Depending upon your goals, needs, wants, desires, and preferences, finding the right Dom/Master can be tough and challenging.

 

Whether you are a Sub/Slave or Dom/Master, everyone is unique in our own ways. We all have our own unique preferences, needs, wants, and desires, don't we?

 

Most Doms/Masters train based on their own preferences, needs, wants, desires, etc. don't they? So, switching from one previous Dom/Master to another can mean re-programming or re-training as your previous training was based from your previous Dom/Master preferences, needs, wants, desires, etc., weren't they?

 

That is why I prefer newbies who had no or very little training and/or experiences in this lifestyle. I find them very easy to train as there are no bad habits to break from their previous training or experiences.

 

I consider myself an "unconventional". I see DS or Master/Slave relationship like an "employer-employee" relationship. The Employer must also keep their employees happy and satisfied to retain them. I encourage growth as the better my subs/slaves are, the more they can serve me. The more they can serve me, the more it pleases them. If you are a Sub/Slave, don't you agree?

 

Every relationship, whether it's vanilla or BDSM, there must be a mutual understanding of each others' needs, wants, preferences, and desires. All relationship must be a "2-way street" where everybody wins. I always seek for a win-win situation. Don't they (Subs/Slaves) get their pleasure in submitting and serving us Doms/Masters? In return, we (Doms/Masters) guide, mentor, and coach them to become a better Sub/Slave, a better person?

 

Bondage for me is all about mental, emotional, and physical bonding. Anybody can spank, clamp, flog, etc. somebody, right? but without mental and emotional connection, it would be consider as torture, isn't it? We must have that mental and emotional connection for everyone to win and enjoy the moment, don't you agree?

 

Too many people are either living in the past or worrying too much about the future that they cannot enjoy their present moment. Either they are remembering their past experiences with others that are stopping them from focusing and enjoying the moment OR worrying about what would happen next rather then being fluid and enjoying what they are CURRENTLY experiencing. Why can't we be fluid and go with the flow? Why can't we ENJOY OUR PRESENT MOMENT TOGETHER even if it's just a matter of minutes or hours? It's much better than worrying or thinking about the past, isn't it?

 

I am not here to judge other people especially YOU, I am here to understand YOU!

 

I believe that we (human beings) do things based on the choices presented to us at the time and to the best of our knowledge. It maybe wrong or immoral to others but for us, it was the right thing to do at that time, wasn't it?

 

I also believe that everything happen for a reason. We may not know the reason, yet but sooner or later, we're glad it happened that way OR it could be one of those blessings in disguise? Can you think of something you didn't like at first but end up liking it?

 

So, let's not judge each other and remember that... THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON and that WE ALL MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON THE CHOICES PRESENTED TO US AT THE TIME AND TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY & KNOWLEDGE!!!....

I'd like to share what I've learned from Napoleon Hill's Think & Grow Rich book....

THE MYSTERY OF SEX TRANSMUTATION

The emotion of sex has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities. They are:

   1. The perpetuation of mankind.
   2. The maintenance of Health (as therapeutic agency, it has no equal).
   3. The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.

Sex Transmutation is the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.

Sex Desire is the Most powerful of human desires. Of all ten Stimuli of the mind the desire for sex expression and Love are the two strongest in that order.

When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force develops keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to the men doing the harnessing and redirecting of that powerful desire at other times.

"A river maybe dammed, and its water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet". The same is true of the emotion of sex. The same with being a submissive or slave. It is who you are, you must realize and accept it! If it not transmuted into some CREATIVE EFFORTS it will find a less worthy outlet.

Scientific research has disclosed these significant facts:

   1. The men of greatest achievement are men with highly developed sex natures: men who have learned the art of sex transmutation.
   2. The men and women, who have accumulated great fortunes and achieved outstanding recognition in literature, art, industry, architecture, and the professions, were motivated by the influences of a lover.

Geniuses discover how to increase the intensity of thought to the point where they can freely communicate with sources of knowledge which are not available through the ordinary rate of thought.

Members of the age group below 40 will have a tougher time to understand or even accept the powers generated by sex transmutation. In contrast, men in general, in that age group, are in constant search for the fulfillment of their ambitions, their corporal and emotional satisfaction and even fame, in short their elevation.  But their sexual energy is so intense that they feel there is no way that this energy can or should be redirected to anything else than its full physical expression. When the time is right, however, the student will have an epiphany and accept all at once the true meaning and the true potential of that strong sexual desire that has taken hold of their psyche since their early teenage years.

