
emotional cycleand inevivitably either side would try have a bigger
impact then the other. I went through changes and diffrent enviroments
which caused my 2 enties to devolp their own coping habits, but once
again with the imbalance of an emontional cycle my mind rejected the
coping methods thusly creating more identies. Each one trying to
overcome the other ones. So as I have never trully been in control of
my acutal self then the goal I set for this hospital stay is actually a
case of pardon me for this but I will have to do some soul searching."
Dr. Rose spoke to me with praise.
"Very
good Thomas. We will have to work on isolating the triggers you spoke
of instead of the personalitys. If we fiqure out the things that
activate each entity then we can find a way to piece then together to
allow you to complete the puzzel that is your real self. Now I want you
to fiqure out each entity over the course of this week, and see what
triggers each one of them to come out to play ....so to speak. Before
you wig out on me it has been brought to my attention that I resemble
someone that is very close to you. This is a good thing because like
her I will not turn my back on you. So that is the last of your entiys
and and the devil is the first. I am correct?"
I simply replied.
"Yes doctor"
She spoke in a much kinder tone now. All the anger was gone.
"Alright then. You work on it and please call me Susan."
I was flattered.
"Ok Susan, but how many more there are I dont know "
She remained kind spoken.
"That is why I gave you a week. I want a complete list. NO shortcuts or half-assing. Do we have a understanding?"
I replied happily.
"Yes mam we do"
This
time I meant it when I swore to it and planned to keep on trying to
uncover the truth that was hidden in the deepest resscess of my mind.
There is no way for them to hide from me anymore. They have slipped and
open the perverbale backdoor I was looking for, and they led me right
on in.
Susan stood up and opened the door
"Good I will see you next week our
time is over"
I walked out of the door and as it closed behind me I was quite pleased with the way this day was going.
END CHAPTER 4
.5.
So
I had finally found a place to start and for that reason alone he was
beginning to feel a little more. The emotions were very fleding, but
were definently there for the first time in so many months. The
loniless I have been cursed with will go away soon enough. Imagine
after so long the feelings starting to flow thruough my soul once
again. It was a miracle on par with the birth of christ. At least it
was that big to me. I do tend to over-exagerate from time to time. Well
I headed to find the head nurse. I fiqured she would be at the nurses
station. After the amount of time I have been here I should be able to
locate her without much hassel, and more so I should get around to
actually interducing myself properly to her at the very least learn her
name. Who knows maybe she will be able to shed some light on my
homework assignment I had been given. I did know the fact sometimes an
outsider sees more than I can. The outsider doesnt wear blinders that
the human mind projects upon one self. There was only one way to find
out. I was near the station. Well it is time to dive further into the
rabbit hole. I turned a corner and there I was there. I asked to where
the head nurse was. They told me that she was on her hourly checks. I
asked if I could wait for her and was told that if I went to my room
they would notify her that I needed to speak to her. I turned around
after thanking them and walked to my room. As I proceeded down the
hallway I thought of the of the different feelings I have surpressed so
long ago. Feelings like love, hate, envy, jealousy, anger, and pride. I
dont remember being happy ever. I am sure there was a time when I was.
I reached my room. I stopped to look around to see if anyone was in the
hallway, but the hallway was empty so I went on in. I dont want anyone
else to know I was in here right now. My room is filled with oblects of
my past that made me think and rememeber my goals and what goals I work
for. My desk was nicely organized and I sat my jounal down and pulled
out my chair. There were post-it notes and note cards lying around the
room and posted on the walls full of little poems and thoughts that
came to me through out the day. I went to the restroom before I sat
back down to read so more of the journal. As I sit down to use the
toilet I look around and all I can see is blood. It is all over the
toliet, bathtub, and the sink. The blood is from my teeth and even
though I have tried to wash it off so many times before, yet the stains
refuse to go away or fade. I flush the toliet and wash my hands then
head to my desk. I know I am a dark man and full of many dark secrets
and they are all locked away inside these four walls. I pick up my
journal and start to read another entry.
journal entry........
If
a man spends his day contempalting bullshit theroies and blantant
parinioas what is the man trully doing? could he be hiding from life,
people,fears or even himself? I will have to say yes he is because I am
that man. I fear others not for them or their thoughts, but for their
actions and behaviors. I also fear myself and all I say and do will one
day come back to haunt me with such a force that I will suffer from
reactions so fierce that death will seem as pleasent as sex. On a large
grade scale in the grand scheme of life I am clearly incompetent and
quite stupid. I cant do shit right and if I do I only screw shit up. I
pray for the day I will make it all right again.
journal
entry...........
There
was a man that lived in a time of despiar. No one was happy in the town
he had chose as home...not that he was aware of the other towns or if
there even were other towns for communication was long gone. The
holocast cleared out all electronical deviced decades ago. There were
times he wished he never made the descion he made those many years ago.
You see this man is the responsible party. Responsible for the end of
modern civilization. In a tine of senceless war he was very powerful
man. The goverment comminshined him to create a imp large enough to
take out an entire continent. He had seen this as a chance to end war
on both sides so with the funding he needed he then set to work on an
emp large enough to the world. The end design consisted of a charge
that shot out to the satilites which circled the globe. The charge was
triangulated and send down wiping out continent after continet then
reversed and took out the satilites which caused them to go burseck and
malfunction sending thousands of scraps heaps crashing to the surface
killing 1,000 times more land and people than the was had taken in
twenty years. Riots had broke out in streets. Looters turned vicious
upon the discovery of the electronics to the stole were unless Wilhno
unhicks the cops and armed forces were useless. And this begun the new
era or desilation. The idea designed for safety and life sawing ended
in nuclear launches only to have 4 document warheads. Actually detonate
the rest were taken by the tripes that had claimed there own stakes of
land. The world was over ran with canibils and pure madness for a
couple of decades til the tribes came to peace and formed cities. Now
everyone is working for the same cause. To bring to justice the man
that caused the disaster with a bounty fo the scientist had ever so
pricy for it was the grand daddy of food for the one town that finds
him and kills him. No one even knows him yet, they unite to find him.
The irony here is "A weapon made to bring people together in peace
brought the world together in hatred." Rumor was they wre in to him so
he decided to go downtown and announce that he is turning his over to
HIM which stand for Hatred Inside Men. This group now controls the town
and are extremly evil men with blackness in their hearts so tormented
that satan wouldn't take them from their stoop for the fear they would
toss him into the pit of fire. On his way there he saw 2 children in
the street instead of playing with dolls they were stabbing a mutilated
dog and giggiling like school girls in love. Upon this horrifice site
he hung his head low all the to the towns center. When he arrived at
the gate he told the guard he had info on the wanted man and they let
him inside. Once there he told them he was the they were searching for
and requested two things before they pulled a revolver out of his pants
(1) feed all who live here, (2) on his tombstone please put he tried
his hardets to stop the war. They agreed then he shot himself in the
head. Such is the way of the savior.
journal entry......
Even
now as I am with my friends, lonliness consumes my very being. Eating
me like a slew of hyiannas in the great syengety. Depression continues
to make my life miserable. I can't get her out of my mind. All I see if
her and the fact she is what I want inside and out, yet I cant have her
in my life due to circumstances. Pain and grief seem to be all I am
allowed to feel. Why must I feel this way? Is it really nessacary to
hurt?
Is
there trully a way to get away from it all? Will god save my soul if i
take my own life? All unanswered questions that haunt my very well
being. I cant take it anymore. The pain is way to much for me to
contunue on so....upon completion of this collection I will seek out a
way to end this grief and find the happiness I feel I have earned and
in doing so I should be lucky in finding the one who will do it all
with me.
I
decided to find the answers to the identies. I searched my soul and
finally I think I had the answers. I picked up my pencil and turned to
the last page of my journal.
At the age of five I was angry and thusly Demon was born.
at the age of eight i started to become very femine so Stephiane was born.
at
the age of 13 I began to realize that my childhood was lost and i was
lacking the proper up-bringing needed to help me grow up and more so I
realized that I wished I was a girl so my mother would accept me. She
always said she wanted a girl not a boy , so Baby Stephiane was born.
At the age of seventeen I meet my first group of friends and started to
date. The power i had over others went to my head and thusly Guido was born.
At the age of 18 I married and took control over everything that went on in my life and thusly Sir was born.
At the age of 21 I had been with my fiancee for 3 years and found that i tended to shrink away from power and Slave was born.
At
the age of 22 I was so angry that all the things that I had tried to
achieve fell apart and I wished to do was end the world and my own life
and that is how Ackrin was born.
As
I read through this journal I can see where each one has come to the
surface in one way or another. Yet I know one thing for certain only
one of them has the balls to come right out and sign their name to what
they wrote. Ackrin was the worst of them all. He trully is the most
destructive of them all. I must find a way to stop him and the rest of
them as well. If I sit down and write down each occarance then maybe I
will have more to go on.
END OF CHAPTER 5
.6.
I
twidle the pencil around in my hand and nibble on the eracer from time
to time trying to recall all the events needed to be remebered. After
about ten minutes I believe I have the memories I need and I proceed to
write them down corisponding with each year and event.
Age of Five "School"
No
one liked me, no friends couldn't do anything right, bad grades, and a
real pain house. So I devoloped this demon to handle the stress of all
the things that I couldn't control. In my demonic personality it didn't
matter what happened to me if somthing went wrong I should cause
everyone to suffer. I tried to kill my dad and sister, stole from the
teacher. I then proceded to punch, bight, and all around bullie the
other kids. I destroyed school property, and to top it all off I
sexually harrased any female in the school that I could find.
