3/2/2013 7:57:33 AM: SPANDEX 'Knock knock' 'Ah, that must be her...' he said to himself. He'd been waiting for her to come over for about an hour. He was annoyed that she was late, but figured he would get even with her later. 'Come in!' he yelled, and she opened the door slowly and peeked in. She looked great. She was wearing a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and a nice blouse. He knew because he had seen it before. But even dressed casually she looked really good, and what was underneath made his mouth water. She walked into the living room slowly, nervous because she had made him sit around waiting for her, but trying to explain. 'I had a class that went overtime and then I was dragged off to do some work with my project partners, ' she stammered, 'and it took me forever to get away...' He looked at her and melted, she was so sweet looking. But then he remembered, she had to be punished for being late. But not too much. Just a little torture to spice up the evening for the two of them. 'Strip!' he commanded, 'but first come over here and give me a kiss.' She walked over slowly, nervously, trying not to show him how much she wanted this, because that was part of the game. You had to play your role to the hilt, or it would get even tougher. She leaned over him as he sat on the couch and gave him a warm kiss on the lips. Her tongue darted out and met his. They held it for just an second and then he broke away. His hands reached out and grabbed the bottom of her sweatshirt and started tugging it up her body. She tried to learn back to balance herself, but he merely tugged harder, keeping her slightly off balance. As the shirt hem got caught on her breasts, and then continued, her nipples erected from the stimulation. She obediently raised her arms over her head, still leaning over him as he sat on the couch. As the shirt went over her head she was struck by the realization that it was much like having been blindfolded, the blackness just sucking up the light and muffling the sounds around her. Then he stooped tugging, leaving her bent over, with her hands out and her head muffled. His hands then started running down her sides, carefully avoiding her breasts, to her jeans. There his hands moved in, the button at the tops of her jeans. He slowly undid the button, then pulling the zipper down...down...down... the sounds sounding distant and far away because of the shirt around her head. All she could see was a little circle of light, and all she could feel was his hands on her body. The hands went back to their tugging, but this time they were tugging the shirt out of her jeans. The hands went to work on the buttons of her blouse, slowly caressing the skin that was exposed as the shirt fell to the sides. After a few moments he returned to tugging on the jeans, this time to remove them. Followed by the rest of her clothing. Then suddenly he pulled her across his lap, face down. As she lay face down in his lap, she started think think of what would happen. From previous 'spankings' she knew she could expect anything, from just a light cursory slapping, to full, cheek reddening hits with a brush. She hoped it would be the first and not the second, though she remembered how he 'made up' to her after that time too... 'Now for being such a late girl, I'm going to make you wait,' he said, 'and this will be quite interesting for us both.' SMACK! The first blow of his hand landed right on the middle of her ass, the globes flattening from the impact of his hand. He could see his hand print for just a second, then it slowly faded away... 'Ouch!' She yelped, and tried to clench her cheeks together and move them away from his hands. 'That was for making me wait... now this is to make sure you can wait' he laughed. She felt his fingers on her ass, lightly tracing each globe. She twitched a little because it tickled and before she knew it, SMACK! As second slap on her ass. 'Ow! That hurt!' she cried. 'And if you make another move it will hurt even more' he replied as he continued to trace out the contours of her ass. 'Every time you make a move, I'm going to spank you. If you try to get away, or stop me, it will just get worse. So just settle down and enjoy...' With that he ran his fingers up the crack, and was rewarded with a twitch of her muscles. SMACK! She tensed at the spank, but said nothing, looking at the floor and trying to separate the feelings she was getting. First there was his hands, his maddening hands on her body. Arousing her, teasing her and tickling her. It was the hardest thing she had every tried, to lie still while his hands explored her. She could feel his finger slowly slide up her inner thighs, and slowly tickling her just below her pussy. She twitched, SMACK! And the hands kept moving, making her hotter and hotter, yet frustrating her even more because she couldn't give into the urge to clench her cheeks and keep his fingers there forever. She sighed, in both pleasure and frustration. Her nipples were hard and aching, waiting for stimulation, her pussy was getting wetter and wetter by the second, and her ass was getting redder and redder. As he slipped his finger inside her, she moaned out loud and squeezed involuntarily, trying to keep the sensation... SMACK! SMACK! 'Damn! That hurt!' she squealed, and tried to squirm off his lap. She fret his other hand reach around and get a better grip, keeping her securely on his knees. He just laughed at her, and kept moving his fingers. In and out, first one, then two, then three. Each time she was getting wetter, and hotter, and more aroused, as his fingers slipped out and traced their way up her crack. As the wetness reached her asshole, she twitched yet again... SMACK! 'Ha! Got you to move. I thought for a minute you'd conquered the urge to move...' he said. All the while his fingers were wandering, dipping into her dripping pussy, drifting over her cheeks, sliding between her cheeks, and back into her pussy, but only for a minute. 'Now that we know you can wait shall we move on to what you were waiting for?' he smiled. She moaned and rolled over. A contented smile on her face as she reached up to him for a kiss... ----------- As she walked into the room she couldn't help but notice the changes he had made. Instead of a mattress on the floor he now had a four posted bed (of course) and there were metal eye hooks extending out of the walls in various places. The entire room had been carpeted and there were more eye hooks in the floor. The lights were dim, with pools of brightness scattered around the room. As ordered she had changed her clothes in the outer room. Her jeans, sweatshirt and blouse were gone to be replaced by the tightest black spandex she could imagine. But there were pieces missing to the outfit such as material covering her breast and crotch. Both were totally bare. As she got a few steps into the room he suddenly grabbed her from behind. A leather cuff was placed on each wrist and she was quickly secured to two of the eye hooks on the wall. Two ankle cuffs were added and her legs spread wide before being attached to the wall. Next came the gag and blindfold. 'Now the fun is really going to start' she thought to herself, with just a tinge of apprehension as she remembered her punishment for being late. She could hear him moving around the room, opening drawers and moving stuff around. 'I wonder what he is going to do first. I TOLD him I was sorry for being late' she thought. He started with a spritzing of cold water. Not much, it felt sort of like the density that comes out of a spray bottle. First her breast then her freshly shaven pussy. It was cold enough to cause her nipples to harden. That wasn't enough of a reaction it seemed. Soon she felt the lips of her pussy being opened and a long cold object filling her. 'It's ice' she thought as she felt the first melted drip roll down her long legs. As he began to move the ice in and out of her, driving her berserk his other hand began icing her breast. When she was totally soaked, not just from the ice, he announced that he had a few errands to run but would return later. 'Don't want you to get bored though while I'm gone' he laughed as he slowly pushed into her a huge dildo. Next to follow was a strap around her waist. From this he threaded a thick strap down between her legs, holding the dildo in tightly. 'Oh, one more thing before I go,' he chuckled as he hit a switch on the base of the dildo. The damn thing started to vibrate in time with his laughing as he shut off the light and left the room. When he returned a few minutes later, she though she was in heaven. The vibrator had been going for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes. She had had at least three orgasms, each bigger and better and more total than the last. Her pussy cried out for relief. She thought she would die from the pleasure she was receiving. Her knees were weak and shaky, with only her tied arms supporting and keeping her from falling down. She felt as if she had turned into an orgasm. Her entire body was flushed, and her nipples were rock hard. He reached down and grabbed the dildo, pulling it out still running. Then he pushed it back in. Slowly he removed and inserted the damn thing until she came once again. She sagged a little more from the relief, but wishing it was still going inside her. Then he reached up and took off the blindfold, saying 'I think you she see what happens next' as he grinned and brought the vibrator to her nipples. She spasmed! And arched her back to get away from that insidious device. He laughed some more and simply followed her every lunge and twist, keeping the vibrator to her breasts and nipples. After a few minutes of this he turned off the vibrator and untied her from the wall. She sagged down and would have fallen if he hadn't caught her in his arms. She molded herself to his body in exhaustion. 'That damn vibrator should be lost or destroyed' she thought as she lay in his arms, but her nipples continued to throb with enjoyment, to say nothing of her pussy. He carried her over to the bed and lay her down gently. She lay back and relaxed. 'Now maybe I'll get a chance to do the same to him' she thought, but she was too late. Before she could recover, he had her arms tied up to the posts. Then her legs were spread apart and tied to the other two posts of the bed. She was totally vulnerable. And liking it... no, loving it! He slowly started licking lips. Slowly, lovingly. Caressing her lips with his, as he traced his way around them. She replied hungrily, using her tongue to reply in kind. Their tongues met, slowly slipping and sliding around each other. She moaned with desire for him. Then his tongue started moving down to her chin and along her jaw. Little swirls and nips. Her neck arched reflexively as he worked his way to her neck. As he moved down her neck she started to squirm on the bed, wishing the ropes holding her down weren't there, so she could grab him in her arms and keep him forever. His tongue moved down her collar bone and to her chest. He breasts rose and fell with her breathing, the nipples starting to stand up, little red bumps on her generous breasts. His tongue touched the top of her left breast, swirling and licking, but not touching the nipple. She begged him to suck her nipple, but he just laughed and told he to enjoy it and to stop complaining.   The End Alexa www.bdsmfinder.com

8/25/2012 4:28:45 AM:   Doorways I suppose the best way to describe Mike is to say he's fair but firm. Most of the time our sex life is pretty tame. We experiment a lot with lovemaking in various places and various ways, and we both love it. But sometimes I'm just feeling bitchy or frisky and I try to make demands. When I get into these moods, my lover has to take control and put me in my place. Of course, I know where these demands lead me; right into tight ropes and pain! It had been a wonderful day at the office. I'd finally finished a project I'd been working on for the last month or so, and for the first time I felt like I could really conquer the world. Normally Mike and I spend our nights together doing lots of home improvement on the place we'd just bought. But this was Wednesday, the day of Mike's 'night out with the boys' card game. Nothing so exciting as poker or anything, but these guys could sure get worked up over a game of Bridge! Seeing that I was going to leave work early, I telephoned Mike at his office and promised I'd make dinner so he wouldn't have to grab a quickie at the local McDeath's. On the way home, a really wicked thought occurred to me. I was feeling really good and I wanted to celebrate finishing my project. I figured to hell with his bridge game, tonight we would do things my way. With the benefit of hindsight it was a great idea, but next time I'll ask what he feels like doing before I go changing any plans! When I got home I forgot about making dinner and instead called our favorite local restaurant to make a reservation. I was just drying off from a shower when I heard the garage door close after Mike's car pulled in. Quickly throwing on a nightgown and slippers, I bounced downstairs hoping for the beginning of a fantastic night. Wrong! It seemed today was as bad for him as it was good for me. When I got a perfunctory kiss at the door, I realized my plans for the night didn't match what Mike had in mind. He was a little early and asked if we could just unwind a bit and chat while we ate. Tonight was a Bridge tournament and he wanted to be sure to get there on time. I guess I was being pretty bitchy when I told him there was no dinner ready and I wanted to go out tonight! He immediately caught my mood and decided tonight wasn't the night to play around with my whims. Grabbing me by the wrist