When dealing with Sex Transmutation, we are not talking about abstinence but about the redirection of that sexual energy toward something else like studies, art, business or even sport.  Abstinence through its definition does not provide hope for an outlet while sex transmutation in its essence provides unlimited creative potentialities.

IT IS A RELEASE! We must have an outlet! We must release! Again, "A river maybe dammed, and its water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet". The same is true of the emotion of sex. The same with being a submissive or slave. It is who you are, you must realize and accept it!

Our belief system has far more effect on our lives than anything else we have control over.

Our minds are like computers, "garbage in, garbage out". If we think (put in our minds) negative things; definitely, we will feel bad, scared, and/or depressed, right? Ever heard a rumor or gossip that ruined your entire day and later on, you found out that it wasn't true? That's exactly what I'm talking about. We feel whatever we put into our minds.

Ever since we were born, we've been programmed to think a certain way and been trained to have certain beliefs. Our parents first trained us and put things into our minds. Followed by our teachers and friends even our religions; then our bosses and co-workers. Medias (such as TV commercials) are also influencing us in our decisions. We learn what they believed to be true when they learned it. Maybe it was true at that time and maybe it was not.

We already have a belief system and this belief system is what we use to base all our decisions on. When we base our decisions on beliefs that are not true, there is little chance that our decisions will yield the expected results. We form our belief system by what we choose to believe from the information we get through our five senses (see, hear, feel, smell, and taste).

Our ancestors were told that the earth was flat. Now, they say it's round. Before, they say that Pluto is a planet. Now, it's not. Some of our great grandparents taught us not to trust other colors or race. Today, racial equality is in effect! Point is... "there are lots of different things, thinking, and beliefs that we were taught and trained in the past that are no longer applicable in our today's world and in our current situations"

Question now is... are your previous training, education, and/or thinking still applicable in today's world? in your current living situation and working condition?

Our environment and our surrounding are changing as well as our situations. We are no longer a kid or a teenager. We may no longer have the same needs, wants, and desires as when we were teenagers. Others are no longer single and are now parents or married. Point is... "we must be able to adapt to our ever changing needs and situations".

“If you keep on thinking what you've always thought. You'll just keep on getting what you've always got. So, if you want to change your life, you need to change your thinking!”

If you think you are not beautiful or smart, who said it? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right? Everyone has flaws and nobody is perfect. We are all unique in our own special ways. I maybe good in coaching but I admit, I'm a terrible cook. Others may consider me intelligent in math but others may consider me stupid in history. Point is, "We all have our own beauty and our own expertise in life".

So, when deciding what you want and how to get it, THINK POSITIVE! Look at the glass as "half full rather than half empty". I know you can do it! Keep this in mind....

    * YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
    * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR OWN WAY AND SMART ENOUGH TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. You are here reading my blog, right? That means, you're smart enough to know what you need to do! I am here to help you!
    * THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO HELP YOU including me TO GET WHAT YOU WANT!

So, keeping these in mind, GO AHEAD AND PURSUE WHAT YOU WANT!

Each individual is considered unique and requires different methods and focuses to correctly coach. There is no one set of coaching methods that are best for every individual. The best coaching method looks at each individual and prepares a customized coaching program for him/her.

There is no quick fix or short cuts in coaching someone. He/She has to be shown and identify what he/she wants out of his/her life (his/her goals); He/she should be given a clear path to follow to achieve his/her goals.



"I have always held the Taoist view that sexual relations between male and female are the primary earthly manifestation of the universal principles of Yin & Yang.

As such, we must regard sex to be as natural and indispensable to human health and longevity as rain falling on the fields is to plant life.

The intense sense of guilt attached to sexual matters in Judeo-Christian tradition is, in Chinese eyes, one of the most unpleasant and incomprehensible aspects of Western culture.

Traditional Western hypocrisy towards sex has prevented serious study of human sexuality in the Western world until only a few decades ago. Like everything else in Western philosophy, sex is viewed through the lens of dualism; it is seen as either sacred (in matrimony) or profane (out of wedlock), with no room for anything in between.

We (Asians), however, do not draw distinctions between sacred and profane sex. As far as the Taoist are concerned, the only important distinctions regarding sexual activities are those between healthy and unhealthy habits.

We must  approach the subject of human sexuality with a blend of curiosity and reverence, just as they do all natural phenomena.