Age 8 "Sister's and lack of full time male friends"
Jealous
of all the extra things the girls got from I parents and the other boys
they devolped female tendicys that grew into a full-pledged girl. I did
all the things I could to be as girly as my sisters. I even got
confused because the female version of him wanted boys. Not to mention
I devolped a love for house work and shopping.
This
is when things got worse for I. Demon and Stephanie waged their own war
from the battlefield that was my thoughts. They caused each other
trouble when one did something the other didn't like. If I spent to
long at the mall Demon freaked out and took control and I would be a
hellion so that they wouldn't get to go home. If Stephanie tried to
play like a girl for to long Demon ruined that as well. Stephanie on
the other hand was prone to crying fits when things never went her way.
She grew to behave more and more like an infant and that is when the
next entity showed itself.
12
1/2 Internal fighting- The fights gave way to Baby Stephiane. Baby
Stephaine was so little and depentant she started to hang on to anyone
that would give her the smallest bit of attention. She particually
chased after the woman and girls that were authortive and kind. This is
because when Baby Stephiane was out the others could not hurt me as
long as I was given direction and purpose. When someone cared for Baby
Stephiane the others were forced to take the backseat for the ride. I
devolped a kind of mutal agreement with Baby Stephiane and together we
sort of formed a faction of peace and control. Well this could only
last for so long. Eventually I forgot how I made this peace and, when I
started to mature and gain control over my life I created yet another
new identy.
17-Work
and Relationships-Guido. I got into the workforce and devolped a need
for the power it could entail. Then my search for power I grew enraged.
Then in my search for power and respect I got engaged. Work and my
fiancee steadly grew tired of I childish ways, and thusly he grew more
mature and less childish. Shoving all the other enties back even
further then when before. I gained respect, and led an entire group
home in some very violent crimes and vicious attacks towards my enemies
or anyone that threatened me. Well in a sense that was the straw that
broke the camels back.
The
entites fought to come out and resume control of me. The battle caused
me to have uncontroable fits of mixed emotions that caused me much
grief. Well I now needed a new ally to fight them back so I devolped
Sir.
19-As
a way to fight the others-Along came this extremly dominant and violent
enties with only one goal in mind. Maintian the life I had devoloped
and, there was agressive fighting that was raging on inside my head.
The other enties were far greater foes than Sir was. So many times I
had changed my persona that there was no real way to allow one to be
completely dominant and, the one place every single entiy came out was
in the bedroom. I had left my wife and gotten engaged again. She was so
angry with me because I was constantly in a different mood every time
she came around me. This led her to cheat on me for long periods of
time, yet I was afraid to leave her. History repeats itself once again
and the worst identy was born.
23-Life
in general_Tired of trying to fight everyone and afraid of losing my
new fiancee I become submissive. This entity was meant to stop all the
others from reaking havoc on my life, but they still came out one by
one. Each one wanting some part of them to show through in my actions
and demenor. Thats when the entity we will call Slave was lost in the
commotion and Ackrin was born. I become void of emotion and started to
grow angry and thusly started to seek a way to kill everyone including
myself. I couldnt be reasoned with when Ackrin was in control. I dont
know much about him because he found a way to cause a sort of bloodlust
black-out and I never really remembered anything I ever did.
Now
I need to work through them all, but which one do I try to take on
first? Which one will cause me the least amount of trouble. What a
brain-bender. As I ponder this new delimia the door to my room creaks
open. I jump up and run towards the door at once. On the way I trip and
fall hitting my head once again.
"Damn" I muttered rubbing my head.
I
pick myself up and took off towards the door again. As I got in front
of the door it swung open and I was knocked backwards. As I was thrown
bak from the impact I felt odd and light-headed. I looked towards the
door. I fit the floor with a sicking thud. I glanced up at the door and
saw it was the head nurse that had come in. The last thing I saw was
her coming to myside then I blacked out.
END OF CHAPTER 6
.7.
As
I regained my sight and could compute what I was seeing I was in awe. I
was inside a place that looked like a room created out of grey matter.
It appeared to house a nerve central for a war. My eyes gained more
foucus and I saw a group of people variying in age sitting around the
table in the middle of the room. Then it dawned on me as I put all the
pieces together. They were the entitys. Somehow I had found a way into
my brain. I looked around the room and noticed some files strewn about.
They all were labeled with variuos memories from my past. The table was
about six feet away and I figured if I I crept silently enough I could
get close enough behind them and ease drop on them. After contemplating
the way I should get over there I made my move and worked my way over
to a filing cabnet that was located right behind the table. I sat down
and gathered my senses to sink in all they said.
Demon
"Since
this is the first time we all have meet together as a unified group we
all should introduce ourselfs. Since this was my decsion to call this
meeting I feel I should go first. My name is demon and I have been here
the longest I know Thomas better then any of you. I control the
majority of his anger and destructive tendices.
Stephiane
"I
am Stephiane. I control the femine side or what is construed as his gay tendices.
Baby Stephiane
"I
am Baby Stephaine. Just call me baby for the sake of avoiding
confusion. I control his co-dependant and affection tendices and
behaviors.
Guido
"I am Guido. I control the assertive and leadership qualities in Thomas.
Sir
"They call me Sir. I am the domiant gene in his body.
Slave
I
have no name they just call me Slave. I am only here becuase you all
needed a fall guy. I am weak and allow others to walk on Thomas.
Ackrin
I
am Ackrin. As we all noticed When Thomas was reading his past journals
and he was trying to piece together this puzzel he had a hard time
describing me unlike the rest of you. This is because I am new and he
knows very little of me. In fact he only knows what I want him to. That
is why I delibertly signed my name to what I had him write. I am the
trump card he wishes he could out do and overcome. With my help he will
succumb fairly quickly.
Demon
"Yes
I agree with what Ackrin is saying. Thomas cant fight us all if he
doesnt know where to locate the orginal "copy" of himself. We will
control this sistuation as we always do. Only we will have to work
together for once.
Stephiane
"I second that idea. All those in favor raise your hands."
I
peeked over the cabnet to see who all raised there hands in hopes that
there would be a weak link. One that he could use as an ally. Two of
them didnt raise their hands. My quess is the one that sat with his
head down was Slave and the other was not hard to fiqure out. It was
Baby. The one that looked like a tyranical war-monger spoke and I could
tell by his voice he was Ackrin.
Ackrin
Well majority wins. Will the two weaklings please dismiss themselves from this meeting. Besides
it smells like Baby needs a new diaper. Slave go and take care of it.....NOW."
As Slave got up and picked up Baby from the booster seat Ackrin spoke again.
Ackrin
"And Slave, Baby better be changed and bathed when we come to check in on you to later. Do you understand me?"
Slave
just shook his head in silent confermation. He turned and left the
room. Once they were out of the room I sat back down to think about
what just took place. I think I just found my much needed allies. I
could count on them in my fight for sanity. I decided to follow them
and recruit them, but as I stood up the room seemed to fade away yet
once again.
"Dammit"
I
cursed this bad luck of mine. I was back in my room once again. The
nurse was holding my hand, and was asking if I felt ok. This was
perfect.
END OF CHAPTER 7
.8.
Once
the nurse was sastified that I was ok she she spoke to me and informed
me that my doctor had glimpsed what I had written before I had passed
out. Susan must of been here while I was unconcious. The nurse said
they had an idea of what to do with me to help with my problems and
that it was an extreme approach but a proven one. Just then she picked
me up and started to coddle me. Strangly enough I begint to feel odd.
Was this baby coming out? It sure felt like it. Then the nurse called
me her little baby and asked me if I perfered Stephiane or Steph. She
was calling Baby out in an effort to single out one personality at a
time. It seemed to work and suddenly I was compeled to call her mommy
Was
it right to do that? I thought it wouldnt be so I tried to say
something else. To ask her what she was doing but she stopped me and
told me to call her mommy. I was unsure and I took the time to think
about it. Was this all really happening or just another illision
created by my hidden desires. The nurse looked at me strangly and then
she begin to speak to me in a fashion that resembled an over-protected
mother freaking out over a little scrape.
Nurse mommy
"Honey are you ok? Did you fall down and Get a boo boo? Mommy will kiss it and make it all better."
I
was more aware of the change in my actions and emotions now. Baby had
came out freely and was behaving just like she wanted. Baby had found
some way to beat the others back and for the first time in a long time
was back in control without any interference.
Baby
"Yes mommy I hurt myself, and I want the bad people that want to hurt me to go away"
Mommy
"What bad people and how are they trying to hurt you?"
Baby
"The
bad people that live in my head with me. They tell me to do bad things,
and when I dont do them they take over to do them theirselfs."
Mommy
I see well I will do what I can to make them go away. I promise. For
now how about a bath, and then I will lay you down for a nap and a story. Does that sound like a good idea."
I
had refused to bathe or eat for so long the hospital staff had gotten
to the point of making me do it against my will. They had to step in
like this after I had landed myself on a gurrny and had a tube down my
throat from the lack of dietry supplements. I had spent 4 days getting
back to a satifactory weight.
Now
though I knew once again I had a choice to answer or keep silent, but I
also knew I no longer had control to over my actions. Baby was going to
take this offer willing and eagerly. She was starved for affection and
this was the perfect opportunity for some.
Baby
"Ok mommy. You promise that you will keep them from hurting me?"