he yanked off my nightgown and pulled me into the garage. I'd been there before. We'd sunk some heavy duty eyebolts into the four corners and center of the garage door. I'd already had some wonderful whippings while tied spread-eagled to the four bolts. This time however, Mike wasn't fooling around for fun. He was pissed and wanted to let me know it. Grabbing some rope from the top shelf he spread my arms and tied my right arm to the top left bolt. He was using many more turns of rope than he normally did but I didn't find out why until later. After my right arm was secure he proceeded to do the same with my left, fastening it to the other side of the door. I was stretched pretty tightly and complained about it... well whined about it is probably more appropriate. Mike had heard enough and told me that he wanted silence until told otherwise. I closed my mouth pretty quickly because Mike has come up with some awful punishments and I didn't want to provoke him into making things worse that they already were. Meanwhile, Mike was working on my legs, one to each side, and again used lots of rope. But this time he didn't stop with the ankles. He wound the ropes up around each leg to my knees and tied the two ends together. My legs were held very tightly and I struggled but couldn't pull very far away from the door. Mike told me that I had one punishment coming already and that if I didn't stand still I'd get another. Standing there spread out, unable to move with my chest sticking out demanding attention, I figured that now wasn't the time for bravado. Mike went off into the house, closing the door behind him. I couldn't see what he was doing, but judging from the sounds from the house, I guessed he was whipping up some dinner for himself. After awhile I began to realize my situation. I was tied tightly, arms spread as far as I could stretch, my legs and knees were pinioned tightly to the door and to top it all off, I hadn't eaten anything all day. The only consolation was that I'd found a way to get Mike to stay home for the evening! Mike came back after a few minutes with a sandwich and looked at me from the door. Walking over he started rubbing my breasts with his free hand. my nipples enlarged under his hand and I strained my body towards him in the hope that he'd stop eating the sandwich and starting eating something else. His hand moved down my body and found it's way into the folds of my pussy. I was already so excited that just the light touch of his hand was almost enough to send me over the brink, but Mike knew my body completely and always stopped before I'd reached a climax. I squirmed towards him as far as I could, but he wasn't in the mood to cooperate. Finished with his sandwich, he continued a job I thought was already done. He took some thick leather straps we bought for our bondage play and fastened one to the bolt behind my back. The other went over the tops of my breasts under my armpits, forcing my tits to bulge a little under the strap. Mike tightened the straps and when he was done I couldn't pull my chest or hips away from the door at all. I was readying myself for the whipping I was sure was going to follow when Mike went back into the house again and returned a moment later with his coat. He reached down and took the slippers from my feet saying 'Good night honey, I'll see you when I get back from Bridge.' 'What!' I said, 'You're actually going! What are you gonna do, just leave me here?' He just looked at me and then I realized he was only joking. After all, the car was here inside the garage with me! 'Sorry love, I can't miss the game, and in case you didn't realize it, you just broke silence'. Ignoring my protestations he told me that I wouldn't have to worry about speaking out of turn again and proceeded to gag me with a black leather pad gag we bought. As he strapped the leather band tightly onto my head and tied it to one of the hinges, he casually mentioned that he had figured out a way to take the car from the garage despite my bound body. I looked up in fear as he walked to the door and looked at me with an odd smile on his face. Well, nobody ever accused Mike of being dumb! He first turned off the garage light, and then to my horror, he flipped the switch on the automatic garage door opener! For a moment my bonds loosened as the door made the ninety degree turn at the ceiling but they were immediately tighter than before and I found myself hanging from the door, face down into the room! Mike had planned it perfectly, my head, arms and neck were all supported by the many turns of rope he had tied tightly around my limbs, while the bulk of my weight was supported by the heavy leather straps around my middle and and chest. He was pleased with the view! Walking under me he fingered me a little more, and then gave each of my hanging tits a good hard smack. I was hurting a little, but with the gag held deep in my mouth by the strap and the weight of my head I couldn't utter a word. Mike explained to me that the gag was merely because I had broken silence, my real punishment was still to come! He pointed out how unnecessary the slippers were in my current predicament and gave each of my bare soles a slap to drive home the point. Climbing onto the hood of the care, he proceeded to give my left nipple a good licking. It quickly became erect with to the combination of his talented tongue and hands. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out something and held it up to my eyes. I quickly recognized one of the clips which we use with a weight to hold down tablecloths when picnicing outdoors. He had removed the weight and replaced it with a long string. He showed me that the end of the string was fastened to one of those five ounce lead weights used by fishermen to weight down their lines. What could I do! I was helpless as he caressed my left breast and clipped the plastic devil into my helpless nip. The little moans and squirming brought on by the sudden pain failed to extract any sympathy from Mike as he performed the same operation on my right nipple. I was already having a hard time dealing with the pain when I realized that he hadn't let the weights down yet! He gently placed the weights onto the front hood of the car and after tugging on the strings a little to test that the clips were firmly planted he gave me a kiss goodbye. Climbing into the car he called out that he hoped it wouldn't hurt too much when he pulled out and the weights fell to the floor. He said that he'd be back in a few hours and that he'd be sure to back out quickly so that the weights would swing like a pendulum for awhile. 'Thanks' I thought to myself, 'What a guy!'. As promised, he started the engine, hit reverse and was gone. I could barely stand the burning in my breasts when the weights reached the end of the strings and yanked at my already pained tits. As promised, the weights swung back and forth close to the floor of the garage. The pain was incredible and as the weights swung I could see my distended nipples swaying underneath my body. It's a terrible thing to have to watch, feel, and be unable to control. My only hope was that they would stop swinging soon and that the pain would settle down to a sharp ache instead of the agony I now felt. Other than coping with the pain, I didn't really have much to worry about, Mike had thought carefully about this one! The weather was warm enough so I wasn't going to freeze, and our house is in the country with the garage facing a hill so I didn't have to worry about casual passerbys. He had turned off the garage light so I wasn't going to be moth'ed to death, and the swinging weights had left me something to think about. Pretty considerate all in all. There where a few things I was thinking about however. It was still early in the evening and the neighbors children were playing in the neighborhood. I could hear them running around and could only hope they wouldn't come through our backyard and wonder why the garage door was open. Between the fear of being discovered, the pain from my aching breasts, and the strain of hanging from my limbs and middle, I was having a hard time at the beginning. But, as the night wore onwards and the local kids went home, I began to look forward to my tormentor's return. He's always nice to me after a severe punishment and I began to get excited as the minutes crawled by. As near as I could guess several hours had gone by and I was wet with the anticipation of the good, hard fucking I would get when Mike came home. There was one thing Mike hadn't anticipated and I let out an involuntary moan of horror when I saw him come into the garage. It was Balzac, the neighbors friendly, playful kitten! I jumped a bit from the surprise of seeing something come into the garage, and the kitten's attention was immediately drawn to the weights hanging down in the center of the room. Praying that I could scare him away, I began to make as much noise and squirm around as much as I could. Not only did this fail to scare the creature, but he immediately ran to the swinging weights and reached out a tentative paw. Well, kittens will be playful and in front of my terrified eyes Balzac took his paw and batted one of the weight as hard as he could! The pain was awful and after hours of a dull pain, the sharp feeling it evoked only served to remind me of how utterly helpless I really was. This small playful kitten had the power to cause me enormous amounts of pain and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. As the weights went swinging back and forth Balzac continued playing with more and more excitement. The ultimate hurt came when one of the strings caught in his claws and his entire weight came down on my right nipple. The plastic clamp was no match for this kind of strain and it pulled off my tit, pinching the nipple. I screamed as loud as I could but the gag was tight and nothing but a low moan came out. The tears were streaming from my eyes as I saw Balzac run out of the garage to be replaced by the twin headlights of Mike's car. Mike had seen Balzac run from the building and was laughing as he drove under me, into the garage. He jumped from the car carrying the door remote control in his hand and without saying a word climbed up and rubbed the tortured breast. He carefully removed the other nipple clamp and I winced at the sudden pain. He asked me if I was ready to come down yet and when I almost banged my head nodding yes, he hit the remote control button and down I came. After my tits had recovered a bit due to Mike's kind ministrations, I was ready for a little post-punishment carnality. Still helpless against the door, I watched as Mike peeled out of his clothes and came towards me. No casual fingering as he had done before! Now Mike used both hands and his tongue as he raised my already excited body to the fever pitch. With the gag still deep in my mouth, I communicated my needs by thrusting my hips towards him as far as my bonds would allow. This time he didn't deny me and with one thrust he sheathed his cock deep inside me and started fucking hard. I had orgasmed once and was well on my way to the next climax when all of a sudden Mike simply stopped thrusting. Tied as I was there wasn't much in the way of humping I was able to do, I moaned my desperation out loud in the hope that my lover would take mercy on me. Mike reached back and took the garage door remote from the hood of the car and hit the button. I began to move upwards, still bound tightly to the door. I whimpered as I wondered what further tortures he had in mind, when he hit the button again and the door started back down. He held absolutely still as he punched the automatic control again and again and used the door to fuck me. It gave the kind of long, slow, deep strokes that Mike knows I love, and after a few trips up and down I came as hard as I cam ever remember. Mike was right there with me and afterwards as I was hanging, exhausted, he reached behind me and undid the gag. After a few kisses and my promise to be a bit more careful about changing his plans for him, Mike started undoing the bonds which had held me so firmly. Placing third in the tournament had put Mike in a great mood and he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom where we cuddled, shared Hagen Daz for my dinner and continued with a night of gentle lovemaking. Like I said, for the most part our sex life is pretty 'normal', I wouldn't trade these nights for anything. The EndAlexawww.bdsmfinder.com

