First let me start by saying thank you to all who have read my entries and had such wonderful words to say, thank you!

We all have many different things that we seek in another that will provide us with what it is that we want in return. Whether you are Dominant or submissive you still have some type or want from another. If that wasn’t the case then CM would not be as large and as vague as it is. I see so many unattached submissives seeking Dominant with a lot of Dominants seeking submissives. How is it that we are unable to find what it is we seek when there so many varieties out there for us. This social network site is like taking a kid into a candy shop. This site is a paradise but it seems to missing something, lacking something. A paradise without a sun is what it seems to be missing. Just about 70% of the people on here are looking, but for some reason or another can’t find what it is they seek. Somehow I find that to be disheartening because what it really boils down to is what we seek most is superficial. Am I wrong in saying this? If so then change my mind.  

It’s been a busy few weeks for me but I am back for now.  Why is it so difficult to find a submissive/slave as a Daddy Dom?  I remember when I first got into the lifestyle and I was all about being dominant and whipping the flesh from her body, finding a submissive to play with was like finding candy in a candy store.  Now that I have grown out of that and are more into the ways of teaching, helping, protecting, and being there financially it appears try to find a sub who is seeking that is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.  For some reason I guess they don’t seem to feel that I still have it in me to deal out punishment, that I can bring them pleasure through pain.  Let me be clear to all my “lil girls” and submissives who are thinking about it.  I still have it within me to punish you.  The difference today is I feel strongly that the punishment should fit the crime. For example if you go out and have sex with someone not only are you out of control but you need to be taught a lesson.  So be prepared to have you wrist and ankles bound and bent over in a doggy style position to have multiple men take their turns with you.  It will be pleasurable for the first half an hour to an hour but after that you will get the point.  Yes, I can also bring you to orgasm by the end of my whip, so don’t let the fact that I am a Daddy Dom, make you feel that I am weak and can’t provide what it is you need.  Not convinced?  Then try me and watch your knees buckle beneath you as your pussy flows like a waterfall.  Again, not convinced then try me and you shall see in person. 

We are all products of our environment. Some of us find our own way through life, from the experiences we have learned through others while other choose to point fingers and blame everyone else. We will all make mistakes because we are all human. Making mistakes are alright it whether we choose to learn from those mistakes is what counts. Life is a constant battle, not a battle to stay alive but a battle of constantly learning, maturing and trying to be better not just for the people around us but most importantly for ourselves. It is a difficult battle but if you get on the right path and follow it then we should all be safe, it’s when we take a detour is when we find ourselves lost yet again. Be strong and stay on that path because we cannot change what we have done nor can we predict the future but what we can do is focus on doing things right so that whatever does come up in the future we are better equipped to deal with them.

Most of us are born to be either Dominant  or submissive and it doesn’t matter whether you are in a D/s relationship or a vanilla one you will pretty much fine that in the relationship one is dominant over the other. Some people see a Dominant person as a thug, a brut, a bully and they see a submissive person as someone who is weak, scared, a victim. In some cases that would be true, but in many cases it is not. A Dominant person is nothing more than a person who seeks control; they find themselves to more natural in a place of authority. Whereas a submissive is just the opposite; a submissive doesn’t seek out a person to control them but more so looks for a person they can feel comfortable with, feel the person cares for them, that the person will protect them from not just others but also from themselves. That is the bare definition of a person who either looks to be Dominant or submissive in the relationship. I guarantee you if you look around at your family, friends and strangers you will see those traits in that relationship.

The D/s lifestyle is built on that basic platform. Although in the lifestyle some choose to take it further than others, the lifestyle is that basic. D/s does not mean BDSM and I am so tired of people trying to tie the two together. BDSM is an act which is used in some D/s relationships. Not all D/s relationships are based on the act of BDSM. Just as you have different types of Dominant figures and submissive figures in a D/s relationship. Not everyone is seeking the same things. You can have a Dominant person who seeks a pain submissive. Well if that submissive is looking to be a sex slave then how will that work? It wouldn’t unless she enjoys pain in the bedroom. If she doesn’t then you are not connecting. So, just like in a vanilla relationship the 2 should connect in some way on some level. 

