I hate the words "I love you." They smack of commitment and expectations. I love you, so I expect you to do this. I love you, so now I have to do that. 

 Saying "I love you" has never ended well. Hearing the words, also never good.

 The first time, I was a kid. I didn't know what I was saying. He said them to me, so I repeated them back. I am a mockingbird. I was told some rumor about him and broke up with him. Stupid, immature. I regretted it, but it's not something you can take back.

 The second time, I was older. He was older than me. We had a casual D/s relationship which worked all right. It wasn't what I wanted - it's not what I want now. I told him I loved him, and the expression on his face made me want to take it back. Smug, arrogant. I hated myself. I hated him. 

 The third time, he'd been saying it for months. I finally said it, finally figured, okay, maybe this isn't really love, but I care for him, and he loves me, so why not? He broke up with me within two weeks.

 The fourth time, he had to pull it out of me. I'd felt it for a while, but I resisted saying anything. Saying "I love you" has never ended well. But say it I did. We'll see how this goes.

 I may love him. Maybe I don't. Either way, I hate the words "I love you."