8/17/2012 6:29:23 AM:   Ambushed I was traveling on business when my flight was laid over at O'Hare for bad weather. The airline put me up at a airport hotel and told me it could be as long as 48 hours before they could get me another flight. I took a cab to a bar the bellhop recommended and sat down for a few beers and watched the Bulls. When I got up to take a leak and noticed a lovely brunette sitting by the door. She was about 5-7 with nice tits and lecherous smile. I got back from the head and looked for the brunette. She was sitting on the bar stool next to mine. 'Hi, I'm Sandra, can I buy you a drink'. I was a little shocked because usually I'm the one buying drinks. It seemed too good to be true and in retrospect it was. I'm not bad looking but I wouldn't be mistaken for a movie star. My looks are what you would call All-American boy and I stand about 6-2. My approaching middle thirties had added about 10 lbs to my 180 pound frame and I needed to get out from behind my desk and run it off.'I'm Paul and I'd love a drink'. Two beers appeared and we talked about Chicago and I mentioned that I was stuck here because of the weather. 'I thought you were from out of town cause I hadn't seen you around before'. I explained the layover and was surprised when she said 'why don't you stay with me and my sister'. I told her I already had a hotel room but she insisted I come over for at least a home cooked meal. I couldn't deny the growling in my stomach and my slacks and followed to her car. I had thought her tits were nice but I saw her ass was perfection.   We drove for about 20 minutes and she pulled in at a nice older house. When we went in she introduced me to her sister Amy and grilled a couple of steaks. After we ate, I helped clean up the kitchen and we talked some more. She moved behind me and pressed her tits into my back. 'Time for dessert' and she reached down and unzipped my pants. She led me to her room and sat me down on the edge of the bed. By this time my cock was straining to be free. She undid my belt and slid my pants and shorts down around my ankles. With no hesitation her mouth plunged down on my cock. I felt her nose press into my pubic hair as my dick enjoyed its warm tongue bath. She slid it in and out for several minutes but just before I was going to come, stopped. 'Why'd you stop' I exploded. 'I'd like a little favor. I like to have mementos of my lovers and you have a great dick.' I fell for it hook, line and sinker. My dick is OK at about seven inches long and 2 and half inches in diameter but I'm no John Holmes. She walked over to a large cabinet and pulled out two large blocks and some Vaseline. She removed my pants the rest of the way and rubbed the Vaseline around my cock and balls until the pubic hair was matted down. 'This is so your hair doesn't get stuck in the mold. I wouldn't want to hurt you'. The blocks were made to fit together and seemed to contain a warm viscous material like wet playdoh. She took me in her mouth again and sucked until I thought my dick was going to burst. She pulled off and stuck the molds around my dick and balls. 'Want you to make the best impression' was her reasoning. The warm material tightly gripped my cock and I felt myself get turned on by the sensation. After five minutes she removed the molds and carried them out of the room with the explanation that they needed to cure for a while. She came back immediately and stripped as soon as she closed the door. Her body was fabulous. Her perfect breasts stood out and had rose colored nipples. She was perfectly formed from her long slender legs to an ass that cried out to be grabbed. She pushed me back onto the bed and started on my cock again. This time she didn't stop until I came in torrents down the back of her throat. I pulled her ass forward and gazed up to petals of her pussy spreading to show a deeper pink. She lowered herself and I immediately plunged my tongue as far up as possible. She rode my face as I licked like a wildman. Sandra slid off my face and turned around over my crotch. 'Fuck me before I come'. She grabbed my cock and dragged the head back and forth from her clit to asshole. Slowly she slid me inside her moist cunt until her pubic bone touched my pelvis. I reached up and pulled her down so her left breast grazed my lips. She tightened around me like a vise and slowly slid on and off my now ready to burst cock while lightly moaning. I slid my right hand to her hip and tried to control the rhythm. She grabbed my right hand and moved it to cup her lower ass and whispered 'play with my ass.' I moved my hand lower and gathered her juices on my fingers while pistoning deep into her cunt. I slowly spread her juices over her puckered rose and then slid my middle finger up her ass about an inch. She moaned and pressed my hand farther inside her. I could feel her ass begin to spasm as she continued to ride my cock. She gave a small shriek, grabbed me, and rolled over with me on top. 'Hold still a second and give me a chance to recover' she said. We lay there a minute or two and then her moving hips told me she was ready for more. I started moving in and out slowly while introducing another finger into her ass with my now trapped right hand. I heard the bedroom door open and looked back to see her sister Amy approaching the bed wearing nothing but a smile. 'What the hell, I'm game' I thought. She lay down behind me and licked the underside of my balls as I kept up the slow thrusting into Sandra. Her tongue traced up that tender ridge of flesh between my balls and anus and I felt like my dick couldn't possibly get any harder without bursting. As she reached my anus she began licking my hole and running her tongue around the outside. I thought to myself ' this is one for the book.' Suddenly I felt something grip my ankles and my left wrist as I heard a ratchet sound. Amy had put a pair of handcuffs around each ankle and Sandra had done the same to my left wrist. I struggled to get my right hand free from underneath Sandra but a tightening grip on my balls slowed me down considerably. 'What are you doing' I shouted. 'We have a few things we'd like to do, but you might not like them' said Amy. 'I suggest you cooperate though or we might have to get rough'. To emphasize her point she slid a thumb and forefinger up my ass while still holding onto my balls with her other hand. The brief, sharp pain that hit me pushed resistance from my mind quickly. Sandra rolled slightly to free my right hand and hooked a fourth pair of handcuffs to my only free wrist. Amy gripped my balls harder and shoved an extra finger in as my hand came free. Sandra slid out from under me and tightened down the braided steel cables connected to the cuff chains until I was laying face down and couldn't move more than a few inches either way. Amy pulled her fingers from my ass and moved to the head of the bed. Sandra grabbed the back of my head and Amy slid her nicely trimmed muff under my nose. Amy said 'Lick me good or else.' 'You didn't have to handcuff me to get that' I replied. Amy shoved my head down. I ran my tongue across her clit and proceeded do a reasonable job eating pussy considering I was thinking of escape. After five minutes, Amy slid up and rolled over. 'Now do my ass'. I balked. I don't mind fingering assholes but fingers don't have tastebuds. Amy said 'get the pictures' and Sandra walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a photo album. Sandra said 'these might convince you to change your mind'. The first page showed various guys trussed up like me. The next picture showed a close-up of Sandra with three fingers in some poor guys ass. 'Tell us when you change your mind'. That changed my mind, 'this is what they make mouthwash for' I thought. Amy slid a pillow under her hips and spread her cheeks. Her asshole was a crinkled light brown and a least looked clean. I tentatively moved my head forward and then went all the way when Sandra shouted 'one' and shoved a long finger in my butt. The taste was not good. Kind of bitter but not as bad as I had feared. The taste had just gotten washed away when Amy said 'he's not sticking his tongue in'. Sandra shouted 'two' and added a finger. I pushed my tongue in and moved around the edges of Amy's anus getting more flavor than I wanted but not a terrible amount. 'Show him the next picture' cried Amy. Sandra removed her fingers from my backside and lifted my head by the hair. She had the album on Amy's rear and showed me the next two pictures. Sandra had four fingers in the guys ass in one and the other showed her fist halfway in his very stretched asshole. He did not look happy. Sandra said 'look, you can end up like this and have to use diapers for a while, or you can do it right. Every time you fuck around this is just going to get worse.' She moved the book away and pushed my head back in Amy's crack. I shoved my tongue up her ass like my life (or ass) depended on it. She rotated her hips and shoved her butt as close as she could get it. I had pretty much reconciled myself to the taste because I couldn't get that stretched asshole out of my mind. After ten minutes Sandra said 'his tongue needs a break and I need to get fucked again'. My dick grew back from it shriveled little self with the anticipation of fucking Sandra again. Amy giggled when she saw my eagerness and proceeded to walk over to the cabinet while Sandra left the room. Amy pulled out a short piece of flesh colored rubber with three knobs on it and elastic straps. I couldn't figure out what it was until she pulled out a thin rubber dick and snapped it on one end of the rubber piece. She then snapped a larger dick in the center. Sandra walked back in the room carrying another dildo. Amy laughed and added it to the strap-on 'Like my design' said Sandra 'women can never depend on men'. I watched as Amy eased the thin dildo up her ass and slipped the middle one in her cunt. She fastened the straps around her and now sported an erection I would be proud of. She waved it in front of my face and said 'recognize it, It's yours'. It was mine. I had just never seen it from that particular angle before. She prodded my lips with it and said 'lick it, I want it wet for Sandra. Besides self abuse is not considered a sin anymore' she said with a laugh. I turned my head but Sandra grabbed it and pinched my nose until I had to open my mouth. Amy slid the dildo in and stopped as I started to gag. 'What's the matter, can't deepthroat yourself' She withdrew a little and then hunched forward again and slid it deeper. She repeated this a couple more times and then took it out of my mouth. It was covered with my saliva and glistened under the light. Sandra laid on her back and said 'well you are getting to fuck me again in a way, just not the way you thought'. Amy slid easily into Sandra and started pumping quickly. I could see the dildos in Amy's ass and cunt rocking back and forth. They kept it up for another five minutes and then Sandra groaned and came in several spasms. Amy complained 'I wasn't ready yet Ann's reply caused my ass to pucker 'I know someone who hasn't been fucked yet'. I felt a sudden surge of energy and tried to pull the handcuffs on my wrists out of whatever they were connected to. Amy jumped on my back and held my arms while Sandra shoved the picture album under my nose. 'You're not going to get loose from this and we could give you worse than your own dick up there'. She pointed to the picture of her with the fist and another of her sporting the big end of a baseball bat. Amy then moved forward and put the dildo next to Ann's fist. 'See, you're much better off with your own dick and we promise not to fist you or use the bat if you cooperate'. I pissed Sandra off by quipping 'I didn't realize you had such big hands for a woman'. Sandra grabbed me by the balls and ass again and but some slack in the cables controlling my legs. They brought out a footstool and slid it under my chest. Then they strapped my thighs to the footstool. I couldn't move and my ass seemed to be open to the world. Amy slid between my legs and I felt the dildo rubbing up and down my crack. 'We need pictures and he needs to see this' said Sandra. I instantly regretted the big hands comment. I saw her go over to the cabinet and get out a camera and video equipment. Soon I saw my ass on a small color television with the dildo being rubbed up and down. The proportions did not look good to me. I heard the click of the camera shutter and saw Amy coating the dildo with K-Y and then felt (and saw) her rub some on my anus. The camera clicked again with a glob of K-Y glistening on my ass. I saw Amy move forward and felt the tip of the dildo wedge itself at the entrance. She pushed a little and I felt the K-Y allow the dildo to spread my anus. A burning sensation emanated from my rear and I lost sight as Amy slid farther in and blocked the camera. All this time I could hear Sandra in the background taking pictures and encouraging Amy to go farther. The pain diminished as she got past my sphincter and my asshole slid smoothly down the dildo. Amy said 'see, I'm giving it to you gently unlike most men who just ram it up there'. She then proceeded to shove the rest in until I could feel her belly on my ass cheeks and the rubber balls against the entrance to my ass. The pain was intense as she thrust in and out. After a couple minutes I could feel my asshole loosen up and I noticed that I started to get an erection as the dildo rubbed my prostate. 'This is going to take awhile with Amy, so lets put that tongue to good use' said Sandra. She moved the TV which now showed Amy's ass thrusting up into mine and got on all fours in front of me. 'I need my ass licked and you better realize that we promised not to fist you but we've had mementos from some hugely hung guys. ' She spread her cheeks and backed her anus onto my tongue. I rimmed her and found that Amy's continual butt pounding thrust my tongue farther up her ass. My ass was getting really dry and I stopped licking to complain to Amy. 'Keep licking or get fucked worse' yelled Sandra. Amy did however slide the rubber cock out and recoat it with K-Y. When she did I felt my anus stay open and the air stinging inside. Amy took care of that by quickly sliding in to the hilt again. Soon I felt Amy's thrusts get more frantic and she suddenly shrieked and laid over my back. Sandra got up and moved next to Amy 'poor kid, it takes her a long time, but when she comes it wipes her out.' She grabbed Amy and pulled her back upright. Then she disconnected the dildo from the harness and laid her beside me on the bed. Sandra shoved the loose dildo into me all the way to the balls as Amy laid beside me with a dazed and sleepy look. Sandra got up and walked out of the room. She came back a few minutes later with a washcloth and two glasses of water. She smacked me on my exposed ass crack and shouted 'you've been defying me all night with your comments and lack of enthusiasm'. I had managed to shove the dildo out of my ass while she was away. She ran over to the cabinet. She got another harness out and stuck a medium sized dick in the middle and a monster on one end. Somehow I didn't think I was getting the small end. This prick had to have been ten inches long and four inches in diameter. 