I find that a D/s relationship has a much higher chance of survival than your typical vanilla relationship. In a vanilla relationship it is all about getting to know the person, how much info do you provide what you keep to yourself, don’t divulge any of your secrets, and hide who you truly are. This is what we do in vanilla relationships. In a D/s relationship you are being open and honest with the person you are choosing to be your partner. You will discuss these things, you will both listen to the other, you will both let the other know what it is you are seeking, and you will both acknowledge each other’s limitation and boundaries. These things are set in mentally and for some written so that both are aware of the commitment they are making with the other. This gives a D/s relationship a higher chance of survival as long as both have been upfront and honest with the other.

As a Dominant in a D/s relationship it is more important to stimulate the mind than it is to stimulate the body.  How can you expect for a submissive’s body to react to yours if their mind is somewhere else.  It is a lot more challenging to conquer the mind than it is to ravish the body and so we tend to find the easy way out and then pounder over why things didn’t work. Sex should be a tool not a request, not a given, but a tool to help you with making that connection.  Sex shouldn’t be something you take lightly like a walk in the park.  Study your partner, know what it is that your partner enjoys.  If you like receiving oral and your partner doesn’t like giving oral then your partner is not going to give it their all and you will find something you need missing.  So take the time to know each other, study each other likes and dislikes, and explore each other’s body before you decide to have sex.  Bondage is also a tool use it as such.  Bondage can be a powerful thing if used properly.  Take a submissive bound them, blind fold them, take away their ability to touch, to see and it will drive the mind crazy.  Then take the time to sooth them, to let them know you are not going to harm them, you are not going to go any further than they wish to go, explain to them to use their other sense smell, sound feel to explore the darkness in which they see now.  If you get inside of their head, then they will release themselves to you and trust that you will take them to a better place, allow you to explore with them and find what it is they are seeking.  The use of bondage to merely satisfy yourself is the wrong reason to use it.  Use the tools that you know to help you create the bond that the both of you seek.  Don’t take advantage of your power and misuse your submissive.  If you leave your submissive damaged then the next Dom that comes along will have to pick up the pieces that you left behind.  A motto that I live by “do on to others as you will have them to on to you” if you live by this motto then everything will fall into place.

Over my years of finally identifying myself as a Dom I have trained several pain submissives, a 24/7 submissive, and several sex slaves. Discipline for each submissive is challenging but understanding your submissive and their needs can help you in determining how to break them down, punish them when needed and how to reward each of type of submissive. The one thing that is very important in any D/s relationship is for the both of you to set boundaries. These boundaries are for both of your protection. Just because you are a Dominant does not mean you have the right to do to your submissive as you wish. Yes, as a submissive it is your role to please your dominant to receive your reward but that doesn’t mean that your Dominant has the right to ravage you in anyway he/she feels fit. D/s is a mutual agreement between the two of you based on rules, limitations and boundaries to establish a safe environment for the both of you. Remember SSC, that all play should be Safe, Sane and Consensual, before play set up both safe words and safe action in case the submissive can’t respond verbally. 

A pain submissive cannot be broken down or punish through the techniques of whipping paddling or any other means of pain. This type of submissive goes into subspace from the pleasure of pain the submissive is feeling. This is also the most difficult submissive to handle because of the fact that what takes them to subspace is the pain in which they are feeling. The more pain the submissive feels the deeper into subspace they go. This can be dangerous because if the Dom is not paying attention to what they are doing they can easily damage this submissive physically. If you are training a pain submissive trying using bondage, denial and a firm voice to break this submissive down or punish them. Reward them with firm strokes to the backside, or any other area of the body that you guys have agreed to. Rough sex is another form of reward for the pain submissive. This type of reward takes the pain submissive into subspace as well as a physical climax.  