Mommy
"I promise."
She got up and helped me get undressed. She drew my water and helped me take a bath then she led me to my bed. She tucked me in
and read me a story. As she left the room she told me
Mommy
"Stay
in bed till someone came to get me. I was now under a twenty-four hour
watch. Susans orders. If this plan is to work and the bad people were
to stay away I had to play by the rules."
I shook my head as a motion for understanding.
She
closed the door and I fell asleep. The last thoughts I had before I
dozed off were thoughts of Baby. I hope I will get to meet Baby in
person once I fall asleep. My eyes grew heavy and I thought I saw Baby
and Slave sitting in the chair by my desk, then I was out cold.
I was in another room, but the chair was still there.I looked at them and rubbed my eyes. They were really there so I asked.
Thomas
"Are you baby?"
Baby
"Yes.
We came to you not the other way around. We are both connected to your
kindness and compassion. The others are not therefore we can meet like
this without any interference from them. It has allowed you to see the
images you have seen throughout the day. Now we dont know where the
orginal You is located, but we do know that once you can conquer the
others we will be forced to go away as well. Slaves theroy is that we
are all pieces of the orginal you. The only way to piece together the
puzzel as you put it is to beat the pieces back into place. You will
have to take them on one at a time and defeat them at their own games.
This will be a hard task to overcome now that they have become allies.
Each one of us came to be because you couldnt balance a single one of
your emotions. Now you are forced to learn to do just that. Once you
learn to do that this should be a walk in the park for you. If you feel
over-whelmed talk to that nurse, because she has qualities the others
are scared of. They never wanted you to be ok. That is why you are on
the verge of losing everything you have left that is important to you ,
that is what you havent lost already. They wont be able to push her
away like they have done others in your life. That is where you must
start. You must first attack Ackrin because he is the youngest and the
most dangerous of us all. Once you have defeated him the others will
start to vie for power and control. That will be the time to strike
down on them. This may become a long drawn out war but one that will be
worth it in the end. If you can be patient and wait for each one to
emerge then you will be able to beat them one on one. With all that
being said you must leave now. I will contact you before your next
therapy session with a way to beat Ackrin. For now dont think about it
though or he will know what we talked about."
Thomas
"Well what do I do then? I cant write and I cant think about any of this as well?"
Slave
Talk to as many people as you can. It will help cause a type of mental typoon that will stir things up and thusly
provide ample distraction."
Baby
"And good luck Thomas."
Then
they were gone. I heard Mommies voice again. It was muddled and
unclear. Then it became clear. She sounded like an angel sent from god
himself to brighten my day. I had awoke once again. I looked up and saw
her holding a bag. What was in store for me now?
end chapter 8
.9.
I started to speak, but the nurse cut me off.
mommy
"we
had a staff meeting while you were taking your nap about the sudden
chance in your attuidie and demeanor. Susan asked me how you behaved
after you left the session. i told her you seemed to regress back to
the age of an infant. you had become completely depenant upon others
which was not how you were prior to the session. then i showed her the
time line you had left on your desk. i had taken it when you were
alseep. i was aware of your homework assignment. susan feels it is best
to keep you at this age for the time being, so i will staying here all
day for the the next week. i will be your mommy as you worded it
eaileir. you will do as i say and stay where i put you during the days
and at night i will lay you down and you will stay in bed till i come
get you in the mornings. do you undeerstand what will be taking place?"
i
thought this will be hard. there is now no time to take my mind off the
challenges that lay in front of me. How will i defeat ackrin now?
better do as they say though seeing as there is no way to make them
change their minds now and if i dont more problems could arise and set
me back even further.
thomas
"yes
nurse i do understand. this is now my treatment plan, and any
disobeyment will mean i get transfered to another treatment hospital."
Mommy
"that
is correct and from now on you are not to speak because babies dont
speak. You will call me mommy whiether we are in your room or in front
of other people. also babies dont do anything on their own, so i will
be dressing, changing, batheing, and feeding you. no more solid foods
for you. the entire next week you will drink from bottles and eat baby
food. susan already got you the supplies needed for this therpitical
attempt. we are using a special milk that will force you to use your
diapers thusly forcing you to have to rely on me. the doctor thinks you
are finally ready for a breakthrough, and it is the baby enity that is
ready to be defeated and forced to go away first. so we are going to
allow baby to come out and actually be real till she is satified with
what she wants. once she is satified and goes away we will stop this
and you can go back to being yourself. we will review our notes before
your session next week."
i
just sat there bewildered and stunned. was this all really happing? i
actually was being forced to rely on her for everything not to mention
follow her where ever she goes and do whatever she says. This is
defiently going to cause a true upheavail deep inside me.
mommy
"now
then it is time for you to get dressed because you are late for dinner.
lay down stephiane. be a good baby girl and do as mommy says."
relucantly
i did as i was told to and laied down. she pulled out a frilly pink
dress, a bonnet, and a pair of plastic underwear out of the bag. I
thought that was all she needed but she reached back in the bag and
pulled out a diaper, baby powder, and desitien. They are going to make
me walk around in diapers? this is not what i want, yet saying one word
will cause me to get transfered and keep me from my fiancee even longer
not to mention keep me from my own salavation. i must do what they say
if i wish to reach my goals so i will just grin and bear it. i trully
feel helpess now and i am not even in the outfit yet.
mommy
"now baby please raise up your tush."
i
did and she put on the diaper cream then lightly sprinkled me with the
powder. she then put on the diaper followed by the rubber panties.
Mommy
"Now sit up so i can pit on your dress."
i
treid to pull away from her. i wasnt going to wear that dress where
everyone could see me. she grabbed my hand and pulled me in front of
her.
Mommy
"You will do as i say or you will be in a world of trouble."
i
wanted to die now. just curl up and fade away. this is so humilating. I
teied to speak , but he second i open my mouth to protest she stuck a
pacifier in my mouth. she looked me in the eyes and spoke in a stern
manner.
"Mommy"
"Babies dont speak. lets go to dinner and no more tantrums or no story tonight!"
I
knew i couldnt fight this anymore, so i got up and went with her. There
was no one in the hallway as we walked to the cafetria. they all must
be there already eating real food unlike what i will be getting. I knew
that as soon as i walked in they all would imeddiatly start to stare at
me. I had no idea what was really in store for me.
END CHAPETER 9
.10.
When we entered the cafertieria the nurse stopped and made an anouceement.
Mommy
"Can I have everyones attemtion please."
the
dining room feel silent. Everyone turned to look at the nurse. When she
was sure she had their undivided attention she spoke up again.
Mommy
"We
have a new patient. I would like you all to meet Baby Stephiane. I
would like you all to be nice to her. She will be everyones baby sister
for the next week. If anyone here sees her try to do anything on your
own you are to come and tell a staff member imediatly, but feel free to
play with her. Do you all understand me?"
The crowd all muttered "yes"and shook their heads in agreement. They all seemed to be a
little confused with this whole sistuation. I was glad I wasnt the only one. the nurse had more to say.
Mommy
"Good you all can resume your meals now. Thank you for your time."
I
was horrified. What had she done. Tears started to flow freely and i
fought back sobs. My knees grew weak and I started to buckle over. The
nurse noticed this happening and took my hand. She led me over to an
over-sized high chair. It was obivously put there for me. She put me in
it and strapped me in. She put down the tray and pulled out two cans of
baby food and two bottles. She set them on the tray. She wiped the
tears out of my eyes, and spoke in a kindly matter.
Mommy
"Oh are you hungry? You must be thats why you are crying well here you go stephiane lets feed you."
She
took the pacifier out of my mouth and feed me a bottle. She cooed over
how good a baby i was being and how much I was eating. When the bottle
was finished she pulled out a spoon and dipped it in the baby food jar.
She put it in my mouth and tried to get me to swollow but it tasted
horrible so I spit it out.
Mommy
"now stephaine you know you have to eat. Open up for the choo choo."
She
wiped my mouth off and proceeded to continue to imitate a train as she
put the spoon back in my mouth. I had to swallow. It was just as bad
going down as it tasted. After she had feed me both cans of food my
stomach started to ache. I had to use the bathroom. I tried to unstrap
myself to go to the bathroom but the nurse stopped me. She scolded me.
Mommy
"You know that you shouldn't mess with those."
I
started to cry again. She just put another bottle in my mouth. She made
me finish it as well. Halfway through the bottle I couldnt hold it in
anymore. I i let loose and dirtied my diaper. She noticed but just made
me finish the bottle anyways. One of the patients turned to the nurse
with a look of concern on his face. He spoke in a disqusted manner.
" I think she needs a diaper change mam."
Mommy
"I
think you are right Franklin. Thank you for noticing. That shows that
you all are willing to be big brothers and sisters to her."
She
got a diaper wipe and cleaned off my face. She asked franklin to take
the tray, spoon and bottles to the kitchen to be cleaned. Then she
unstrapped me and took my hand. She led me out of the cafertia and led
me back to my room. Once we were back in my room she asked me to stand
there and went into the bathroom to draw a bath. Once it was running
and at the temp she wanted she came back into the room. She took my
hand and led me to my bed. She laid me down and told me how proud she
was of me for being a good baby at dinner. she also told me how proud
she was that I made my first dirty diaper. Then she paused and took my
hand. She told me that meant I was a healthy baby. She lifted the dress
off me and took off the diaper and rubber panties. She cleaned me up
and led me to the bathtub. After scrubing me up and rinsing me off she
drained the water. She dried me off and led me back to my bed. She
proceeded to put on a new diaper and new rubber underwear, then she put
me in a one piece nighty. She sat down and fed me another bottle while
she read me a story. As i was dozing off she locked my bathroom door to
keep me from breaking the rules. Then i was out there must of been
sleeping meds in the milk because i couldnt stay awake. I came to in a
nursery. I was back in my brain again. Baby was sitting in her crib
staring at me. Where was Slave thought silently. I looked around the
nursery and saw him over by the door. He locked the door then slunk
over to the crib. He lifted his head and spoke.
