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well, did almost 30 minutes, big improvement over the first time, so that's good. very sore, but at that stage he likes, so i'm not complaining.
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going to use the biggest one i have tonight, made it myself, too, bigger than his fist, so it should work well. will post tomorrow how long i was able to keep it inside. thing is so big, though, the time i used it, only once so far, i had to sit on it to get it in me. very ouchied by it, too. i think i am developing a dominant side of me that makes me able to do that, even through the pain. will post circumference tomorrow too.
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for training, i am gonna have to just go with some Dommes that have extra time on their hands, cause i am so tired of the idiot men on here who can't READ. so, no longer taking any emails from men on here, except those i have already talked to.
there's only a few men on this site that are actually decent. and we don't even talk about this stuff , but other things instead. these guys are actually smart, which is really cool.
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just how much clearer do i have to be, damn!!!
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i am NOT interested in "serving" anyone, i am here to get some training. This does not mean i serve you. Pics of progress made will be posted in yahoo photo albums, but only for those that contributed.
Just
going to start practicing on my own, if the right Trainer/Mentor comes
along, so be it. Not searching for one any longer, but rather will go
by what is suggested in emails here and thru yahell email. i don't
really chat on messenger, but i do keep that online sometimes so my
Owner/bf can contact me if he wants to. Emails checked when online.....
Ideas from others would be cool.
Yes, sometimes i send out emails, but it is rare.
Not
interested in anything other than what is below. Not interested in the
protocols, retraining mentally, nor in leaving my bf. It's been
discussed with him, and he wants to keep with what is already written
below. No slutty clothing, no trips to the toy store, as we already
have plenty of toys and need no more. Stretching only. Thank you.
Have
a bf offline who used to be my Master, but we have fought about it and
he still refuses to do the more physical stuff with me. i'm here to
find a Trainer online, since i am now "uncollared", but i do not want
to give up my bf because i do love him very much. to me, he is and
always will be, my Master, as long as we are a couple. i am seeking
ONLINE only, no offline. When i get to know someone better, i will get
on cam for them.
i hope to find someone that will keep me
motivated to do the things my bf likes, which is anal fisting, larger
toys and him when he is having anal sex with me. i seriously enjoy
breast bondage, but he isn't into it at all. Strictly an ass man, i
think. i think someone that gives me assignments to do will help a lot
since i make a lot of excuses as to why i don't have time to do this
stuff. i have several toys and such, and i want to keep my ass open so
he can fist me when he wants. i'd like to get it big enough so he can
jack off in my ass or even double fist me. part of my problem is that
when i am practicing i end up cumming and then don't want to practice
anymore and i just want it OUT because all of a sudden it feels so much
bigger. he's not into foreplay at all so this is why i have to keep it
open, so it doesn't need any stimulation when he wants to do this to
me. i want it so he can just do as he pleases with my ass, without any
preparation on his part. in other words, i need/want to keep it ready
at all times for him, so all he has to do is slide in whatever sized
toy(s) he wants in there, so he can use it as he wants to use it, but
so that i don't rip. two toys and him would be great for him, but it
will take a while for me to get there.
The reasoning behind my
name on here is because "cyber" is all this will be, regarding
interaction... there won't be any offline meetings, phone calls, and
such. email is a possibility. The second half of my profile is "kajira"
because i was trained Gorean-style, and have lived it offline most of
my slavehood, beginning in the mid 80s, although i knew before then i
was going to be a sexslave, that i would want sex rough, not romantic
with the candles and lace curtains stuff. when i was 18, i was
introduced to the books, and realized there was much more to servitude
than sexual service. made me wish i had paid more attention to how mom
cleaned house and cooked, but i was trained in those areas, too. so
there is no need for further training in Gorean styles. if i need to
know something about Gor, (which is doubtful in my situation as he
isn't Gorean, but rather an Alpha Male,) i can and will read one of my
books, as i have most of the books.
to sum it all up, he's not
my Master any longer, according to him, but i am still his slave,
according to me, my actions, and my thoughts and feelings, as well as
how he treats me. all women are slaves, according to him, and also
should not need maintenance, so this is something i need to do on my
own or with someone else helping out with ideas and encouragement, as
that is how i was trained. if a combination of the two is what i need
to best please him, that is what i will seek out.
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going to go to bed and dream about what would have happened with that enema bag under the bridge if we had had a bardex enema instead, giggles
HAVE to remember to bring some damn string next time, keyrings just don't work as well holding the bag up to a bolt. what was i thinking??????
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got some wonderful woodland pics taken today, different areas of a local nature preserve. can't wait to see them. saw parts of the video, which was pretty cool, too.
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yes, i am back, nd practicing on my own. Chat or cyber requests are going to start getting people blocked, cause i'm not here for that and all it does is cause problems here....
