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Greetings to A/all, i sencerely hope that E/everyone had a good holiday and was safe. To those that know me you really wouldn't say i have communication issues and then again some of you would i guess it would just depend on the person i guess, or the topic of discussion. Well to say the least it is now come to my attention that is affecting my relationship with my Master. Not that it wasnt in my mind before i just didnt think it was effecting Him like that. See i tend to keep my mouth shut about what i feel isnt important to Him. Can W/we say BIG MISTAKE here? Oh yeah biggie that i didnt even realize. It is a definite learned behavior from childhood that now W/we have to figure out how im going to relearn. Not only that but it has come to such a head that now after my health issues are taken care of i get to be punished in such a way that He promises i will NOT enjoy it in the slightest. Sooooo not looking forward to it, but on the other hand He plans to use the pinishment as part of the learning process so i actually am looking forward to that part of it. To explain this communication issue further, i learned from an early age to keep things from people due to molestation to myself and learned that i had to pick and choose what to tell and what not to....and this has effected the way i communicate with my Master. i love Him dearly however i tend to hold stuff in that i wish to protect Him from or that i deem unimportant cuz He is already dealing with so much that i just dont want to bother Him with more and then i get the crazy idea i can handle it myself. Then when i think i have dealt with it it comes back and blows up and Master is like WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM?......which is soooo not good! Cuz i didnt even give Him a heads up it was even an issue or thought to be discussed....so now im on the road to better communication no matter what the road holds i only wish to be better, the best i can be for Him. To reflect Him in ALL things. |