Slave
"Ok I locked the door so they cant come in and bother us, not to mention they sound-proofed the room so they dont have to
hear baby crying and/or so we cant hear their plans.
Baby
"Good
now we can discuss the sudden change of events. the events that have
unfolded today have caused the entites to rethink their plans. They are
going to lock us in here permentaly if this doesnt stop soon. they have
lost control of you, and they dont like it one bit.
thomas
"So this is a good thing?"
Baby
"Yes
it is. More so the kidness that nurse is showing you is weaking Demon.
The dominating she is showing is weaking Sir as well."
Thomas
"Well that is a very good thing indeed. This means that I have a change to beat them now."
Slave
"Yes.....but...."
Thomas
"But what?"
Slave
"Stephaine
is getting stronger because they are treating you like a girl, like
wise guido is also growing stronger the more you fight the treatment."
Baby
"Slaves
right. If you want to beat them then you need to contunie with their
treatment plan, but remeber not to fight it. If you can handle this
then when you sleep tommorow night we will come and visit you again. We
will show you where to find Sir, Guido, and Demon so you can take them
on in their weakened states."
Thomas
"
Ok, but what good will it do? Even if i beat them you said that each
one is a puzzel piece of me. To detroy them is to destroy a part of me!"
Baby
"Correct,
But Slave found a way to lock each of us up like they did the orginal
copy of you. This way they are still intact but will never be able to
take cvontrol of you again."
Slave
"Thats
right. The war room you saw when you first came in is actually the
orginal puzzel. Each one of us is part of the table in the center of
the room. Once each one of us is either willing to go back or weakened
enough to be forced back into place we will be stuck for the rest of
your life. Once we have all rejoined the table then you will be whole
and the copy of you that is much yearned and sought for will be
relealsed. You have to get them into one of the chairs and make them
stay long enough for the chair to sink into the floor. That is the only
way to get them back into the table. Once you have gotten them into the
chairs we will go willingly."
Thomas
"Are you sure about all of this?"
Slave
"I
was spying on Ackrin, and saw him lock away the orginal copy of you
which was a great twist of fate for us. Now we dont have to search for
the copy plus we know how to get it back in control. Now all you have
to do is complete the first half of your journey."
Thomas
"Ok now what about Sthephaine? How do we fight her?"
Baby
" We will get her in therapy next week. We cant spread our focus in too many directions or we will fail in
our efforts. So dont worry just do as you are told tommorow, and hope you weaken them enough to destroy them."
Thomas
"Ok. I will see you two later."
With
my final words the room faded away and all I saw was darkness. I was
sleeping, but not able to dream thats why i saw all the darkness that
filled my soul. This is exactly what I am trying to prevent from being
a permenant thing. Baby must have shown me here in an effort to add a
sense of urgency to my efforts. It worked I know feel like i have to do
this exactly as it was explained to me. I closed my eyes in an effort
to embrace the darkness. It worked and I just relaxed waiting to awake
and start anew tommorow.
END OF CHAPTER 10
.11.
The
next morning I awoke to the nurse standing over me. I smelled horrible.
I must of dirtied the diaper over night. The nurse had a diaper out and
told me it was time for a diappy change. I raised my legs while she
changed me. She put me in a new dress and a new bonnet, then she stuck
a pacifier in my mouth. We left the room and went for my breakfast. She
led me to the cafetira and once there she repeated the entire process
of strapping me in and pulling out the food. I had two bottles of apple
juice and a can of crushed pears which tasted far better than last
nights dinner. When i finished breakfast she cleaned my face and led me
to the family room on our unit. I was placed in a playpen that they
must of set up over night.She left the room after informing them all to
keep an eye on me and make sure i dont hurt myself. They said they
would so once the nurse had left the girls of our unit came over and
cooed over me telling me how cute i was. I could hear the laughter
hidden in their words and it was humilating to me. I sat in the play
pen till lunch. I ad been sitting in a dirty diaper for a while but no
one cared enought to go get a staff memeber which added to the
humilation. When lunch time finally arrived the nurse came in and
changed me right there in the family room. Could this get any more
humilating? I only prayed it wouldnt. After i had on a clean diaper she
led me to my room and fed me a bottle of the milk I was given last
night. I was out for a few hours then she came in and woke me up. She
put me back in the playpen and left for a while. the patients made me
play with kiddy toys and read me stories. I was feeling like the world
was laughing at me and i couldnt do anything to stop them. When it came
time for dinner I was put through the nasty food and stupid high chair
all over again. Once I was done I was bathed and given the med milk and
I was out like a light. the nurse tucked me in and closed the door. As
she left she whispered to me.
Mommy
"You have been such a good baby girl today. You need to sleep now because you have a big day ahead of you tommorow."
then
the door closed for the night and I drifted off into slumber. Once
again I was in the nursery. Baby and Slave were sitting there waiting
for me. They had watched all that had taken place today and heard all
the choas that it had caused amongst the enenties.
Baby
"If
you are ready We set up a ruse meeting in the war room for you. Demon,
Guido, and Sir are all in there trying to fiqure out who called the
meeting but they wont be there for long so you must hurry. They are all
fairly weak so defeating them should go on without a hitch. You must
not forget you are in your own mind and whatever you can imagine will
come true and like wise they can do the same thing. So once in there
you must do your best to make it go as quickly as possible. Are you
ready? Can you do it?"
Thomas
"I believe I can. Lets go!"
So
Baby Directed Slave to lead me to the war room. We left and crept down
the hall everly careful not to make our precence know by the others. We
left our minds blank as well no reason to risk them knowing what we are
doing before we get there as well as this way there will be no
unwelcome company. Even though were were in the clear as far as I could
see Slave stopped umbruptly. I looked at him as if to say whats wrong.
I soon fiqured it out. He was going no further I was going the rest of
the way alone. Slave pointed down the hall And away I went. As I
reached the door at the end of the hall I looked behind me and Slave
was no where to me found he must of scattered. I pulled the door open
slowly to avoid early detection. ONce i was in I acessed the
sistuation. I saw all three of them sitting at the table. They had no
idea i was here yet time to make my precence known.
Thomas
"Why
hello you three must be here for me. Well I am here to call this
meeting to order. First order of buisness......I will end your hold on
me. How would you like to handle this?"
Sir
" I will make
you sorry you ever stepped up to us. You dare to defy even one of us let alone all three of us?"
With
that being exclaimed he stood up with a whip in each hand. He must of
thought it up well two can play that game. I will wait for my change
then I will react in the proper manner for now i must remain calm. He
struck at me with one of the whips. I caught it with my hand and
allowed it to wrap around my arm. Then he struck out with the other I
whipped around and caught it with the other hand from behind me. Then I
spun around in a furious circling motion. I wrapped the whips around my
enitre body.
Sir
"What is the point in that now you are trapped and complety bound up? Are you trully that stupid? No wonder we can control you!"
AS
he finished it the last of his sentence I imagined that i was an
eletrlical wire flowing with thousands of volts and that the whips were
conductors. Sir was knocked unconcious from the shock. I unwrapped the
wires and carried him to a chair. The chair started to sink with him in
it I turned to face the other two.
Thomas
" Now which one of you would like to go next?"
They stood there in amazement. They seemed to be speechless as well. This couldnt be going any better for me.
Thomas
"Come now one of you has to think you can do better than that."
By
now Sir was gone. He had been locked away and put right back where he
belonged. I felt stronger and more confident and also alot more
dominanting. I decided if they didnt want to decide who was next i
would chose for them.
Thomas
"Demon
you are next in line. We can fight or we can handle this through a
simple competion winner take all. What do you say? I win you go down on
that chair you win I will go down myself forever alieving you of my
interference and allowing you control in my place. Do we have a deal?"
Demon
"sure
we have a deal. I chose the game though, and it is one of your worst
fears. You have to survive a sim program i created which automatically
gives me the edge but the sim is one of a zombie invasion. The one with
the most heatlh and kills at the end of the sim wins. Oh yeah and you
have no way to heal yourself. It will take skill and a level head which
you dont have. Muhahahhhahha."
thomas
"fine with me the limit is 5000 zombies or the ten minute time limit. Lets go!"
Now
despite the fact this was only a sismulation I knew Demon would cheat.
So I did the first thing that came to mind. I imagined a fall out
shelter and Got inside. I Shut the door and Imagined a nuclear strike.
Outside i could hear the muffled screams of the zombies and of Demon
himself. This game was over long before it started. The sim shut down
and i was declared the winner. The end result was 5000 plus to his 1
kill. Demon was enraged. He was screaming and yelling. He started to
charge at me with incredibly speed. As he got within inches of me I
shook my head in disgust.
Thomas
"Demon you cant play by the rules you created? Oh well a sore loser is still a loser. Buh bye!"
As
i finshed what I was saying a strong vacumm of wind sucked him back
towards the table. He was pulled into a chair and held there as it sunk
into the ground.