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damn, only suggestion for which toy to use tonight was one of the few NOT on the list for this week. wtf??? is it a roundabout way of saying i am on vacation, and to take off a few extra days? this is the last day i have to prctice til wednesday. this sucks big time. screw it all. i will just practice on my own, and not be back at all, cause i doubt i am gonna calm down over this. i thought men would want to help out on this. i've met like two people that are decent enough to chat with about many other topics too, and that's the only good thing that has come out of this endeavor. i guess my Owner was right, it'd be a waste of time for me to come here, except for MotM, and oneother from a week ago that are cool to talk to.
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now i'm being told that i'm not plain enough about that i am not seeking a Master, that i am just seeking someone to help with training. LOL. Dunno where he missed that at. Let this be a lesson to all you pseudo doms that think all us slavegirls want you - READ THE PROFILE so you don't make a fool of yourselves. sheeesh!!!
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please, please, please, people!!! i can't explain repeatedly what is already in my yahell profile and webpages. i made it easy for people to find, it's not like i went and used another id there than what i have here.
i'm only here to get ideas and encouragement, not a new Master/Owner/BF. i am not going to say i want something less than what i really want just so i can play some silly game. i don't have time for that, just like i don't have time to chat on messenger. those of you that think i can be talked into chatting on messenger, you're wasting your time, and it is actually a big turnoff to me, which screws up my ability to practice, so please stick to just giving me ideas, or just decline any emails i send you, and don't send me any of your own. ok? i have too much going on in my vanilla life to be tied down to the computer for chats. i can write in this journal and take my time doing so, but if i were to chat with you on messenger (can't here, it freezes up all my windows and then i have to shut the computer off) you'd get mad having to wait while i went and did afk things. i wish people would understand this instead of expecting what i've already said i cannot give. email only, please. this way you don't feel ignored, and i can get to my email from anywhere, even campus. (Please do not ask what i am studying or which classes i am taking - it really freaks me out for some reason, and anal training is not one of my classes, ok? this is not homework help.)
i'm also not here to get "humiliated". don't you think it is humiliating enough to have to come here to get training to keep my ass open so my Owner can use it whenever he wishes, however he wishes, so i don't rip? He's not into foreplay and he doesn't always use lube because of where we are at sometimes, like at the grocery store parking lot, on the fringes, late at night, and he might want to see how many carrots i can take that day. make sense why i am here now?
i'm only here to get ideas on how to stretch my sphincter muscles in my ass. it's a major necessity, OK? nothing else... no chat, no "relationship", no phone calls, offline meetings, no group chat...
working with a Master who is working his sub/slave the same way might be an idea, but i'll leave that up to them. kind of like a challenge, but not a competition, just to encourage each other, and it wouldn't be much extra time from him. she could even talk to me about it, if that was ok with him.
i want ideas from various people, plus assignments on which toy to use in a particular week, also from various people. that's like one from a person, not all three for the week, so please don't try to push everyone else out, (i'd like to hear their ideas, too) by sending me three ideas in one message and expecting them all to be honored by me. it isn't not fair to anyone else, and i don't like greedy people.
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nope, didn't practice last night
still sore from the 25 minutes motion with number 5 (thinking i should label these so i don't have to keep looking the webpage up) from night before last, so i am thinking just 15 minutes one way with number 1, and then another 15 minutes the opposite way. wondering if i can get two number 1's in there at the same time, just opposite directions.... doubt it though but will fiddle around with them and see. would be good cause that would do a lot of stretching. need another anal speculum.....
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i don't think my email is going out, and i don't think i am getting email that is sent to me. i'll be answering email thru yahell. even if it looks like i am online, send email instead, as the wait for me to get around to chatting with people on yahell messenger might be a while. depends on what i am doing. i get a lot of people that think just because i am online, that i am able to chat for longer than 5 minutes, and this isn't the case. one even got mad at me today over, but i have to eat sometime, and i'm not going to log off so that my Owner can't get ahold of me if he should want to. ya know? i'm here to get some practice, not turn everyone on. if that happens and they don't mind helping me make progress, that's cool, but i'm not here for anything other than what i have written here on my profile and journal, and on my yahell profile. if you want to help out, ask me thru yahell email what the link is to my toy page. it has the numbers of the toys so i know which ones you are talking about. the yahell profile has the numbers i will be using that week. i don't do practice on monday or tuesday nights, and i usually take two other nights off besides those two, so it will usually be wednesday, friday, and sunday, although i did practice last night and most likely will do so again tonight. the webpages i wrote up are very explanatory - please read them so i don't have to continually repeat myself, as that takes time away from other things i should be doing. for those that want a chat partner, i'm not a good choice, as you will be very disappointed. i'm not here to chat. just to get suggestions and ideas, along with "encouragement".