'You shouldn't have shown you had any muscle control back there. I'll take care of that. You're going to get to watch it too'. She set the TV back up and I felt her tighten the cables running to the cuffs on my ankles. I was pulled extremely tight across the footstool and I felt her unstrap my thighs. She yanked the footstool out from under me and instantly took up the slack in the leg cables. I felt one leg being pulled wide and then the other. On the TV my ass was open and red. She grabbed the dildo I had expelled and moved to the head of the bed. She grabbed my nose and forced the dildo into my mouth saying 'this is my way of saying eat shit and remember that it's your dick that you'll bite into'. The dildo filled my mouth and I couldn't spit it out. Sandra undid the cap on the K-Y and shoved the nozzle into my open ass. I watched as she rolled the end of the tube and squirted huge amounts of it into me. She threw the tube aside and rubbed some of it on the giant dildo. My ass was still open and K-Y oozed out and onto my balls. She loosened the cables slightly and grabbed my dick and told me to raise up and lean to one side. She slid half under me and placed the head against my slick red asshole. Even open as it was, it still looked terribly out of proportion. She hunched forward and I felt my ass trying to expand to accommodate this new invader. The pain was terrific as my hole gave way and she slid in a couple inches. She pushed again and this time slid up until all ten inches were in. My asshole was a stretched beyond belief and gripped the dildo tightly as it moved in and out. I could see light streaks of my blood coating the surface as she rammed it mercilessly in my poor ass. I could hear myself moaning in pain as my mind tried to distance itself from the pain. Suddenly I realized that the cuff holding my right wrist had slack in it. My thrashing had pulled my arm free. I quickly slid the cable connected to my left wrist off of the pulleys and gave myself more slack. I then pulled the dildo from my aching jaws. Sandra sensed that something was wrong and tried to slide out from under me but I slapped one hand over her mouth and another to her throat. I whispered furiously 'you fucking bitch, get me loose or you're dead'. I moved forward and with a groan pulled the dildo from my ass. I almost fainted as my asshole spasmed and tried to close but continued to hold Sandra by the throat with a tightening grip. I watched carefully as she reached with one hand under the mattress and brought out a handcuff key. I shook her and told her to unlock my wrists. She unlocked both arms and the cuffs fell to the bed. I snapped one set on both her wrists and reached back with one hand to free my ankles. I then attached cuffs to each ankle and removed the slack. Quickly, I removed my hand from her mouth and replaced it with the rubber replica of my cock. As I climbed down off the mattress my first thought was to just get the hell away from there. As my feet touched the floor I nearly fell from the pain in my asshole. I literally saw red and turned to the sleeping Amy and grabbed her by the throat. She awoke with a start and started to scream. I slapped her across the cheek and shouted 'shut up bitch, that won't help you'. I pushed her face down into Sandra and secured her wrists and ankles with the free end of the cuffs. At the head of the bed I reattached the cable I had pulled free from the pulleys. I removed the dildo from Sandra's mouth and said 'you cunts are going to be really sorry when I call the cops'. Her reply was 'You won't call the cops. What are you going to tell them? That we overpowered you and that you didn't want sex. I don't think they're going to believe this is anything but consensual. Look who's tied up now'. I realized she had a point, plus I thought of the embarrassment of anyone knowing I got fucked in ass. 'You may wish I had called the cops in a while' I threatened. I pulled the strap-on assembly from Amy's cunt and asshole and examined the attachments. The dildos were connected with what resembled a socket set attachment. I pulled both dildos off and walked gingerly over to the cabinet. Inside were the rubber replicas of at least 20 guys pricks. There was also the infamous baseball bat and a large molded fist. I grabbed the bat and the next biggest dildo and went back to the bed. I unhooked Sandra's wrist and ankle on one side and flipped her around so she was face down on top of Amy. After reattaching the handcuffs, I pulled her strap-on out and examined the huge dildo she had inflicted on my poor ass. Streaks of blood and K-Y coated it liberally. I replaced the center dildo with it and snapped the rubber replica of my cock on the front stud. I bent the strap-on section that held the anal dildo back at a 90 degree angle. I adjusted the video camera for a closeup of Sandra's ass hanging above Amy's and spoke 'Girls, I'm going to fuck with you like you did with me'. I held the end of the baseball bat up for the camera and then pushed it up Amy's tight cunt. She gasped and squirmed but couldn't dislodge the wooden invader. I then grabbed and lubricated my replica prick. Amy's ass had tightened up with the bat in her cunt and I forced a finger in. It felt like it was in a vise. 'Yea, we guys do just shove it in' I said and replaced my finger with the duplicate prick. She shrieked and thrashed but I pushed the dildo until only the balls showed. 'Just wait a bit you'll get properly fucked' and I turned my attention to Sandra's ass. To take care of Amy I had shoved Sandra forward. The monster prick wiggled tantalizingly against her spread gash. I grabbed her hips and slid her down over it. I had to stop and couple times to spread the lips of her cunt as they were being pushed inside her by the dildo. Soon it was in as far as it could go. The straps were fastened and I stopped to get a good look. A finger inserted in Sandra's butt showed she was ready and tighter than Amy. I walked around to the front of the bed and told Sandra 'You're going to suck my dick and then I'm going to fuck your ass with it. Do it good or I'll use the fist on it and my fist in you're cunt' She got a submissive look in her eyes and opened her mouth as I slid my growing prick over her tongue. Every time her teeth seemed to get too close I waved my fist in front of her eyes. It took a few minutes to get my prick good and hard because of the pounding I took earlier. I pulled from her mouth and moved behind her. My prick rested in her crack and I rubbed it over her anus spreading the saliva over her tight bud. I reached down with my thumbs and pulled her back hole wide. She grunted as my dick slid into her back passage. I could feel my balls resting on the top of the strap-on. I grasped her hips and pumped her back and forth on my dick. Amy moaned on the bottom as she was buttfucked by the moving strap-on. I could feel the dildo in Sandra's cunt rubbing through to her anus and a wave of satisfaction came over me. We kept this up for 10 minutes and right before I felt myself coming, I withdrew and stuck my filthy prick in Sandra's mouth. She recoiled slightly but I forced her head down on it. I pulled out and sprayed her and Amy's faces with more cum than I thought I had. I walked over to the cabinet, got out another dildo and shoved it up Sandra's empty hole. I checked all of the cuffs for tightness and went in the bathroom to shower. My ass was still really sore but I managed to get dressed. I grabbed the cassette out of the video camera and exposed the film in the camera. I searched Sandra's purse and took her car keys. Before I left I checked the cuffs again. I slapped Sandra across the ass and said 'Hope this is a lesson'. 'Aren't you going to let us go'? 'Not for awhile' I drove back to the hotel, checked out, and headed for the airport. Outside the terminal, I called the local cops and told them that I had heard screams from inside 2467 Ramon Street. I hung up when they asked who I was. The EndAlexawww.bdsmfinder.com

8/11/2012 8:02:54 AM:   Tiresias As soon as I wake up in my coffin I know something's wrong. It's serious. The worst thing that's happened since five years ago. That's when they replaced my left upper arm with this plastic prosthetic. The forearm is still mine. I got extra hazard pay that time. It's dark as usual. Always dark in a spacer's coffin. Soon they'll open it. Opened. It's light. A tech removes my body. It's against regulations to try to get up or speak. Medical and Security directives together are an unbeatable combination. They wheel me into a recovery room. What do I remember. Nothing. As always. A side effect of the space drive. Or is it Security again. Nobody knows. Asses on the line beyond the atmosphere and we don't remember a thing. Debriefing. A leftover name from the old days. No questions asked. No answers. I get up carefully. An overhead speaker activates. A carefully neutral voice. Deviation from usual procedure. Accident during field duty. Full details to follow. Major modifications necessary. A standard surgical procedure. Dates from the twentieth century. Modernized and improved. Hormone treatment by implant. Most organs functional within obvious genetic limits. A man with my training should be able to cope. Psychological assistance available. I stop listening. I know what he's talking about. I have no cock. I have no balls. I have big tits and wide hips now. I am not a man any more. I am now a woman. I am still a spacer. *** When I get home the house is deserted. My things are still here. Ruth has moved out. I knew she might have gone at any time. For any reason. I play back the phone's messages. Only Ruth inviting me to dinner. To discuss. An address across town. I go. I meet her new lover John. He looks much like me. The way I used to look. We try to make casual chitchat. His eyes follow me. Suddenly I realize he is attracted to me. I am now a woman. He offers me a drink. I accept. We get through dinner. John steps out. Ruth and I talk. She has known for six months. They told her even though we had no contract. Humanitarian reasons. Bastards. They would have told my parents instead. But they're dead. I don't even have relatives. I've been on my own since my late teens. Until Ruth and I got together. That was two years ago. Three. I've lost a year. Now she's saying it's over. She tells me she thought it over carefully. She still loves me but can't accept me. Except as a friend. I say I understand. I say I can't accept myself either. I still feel the same. Not changed. I have new clothes from the agency. They fit. She offers to take me shopping someday. I laugh. Bastards. Ruth kisses me goodbye. The way women do. I try for more but she holds me off. I'm still strong. Physically. As strong as I used to be. She gives me a phone number. A new friend of hers. Wants to meet me. I doubt it. A woman. I promise to call the number. I return home. If I were a woman I'd cry. I call the number. She's another spacer. We arrange to meet for lunch. She says she'll recognize me. I guess so. My case must be all over the agency by now. Spacers keep track of each other. I could find out about her if I knew her full name. Ruth just called her Lucina. I get to the restaurant first. I notice her before she notices me. She has no hair at all. No eyebrows. She wears goggles. Later I learn this is to protect her eyes. Instead of eyelashes. She finds me and walks over. I watch her. Great body. Sexy walk. Long super smooth legs. Naturally she doesn't need to shave. I love her already. She sits. She smiles. She takes off the goggles. We chat. I realize I'm looking at her. She looks back. I've never seen a bald woman before. She just woke up that way one day. In the coffin. All hair inhibited. Naturally there are no reasons. There never are. I don't know how to talk to her. I haven't talked to any strangers. Since I came back. Any women. How do women talk. I don't know. I'm a man. When I make small-talk with a woman I'm always coming on to her. Or trying to distract her. I want to come on to Lucina. Just looking at her turns me on. I still feel the same as I used to. Not so localized maybe. My nipples are hard. My crotch feels like it's tied in knots. I don't have my cock any more. I am a woman. We go on talking. The food arrives. We eat. I reach for the check and start to pay. She insists on splitting. She says I have a lot to learn. I don't want to learn. She leaves first. Her ass is just as cute as the rest of her. She undulates out the door. She calls me the next day. Wants to meet me for dinner. I never heard of the address. Customer assistance tells me how to get there. In the old district of the city. It's down a flight of stairs, un modernized. Only a small sign by the door. Wood with black letters. It's a dinner and dance place. Lucina is sitting at a table near the front. She's gotten dressed up. I don't know why. I am a woman. I sit with her. The waitress brings a plate of appetizers unordered. Maybe she ordered them. It puts me off. There is no dancing yet, but there is a live orchestra playing softly. Ancient stuff. We sit. I don't know what to say to her. We have nothing in common except our jobs. Which we don't remember. And that she makes me hard. No. Wet. I actually feel more warm than anything. Maybe that's just an expression. I 'm hot for her. That's the way to think about it. Maybe it was just a fluke. Nothing will happen this time. The appetizer is good. I don't know what it is. Looks