Thomas
"A deal is a deal and you did agree to it."
I
waved at him as he struggled to be free once again. Just before his
head disappered below the floor I could see a look of fear in his eyes.
He knew this was the end for him. I could only imagine what was
coursing through his mind in those last seconds of life for him. Once
again I felt stronger and this time I had more fire in my eyes. I felt
like a huge part of me just fell back into place. My confindence was
higher at this moment then it had ever been in my life. I turned to the
last one left. Guido had been watching in awe. He seemed impressed with
my actions and quick wit. He walked over to the table and had a seat.
He motioned for me to sit down as well. I did only because i was aware
you had to chose to go down on your own or to be forced down so there
was no threat in either of us sitting down to talk. I knew I would have
to impress Guido if i were to get him to go down without anymore
fighting. I would have to wait and see how to do that though so i
walked over to the table and took a seat. Guido looked me square in the
eyes and spoke in an extremly assertive manner.
Guido
"well
Thomas I can see you have finally taken some initive to gain control
over your life. Quite frankly there is no reason for me to hang around
anymore, but if I am to go down willingly you need to assure me of
something."
He paused scanning me to see if I was paying attention. ONce he was satisfied he contunied
on.
Guido
"Can
you continue to holdon to the urge thatyou can maintian all the aspects
of your life no matter what comes your way? If not i could fight you
for the control you offered our late friend Demon. I am weak and you
know that. You are even stronger now that you have defeated the other
two. Therefore as long as you can promise me that I will not put either
of us through this charade."
Thomas
"I promise to do all I can to maintain a sound state of mind and prevent another faction from forming."
Guido
"Good enough for me I wish you a better life then you have had up to this point. Goodbye Thomas."
Before
I could say anything Guido was sinking into the floor. As he sunk down
further into the vast abyass that seemed to rest directly under the
very spot they were sitting he gave one final, yet grave warning.
Guido
"Watch
out for the others. One of them is not what or who you think they are.
They wont show you their true intentions until it is to late. You must
be prepared for this instance to take place it will be inevidenatable.
good luck!"
I
thought about the corcerned look in his eyes and the tone of his voice
when we gave the warning and I knew at once that he was trully
sisncere. I tried to firqure out who it was but i couldnt do it I was
to exhausted. I would try to do it later. I had taken out three of the
entites and surly felt better but not at top peak condition. I needed
to go back to reality very soon. I had been here to long. It felt like
the longer I stayed in here the less energy i had. I stumbled back
towards the nursery, but as i was on my way back I heard voices coming
my way. I ducted behind a door and listened to what the voices were
saying.
Voice One
"Thomas is just allowing us to grow sttronger with the approval he gave towards the treatment plan they are putting him
through.
The voice was to muffled to be able to tell who it was.
Voice two
"The
truth is the more he deals with it the stronger YOU get, but if we
combine forces than we will become unstoppable so much so that no one
will be able to materize in his mind ever again. And no more enties
means less power will be divided amoungst us all. We have done so much
planning and now all the pieces are falling right into place. He is
playing right into our hands.
Voice one
"Yes.
When we merge our life will finally be all we hoped for. Well you
better get out of here before anyone sees us and starts to ask
questions."
Voice two
"Your right with this temorary alliance we dont want the others to know what we have in store. I will catch up to you later."
I
heard the voices stop and then footsteps leading away from the door.
After a few minutes I was sure they had left. I had no idea who they
were because i couldnt make out any distuniqes features of their voices
through the door. I opened the door and made my way back towards the
nursery once again. Once i reached the door it opened up as soon as I
went for the door knob. I walked in and it closed behind me. I turned
and saw Slave behind the door so I mentioned to him he scared me . He
apoligized and said he wouldnt do it again. Then I mentioned that I had
a fear that Ackrin and Stephiane were planning on joining forces. He
seemed to ponder this for a moment but then answered my indirect
question.
Slave
"Well
just let Baby and I check into it for you ok? Just keep up your therapy
for now. We will come to you once we know more on it. I promise. Also
rememebr to keep your mind clear off all thoughts of what takes place
in here. You have only taken care of three of them and they were the
easy ones. Dont slip up know and have it all be for naught."
Thomas
"ok"
I looked around the room and noticed the crib was empty. I turned back to Slave and questioned him again.
Thomas
"Where is Baby anyways? I dont see her in her crib or anywhere else for that matter."
Slave
"I put her in the bathtub. If you need to talk to her she is through the door on your left."
He
turned and pointed towards the door. I went to it and opened it. I
walked in and noticed another door in the bathroom as well as a wetspot
on the floor. That was odd. Why did it look like someone was standing
here only recently? Maybe it was Slave. I scanned the rest of the room
and saw Baby sitting strapped in a special seat in the tub. I had seen
them before they are to keep a child from moving and slipping in the
tub. Great invention for sure. It surely has saved many a childs life.
I spoke to Baby.
Thomas
"Baby I am leaving now. I will see you within the next few days correct?"
Baby
"thats right. Just keep going as we discussed and things will contiune to go our way."
With
that being said I seemed to faint. I was back in my room. After i
scanned to see if I was alone I closed my eyes to get some sleep. I
pondered what the nurse had said about a big day and fely more complete
than I ever had. I drifted off fairly quick and slept like a baby. No
pun intented.
END CHAPTER 11
.12.
I awoke to my legs being held above my head. I felt a cold wipe in my rear end. I was being changed.
Mommy
"Good morning. Are you ready for your big day Baby Stephiane?"
I
was curious just what this so called big day entailed for me. What
could possibly be difrent today from the last two days? I wanted to
speak , but knew if i did i would be breaking the rules to my therapy.
I decided to try to speak anywyas. As I opened my mouth she put a
bottle in it. She hadent even put on my dress yet. She looked at me and
spoke in that motherly manner I had be come used to by now.
Mommy
"Finish your bottle my precious baby so I can get you all pretty for your big day. I am so happy for you."
I
shook my head. I did as I was told having no idea at all what was going
to happen today. Even more confusing was the statement she made about
making me all pretty. I polished off the bottle and she took it from
me. She dressed me in a pretty pink frilly dress complete with the
matching pink frilly rubber panties. She then proceeded to put my hair
in pigtails, then she led me to the family room and set me in the
playpen. there were chairs circling my pen. I stared at them and thats
when it hit me. Today was group therapy day and they intended for me to
sit through it. They were actually going to make me attend the damn
meeting behaving like an infant. the others in the unit have never been
nice to me in therapy groups as it was, but now they were being given a
reason to pick on me some more. As the thoughts flew rapidly around the
inside of my head the other patients started to file into the room.
Susan was the last to enter the room. She closed the door and sat down.
She spoke in a demanding manner that got the attention of all the
others in the room.
Susan
"Will everyone please sit down and rememebr to use their inside voices so we dont scare Baby Stephiane."
The group answered her in unision.
Group
"Yes Doctor."
Susan
"Very
good group. By now you all have sen the baby. I want to go around the
room one by one and get your imput about Baby Stephiane. We will start
with Franklin.
I
felt even more humilated than I had the day before. I felt the urge
rise up inside me to yell and scream at the doctor. I knew if i did
then I would not be controling my emotions, and all the work I had
accomplished this week would go by the wayside. The entities would gain
strength and he would lose his shot to regain his sanity, so I just sat
there and dealt with it all. Tears were filling my eyes as I sat there
listening to everyone in the group. There were vaired comments and
jokes as well as questions and complaints on why i was acting like an
infant. I was growing sick to my stomach and wanted so bad to fend for
myself and tell them all this wasnt my idea but the staffs idea. Just
then the world grew a thousand times worse for me because I dirtied my
diaper again. I couldnt tell anyone because i wasnt allowed to speak. I
just sat there hoping someone would notice and change me. When no one
did I started to ball and throw a fit. Susan just gave me a bottle and
went on with group. I was enraged once again. I spit it out and cried
louder while flaing my arms around and kicking my feet.
Franklin
"I think that she needs her diaper changed doctor."
Susan
"I think that she will have to wait untill group is over franklin."
With
that susan reached back into my pen and put the bottle back into my
mouth and held it there till I calmed down. She looked at me and spoke
in a kinder manner than she had ever spoke to anyone in that room.
Susan
"Honey you look tired. Why dont you lay down and take a nap?"
I knew what she meant. She wanted me to lay down with my bottle and to stop disturbing group. I did as was suggested of me.
Susan
"Now shall we resume our group discussion?"
I
just zoned out and fell asleep. When I awoke everyone was gone. Group
had ended and no one had changed me. I started to cry again but no one
seemed to hear me. I cried even louder than I had in the meeting. after
about five minutes of my crying the door opened up and it was the
nurse. thank god I could finally get changed. She bent down and looked
at me. Instantly you could see she knew what was wrong with me. She
lifted me up and walked me down the hall. Once I got to my room and she
laid me on the bed.
She
told me that I was very dirty and needed a diaper change bad. So She
changed me and bathed me then laid me down on the bed. I slipped back
to sleep and the room grew dark. I awoke in the nursery yet once again.
There was no one in it this time. The nursery had been torn apart and
Baby and Slave were no where to be found. I messed up and something bad
had happened to them. I felt like I must go and find them. I decided to
go and search the area to see what had happened to them.
END OF CHAPTER 12
.13.
