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I am a married bi wm closet crossdresser who loves being feminized, humiliated, spanked and treated like a slut. I am new here and looking for a female, male or couple to serve that will help in creating my feminine image and teach me to be a submissive slut.

2/19/2009 2:54:40 PM The first time I tried on girls things I was very young, I was at my freinds house and we were playing in his basement, he had two older sisters and they had a box of dress up play clothes and pantyhose and we decided to try them on, I'm not sure who's idea it was but even at that young age I felt something exciting about it being taboo and loved trying on girls clothes it was fun. Like any guy I went through awkward adolescense and experimenting with girls and although very taboo I did some masturbating and eventually found I enjoyed giving oral to a freind of mine but we never told anyone, it was our secret thing. Afterwards I allways felt guilty that was not what I was supposed to be doing but it happened sporadically throughout my life.   I ended up in the military as an electronics tech and had a couple of odd affairs while I was in, one was a guy in my shop named Kevin, he was sort of a misfit but I liked him, there were never any available women when you have 10,000 guys on a base with 300 local women....do the math lol. Anyway we were drinking in my barracks room one night and ended up having a sex, it was fun and we continued secretly for about six months until he got out. I ended up buying lingerie but had very limited stuff due to the fear of getting caught and kicked out.   After the service I ended up getting married and I confessed that I liked panties and my wife let me play with them but I was young and things didn't work out and I guess I won't bore you with that situation, it could have been more but I think I still struggled with the fact that I wasn't supposed to be a girl.   So I divorced and did the single thing, had one particularly kinky girlfriend that did some wild stuff with but never dressed up. I married my current wife and started a family but have never gotten over the fact that I like the feel of panties and such. My urge to complete my journey started a couple of months ago when my wife brought home a pair of my sister-in-laws jeans and they were too tight for her....they were neatly folded on a bench at the end of our bed for a week or so. One day I found myself checking them out, I had never tried on girls jeans before, I honestly didn't think they would fit but I tried them on anyway. As soon as I pulled them over my hips the magic was there, they were low cut and seemed to just grip me in all of the right places. I looked in the mirror and the site of the pretty Levi's was incredible. I took them off and put them back but I found myself trying them on several times over the next few days. I knew I had to have a pair of my own, the next thing I knew I was buying them, I bought some lingerie off the internet and started playing again, I absolutely love it. But things are much more evolved, I am older and reallized that it was more than just sex although I really love that too...lol, I have been dying to feel the whole experience forever, makeup shaving, etc. It wasn't long before I reallized that with the right stuff I may actually be able to pass as a girl in public, even if just for one night, that is my dream. But this whole thing would take some planning.....   I started buying clothes from CL, going to good will, target, wal-mart....I found the perfect shoes and couldn't believe how exciting it was....this is a whole new world. I love shopping for stuff and am not embarrased to buy a bra or panties, it's what I want :) I have looked at crossdressing sites and find that most men either look like a whore or they look like a grandma because they waited until they were 60 to try what they wanted to be from long ago. I really don't want to wait that long, I want to see her now :)   I really want to find a girl that can teach me what girls were trained to do their whole lives, I have questions that I know a woman could answer for me quickly but I end up buying the wrong thing or researching on the web forever.   I also have to keep my stuff hidden in my truck or in hiding places in my home hoping my wife does not find them. I would love to have a closet in someones house that I could hang my stuff nicely and be able to come over and get dressed up or try something new on that I have found. It would be great to be dressed up and able to be a girl in someones place, I would cookor clean or whatever in exchange for the privelege to be with someone who would understand my desire. I want to collect and try so many things but that will take time and money and I will need a safe harbor for my alter ego..lol.   I occasionally travel for work and could get out all night or even a few days occasionally to play dress up with some planning. I would love to do the nails, makeup and a normal outfit and go out in public as a girl, I may have to go to a special bar or something but I would love to go out shopping as a girl with a girl or to dinner. I also have fantasized about going on a dinner date with a man and let him take me to a nice hotel and f@*# me silly all night long...lol.   I have allways been submissive in relations with men and go wild for a real red bottomed spanking :) I also enjoy being topped, I love feeling as though I am truly pleasing a man the way a girl can. I am typically very straight acting and in appearance but I definitely have a kinky side.   This is a serious journey for me, I want to learn to submit and learn new things I have only dreamed of and I appreciate any help I get along the way. There are many other things about me I will share with the right Dom or mentor, I hope I can find what I am looking for here. Cherry