like highly scented dog food. But I like it. The taste is better than the smell. Like oysters. It seems there are no menus. They bring food. More of the same with little vegetables for variety. We don't say much. There's conversation all round us. She starts off several times but keeps trailing off. I'm not much help. I spend the time looking at her face. Once I get used to it I see how stunning it is. I ask her what color hair she had. Blonde. I never liked blondes much. They used to get to me when I was a kid. They used to make me feel invisible. All women love to do that. They walk down the street showing it off. When you notice them or act appreciative they ignore you or bite your head off. I remember how it used to make me so mad until I learned to play. I'm glad her hair is gone. Now she's just a spacer. Like me. She's been on leave for the past year. She expects another six months at least. I never knew how much leave I was going to have. I still don't. We finish eating. The orchestra music gets louder. Couples get up from the tables around us and begin dancing. I look around at them. They are all women. Everybody in the restaurant is a woman except me. No. We are all. Lucina extends her hands to me. I get up and help her out of her chair. We dance together. The music changes and we dance close and slow. Her dress is thin and her body presses up to mine. I feel my heart beating in my head and thighs. Her boobs mesh with mine. Mine are bigger. I am a bit taller. I breathe her body in. It knocks me out. I want to have her. My body always knows it's been away for months even if I don't remember them. I start to whisper to her. Then I remember what I am. I want to fuck her right here on the floor. But I haven't got anything. I am not a man any more. Automatically I have been leading. She guides me to the back. Still dancing. There is an unlit stair. We climb it and get into a waiting taxi. She must have set me up. This must have cost. I can't talk. She pushes her hand under my standard issue sweatshirt. I still have no other clothes. I don't wear anything under it. She runs her hands over me and I almost faint. Over my tits. My nipples are aching. I need help. The taxi is in the air and the pilot's compartment is blacked out. No one can see us. She pulls up the sweatshirt and suckles my right breast. I lose control of myself. I don't remember anything clearly afterward until we're in bed. She makes me forget the newness of my body. I have never felt anything so intense. Not with any woman. Everything works perfectly. All the right parts are there and they all work fine. They told me this at the agency. I don't have periods and I can't have children but that's all. I am a woman. When Lucina stops to rest I go down on her vigorously. I think I do it better than I used to. Before. I am glad. I still feel like the same person but I am better at some things now. The next morning we order breakfast in. Lucina has money and spends it. I have money too of course. Somehow I never got in the habit of spending freely. Spacing is like not having a job at all. You just make money. Except when you're called. And even then it's just time out of your life. Not like real work. But very well paying. The risks are probably high or the pay wouldn't be as good. Nobody really knows except the bosses. Whoever they are. Bastards. We make plans. She will move in with me. When we are not working we will stay together. Otherwise we are free. They will not care. It doesn't make us less effective in space and nothing else matters. I have a new woman. I am not a man but I am still the same person. *** I am a dyke and I live in a dyke world. Except in the elevator and on the streets I don't see men. Lucina fills Ruth's space smoothly. She takes care of me and I take care of her. I find out what women do together. It's not like I thought. Outside our apartment there is a whole existence without men. We go dancing together. We go to women's bars. We go to dinner in women's restaurants. Lesbian theatre collectives. Lesbian films. When I was a man I didn't know this existed. I had no need to realize its existence. We will not be exclusive lovers. Either of us could be called up at any time. Lucina assures me I will only be given short missions. I don't know how she knows so much. Perhaps she is an agency supervisor. I have never met one. Not since I joined. Only orders that come in the mail. And the techs that put you to sleep and wake you. They don't count. They never go to space. After a few months leave I get my orders. Report at once. The usual. At most they give me different drugs this time. I wake up in the coffin with no changes and no memories. Only three weeks have passed. Perhaps when I wash I will notice a scar or two where I didn't have one before. Then Lucina goes out on a mission. I continue doing the same things alone for a few days. A week. I talk with the women I meet. I am shyer than I used to be. At an afternoon dance an older woman picks me up. About forty-five. When I was a man I always went for the young ones. Now I am the young one. Her name is Abigail. She lives alone in a big house. Her parents left it to her. Abigail is a passionate woman. When we go to bed I am very hot to eat her out. Her pussy smells different from Lucina's. Much stronger. The pubic hair concentrates the smell. All Lucina's smells are very subtle. Abigail wants to put her fingers inside me. She says I am too tight. She promises to help me relax. I do. She is gentle. I am glad of the sexual variety she provides. We spend the afternoon and the night fucking. I have learned to still call it fucking. We are both tireless. She asks me if I want to try some of her toys. She shows me. I tell her that is not for me. She is not upset. She doesn't know my story. In the morning we are both polite. It was very satisfactory. I will be glad to see her and talk with her again. I feel friendship for her. I have never felt this with a woman. I don't want to see my old friends any more. Abigail and I sit quietly over breakfast. Our desire for each other is used up. She says that is the usual thing. Perhaps one day we will want each other again. I return home and to my life alone. Lucina is five months out. There are other women. Sometimes I am aggressive and take them home with me. I explain that my lover is on a long trip. I don't tell them much about myself. Sometimes I go for weeks without sex. It doesn't seem to matter as much as it used to. I miss Lucina's presence at night and in the morning. I get another set of orders. By the time I return Lucina has also come back. We have a good reunion. I share the things I have learned with her. She tells me she has only two weeks' leave. Then she will be gone for at least a year. We spend the first week in a frenzy of socializing and lovemaking. The second week is quiet. We wait. Without orders she packs a bag and leaves. I don't know why she needs to pack. I don't know enough about her. She must be something more than a plain spacer like me. For a few weeks I stay in the apartment except to eat. I suppose I am depressed. I consider going for that psychological guidance I was offered. The hell with it. I go to a straight bar for the first time and get drunk. A tough-looking guy comes on to me. I ignore him. When he gets me too mad I hit him on the button and he folds up. I am still the same person. They throw me out. I don't care. I go home and try to weep. I am not a man any more. The next day I go to a dance. There are lots of new faces. There is a girl sitting in a corner by herself. Nobody goes near her. I get curious. She looks about seventeen. I don't think she knows anyone there. I pull up another chair and sit down with her. She is sixteen. She doesn't care for men. I listen to her story. There isn't anybody else she can talk to. She saw the address of this place posted on a street lamp. She's scared of the people. I take her to dinner at a gay restaurant. Her name is Anne. I get to pick up the whole check for once. I wind up telling her my own story. It's the first time I've told anybody. Ruth and Lucina knew already. She looks scared and maybe a little awed. We make a date for dinner tomorrow. When we meet Anne looks a whole lot better. She must be a naturally happy type. She's only been sure about her feelings for a few months. Before that she thought she just wasn't ready for dating and boys. Last night she wore jeans. Tonight it's a simple little dress that looks just fine on her. At her request I buy her a drink. She is really cute. I inquire about her parents. She told her mother she was spending the night at a friend's. The friend is actually spending the night at her boyfriend's apartment. I smile. I hope her friend has a good time tonight. I intend to. We have wine with dinner. We are both feeling good. Over coffee she tells me her secret plan. She is conspiratorial and little-girl wicked. She wants me to take her to a women's strip joint. I have heard of such places but have never been to one. They aren't Lucina's style. While Anne goes to powder her nose I quietly ask the waitress. She recommends a place not too far away. We leave the restaurant and signal a cab. There is a stiff cover charge and minimum. Anne isn't used to such high living. I tell her not to worry. Spacers always have money. I get us a table for two in the second row. We can see everything. The audience is mostly older women alone or in couples. The strippers are not that pretty. I am disappointed. Anne seems to be having a good time though. She tells me that she's never seen a grown woman naked before. I think about later tonight and smile to myself. I take her hand in mine. It is soft and warm. Eventually the featured attraction comes on stage. A redhead. She is much hotter stuff than the other women. Her moves are great too. Watching her excites me. Anne's hand grips mine. When the stripper casts off her bra we see that the tassels are attached to her nipples. Some things are the same everywhere. Anne and I hold hands in my lap. The strip will be total. The tassels rotate as she pirouettes and slowly discards her short skirt. She has no panties. There is only a G-string which doesn't hide enough. Her thick bush is a darker reddish color. I imagine that it is Anne up there I am watching. Her hand is now clutching my thigh. She is sweating and so am I. Then suddenly in my imagination it is me up there performing for the crowd. They love me with their eyes and I love them back. The tassels fall off. The G-string snaps and we get just a glimpse of pink. The lights go down. The audience roars. They pound the tables, hoot, and throw money. Anne and I look at one another in agreement. During the confusion before the lights come up we escape. When Anne and I get into bed I can hardly breathe. I turn on a soft rose light I have had installed but haven't used yet. By its glow she is intensely beautiful to me. There is fear in her eyes but also yearning. She tells me she was determined to seduce me tonight no matter what. I laugh softly. I begin to cover her body with gentle kisses. I want to be easy on her. She demands more. She seizes my face in her hands and pulls it up to hers. The yearning is redoubled. Behind it the fear still remains. She kisses my mouth and feeds me her tongue. Chills run through me. Anne does not make me swoon or lose myself. I want most of all to feed that yearning. Her little hand is dry and smooth once more. She takes mine and guides it between her legs. I feel the heat radiating from her. Her bush is soft and springy. It is even denser than the stripper's. It occurs to me that we might have seen a fake. Anne is real. She is only sixteen. I start a rhythm on her clit and watch her face intently. Engorged with desire she looks quite different. Suddenly I remember Gloria. I had Gloria years ago. Before I was a spacer. She was in her teens too. I never found out her real age. I'm not sure of her real name. She was crying in a cafe. I took her home. I was going to cheer her up. When I got her to bed she told me she was cherry. I was awed. I believed her. I showed her everything to do. I was still a man then. She bled on the bed. She swore it didn't hurt her. It was just a little bit of blood. Now I remember her face. Like Anne's. Fear and lust together. When I slowly inexorably pushed my way into Gloria's young tight wet little cavity. It was her fear that excited both of us. When I shot off inside Gloria it drove the fear out of her. I made her a woman then. I didn't see her again but I knew she could never forget me. My mind switches back to Anne. She loves what I'm doing to her. Her body is going wild but the fear's just not there. It has gone underground and disappeared. When she comes down off the clouds I know it isn't the same. I made her feel good but the magic circuit didn't close. I let her get me off. She does me with great enthusiasm if a little awkwardly. It's good but it's not enough. I sense somehow that Anne is still a virgin. Emotionally. There's nothing more I can do for her. We get together a few more times and then drift apart. She goes on to discover her own life. I need to discover my own. Being with Anne made me know I am also still a virgin. I move out of my apartment into another part of the city. I need a new life. I need to know men. I need to be a woman all the way. *** I call Ruth and take her up on her offer. She's surprised to hear from me but still friendly. We go shopping. It's springtime. I tell her I want a new look. All the agency clothes go on the scrap heap. All my old clothes went long ago. My men's clothes. I am a woman. I have to start over with everything. I buy basic functional clothing mostly. The places Ruth takes me have clothes that