As
I crept out of the nursery I imagined My trusty baseball bat in my
right hand. I had it For protection before i was admitted to the
hospital. Once it appeared in my hand I contuined to creep down the
hallway. I was careful to check in every room in the hallway. As i was
making my way through the maze of hallways I suddenly felt stronger. I
suddenly heard a voice. I looked around to see who was there but the
area was clear of any other people. Then the voice spoke again and this
time I could make out what it was saying.
Slave
"
Thomas it was Baby. She is working with stephiane. They are trying to
turn you back into a baby again so they can force you to learn how to
be a girl and not a guy. Basically they wish to reprogram you. I know
this sounds strange, but you must find Ackrin. He has gone into hiding
Since he found out what those two were planning. If you dont find him
they will. You must move fast. Hurry."
Then
the voice was gone. I had to move fast. The other two were already
searching for Ackrin. I tore off down the hall running as fast as my
legs could carry me. All of a sudden there was a blackout and I stopped
dead in my tracks. I had to think fast or else I was a sitting duck. I
imagine a pair of night-vision goggels. I scanned my surroundings and
saw ackrin at the end of the hall on my left. He was bound and gagged
laying in a heap on the floor. I called out to him and he didnt bother
to look my way. He must be unconiuos. They must of tricked him. I was
amazed they found a way to render him helpless. This must of been
Babies work. She certainly was smart enough to set everything and
everyone else up to this point. Damn her! Why did I allow myself to be
a pawn in her game? None of this makes any sense at all. I moved
caiously towards Ackrin with my bat hoisted in preperation of a
pre-emptive attack. I managed to get to him without any problems. I had
to take him to the war room to gain his strength quickly. It was the
only chance I had to beat the terrible twosome. I had an idea. I
pictured myself in the war room and almost instantly I was there. I was
so glad that worked I just gained a better chance of beating the girls.
I laid Ackrin on a chair and watched it sink into the floor. Once he
was contained with the pthers I felt another surge of power. It was
like a shot of adrielne had just been shot directly into my heart. I
felt allmost super-human......Now I must find the older Stephiane. I
tried to picture her in my head in an effort to locate her in an
instant, but it failed and I was taken back to the nursery. What an odd
miscaculation on my part. I stood there for a brief moment trying to
fiqure out what I did wrong. I shook it off and Turned to see Baby Or
more to the point what used to be Baby. She was defiently diffrent now.
She looked like an exact replica of me, or at least of me the last few
days.
Baby
"wondering
why you are here? Dont bother trying to act like you werent trying to
fiqure it out I can read your thoughts because they are my thoughts as
well, or did you suddenly forget that? As for how I look please allow
me to explain the obivious to you. I fused with Stephiane and the
others ......well I think you felt what happened to them. Why do you
wish to continue to fight us? Once we fused we became what you secretly
always wanted to be not to mention that we have allowed you a way to
act in the desired manner in your everyday life not just in your
dreams. How do you plan to stop us? We not even real. None of us have
been real."
Thomas
"i dont understand. How can what you say be possible? I mean I have been talking to me and leading me for the past few days."
Baby
"No
actually you have been leading yourself. You created this entire
senirio as a way to avoid gaining control of your emotions and actions.
None of what you have thought you have been put through the last few
days really took place. The reality of the matter is that you have been
in a coma since you smacked your head in the sunroom. your mind had
been fighting to gain control of your sub-concious ever since. You have
done everything in this so called dream state that you had thought
about in real life."
Thomas
"Ok. Going by your line of thought why did I destroy the others if I didnt want to be better?"
Baby
"Because you did not want any interference betwwen them and us."
thomas
"you mean I wanted this final confertation?"
Baby
"Yes. You wanted to see if you could make your wants simply go away."
Thomas
"I am offically lost."
Baby
"
You see we were never trully problems in the literal sence, but with
you you lingered on what you wanted so much we all became problems. you
dont handle wanting something well, and you never have. The happiness
you thought it would bring you was a short lived one was it not?"
Baby paused for a moment to make sure that everything was sinking in. Then she resumed in her explianation.
Baby
"The happiness you
have searched for your entire life lays past the door behind me."
thomas
"Well
if i wanted this then I will do to you as I have done to the others. I
should of done it along time ago before it got to this point."
Baby
"what point is it you speak of?"
Thomas
"the
point where I have to resort to dealing with things in this sort of
manner. From know on I will face all wants, needs, and problems head
on."
I walked
over to the spot where Baby was standing and grabbed her by the hands.
I lead her to the war room. I knew that despite the fact she was so
powerful and cunning she had a weakness. She was an infant in most
accounts and will do as I say as well as go where I lead her. She may
not like it but will be powerless to restit me. Once we arrived in the
room I lifeted her up and strapped her into the last chair.
Thomas
"You are in timeout. Dont move or make a noise. Be
a good girl and you wont be punished like your friends were."
Baby
sat there is shock. Her eyes had grown wide and her jaw was at her
chin. How could this be happening? She had gone thrugh so much to put
the pieces into place the way she had wanted them too. All her hard
work went down the drain. She started to ball hysterically. As she
threw her temper tantraum she realized she was beat and at the moment
that thought crossed her mind the chair begun to sink into the floor.
She had admited her own defeat. Once she was gone I heard a loud
cracking noise. The table was cracking in serveral places. It now
looked like a giant puzzel. As I watched the cracking continue the
floor began to shake. I Had no idea what was in store for me now. I ran
for the door not wishing to stay and found either. I ran towards the
nursery in a frenzed rush. Through the corriders I ran dodging falling
pieces of the celing that were crashing to the floor sparatically.
Finally i reached the nusrey door. I grabbed the door handle and flung
the door open. I ran towards the door that Baby had shown me. It was my
only hope in escaping this nightmare. Just as I reached the door
something grabbed me from behind and pulled me back. I spun myself
around and saw a hidous beast sneering down at me.
Thomas
"who....who are you?"
Hideous beast
"I
am the truth you came in searxh of from the very beginning. I am the
reason you cant lift your eyes up to see what the world has to offer
you. I am the real and once represed you."
Thomas
"How?"
Doppelganger
"You
have lied and ran from so many people you dont even know what you
really look like? You have tried to blend in with so many groups that
you have accumualted bits of each of them inside you. If you cant stop
dividing yourself amoungst them all you will be forced to stay here for
the rest of your short life."
Thomas
"How can I prove that I can stop that if I am stuck in here?"
Doppelganger
"Simple you have alrady destroyed all the enties as you have dubbed them now you must remove them from inside me."
Thomas
"How do I do that?"
Doppeganger
"You have tell the truth. Tell the truth about me. In retrospect the truth about you."
Thomas
"I understand what you are saying to me. You are who you are and You cant change that likewise neither can I."
With
that said alternate realtiy verison of me altered his form and became
the spitting image of myself. As he changed shape he also lost his hold
on me. He dropped me and I hit the ground with a thud. I pulled myself
to my feet and watched him finish his tranfertation.
he finished and looked up at me and spoke to me alot more calmly.
Doppelganger
"Go now and dont forget to be true
to yourself, Or we will meet again. Go now and make a new life for yourself."
I
thanked him for his self lees act of kindness and left out the door. I
ran down a hallway then suddenly awoke in hospital bed. My fiancee was
there by my bedside praying that I would be ok. She had our son with
her. He was the first to notice me awake. He cooed and shook till Hill
looked up and noticed me. I now understood all of what had taken place.
I took that journey to allow myself the chance to grow up and be the
man I should be for my family. The last piece of the puzzel had finally
fell into place. I looked at hill and And started to give her a long
over due apology.
Thomas
"Hey
there Honey I am so sorry for all I have done in the past to you and
everyone else i have wronged as well as for the distance i have placed
inbetween our son Loki and myself. I can promise you that the problems
that had controled my life have been taken care of and will no longer
effect me again. From now on I will Face all my issues head on."
Hill
"Good
to hear that Thomas. We are just glad you are okay. You have been in a
coma for three months. You have been laying there quiet and motion
less
the entire time except for the random outburt, scream, or sobbing you
have done ever so peridically. I have been so worried about you."
Thomas
"I
am glad you actually still love me enought to be here waiting and
watching over me. I am so sorry I wasnt there when you needed me to be,
but like I said all that is going to change."
As
i spoke those final heart-felt words I drifted back off into slumber. I
was happy I knew what I was going to take to make my life complete and
was trully excited about finally living my life the way I should.
END CHAPTER 13
. 14 .
As
I slept Hill sat down on the chair next to the bed. The decescions she
had to make were as hard as the journey I had just traversed to make
myself better so I could be just what she wanted. The entire
realtionship that she and I had shared together had been rough. I made
her deal with my ex-wife while i was still married to her. I made up a
lie about my best friend so I could make her jealuos. Then there was
all the fist-fights we had gotten in. The long hours at work, and the
fact I but work before her all the time. The fact I wouldnt quit
smoking and the fact I kept her at home all the time. Then there was
all the affairs she had that caused years of fighting. She had affairs
for months at a time then she felt the need to lie about them. She knew
that I didnt want to be around her because of what she had done and I
didnt want to fight with her over it. Now that they have dealt with all
of this heartache and suffering, she remembered she had told me to wait
for her and that they are still together, yet she is with another man.
She never thought I would take the time to fix my issuses and better
myself, but now that I had she has to decided who means more to her.
