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Well, I've been on collarme/collarspace on and off for years (probably since I first learned of its existence in college), and it's been a strange and volatile experience. Like a lot of people in the lifestyle, I've gone through periods of shame, and purging, which I guess took something of a toll on me. If we do get to talking, I am sure we can share stories a plenty. Having had friends (and occasionally girlfriends) in the lifestyle, and having read and experimented quiet a bit, I have to admit that my relationship with it still isn't entirely as open, healthy, and...well...integrated, as I'd like. As Jung would probably put it, I haven't yet faced and made peace with my shadow (or some of the "shadow" aspects of these desires). Which means that, despite years of (very sporadic) experience, I still basically feel like a newbie. Just want to be up front about that. If I find someone I click with, I don't generally flake, but I may, in the submissive role, require some patience, the building of trust, etc.
Anyways, I am starting up this new profile as a means to really be adult about the whole thing, in the "maturity" sense (as opposed to the "sexy" sense), to seek a way to explore this in a healthy way, with healthy, trustworthy people who can hopefully be friends first and play partners second.
I am currently looking for a dominant female between 20 and 40 (a very rough guideline, but she must obviously be of legal age - older is usually not a serious issue for me, as I have had some lovely experiences with more mature partners in the past). I am not looking for a permanent Mistress, or even a girlfriend. That in itself is something of a lifestyle choice, and I hope one that will be respected. Basically, I am not interested (and might never be) in a mono-normative "couple" relationship. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but this is something I've learned about myself, and it's pretty much set in stone, unless I fall madly, irrevocably in love with someone, and unfortunately, while I love and like many people, I just don't "believe in fairies" anymore...I think maybe I'm a bit too weird, too solitary, too independent to be a good permanent, forever match for anyone. And while the fantasy of being seduced and enslaved by a cruel, bewitching Domme is certainly big in my repertoire, the real me (when I am not brain addled), really doesn't want to be blackmailed, or put in chastity, or to be a house slave...those are all roleplay scenarios only...I AM looking for people who are interested in playing and exploring long term, however, as friends, partners, "friends with benefits," etc.
I am looking for someone open, honest, and human. Fantasies are great, but I think it's even better when you know, like, and trust the person you're enacting them with.
As you might guess, one of the biggest tensions that I have to reconcile is between my extremely independent nature, and my strong desire to be dominated (it is very strongly and directly tied to sexuality, but, as many of you know, it isn't JUST about sexuality). I would like to come to a space of self acceptance where both aspects of my nature can coexist. Again, it's not always been easy.
Let's see, what else...I am somewhat plus sized (large pot belly, stocky). In certain circles, I've been referred to as a classic "bear" type. Despite what the profile says, I am actually not entirely straight (honestly, I lean very much in that direction, but empirical evidence shows that I fall somewhere else on that spectrum), nor entirely male (recently come to identify as gender fluid, but tend to live, and very much act/look male the majority of the time), and I do sometimes switch. However, the preferences above reflect what I am looking for at this particular point in my life, so it was easier, more convenient, to tick those boxes.
For certain reasons (family, employment, google image search capabilities becoming more scarily sophisticated), I'm keeping my picture off this site. I know that doesn't go well with the openness goal, but it's gotta be baby steps. I am more than happy to send pictures to people I am chatting with, however, and will likely attach one or two to any introductory message I send out.
I'll add more if I think of it. Thanks for taking the time to read this wall of text.
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