fit me even though I am a big woman. By becoming a woman I have become much bigger. I like to look at my new clothes in a mirror. When I am wearing them. I have trouble with the new vocabulary I need to use. There are so many things I don't know. Things Ruth takes for granted. Explaining them to me isn't easy. I try to learn. I have my hair done. The useless expense still bothers me but I push down my anxieties. I want something easy to manage. The hairdresser tries to oblige. Ruth supervises. She is pleased with the results. We start to experiment with makeup. A touch of lip gloss. Some mysterious pigments from jars. When I see myself I have trouble recognizing me. Even my hands and feet have changed. I try several nail polishes and settle on a faint pink. Ruth approves. When she's not around I try some wilder makeup experiments. The results are garish. I look like something from an old movie. The hell with this. I am still the same person. Or not that different anyway. Yet. Ruth is married to John now. I still don't know him well. I don't think I want to. I have gotten over wanting Ruth. I think. Down inside myself it's probably still hiding there. I need to be a woman all the way. I call my old apartment. The machine answers. I tape a message for Lucina. I tell her I can't see her any more. Not for a long time at least. Maybe we can be friends later. It's a lot like the message Ruth left for me. Lucina knew I might go at any time. For any reason. All spacers are alike in that way. I would like to say goodbye to Anne but don't know how to reach her. I'm afraid to return to my old life even briefly. I need to explore the straight singles scene by myself. Ruth can't help. It seems far more predatory. Men are hunters by nature. You aren't given a chance to get to know people. When men talk to me I still freeze up. I still see a competitor. Somebody who's trying to dominate me. I don't want to be dominated. I don't know how to see men as offering something to me. Right now all I see is people who want to take from me. I cannot give to them. When I was a man I took sex from women. Being a lesbian taught me about giving. The men I meet in the bars don't want me to give them anything even though they say they do. They want to take it. This isn't getting me anywhere. I have to find some other way. It turns out everybody else is looking for the other way too. Outside the bars there are lots of singles events. The same thing but less intense. How did Ruth find out she was interested in me? I can't ask her that. Before I didn't care how. Now it's blocked off. Everybody has their blinders on in this world. They set up the limits and play the games inside them. I don't enjoy playing from this end. The gay world seemed so much looser once you were inside it. But it was a smaller world too. This can't be all there is. I think about a personals ad. I laugh. I don't know how to describe myself. I go to a video dating service. I find the questionnaire almost impossible to fill out. I cheat. I give myself a phony background. I listen to tapes recorded by men. I wonder how much they're cheating. I have no idea how such a thing could possibly work. I begin to get positive attention from men in public places. When I looked like a dyke I got flak but no admiration. Now men look at me and smile as well as leer. I am an attractive woman now. I try to imagine what it would be like to tingle inside when I see that I turn a man on. Now I am starved for any kind of affection. Not just for sex. I find myself wanting to talk to people on the street. I have to watch myself. I could get hurt. There are too many creeps out there. Finally one night I attend a lecture on history at the library. I've always liked history. It's so solid and unchanging. I am the man with no history. The woman. In a way this sex-change is the first thing that's happened to me since I signed up with the agency. Afterwards the room breaks up into small groups of people discussing the lecture. There is wine and cheese and a party atmosphere develops. It is not a singles event. I find myself talking about the lecture to an older couple and a man about my age. When the couple leave for home I determine to take the initiative. I don't know whether I want to head off trouble or start it. I suggest we adjourn to a restaurant for some coffee. He agrees readily. Immediately I start to think about what he thinks I am thinking. Too late now. We go on talking at the table. About the lecture and then about other things. He seems to want me to mostly listen so I do. When he asks me what I do for a living I hedge. I don't want to tell him I am a spacer. It handicaps me conversationally. There's nothing to say about my work because I remember nothing. Civilians don't understand about that. He probably thinks I am just a party girl or something. No interests of her own. I manage to convince him I was serious about the lecture at least. With one part of my mind I keep wondering what he is thinking about. With another I am pretty sure I know. I remember being where he is. With a third part I condemn myself for jumping to conclusions. Not every man was like me. It's hard to keep my mind on what he's saying. He seems to be serious too though. He certainly isn't just snowing me. That's reassuring. He asks me to go to dinner with him tomorrow evening. I don't know what to say. I carry a handbag now. I make a pretense of searching it. Finally I give up. I tell him I accept. I have trouble getting to sleep and oversleep the next morning. I am at loose ends all day. I call Ruth and tell her I have a date. She comes over after work and helps me dress up. I put on a pretty dress. Ruth helps me as always. I feel so grateful to her. I have not felt so nervous about anything in years. She tells me that's natural. I know it is but it doesn't help. She kisses me as I go out the door. The way women do. I get a little drunk at dinner. I'm so nervous I find it impossible to hear anything he's saying. I think it's very strange that he's never told me his name. I'm afraid to say anything except Yes and No. My voice would wobble too much. I am incapable of doing anything except wait for him to make his move. If he's going to make one. I don't know. I don't know what the signals are in a man. I don't know what kind of signals I'm giving out either. Finally he mentions his name in telling me what another man had said to him that day. A thought strikes me. He might be gay. Maybe he just wants a sympathetic ear to talk to. Perhaps I remind him of his mother. I can't find out. I have all I can do not to tremble visibly. Luckily he doesn't seem to notice. My capacity for drink seems to be less than it used to be. By the time the check arrives I am feeling no pain. He scoops it up smoothly and signs for it. He must have an account at this restaurant. I wonder how many others he's brought here. I reproach myself for this thought. It seems natural for us to walk out together. Drink takes me in the head. My coordination is fine. I am more voluble now but I no more know what I am saying than what he is telling me. I vaguely hope it isn't too awful. Or too revelatory. Perhaps he is going to signal a cab for me. No. We are walking together. I catch myself just as I am about to enter a strange apartment building. Obviously he lives here. The world sways around me. He thinks it is just the liquor. He asks me if I want to come upstairs and have some coffee or something. I say no thanks but go on walking forward. Drink never affects my legs. I make it upstairs and into a soft chair. I pass out while he is fixing the coffee. When I recover it is dark and I am lying on a couch. He has put a woolly blanket over me which I appreciate. I haven't felt so awful since I was young. Since I was a young man. There is a glass of water and two aspirins on the end table by my head. I gulp them and try to go back to sleep. Eventually I manage. I wake up to the smell of coffee. He comes in dressed in a bathrobe and carrying another. I remember his name now. Frank. I greet him. He offers me the bathrobe. I take it from him. The coffee quickly follows. We drink from matching cups. Afterwards I take a shower and put on the bathrobe. It fits fine. I feel much better and sit one the couch. He is sitting in a chair nearby. He apologizes to me for having nothing better to offer me. I give him a friendly laugh. He apologizes again for never finding out what my name was. This is a problem. In the gay world I used my real name. They were used to women who used men's names. Now I need something more plausible. I pick a name at random. Elaine. It's not great but it's the only one that occurs to me. At least the initial is right. I don't have anything monogrammed or anything but it will make life simpler to have the same initials. From now on I will be Elaine. I resolve to see a lawyer as soon as possible. I feel it would be appropriate to offer to cook breakfast. After all he probably expected to get more than that from me. I offer. Luckily for me he turns me down. I'm no cook. I can scramble eggs but that's about it. He cooks. He isn't any better than I would be. At least nothing burns. I perceive that he wants to take care of me. I feel sick enough that I find this notion bearable. He is being carefully impersonal. Or rather unintrusive. I know that the shoe is on the other foot now. He is wondering what I think of him. I wish I knew what to think. I like him. He would make a good friend. We talk and I can now listen without trouble. I find out he is not gay. After several hours of talk I decide it would be a good idea to leave. He hasn't mentioned needing to do so. Perhaps he works unusual hours. I don't know what time it is but it must be early afternoon at least. I go back into the bathroom and put on my old clothes. They feel terrible. I decide to be female and give him a thank you kiss. On the cheek of course. He puts his arms around me. Later I am sure he only intended to give me a friendly hug. It is too much for me. Even though Frank's body is hard and angular I have not been hugged for weeks. Not even by Ruth. I can't blame her for that. I hug him back. The kiss becomes more intense than I intended. When we finally part I am wobbly again. He looks concerned. I assure him I am all right and make as sober an exit as I can manage. I walk home. It really isn't far at all. On the way I grow wildly excited. Once in the door I tear off my sweaty clothing and jump into my bed. As I touch myself I try not to think about him. *** Summer brings a time of madness. I have seen the lawyer and wear my new name now. I become fascinated with everything I have lost. I am not a man any more. I buy magazines with pictures of naked men. Their cocks achingly remind me of what I used to have. I watch crotches. On the street. In restaurants. In elevators. I ride up and down in office buildings. There is a lot to see. All different. Men seem to go around with hard-ons all the time. Was I like that? I can't remember. Curiosity eats me. I no longer speak to anyone much. I go shopping again. My new clothes are more daring. Short skirts. Low-cut blouses. I remember never to wear both at the same time. Thin summery things as well. Semi-see-through clothes are in just now. They reveal you in flashes as you walk. I go out wearing a long skirt that seems solid but opens at a different place with every step. The new technology of sexuality. I have my ears pierced. It doesn't hurt. I experiment with earrings that change color as the light changes. I learn to walk in spike-heeled shoes. I buy a multicolored midriff blouse with matching navel jewel. I don't have the guts to wear this publicly. I buy a full length mirror for my apartment and pose before it. I experiment with perfumes but can't settle on anything. I take to riding buses to nowhere in particular. I walk to the corner and take the first one that comes. When the whim takes me I get a transfer and change to another bus. Eventually I return home. At first I just sit on the long seats and watch the people across from me. Men sit with their legs apart. Women cross theirs at the ankles. I do the same when I sit down. Slowly I wriggle on the uncomfortable seat. I move one foot forward and the other back. Now my knees are apart. My fellow passengers react. Women mostly look away. Some look at me with curiosity or resentment or desire and then I look away instead. Men get nervous. It is so easy to make them nervous. Secretly I enjoy it. I decide to advance to the next stage. I have become calculating. During rush hour the buses are often crowded. I must stand. I begin to seek out the most crowded lines and I frequent them. I wriggle my way onto buses and move as far to the rear as possible. As more people and still more get on I am often unable to move. Trapped helplessly at full length between three or four bodies. Secretly I enjoy it. I try to pick out men taller than I am. They are not common but not rare either. One day I manage to align my rear perfectly with a man's front. I wipe sweat from my forehead to cover for rubbing up against him. Curiosity eats me. He swiftly stiffens and pulls back in embarrassment. Daringly I follow him with my body. I am glad I can't see his face. He tentatively brings his hands upward to clasp my waist. My body is filled with flames. We don't speak. His hands tell me he wants me to turn around. His erection is insistent. I refuse. I cannot stand to let him see me. I have gone too far. I must escape. I break free of his grasp and move toward the front. He tries to follow but can't get his larger body through the crush. I get off at the next stop and immediately get on the following bus. It is just as crowded. Madness fills me now. I pick out another