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| I don't know where to begin. I grew up a native of Georgia, I was born here. My Grandparents raised me. My Grandfather was a racist and I was brought up that way. Later in life, I worked at the offices of a well known racist organization, working side by side with their top guy. I was rabidly racist. Over time, and I don't know how, or why, I'm still trying to figure this out, I came to grips with my submissive character. Racism was not offering the salvation I had hoped for since my Grandfather's passing. I was miserable. So miserable in fact that I was willing to think in opposite extremes. Knowing now that I was submissive, it began to dawn on me that white Women were not naturally dominant, and I wanted to be controlled by a Dominant Woman. Racism was miserable, so I allowed myself to think about Black Women, thinking that if I got outside of my own understanding and if I would no longer believe that I knew everything, maybe I could find fulfillment. I have worked very hard in the last 4 years to purge and get my mind right. I am healthy enough for sex, but my psychological makeover does not allow me to maintain erections much anymore. I beat down those thoughts with more submissive ideas. I will not pro-create. I will not have sex/penetrate a Woman. I will not masturbate without permission, and since I don't have a Domme, I just don't do it at all. I have focused on my mind, to make myself more appealing. I am a masculine straight guy, but if my Domme wanted me to dress in female clothes, I would. I grew up in a very conservative environment, but if my Domme wanted me to swallow Her Urine, or clean Her Ass with my tongue,I would. I've never been with a man, but if my Domme wanted me to turn bi, I would. If my Domme wanted me to be a cum dump, I would. I have already begun searching for a part-time job in order to be able to provide gifts. My Pic on Demand
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06Oct08. 2000hrs: An inner need speaks to me. The spirit is willing, but the flesh can be weak. The submissive's flesh recoils at the thoughts of many acts of Service. So, his mind must be refreshed everyday. i must learn to carry my burden well, physically, and psychologically. There can be no doubt that the flesh takes no joy in continuous beating, strapon training, ingestion of golden showers, degrading body worship,cleaning the Domme's house, toilet,etc. When left alone, the submissive's body screams at him to leave and seek an easier life. The feelings of hopelessness can come around, especially after his Domme has left him to go home for the evening and pangs of regret come around for being "so stupid" to debase himself in such ways. He may leave his Domme and on the way home,fight the urge to get sick because he has been kicked in the balls continuously, and has been drinking his Domme's urine from a cup. his rectum is also sore from that huge strap She is training him with. he is also full of dread because She has mentioned turning him into a bi-sexual and bringing another man into the picture. During these times a submissive has to be strong and realize that, despite his current desire to leave, he will be worse off down the line if he does leave, because though his body is screaming for him to do one thing (run), his spirit is advising him differently, telling him that this is his place in life and to remember the long,painful search for a Domme and not to ever be back in that situation again,without a Domme, if he can help it. i have matured as a submissive. i am genuine and believe i can Serve well. |
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06Oct.08: 1305hrs. i am an excellent housekeeper. i am an excellent organizer. i am available to move furniture, mow the grass, rake the leaves, run errands, and cook. i am humble enough to lick Your feet and suck Your toes. Black Women Only. i will not back out of a meeting if You decide to have one with me. i will pay for Your drinks/meal and will not look at You directly and will not talk about us in public that is not vanilla and respectful of You. i realize now that meeting a Domme is not something that is lightly bestowed and i am prepared for some very hard work ahead. if You decide not to contact me, i still hope for You to have as many white boys and girls at Your feet Serving You, as possible |
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06October08: 0934hrs. should a white boy even say anything here, unless he is told to? i have tried so very hard to cleanse my mind for a Black Woman, to make myself useable in anyway She sees fit. i have tried to develop and maintain as much humbleness as possible, and will stay open-minded to develop more than i know right now is possible. i know that when i am in Her presence, and away, i have no masculinity. Anything i have will belong to Her. i hope that She is out there. i want to be a blank canvas for Her. i am real and will not back out. There is no turning back |
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