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i waS introduced to the lifestyle by a member of the SOJ who taught me many things and showed me many things about what being a submissive means in the society... and of course that it could in fact mean and be many different things, and that each of us must find the way that it works for ourselves and those we engage with... i was happy to serve in his house and to live and work there about half of each week, i had a fabulous time and yet found that when it was over in that aspect, i felt like i had experienced something special, and that i had discovered in myself something that i had only awakened by this experience. yet i went for a number of years after that (that was in 2006) without furthering what i had done, learned or become there, although i sought such opportunities... those that came were either too extreme for my thought on servitude or not directed toward the things that excited me to consider... so i drifted and fell into a marriage to a man who over time became a cruel warden of my sex life while denying me any growth or satisfaction in it. It took me awhile to understand that he did this by design (as i finally got him to admit to me in a heartbreaking moment that ended aNY thought that i would be able to continue in that relationship, as much as i had felt that i loved him).
It was only a brief time ago that someone sent me an email invitation to join , and it seemed as i looked over the site that it had some promise of doing what such sites rarely do, which is engage a real world connection to people and events with an internet community and actually make it work. the more i do there, the more i see there, the more i find that it is perhaps the place wherein i might find for myself answers about how to go forward and people to do so with... it was through a link on that i found collarme, a site that i had been on before said marriage, but one that at that time yielded nothing more than conversations online. i'm just checking back in to see if this site has gotten more into frinding the real world connections it seemed to hold the promise of previously... that said, i am here to find some sense of spirituality, self, belonging, and hopefully someone who may fulfill the disparate and differing sides of my personality, which might make me content with my sexuality while still leaving me the freedom to pursue my creativity and fulfill my needs to be controlled and to be free, that struggle to define themselves in the shadows of each other...
ciao!
britty
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