This is alot tougher than she thought it would be. Even more devasting
was the fact their son needed his father. What was she to do? Hill had
never been good at showing her emotions towards anyone for anybody. SHe
really never felt sorry for any of her actions and is almost always
easily angered. Maybe if she left right now with justin she would be
able to just forget about me. This is the tought that went through her
head over and over again. When I came out of the coma and she saw I was
alright she saw what she wanted. She saw I was ok. Besides I would just
think I had imagined her. The reasons for her were growing and
multipling expodentially. She had enough reasons to leave now and
thusly she did. She gathered all her stuff and bundled up our son and
left the room. She got to the lobby and called Justin.
Hill
"Justin come get me. I
cant be here anymore."
Justin
"Is everything ok baby?"
Hill
"Yes it is now. he woke up and told me to leave."
Justin
"I am sorry baby. I love you though. You know I am here for you no matter what."
Hill
" I know honey. Just come and get me I will be outside the main entrance of the hospital."
Justin
"Ok I will be there shortly."
With
that she hung up the phone. She felt bad for lying to him, but if he
knew the truth....... If he knew that I had changed then she wouldnt
have the chance to fiqure things out. As she sat outside holding their
son she started to tear up and their son saw this and started to cry.
She rocked him and comforted him softly whispering.
Hill
"Oh honey Your daddy loves you and we will be with him soon."
She looked out the window and noticed Jusstin had just arrived. She was heading out
to his car when a nurse flagged her down.
Nurse
"You are Hill right?"
Hill
"Yes why?"
Nurse
"Your fiancee is calling for you."
Hill
"Please
tell him that I was never here. Tell him I was figment of his
imagination. It will be the best for both of us if he believes that ok?
Thank you."
When
she had finished what she was saying She headed out to Justins car.
After she had strapped in loki she set the diaper bag on the seat next
to him. She kissed him on the cheeck and shut the door. She got in the
passengers seat and Justin turned to her and inquired about what had
just taken place.
Justin
"What was that about?"
Hill
"Nothing! Now just drive."
Justin
didnt feel like arguing with her right now, but he could tell there was
something she wasnt telling him. As he drove he felt avery diffrent and
defiantly negative vibe coming off her. He knew something was going to
happen within this next week. He decided to take her home and give her
the space she wanted.
Hill
was staring vacently out the window lost in thought. What was she going
to do? Who did she want to stay with? The same questions were still
racing through her head even though she was now miles away from me.
They were causing her to become extremly stressed. She noticed there
was blind spots in her vision. She tried to take her mind off the
sistuation, but it didnt seem possible.
END CHAPTER 14
.15.
Finally
they arrived at their house. Justin was rambling off something but she
wasnt listening to him. She got out of the car and took Loki out of his
carseat. They went inside and she took him to his room. She took off
his coat and laid him down for a nap. She decided to join him and laid
down next to him. She held him tightly the way only a mother can
embrace their kids. Justin was at the door trying to say something to
her but she just turned on the radio and turned it up till his voice
was drowned out. She knew she couldnt deal with him right now. He came
over to the bed and sat next to her, but she just rolled over and
ignored him. He nudged her shoulder and tried to get her to talk to
him, but to no avail. He mumbled something under his breath got up and
stormed out of the room. That did nothing but remind her of Thomas back
when she used to do the same thing to him just to piss him off. Only
this time she was behaving this way because she was mad at herself.
Could that be why she did with Thomas as well. She wished the thoughts
could be silenced with the music as well, yet she was no fool there is
no way to make her thoughts go away. She just left the man she loved
for serval years at a hosptial in a coma, not to mention she lied to
Thomas and Justin. If she were in Thomas shoes would he of done the
same thing to her? No thats the one thing about Thomas he cared more
than he should about them being a family. For example...when she told
him she didnt care if they were together he decided to wait for her and
be loyal all at the same time. He trully had faith in their love. Hell
he spent six months in therapy and another three in a coma and the
first words to come out of his mouth?
Thomas
"I am better so now we can be a family."
Why
did she run? Was he right nine months ago when he said she was just
scared to marry him? Why did she go to the hospital? Was it really to
make sure that he was ok or was she really worried and wanted to be the
first thing he saw when he came too? More so why did she get so angry
when he told her he got better for her and their son? Then Justin had
to push her as well. Why does he have to love her. She has grown
stressed and very angry, so much so her vision was coming and going.
She decided it would be a good idea to take a bath so she got up and
stummbled into the living room and asked justin to watch Loki. Then as
she turned around she collapesed and lost conciousness. Justin jumped
up and ran to her. He slapped her face and screamed at her.
Justin
"Hill talk to me. Wake up. I am sorry please dont die."
He
freaked out and called an ambulence. He tried to preform cpr on her,
and finally he got her to start breathing again. She slowly came to and
he tried to hug her, but she just pushed him away. Hurt he just sat
there staring at her. He fought off tears and asked her....
Justin
"Why are you acting like this? What is going on? Did he say something to you that hurt you this bad?"
Hill
"just leave me alone"
There
was a knock at the door. Justin got up and opened the door. The
paramedics where outside with thier bags. He pointed them towards Hill
and they came in and started to question her.
Paramedic
1
"Mam are you ok? How do you feel?"
Hill
"I am fine. You can leave now!"
Paramedic 2
"Unfortantly
nowe cant. New city ordaince saysif a medical officer is called to a
location for any reason the said victim has to accompany us to the
hosptial for a check up. So please dont make us have to call for an
escort for you."
Hill
"Ok. Fine whatever it takes to get you off my back."
So
they left. Justin got in his car after he asked his sister to watch
Loki. He was worried about Hill so he decided to go to the hospitial,
plus he wanted have a face to face conversation with Thomas. He wanted
to know exactly what he did to piss off Hill and make her feel like she
does now.
END CHAPTER 15
.16.
Meanwhile
In the ambulance Hill has managed to grow upset once again and thusly
blacked-out once again. They checked her in at the hospital e.r. The
checked her out and decieded to move her to the nuraloical unit. The
irony in this is her room was two doors down from Thomas' room. Once
she was situated she told the nurse
Hill
"I dont want any vistors.......period."
The
nurse was the same one that had chased her down earlier. The nurse just
shook her head in disqust and walked away. She shut the door and left
Hill in silence. Out in the hall Justin was waiting for the nurse. He
knew Hill was in that room, but as the day had gone thus far he pretty
much knew she wanted to be left alone. He asked the nurse in a sincere
manner about Thomas' where abouts.
Justin
"Excuse me could you possibly tell me where Thomas Cook is?"
Nurse
"Can I ask who you are?"
Justin
didnt know what to say. He fiqured he would try to lie to her. It was a
long shot but all things concered it was worth it.
Justin
"I am Hills
cousin. She wanted me to check on him given her state of health at this time. It would be hard for her to do it herself."
The nurse seemed hesitant but went ahaead and told him.
Nurse
"Ok he is in room 6869."
Justin
"Thank you mam."
With
that he walked down the halltowards Thomas' room. He was ready to find
out the truth. There was no way Thomas was going to get away with
hurting her this much. Justin walked into the room. He moved quietly
over to Thomas' bed. This was the first time he had ever seen Thomas in
person. He cant wrap his mind around it. What did Hill even see in this
guy? He bent over the bed, and grabbed Thomas by the neck. He started
to twist and shake him violently. Thomas awoke and started to gasp for
air. He mangaed to gasp out a few words.
Thomas
"Who....who the fuck are ....you?"
Justin
"Its
me , Justin. I want to know what you said to upset Hill so much. She
got so upset she is here in this hosptial because she blacked out and
her heart stopped.........twice. How the fuck are you going to tell her
you dont want to be with her anymore? She sat here and waitied by your
side for god knows how long. Night and day she dropped her entire life
to watch over you!"
Thomas
"What? I told her I was better and that we could be a family again."
Justin
let go of him and took a seat on the chair where Hill had sat for so
many nights. He tried to understand what was going on. Why did she lie
to him? Does she want to be with him so much that she would lie to him
about what Thomas said to her? Thomas was struggling to get up and out
of his bed. Justin was in so much shock he didnt even notice. Thomas
fell out of his bed and in the process ripped out his ivs. He started
to crawl towards the door. He hadnt used his limbs in so long that it
was a shock that he could move at all let alone crawl. Your limbs
shrink and deteriate when you are in coma but that wasnt going to stop
him when the woman he loved was was here and needed him. He crawled out
the door and down the hallway. He streched his head up and looked at
the names on the files on the doors. Two doors down he found Hills room
and crawled in the door. He reached the bed and did his best to crawl
up to get into it but he just fell flat on his ass. He called out to
her.
Thomas
"hill
I love you and once I heard you where here i knew you needed me by your
side to comfort you. Please understand when I told you nine months ago
I believed in us that I was serious. Apparently You want to be with
Justin. That must be why you are here now. I never wanted to see you
here again. I really love you. I cant seem to find a way to show you."
I
heard movement then felt someone lifting me off the ground. They pulled
me onto the bed. I looked over ans saw it was Hill. She had tears in
her eyes. I knew not to say anything else. I struggled to lift my arm
to put it over here to concole her. Once i did I held her till I fell
alseep again. This was the moment i had waited for so long. It was to
bad I had to wait till we were in a hospital to live it.
Meanwhile
Justin was still sitting in Thomas' room try to recover from the shock.
He couldnt decide what to do now. Should he leave her or stay right
here by her side, and make Thomas stay away? The descion was a tough
one. He was so deep in thought that he didnt even notice the nurse walk
into the room thirty minutes later.
Nurse
"where did Thomas go?"
Justin
"I dont know he was here a few minutes ago."