The 24/7 submissive is a submissive that is has chosen to submit to their Dom 24/7. This can be the hardest type of relationship for a Dom to have. It is also the easiest way for a submissive to find out if they indeed have a true Dom or one who just enjoys the role play. 24/7 can be a strain on both parties because it puts the Dom in the role of always making decisions for the submissive all the time. Leaving the 24/7 submissive to obey her dominant all the time or suffer the consequences. A 24/7 submissive is nothing more than being in a marriage with the exception of the D/s atmosphere. This can also be one of the most rewarding relationships to be in because the submissive has trusted the dominant enough to willingly give themselves to the Dominant 24/7. It is rewarding to the submissive because the Dominant has determined that this submissive has won his heart and decides to give them the ultimate reward. Just keep in mind that in a 24/7 submissive relationship that you both still have to respect the boundaries, limitations and rules set up between the two of you. Just because you are in a 24/7 relationship does not mean that you can now disregard everything that got you guys to this point in your lives.

Sex Submissive/slave is a submissive that derives pleasure through some form of sex. Many people misinterpret this type of submissive. They see this type of submissive as a sex toy. As well as some sex submissive misunderstand what it is that they are. It’s an honest mistake because there isn’t enough literature out there for this type of submissive. So, they assume well I like sex and I can orgasm easily so this must make me a sex submissive. No, a sex submissive is what is referred to as a bedroom submissive. It is simple they decide to give up their control while in the bedroom. Again, having boundaries, limitation and rules put in place is very important here. If your submissive isn’t into anal play then respect those boundaries. You will find that you will get a lot further with your submissive if you just take your time and respect them as you would want them to respect you. Vice Versa if your Dominant isn’t into oral play then don’t think you are pleasing them as a submissive by giving them oral. The best form of punishment or to break down the sex submissive is through consensual pain or denial of sex. I once tied a sex submissive up nude spread eagle and only released her to use the bathroom and to eat. After 2 days of this she was ready to listen and do as I wished that was not beyond her limitations. Pain isn’t always the best solution to a situation. Remember pain is only temporary, they feel it for a while but in time they will forget it and you may find yourself back into the same situation that got you guys to that point where you felt pain was the best punishment.

I have learned a lot over the period of time that I have chosen to follow the D/s lifestyle. The difference of submissives I have met in my short years of being a Dominant has given me a life time of experience. The last 6 years I have trained submissive for others to enjoy and I have found that now it’s my heart that feels empty now. I didn’t realize this until I met the most beautiful submissive I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Although we weren’t in a D/s relationship she still showed signs of her submissive nature and maybe that is where I went wrong. Maybe I didn’t take advantage of that nature of hers. Today I can say this openly and honestly that I failed to take advantage of that submissive nature of hers’ was because I was scared. Not scared as in she frighten me but more so scared that I couldn’t be the Dom I due to having been out of the lifestyle so long. I was afraid of disappointing her so instead of trying to be a Dom I decided to try to be in a normal relationship. I remember once she challenged me about being a Dom and it hurt me but angered me at the same time. So, the next day I saw her I got into my firm Dom role made her strip and bend over and taunted her with every strike to her backside. She took every stroke and eventually broke down in tears. She refused to use her safe words because she felt she deserved the punishment. I will say she did deserve the punishment but it broke my heart to see her tearing up because of me. At this point I felt maybe I didn’t have what it takes to be a Dom anymore. I have the Dominant nature but I felt I didn’t have the desire that goes with it. You see I do get off on spanking, whipping, giving pain to submissive with a high tolerance for pain. What I found that I was feeling weak is that I couldn’t apply pain to a person I cared for without have it affect my personal feelings. Maybe she saw this in me as well I am not sure.

Well, eventually she decided that I wanted more than she wanted and decided to stop seeing me. It was actually the best things she could have ever done for me and one day I will thank her for it. What this did for me was made me re-evaluate who I was and what it is that I am seeking in my life now. So, finding myself back in that dark place, being unsure of who and what I am I began looking into what it is that drives me. I know I am not the same person I was 13 years ago when I got into this lifestyle. I have grown and matured over the years and I find that I am a much better person today than I was then.  I love helping people out, I love having a person feel that they can count on me. I enjoy teaching people from my life experiences. It brings me pleasure to see a person grow before me and knowing it was me that helped sculpture this beautiful person. I know I can be stern when it is needed. I can stand my ground with I have to. So with knowing this bit of knowledge about myself I began my research. I stumble upon what is referred to as a Daddy Dominant. As I read more about this Daddy Dominant I found myself feeling more and more like this is the role in which I am playing now naturally. I have always said that if this doesn’t come natural to you then it’s not for you. Role play is fine but that it should not go any further. Slowly I was feeling that maybe it’s just a role play thing for me now. After reading about being a Daddy Dominant I no longer feel this way.