attractive man of about my age. I get close to him as soon as I can. I face him directly. My breasts are only an inch or two from his half-open shirt front. My nipples ache. I drown in the smell of his skin. I can waste no more time. My hand seizes his crotch. I fondle his balls. Then his cock. Like the other man he is silent. Too surprised to speak? Too shocked? I can't care. There is a small clear space below that is free of the crush of bodies. I unzip him and let him free. I clutch him fixedly. The fire in my body is washed out by the double amazement in my skull. First, that I can be so insanely incautious. Second, nostalgia. His organ feels as mine felt, grows as mine grew. Shoots as mine shot. I was once a man. It takes him no time at all. His whole load spills onto my dress. It soaks my belly and thighs. Suddenly the pressure behind me is relieved as several people exit via the rear door. Leaving him behind I stumble after them. He must take care of himself. I work my cab signaler frantically and manage to return home somehow. I shower and go to bed. I repeat this experience again and again. It almost always goes according to plan. I am better prepared now. I buy a new and larger handbag and a collection of handkerchiefs. Plain white. I hold the cloth in my left hand and the man's cock in my right. Almost never do I need to actually pump them. Men all seem to be hair-triggered. I no longer get my clothes messy. Each time my inner reactions of lust, amazement, and nostalgia torch me. It is far better than ordinary sex. I no longer feel any need to masturbate. I learn about the variety of men. The large and the small. The young, the middle-aged, the old. The cut and the uncut. Curiosity eats me. Teenagers are especially exciting. They are so unsuspecting and then so eager. The occasional rejection doesn't stop me or even bother me that much. I just leave the bus and wait for the next one. The next man. When I was a man I used to dream of meeting a woman who did things like this. Now men must be dreaming of me. At the end of each day my bag is stuffed full of handkerchiefs. I glow with the power of the pleasure giver. I return to the singles bars. The hunks who stand or sit nursing or guzzling their drinks have not changed. I have. They are still looking to take. I now have something to give them. One approaches. He has blond hair and blue eyes. He is tall and muscular. He wears a tight shirt with a fashionably deep vee neck open almost to his waist. We talk and drink. His name is Brian. He jokes about it. I tell him my name. When he makes his move I am ready. We go to his apartment. It is just one small room. The furnishings are sparse and neat. Only the bed is luxurious. Midnight blue satin sheets. He dims the lights and fiddles with the stereo. There is soft romantic music. We dance. I find it easy to let him lead. Meanwhile I plan. At last he begins to kiss me. Gently at first. Then more passionately. His hands explore me. I have no trouble returning all this. It's almost hard to believe how relaxed I feel. He is leading me gently toward the bed when I stop him. He is surprised but not angry. I tell him I have my period. A lie of course. He stops short. I get down on my knees and begin to undo his belt. He lets me. He makes no move. He has been hard for some time. The back of my mind notes that he is of middle size with only a slight curve. I am now face to penis with a man for the first time. I save up saliva. I build up courage. I lick my dry lips. I begin to go down on him. First only his hole. It is like a little mouth. So was my own. Then the head. He is circumcised. I run my tongue over it. I know exactly where the tender spots must be. I lick them with special attention. He reaches down and puts his hands on my shoulders. Then on the back of my head. The nostalgia within me increases. This is just what I have done. With Ruth, with countless others. Live-in lovers. Short affairs. One-night stands like this one. Super-quickies with spacer groupies. Married women. All have sucked me. Now I am the cocksucker. I know how it's done. I do it. Deep and long and hard. Back and forth. He spreads his legs to help him stand. I slack off. I want to make it take a long time so that he will be totally satisfied. I torment him with pleasure. He begins to moan and cry out. I am lost in this coupling. I don't even notice when I slow up and he begins to pound his hips into me. My mouth needs to swallow him whole. To reclaim him. Finally he comes. It seems like a gallon of semen. I swallow as fast as I can. I do not taste it. My senses are reeling. My curiosity is satisfied. *** I am ready at last. I give Brian my phone number but he never calls. It doesn't matter. There are other available men. To avoid trouble I watch their hands for wedding rings. Married men are safer. They won't demand commitment. By sheer chance my first fuck happens to be sensitive. Right away I let him know I've never gone all the way before. I tell him I've been saving it for the right man. I don't know if he believes me or not. He's flattered in any event. He goes down on me first and it is just as good as when a woman does it. I find I have missed having orgasms. I come this way several times before I make him take me. He is careful. Too careful. I want him to force his way inside me. I use all the words I can think of to turn him on. I beg him to fuck me, hard. I know how to excite men. Finally he does it to me. Luckily he doesn't expect me to help. I I hope I am tight enough to make a convincing virgin. He has some trouble getting it in, so I probably am. I am being fucked by a man. Even though it hurts me at first somewhat I don't feel invaded at all. Somehow it isn't as intimate as oral sex. It is less frenzied and more of an operation. Maybe that's just inexperience on my part. He varies his rhythms, trying not to overwhelm me. Finally the reality penetrates my brain. A man's cock is inside my body. I rock under him. We get caught in a crescendo which leads to his orgasm. I feel an emotional peak as he comes but don't climax with him. I feel his semen as a warmth within. He holds me for a long time. I feel warm and safe and wanted. When I was a man I used to roll off a woman right away. I'm glad he's different. I see him again a few times but there is no commitment. I sample heterosexuality as I did in my teens. This time from the other side. I make mistakes and find myself sleeping beside real creeps. Some abuse me. I beat the hell out of one such. I have a few advantages other women don't thanks to my different upbringing. I learn that I don't have orgasms from intercourse. I resolve never to fake anything. Let them learn better. I think of men as 'them' now sometimes. I am a woman. My experiments taper off. I meet David in a cafeteria-style restaurant. He sits down next to me and we talk. I still have trouble making conversation. For over a year now I haven't done anything except move from one sexual number to another. No orders come for me any more. I wonder whether this is Lucina's doing. When I look at David's face I seem to see Lucina's face superimposed on it. They have similar bones. But David wears a beard. I have never slept with a man who had one. I don't want to tell him about myself. Or about spacing. But little by little my whole story comes out. He listens well. Nothing seems to shock him. Not the women or the men or the sex change itself. We become friends. He tells me his life story. Just out of college and at loose ends. Working odd jobs to make odd money. We go places together. Movies, museums. Baseball games. I haven't been to a game in years. I can relax with him and not worry about what he's thinking. We go to bed. He is wonderful to me. His lovemaking style is also like Lucina's. I almost believe that somehow she sent him to me. Of course I don't tell him this. Although he is amazingly tolerant of my moods, he is easily wounded. He can both give and take. And he lets me do both as well. Perhaps it is because he is young. He has never grown the mask of cynicism that I wore for years and years. I think that I am falling in love with him. I don't really know what that means. It isn't like the puppy love I felt as a kid. And yet it is the same. I feel more myself when he is around me than when I am alone. I wear no masks with him. I want to spend all my time with him. He moves in with me. It is a mistake. He feels obscurely defeated by my wealth. With me to pay for everything he no longer needs to work. His sense of self-worth disappears. He is depressed. We discuss the matter and he moves out. We remain friends and lovers but agree to see other people. We still spend several nights a week together. He introduces me to his other women. None lasts long. I feel I provide the continuity in his life. I love him. He tells me that I am his closest friend. He won't say it, but I know that he loves me as well. Suddenly he drops out of sight. I no longer even hear from him. Weeks pass. I see him one day on the street with a younger woman I don't know. He is laughing his special laugh. Jealousy flares in me. I push it down. As a man I was never jealous. Perhaps I didn't care enough. Or didn't feel my own feelings strongly enough. At last he calls me. He wants me to meet this one too. We have dinner together. The evening goes from bad to impossible. She rakes me with veiled contempt. I don't have the training for this kind of competition. My unusual upbringing has its disadvantages too. David is trapped between two fires and unable to quench them. At last the meal is over. I pay for everything and run from the restaurant. I go home and cry myself to sleep. I never see David again although I do receive an invitation to his wedding. It is the same woman. I discard it fiercely. As autumn turns to winter my mood changes to leaden depression. There are many days I don't get up except to read my mail. Nothing but junk and bills. I pay the bills morosely. When I go to bars it is to get drunk and be picked up. I spend a lot of time in strange beds with men I don't remember meeting. I don't even feel anything with them. I will never be a real woman anyway. I never bring anyone home. I hardly talk except for what's necessary. I wish something new would happen to me. I again consider seeing a psychiatrist. It seems like too much trouble. I discard all thought of change. I eat, drink, weep, and provide a receptacle for men who are doing the same. Sometimes I can get up enough energy to watch TV. I never remember afterwards what I have seen. News, old movies, documentaries, soap operas all leave no impression on me. Even the commercials don't bother me much. Somehow I get through the winter. I have my meals delivered. Drinking alone is easier than going out. Nobody would want me. I will never be a real woman. Spring arrives tentatively. At last one day I notice myself in the full-length mirror. I haven't wanted to see myself. I look appalling. My housedress is dirty and torn. I don't remember buying it. It is ugly. My hair is a tangled mess of uncompelled knots. I haven't even bathed in several days. I stink of old sweat and alcohol. I am a disgrace. My eyes have trouble focusing on myself. A powerful shudder of horror runs through me. I decide to straighten up. As a first step I stop drinking altogether. I wash. I discard most of my clothes and buy new ones. The clothes that aren't too bad I stuff in a closet and don't look at. I want as few reminders of the bad times as possible. I have the apartment redecorated. I consider frills and pink but decide against it. I go dancing sometimes. I feel energy beginning to surge in me. I resume masturbating. I experiment with new methods. Vibrators and running water. They work wonders for my body. I read books on technique and on female fantasy. Sometimes I fantasize about David. I dream mostly of his tongue on my clitoris. I know it's only a dream and it doesn't threaten me. Much. Sometimes in between licks my fantasy lover alternates between being David and being Lucina. Or David and Anne. Or Brian and Anne even. I imagine doing one sexual thing with one person and another thing with another. After each orgasm my depression threatens to return, but I chase it off with a new fantasy. At last I decide to act out some of them. I buy my wildest clothes yet. Outfits so lewd I don't dare wear them on the street without a full-length coat to cover them. There is one scarlet number that is just three skirts: one around my hips, one around my middle, and one around my neck. It covers everything but my arms and legs, but every part of me is easily accessible to any passing hand. Another is molded plastic and stretch fabric above with a flowing full-length skirt below. The plum-colored plastic supports my bare breasts. I wear it with matching nipple rouge. There is a thin sari that covers everything and conceals nothing. A clingy body suit in dawn pink with the crotch cut out. I have my own crotch shaved at a beauty parlor when I buy this one. I'm afraid that if I do it myself I'll mess it up. The woman assigned to me is very gentle. She handles the razor most delicately and I trust her completely. The feeling of security turns me on to her. As a finishing touch she eats me out with professional thoroughness. It seems I am no longer threatened by women wanting me. I tip her very well and go home feeling fine. More shopping trips follow. I buy a canary-yellow ultrashort minidress to be worn without panties. Or with see-through ones. I get out the midriff blouse and the navel jewel from the closet. I buy synthetic pubic hair held on by quick-release body glue. There is a tiny gadget which allows me to erect my nipples by flexing a rib muscle. After I try this for a day or