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If it is obvious to me that those sending me email did not read my profile and journal, thoroughly, and understand what i am seeking, i will BLOCK them. This is something that will require good communication skills. Not excellent ones, just good ones. As in competent, and capable of carrying on a conversation. The previous journal entry was in regards to people asking about my location. (This IS online ONLY!!!) Then right away, i get an email from someone asking me where the f*ck i am at in Indiana. Are you blind? Are you on an internet connection that only allows you to write to peple in certain cities? Or do you just think i am weak-willed and unable to tell you to go scr*w yourself? Just because i am here asking for some training help does not mean i am weak-willed. It is quite the opposite. If i was weak-willed, i wouldn't even be looking, going forward, and practicing on my own. Needing a push does not mean i want plowed over, nor does it mean i am any where close to leaving the one i am with, regardless if he owns me no longer or if he puts that back into our relationship. Desperate men are a major turnoff to me, as well as it is to most slavegirls/submissive women. This is like helping me out and you get pics of progress. Nothing else. Location does not matter. This will NOT move to offline/RT.
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Why do people keep asking me where i am in Indiana? Can't they read???????
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a friend told me that a Mistress might work well too for training me back to where i used to be anally, even though i am straight.... yes, i used to be very stretched out a while back, so to any girls that are worried stretching is permanent, it's not. it's something that has to be worked up to, and then maintained, or the proverbial "use it or lose it" comes true. too bad other muscles don't work the same way. LOL
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got vidcam setup in bedroom now so he can see what i am doing to practice.
i got the big red one in Sunday night, all by myself even. still sore, so didn't do anything since, but going to try it again tonight, same one. going to try that one every three or four days, and then increase girth, if i can. will add another while it's inside, and then pull on the rope, so it should work. i think....
will be about two weeks to get to that point, but i am getting pretty confident about it.
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Same as my profile:
INTERESTED IN KNOWING ABOUT FIGGING, IF THAT WILL HELP TO KEEP MY SPHINCTER MUSCLES OPEN... ANYONE KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE??
Just
going to start practicing on my own, if the right Trainer/Mentor comes
along, so be it. Emails checked when online..... Ideas from others
would be cool.
Yes, sometimes i send out emails, but it is rare.
Not
interested in anything other than what is below. Not interested in the
protocols, retraining mentally, nor in leaving my bf. It's been
discussed with him, and he wants to keep with what is already written
below. No slutty clothing, no trips to the toy store, as we already
have plenty of toys and need no more. Stretching only. Thank you.
Have
a bf offline who used to be my Master, but we have fought about it and
he still refuses to do the more physical stuff with me. i'm here to
find a Trainer online, since i am now "uncollared", but i do not want
to give up my bf because i do love him very much. to me, he is and
always will be, my Master, as long as we are a couple. i am seeking
ONLINE only, no offline. When i get to know someone better, i will get
on cam for them.
i hope to find someone that will keep me
motivated to do the things my bf likes, which is anal fisting, larger
toys and him when he is having anal sex with me. i seriously enjoy
breast bondage, but he isn't into it at all. Strictly an ass man, i
think. i think someone that gives me assignments to do will help a lot
since i make a lot of excuses as to why i don't have time to do this
stuff. i have several toys and such, and i want to keep my ass open so
he can fist me when he wants. i'd like to get it big enough so he can
jack off in my ass or even double fist me. part of my problem is that
when i am practicing i end up cumming and then don't want to practice
anymore and i just want it OUT because all of a sudden it feels so much
bigger. he's not into foreplay at all so this is why i have to keep it
open, so it doesn't need any stimulation when he wants to do this to
me. i want it so he can just do as he pleases with my ass, without any
preparation on his part. in other words, i need/want to keep it ready
at all times for him, so all he has to do is slide in whatever sized
toy(s) he wants in there, so he can use it as he wants to use it, but
so that i don't rip. two toys and him would be great for him, but it
will take a while for me to get there.
The reasoning behind my
name on here is because "cyber" is all this will be, regarding
interaction... there won't be any offline meetings, phone calls, and
such. email is a possibility. The second half of my profile is "kajira"
because i was trained Gorean-style, and have lived it offline most of
my slavehood, beginning in the mid 80s, although i knew before then i
was going to be a sexslave, that i would want sex rough, not romantic
with the candles and lace curtains stuff. when i was 18, i was
introduced to the books, and realized there was much more to servitude
than sexual service. made me wish i had paid more attention to how mom
cleaned house and cooked, but i was trained in those areas, too. so
there is no need for further training in Gorean styles. if i need to
know something about Gor, (which is doubtful in my situation as he
isn't Gorean, but rather an Alpha Male,) i can and will read one of my
books, as i have most of the books.
to sum it all up, he's not
my Master any longer, according to him, but i am still his slave,
according to me, my actions, and my thoughts and feelings, as well as
how he treats me. all women are slaves, according to him, and also
should not need maintenance, so this is something i need to do on my
own or wiht someone else helping out with ideas and encouragement, as
that is how i was trained. if a combination of the two is what i need
to best please him, that is what i will seek out.
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