Wow
he was so deep in thought he never noticed Thomas crawl away from the
room. Now he understood why Hill was behaving the way she was.
Justin exclaimed in shock
"Oh crap. I forgot about Hill."
He
got up and ran to her room. What he saw when he got there blew his mind
once again. Hill and Thomas were asleep in the same hospital bed. He
really must care about her if he crawled all the way to her in his
condition. Justin approached the bed and gently woke Hill. Hill looked
up at him and he smiled softly back at her. Justin whispered to her so
as not to wake Thomas.
Justin
"Hey honey. I am
going to go home and look after Loki. I think you two need to work
things out. Just rememebr that he did crawl all the way down here
because he was worried even after i choked the life out of him. He does
love you and so do I. I think we will be happy as long as you are happy
in the end."
Hill just smiled and watched as Justin left
the room. She knew he was right about everything. The descion was in
her hands and nither one of them was going to push her into making it.
They just wanted her to be happy. She pulled Thomas closer and fell
back asleep. She had secretly wanted this feeling of closeness from him
for a long time. Now that she had it she felt the pain of the world
wash away from her. She smiled again and drifted off to sleep.
END CHAPER 16
...............17..............
Justin
walked to the nurses station where they were frantically looking for
Thomas. They could understand how a coma patient just got up and walked
away. Justin watched for a few moments then smiled and interupted them.
Justin
"Excuse me. I found Thomas."
Nurse
"where?"
Justin
"hills room."
Nurse
"But
that is next to impossible. He hasnt moved from that bed in three
months. His muscels shouldnt of allowed him to move at all."
Justin
"
Simple really. True love. I told him Hill was here and hurt. He used
ever ounce of his strength to crawl to her. Now I have seen they are
both okay, so I am going to ask kindly of you all to just let them
sleep for a while. They both need to be close. It would be very
theraputic for both of them. I mean they are both here because of each
other in the grand scheme of things anyways."
Nurse
"Hold on while we discuss this."
The
nurses all huddled around the table and disccused if this was a
plausible idea. After what felt like forever they turned to Justin and
spoke.
Nurse
"We will leave them be for a little while. If something goes wrong you will be held liable. Are you ok with that?"
Justin
"Yes"
With
that he left the hospital. On the way out he felt like he was going to
lose her, but then again he could never really be sure when it came to
Hill. She looked happy up there just now, yet that could change at the
drop of a hat. He got into his car and drove home. He managed to
completely push the entire thing out of his head by focusing on Loki.
Once he arrived at his house he went in to check on LOki he was asleep.
After a quick lunch Justin went to sleep as well.
Back at the hosptial.
Hill
finally woke up to find Thomas still asleep at her side. Justins last
words ringing through her head as well as what Thomas had said when he
came to her side. She had to make a descion and soon. The men in her
life had done so much for her. Now she had to decide which one gets
hurt. After some deep thought she decied to give Justin a shot because
he had that magical way of keeping her happy. Thomas always tried but
seemed to fall short on most accounts. Then again whats to say he hasnt
changed that he did crawl here just to comfort her. She got out of the
bed and quitely gathered all her stuff. She crept out of the room and
took off down the hall. She got to the lobby and used the phone yet
once again. She called home and asked Justin to come get her. He wanted
to know where and left it at that. She hung up the phone and walked
outside to wait for him to arrive. Once he got there and she got in the
just looked at each other. There was a long uncomfortable silence then
Hill spoke.
Hill
"I
am going to give you a chance. Thomas will understand. He just wants me
to be happy besides he is not going to be going anywhere for awhile.
Lets go home and just pretend this never happened."
Justin
was stunned. Was this really happing? Oh well she is the one making
this descion and he was going to leave it at that. He kept his mouth
shut and procced to drive home. Once they were there it was like Thomas
didnt exist. This entire charade went on for three months that is when
the call came that changed everyones life ....... again.
END CHAPETER 17
....18......
It
was december first and the holiday season was taking its toll on Hill
like it does every year. She had grown real moody and hateful towards
everyone. The call came in the afternoon and Hill answered it. She put
the phone down and went to another room where no one would hear her.
She was on the phone for about 20 minutes then returned to the living
room. Justin was scared that thomas had died and that Hill was going to
break down.
Meanwhile
in the hosptial Thomas awoke in a cold sweat. He was looking for Hill
again. When he didnt see her he started to frantically hit the page
buttton. The nurse came rushing in.
Nurse
"Whats wrong?"
Thomas
"Where is Hill?"
The
nurse cringed it had been roughly three months and despite all the
effort he had made to become reabilitated he still forgets she is not
here. It was clear he loved her more than anything else in the world.
He had been planning a wedding for them both this last three months on
top of trying to become able to walk down the isle of the chappel. The
entire nurses staff had felt for him and helpped finacally as well as
found a curch and a pastor to wed him and Hill. They didnt think she
would show but they were afraid he would just quit trying if he didnt
have this to work for. He had picked out the dress for her and the suit
for him and had picked the music and his vows were written all that
remained was for him to call hill and finalize the deal. The nurse knew
today was the day for the call but feared the response she would give
him.she looked at Thomas and told him to go ahead and call Hill.
Nurse
"After we get to the church today you can go ahead and call Hill or would you rather have one of us call for you?"
Thomas
"I
would rather you all call her it is bad luck to see or talk to the
bride 24 hours before you are married and we all know i have horrible
luck as it is why invite more upon me."
Thomas chuclked at
this. The nurse could tell he was struggling to remain calm. They left
the ward and proceeded to the hospital van. They got in and she drove
to the church. On the way there she called the hospital and asked them
to call Hill at her house and invite her to her own wedding. Once they
got to the church they got out and thomas was amazed at all the had
done for him. The church was beautiful . The straw that broke the
camels back was the huge heart over the poudem where they would give
their vows that said "true love reablitates all". He was in tears. The
nurse led him to his changing room and helped into his tux.
Nurse
"now
all we can do is wait for her to show. Please have faith that she will
show. Be stronger than you have ever been in your life."
Thomas
"I
will. I have waited a year for her. A year for this defining moment in
my life. I will not in fact i refuse to just give up on her now."
With that said they finsihed getting him ready. They pulled up chairs
and waited for her to show.
Back
at Justins house Hillari was standing in the living room deep in
thought. What will she do? She gave him a year and was not really sure
she wanted to pass this up. Thomas had overcome all obsticals and put
together the entire wedding while being stuck in a hosptal that was
devotion that no one else would ever be able to give her. She started
to tear up. Justin knows something bad is about to happen or be said
and braces himself for it.
Hill
"Justin do you
rememebr when we first met? I promised Thomas if he got help and showed
me that he trully wanted me that I would get back with him?"
Justin
"Yes but you left him in the hospital like he didnt matter one bit, so why bring this up now?"
Hill
"Well
He went through with our plans for a wedding. He bought the rings and
worked so hard in physical therapy just to be able to walk down the
isle to me. Now I have to descide you or him."
Justin
"Is it really that hard?"
Hill
"You
know it shouldnt be but I cant believe that after everything I did to
him he actually went through with everything and forgave me. He worked
hard to be back with me and his son. He drug his body down the a
hallway to comfort me despite the fact that that is next to impossible
to do.Not to mention he never would of fallen into the coma if he hadnt
of cared enough to seek the help I wanted him to get. I have to choose
him and I am sorry but that is what will make me happy."
Justin
"Good. I was wondering when you were going to go to him. I could alwaystell you really loved him. Go to him."
So
Hill jumped in her truck and sped off to the church. Justin follwed her
With loki and his sister. He fiqured Thomas probably wasnt able to
invite anyone to the cermony so he would bring someone. On the way
there Hill was in tears while justin spent the care ride trying to
expain the sistuatuion to his sister. Once the reached the church Hill
ran inside and was immeadlty stopped by the nurse.
Nurse
"Hey slow down. Its bad luck to see the groom before the wedding. Now lets get you ready. Please follow me."
So
they walked towards the back room to get hill into her dress. While
they were getting ready the nurse noticed how happy Hill looked.
Nurse
"So this is making you happy?"
Hill
"Yes I never thought he would do all this for me. He had been promising it for years."
Nurse
"Well
if you are happy and surprised imagine how well he is going to feel
when you walk down that isle. He has been praying that you would keep
this promise to him. You better not think that he doesnt love you.
Everything that is here now is here because he worked to make it
happen."
Hill
"I know and I will cherish
this moment."
She
was finally ready to go out and put a new fresh start on a
relationshipthat has been so hard to maintain for so many years. The
music started and Justin walked her dowwn the isle to give her away. He
then went and sat down. They said their i dos and gave thier kisses,
but when Thomas went to kiss Hill he collapesed. He fell backwards and
started to cry hysterically.
Hill
"Why are you crying? Are you ok?"
Thomas
"I am, but I tried so hard to make this a normal wedding for you. Then this happens. I am sorry I really tried."
Hill
"Thats
ok. It was perfect. I love you no matter what happens. No matter what
happens I always have and always will. Now lets get you up so you can
get to the hospital so you can get well enough to hug me and hold your
son. This time we will all be there for you. We love you Thomas and
thank you."
Hill helped him up and led him to the van. She
got him in and kissed him once again. As she walked away she looked at
her finger. This beautiful ring cemented what they had been through and
laid the ground work for so many more adventures together. She couldnt
wait for the future to begin.
The
false realtiy had become a truth and the battles thomas had fought had
been won for the one true emotion we all search for love.
.............. FIN ...............