so I discover it makes me too sore to wear it. A portable vibrator in the shape of a heart is more of a success. I learn to walk while having small orgasms. Sometimes I need to lean against a building. I decide that the coat should be mink. I have it made to order. I call customer assistance and make a list of group sex clubs. I start visiting them. Bisexual women are in demand. I find I prefer small groups of three or four with no more than one other woman. Other woman: that thought is automatic now. I learn many new positions. I have a different name at each club. In one of them a balding man in his late fifties initiates me into anal sex. He uses lots of lubricant and goes slow, so it doesn't hurt too much. Apparently my prostate is intact somewhere in there: I come with him, which surprises the old goat no end. It's a very different kind of fucking. My body likes it but I don't. Or maybe it's the other way around. I can't decide. I keep trying to find out. I become even more in demand. At several smaller establishments I am given a complimentary membership. Apparently I attract extra business. I now sleep all day almost every day and spend the entire night club hopping. Life is busy and interesting rather than frenzied. I feel I have found a sensible solution to boredom. I miss love though. *** At last I grow tired. I have had no orders in over two years. Have they forgotten me? I send in my resignation but receive no answer. I move to another city and change my name again. My mail will not be forwarded. I have never been here before. It seems a far less cosmopolitan place. Conservatism is the rule, at least in public. No one knows me here, and I have no contact with any of my past. Just for kicks I go to a church one Sunday. It is a different denomination from the one I was raised in. I haven't been in any kind of church since I was twelve. Afterwards there is a social hour. I introduce myself as new in town. I am as ladylike as I know how. I try to emulate the people I see. I surprise myself with the good time I am having. This is the first time I have talked to people without ulterior motives in a long time. Since David. In a way, since Lucina. Or even Ruth. I find myself thinking about Ruth a lot. I wonder how her marriage is going. I pick up the phone to call her but decide against it. I go back to the church repeatedly. I even listen to the service. The minister talks in a way that appeals to me. He sounds like a man who might know what he's talking about. And believe in it. I make friends there. Men and women both. I have never had men and women friends at the same time. George is one of them. He is interested in me: I can feel it even across the room. Somehow I can tell he doesn't quite know it yet himself. I make a point of conversing with him. I watch him fall in love with me. There is nothing foolish or childish about it. I see that he is a man of great feeling. I have no desire to hurt him. I do not tell him about myself. But he bares his soul to me. I see him more intimately in our conversations than I have ever seen anyone. As I feel his feelings, I feel my own feelings stirring and growing. Womanly feelings. I too am falling in love. I long to be supported by his stability. When at last I am able to get him in bed with me, the power and maturity in his touch astonish me. His consideration for me is exquisite. Making love with George consumes not only my body but my heart. I experience sleeping with him as supreme tenderness. I have never been so loved since I was a baby. I have never loved so much myself. This is difficult for me even to think. But it is true. I will marry George. He wants it and I want it as well. I will be a real woman at last. Complete. We will have children. Surrogate mothers are expensive, but I have told him I have a trust fund from my grandfather. In other ways he will want to support me, which is fine with me. I am a woman. The wedding will be in our church, of course. Perhaps one day I will tell him what I am. He is an utterly secure man and could accept me, I know. I cannot yet accept myself, however. I have accepted what I have become. I have not yet accepted what I was. I can only hope that that serenity will come to me as well. The EndAlexawww.bdsmfinder.com

8/4/2012 3:22:24 PM:   Dark Passion She lay across the low padded bench, arms outstretched, chained bracelets holding her in place. Knees on the floor, lashed down to the sides of the bench, spread wide, her gown pulled up above her bottom exposing all of her pleasures. Her skin glistened with sweat from the heat of the firelight and her own trembling. Her hair was bound up on her head, showing the graceful curves of her neck and shoulders. He had left her like this, after first forcing her to strip naked in front of him. He had put the collar and bracelets on her, his eyes holding her in a trance, attaching the chains of bondage. At his command, she knelt before him. Her slender hands trembled as she reached up to part the folds of his robe. Her mouth slack, she wet her lips as her eyes remained fixed on his erection. He had made her ask, made her ask to take him into her mouth. Finally he had consented and slowly her hands caressed him, chains faintly clinking, fingers wrapping around firmly, one hand cradling and gripping beneath, to draw him deep within, hot and firm within, as deeply as she could manage. His hands drew her from him and he pulled her to her feet. He told her to put on her finest nightgown, and after the silken folds had settled over her figure, motioned her to the bench. He locked her bracelets together and grasping the chains at her collar, forced her to her knees, this time before the bench. He drew her down, stretched her out, arms first, across the bench and chained her into place. He bound her legs at the knee to the legs of the bench, drawing her thighs apart. Slowly, ever so, his hands raised the silken gown. Gently, it slid along her skin until the folds rested piled up on the small of her back. The same hands freely felt her, felt her silken curves and warm softness and discovered that she was very, very wet.   He said, 'I am pleased.' rose and left her waiting and wanting his return. Silently, he crossed behind her, and with no forewarning, his hands spread her thighs and his erection slid deep within her. She made soft sounds at the feel of it, the pleasure stretched her with a slight edge of pain. Then just as suddenly he withdrew, leaving her for the moment empty and wanting, her breath coming quick and shallow. His fingers closed over her hair and pulled her head up from the bench. His eyes again held her mind as the chains held her body, in bondage. His mouth drew closer as her lips parted in anticipation, then her mouth was covered with his, open to his forceful searching tongue. As he drew away, his hand came up to her face holding a leather whip. The handle was dark, decorated with white ropework and brass rings. A cat-o-nine tails, it swayed gently in his hand in the firelight. Her eyes widened slightly but remained fixed on the whip as he brought it closer. He caressed her face with it, drawing it across her cheekbones and down her throat to her breasts. She felt it's smooth softness and inhaled the scent, the touch of leather a velvet threat. Slowly, lingeringly, the leather strands slid across her nipples, straining erect under the touch. He stood, straddled the bench and with one hand guided his erect phallus to her mouth with the whip. He stroked deeply within. She was held fast, arms and legs contracting against her bonds. Her excitement flowed, hot and trembling, from deep with- in. The whip lightly struck her bottom and remained there, the leather strips trailing across the sensitive skin. It struck again, lightly as he thrust hard into her mouth. He stood back, moved around her, gazing deeply at every curve and valley of her bound figure. Softly, a kiss where before the whip had fallen. A warm, wet tongue licked and kissed it's way to her wet heat, toward her center, stoking her trembling fire, almost to the breaking point, and then was still. He rose, and placing the head of his erec- tion at her entrance, was quickly deep within her, stretching her, filling her deep. Within her, he played the whip slowly across her back and bottom. She felt the strands slide across her skin, the leather creaking softly as it moved in his hand. She felt the cold brass rings in the handle when he reached underneath to caress her stomach and breasts. The handle brushed across her nipple and pressed against warm softness in contrasting sensations. He began. Long, slow strokes, hard strokes. Strong hands roughly grasping her hips, he pulled himself deep, driving her body into the padded bench. She shook with the force that pound- ed her body, face to the bench, arms straining against the bonds about her slender wrists. The shock waves caused her hair to fall, soft about her face, covering her lips drawn back in passionate strain. The force within and without was building, each thrust driving her higher until the peak came, and came, she clenched and straining, begging him please no more, but he did not cease until his heat had blossomed deep within her. He released her from the bench and drew her to her feet. Her hands still bound, he led her to the bed, raised her arms up to behind her head and bound them to the bedpost. She leaned back against the bedpost, body slack and open after her release. A drug-like trance filled her and deep mov- ing, trembling sensations flowed over and through her body. Slowly awareness returned and she saw him moving about the room in preparation, black silken robe flowing in the firelight. Her gaze was caught by her own reflection in the mirror behind him. Slender arms bound in bracelets above her head, hair in wild disarray, deep shadows about her face. The flickering firelight danced and played about her breasts and strong thighs, casting her figure in sharp relief, a shadowed, sensuous lady in the night. He sat back in the chair, legs crossed, sipping a glass of wine. His fingers played around the lip of the glass and his eyes slowly caressed her body, missing nothing. He covered her every inch, took in all. Never before had she felt so exposed, so naked, and as her eyes dropped from his he softly laughed, enjoying her feeling. He rose, lowered her hands and locked them together before her, and returned to his seat. 'Now,' he said, 'Take one step toward me and turn around...slowly. No, do not cover yourself, let me see you. Let me look at every part of you, every curve. Show me...everything. Now.' The tension in her stomach grew under his gaze and as she fought to control her trembling hands she turned. Slowly, ever so, she turned, her awareness of his gaze intense, feeling the exposed side of her body like a summer chill. As her eyes returned to his she saw the whip, slender dark and menacing in his hands. He opened his robe. 'Now kneel...and take me in your mouth.' She did so, eyes closed as her bound hands reached for him. He felt hot in her hand, and as she leaned forward doing as he wished, she again felt the whip, this time it softly slapped against her back and shoulders. She heard his voice above her head, softly, 'Do well, my lady, for later you shall be well rewarded.' His hands caressed her head, rubbing her temples and the back of her neck and shoulders as she took him deep. He lifted her head. He put the whip around her neck and pulled her up to him. She closed her eyes as she felt the rigid heat against her be- tween her breasts. He leaned forward to kiss her, long and searching, his tongue moving in gentle caresses. Slowly, he kissed her, lingering on every movement, capturing her, surround- ing her, enveloping her with a gossamer veil as if time seemed to slow, flowing like honey. She lost track of time and space. A slow fire began to burn low down in her belly. Different from a quick flare of passion, this heat was slow-building and deep, the kind of fire that builds white-hot coals, a searing heat, a shim- mering white heat from a furnace of molten lava. The heat of a woman whose nerves are filled with flowing fire. He released her, and as the tension in her body burned, he reached one hand up to her face and caressed her flushed cheek- bone. His hand felt cool upon her face. Her mouth hung slightly open. Her hands slowly ran up either thigh and met in the middle to grip him once again. She pumped once, twice, thrice before her head bowed once again and she engulfed him in her mouth, a wisp of hair hanging down over her forehead and across her hol- lowed cheeks. Deep she took him, drawing him down into her mouth, her hands running everywhere, sliding, gripping, kneading, fingers searching for ways to release. She was no longer her- self. She was a firechild, out of control, a berserker warrior- woman holding nothing back in the battling that was the cresting wave of the moment. Her soul wailed like a banshee flowing through her mind like the molten lava flowing between her legs. He pulled her hands from him and placed them behind her head. Reaching down, he grasped her breasts, roughly, and lifted her to her feet. She could barely stand, but there was no need, for he lashed her to the tall bedpost, her hands raised above her head, the soft ropes crisscrossing across her chest and between her thighs, holding her open wide for him to see. She sagged against the ropes, the wet heat flowing out of her. He reached into a small wooden chest and brought out two small clamps connected by a chain. She stared at them, thinking that he couldn't mean to do what her suddenly burning erect nipples told her he was going to do. He slowly reached for her nipples and squeezed them. The EndAlexa16www.bdsmfinder.com