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I don't care about BDSM much except the D/s part matches how I feel for a relationship. This is where I am looking for a submissive mate. In the vanilla world submission gets a bad rap because of the association with patriarchy and domestic abuse. I am not into unwanted abuse or anyone having to be submissive if they don't want to be, so hats off to feminism. Still, there is a reason for a male dominant, female submissive relationship for some couples. I happen to be that way. To me it has to do with the feelings that come naturally.

I am not into power exchange or anything forced. Domination is simply that I have the say in the relationship and that my submissive mate enjoys serving me and pleasing me. She wants things that way, and so do I. It is about what works in our case, not how anyone else should be, or trying to be something we're not.

Physically I admire all kinds of women so it's not a big deal what type she is, but as an individual she would still have to attract me. I can't know that until I find out who she is, in person. Who she is shows through and is the largest part of what makes her attractive or not. It takes being together so I can notice things about her. It can take time or be obvious right from the start, depending on the person.

I see compatibility as something that is built into being men and women, but for the strange ideas we have. Ego is what makes people so picky. In fact, when I get to know a woman all that is happening is I am learning about her ideas that she needs to maintain in order to let her guard down and feel safe. It is about making sure it is OK to be close. I feel safe anyway all the time and so I don't have any ideas to protect. I could pick up a woman and take her home, like getting a dog from the pound, and then go about training her, and see how she adjusts to her new home, and be happy ever after. There is not that much to it. But then when you add in all the ideas women usually have, things get a lot more complicated. Basically at that point the question becomes, is she going to be worth the work I have to put into getting her to relax and open up? I can tell pretty quick if a woman is ready for a relationship or if she is using dates as therapy sessions for some problem she has left over from something. The psychology of relationships is one of those subjects that you can either get lost in, study endlessly to master, or safely ignore, depending on your preference. I prefer keeping things simple.

I am looking for a woman who wants to belong with me and to me at the same time. I could list all kinds of qualities and requirements here but one in particular is necessary and so I will just start with this: Love.

If you had to choose just one word as the only one you get to use to explain what you want and have to give, if that word is not love, we're not a match, but if it is love, we might be.

Now, back to BDSM. Like I said, there is nothing particularly interesting to me about structuring sexual behavior in specific terms like are listed as interests here. I am not playing at anything. If I feel a certain way I will express myself that way. It happens that at times I will feel forceful, controlling, dominant, sadistic, and so on. The basic reality of my sexual instinct is that I need a woman to want and have, so however that manifests at any given time will go by how I feel it. The physical act of penetration sums it up well. My cock gets hard so I can be inside you. You get wet to have me inside you. I go into you. You receive me. It is more than just a physical act because we are more than that, and so along with the instinct come all of rest of the feelings of desire, intimacy, satisfaction and belonging. Affection that is sweet and caring is a part of it, and so is the harshness of aggressive demand. The various words that have been invented to express sexual feeling didn't just get pulled out of thin air. They each represent parts of the overall reality of relationship. I am open fully to how I am. You would be as freely yourself. It just happens that millions of years of evolution have made us so we go together well, if we let things be the way they are.

I am not looking for a woman who will pretend or negotiate or try being different than she is. I am simply ready for the woman who is mine to be with now. Online is for setting up a date to meet in person. Then when we meet we find out what it is being together, whether it is right for us or not.

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belluslamia
 
 Age: 23
  California