I have lived the D/s lifestyle for over 13 years. The last 6 or 7 of those years I have been a non-practicing Dom. The D/s lifestyle is not something that you wake up one morning and BAM you are a Dominant or a submissive, no it is something that you have always felt in some way or another but you just couldn’t figure it out. Then one day you are doing something sexual in nature and all of a sudden it makes sense to you. Then you begin to wonder how many others are out there in the same place that you are. You know that place I speak of, wondering around in the dark, feeling helpless and not knowing where to get the proper knowledge. I can’t say who this is really harder on the Dominant or the submissive. What I can say is that we all go through it and it is difficult for all of us. Thanks to the internet you can find material to help you understand what you are going through. Unfortunately we are all beast in one way or another so we jump for the meat without sizing up the prey. So, what do we do? We go both feet first into finding a submissive or Dominant. Not always the best move to make. As a submissive it puts you in harms way and leaves you to be damaged before even understanding what it is that you are searching for. As a Dominant it forces you to “act” as a Dominant but know nothing more than to be an overbearing, forceful person. Even I as a Dom jump both feet first before taking the time out to understand who I am and what it is I seek. Lucky for me I had my first experience with a knowledgeable submissive. She tested her limitation but didn’t push my sensibility. In her own way she trained me on how to be a Dominant without being overbearing and misuse my power. Sometimes you will get lucky but 9 times out of 10 you are going to find yourself getting fucked, literally. So, please take your time in finding you submissive or Dominant and make sure he or she is the best for you. While you search for that special one that completes you, take the time out to understand who you are. What it is you are seeking and take time to read some literature and get knowledgeable on the lifestyle.  Many times you have heard that knowledge is the key. Well, there are no differences here either. Knowledge is key to finding all that it is you are seeking. 

In my 13 years of being a Dom I have trained many different types of submissive women. The one thing I can tell you from experience is that no one submissive is the same. You can’t treat one as you would have treated another. So, you must understand the submissive and the needs of that submissive. How can you expect to Dom or Master that submissive if you don’t know them. As a Dom don’t be greedy! Do not abuse the power that is given to you. A submissive giving herself over to you is the most precious gift anyone can ever give you. Respect that gift and do not damage what you have been given. Most importantly though if that Dom or that submissive doesn’t fulfill what it is you seek then don’t settle. D/s is just like any other relationship. You take the time to get to know one another, understand their limitations and if it’s not working for either of you move on. The worst thing you can do is stay with a Dom or submissive just because it fills a void. Just like any other relationship it will crumble in time and may leave one or both of you as damaged goods. This only makes things harder on the next person who comes into their lives. 

As a Dominant I do not find myself being overbearing with my submissive. I believe in being fair. I generally will tell a submissive when we first talk that I am different from other Dominants. That doesn’t mean I am some type of super hero I am still human, I still make mistakes and I am entitled to making mistakes. This is what makes me and others human. What I mean when I say I am different is that I don’t rule with an Iron fist. Don’t misinterpret what I am saying. I do believe in discipline and I will discipline when I feel it is needed. I strongly feel that the punishment should fit the crime. I believe in exploring my submissive’s body to understand what gets her worked up and what turns her off. I feel a reward should be a reward for her and not just for me. I believe that my submissive should respect me as her Dom as I respect her as a submissive. I want my submissive to do as I wish and not as I command. Meaning my submissive will know what it is I want and will understand that it is up to her to give it to me. Not by me commanding or demanding it but because she knows it will make me feel good and in turn lead to her reward. I believe in breaking the submissive down and then rebuilding the submissive to fit the mold that is what I want. If the submissive wants what I want then this should not be a problem. If the submissive doesn’t want what I want then the submissive will acknowledge this and move on. This will save both of us time.