Since sexual relations are as fundamental to human life as eating and sleeping, Taoist adepts devoted a lot of time and thought to researching its every aspect and implication for human health and longevity. In a society happily free of sexual repression, Taoist physicians took a long and careful look at human sexual behavior, and they candidly recorded their findings in journals and books, couched in the usual florid Taoist terminology.

Consequently, I have been able to approach and study sexual relations between man and women, with open eyes and open minds, and they have, over three millennia, become the world's most astute observers of human sexuality, as well as the most inventive lovers."

The essential difference between the sexual nature of man and woman lies in the different nature of male and female orgasm.  When a man ejaculates, he ejects his semen-essence from his body. When a woman reaches orgasm, she too 'ejaculates' all sorts of sexual secretions internally, but these are retained within her body.

For both men and women, sexual essence is an important storage battery for vital energy and a major source of resistance and immunity.

In conventional sexual relations, a man ejaculates every time he has intercourse, regardless of his own age or condition. This habit gradually robs him of his primary source of vitality and immunity, leaving him weak and vulnerable to disease and shortening his life span. Meanwhile, the women gets stronger and stronger, both from her own orgasmic secretions and from her assimilation of potent male semen-essence."

Sexual ritual is not your typical sex. Regular sex, is concentrated on the fantastic physical sensations and intimate togetherness. Sex rituals feel very pleasurable but they do feel different. They are simply intenser. A much greater amount of sexual energy is built up due to mainly two reasons:

(1) When you reach the brink of orgasm you back off to later on resume arousing. This leads to a stronger felt orgasm. (orgasm control)

(2) While repeating the chosen affirmation during intercourse you send up energy from the genitals to the head, so you constantly send bits of genital excitement 'away' upwards along your spine to be stored till the moment of orgasm. By concentrating on your goal you extend the moment of orgasm and reach some sort of trance.

You will notice that halfway the ritual you can already feel the magical energy working. You feel a large amount of hot energy along your spine and the chakras in your head, while the crown chakra feels like a wide opened chalice or lotus flower. The energy can cause big shiverings or emotional unloads like crying, mostly after orgasm (be prepared for this and let it happen! it clears blockages).

Sex ritual orgasms is intense. And after a ritual, you feel reverent and grateful, realizing that you have shared something truly meaningful. Once you know the depths and values of sex ritual, you wonder if would prefer to stick to 'normal' sex could no longer satisfy your needs.

Sex Ritual is very sacred. This technique is not new nor outrageous; although usually kept secret many esoteric systems use sexuality for spiritual and magical aims. Examples of such traditions are shamanism, alchemy, Buddhist and Hinduist tantra and ancient religion and practices.

A probably more known form of sex ritual is the ceremonial sexual union of man and woman on the land to ensure a good crop. Their fertility act should encourage the land to deliver a rich harvest.

Western sex ritual has its roots in Hebrew kabbalah and is spread further through several occult doctrines like the knights Templar and the free masons. Nowadays sex ritual is a beautiful way of giving sex back its rightful place of sacred sexuality. It is a firm invitation to leave the trail of the sneaky, hidden-in-the-dark and 'sinful' sex most of us have grown up with. It is a call to stop fighting this most powerful human force and to make use of its possibilities. Since sexuality is a gift from God/the Goddess it has to be divine. Within an open and respectful sexual relationship we can experience ourselves in all our aspects: the ANIMAL part, the HUMAN part and the DIVINE FLAME within. Thus the beast-man-God is connected, as well as the beast-woman-Goddess.

During sexual arousal an enormous amount of energy can be channeled upwards from the genitals along the spine to the top of the head. On its way up this energy fills and cleans blockages in the chakras, caused by emotional and psychological wounds. This explains why several spiritual paths view sexual yoga as a shortcut to enlightenment.

What is the theory behind sex ritual?
In ritual we manipulate a certain amount of energy into a desired direction; for that we specify a goal, raise energy and point it into the wished direction (release the energy) to achieve a manifestation in our physical reality.

In sex ritual we basically focus on a goal by affirmation, visualization etc.; we raise much energy through prolonged sexual arousal and we release the energy at the moment of orgasm.

The goal in sex ritual can be the achievement or attraction of anything wished in the physical world, like a new house, a better relationship or a healing. It can also be the charging of magickal tools or talismans. And the goal can be spiritual development.

This controlled form of love-making for higher purposes is often mentioned as the ultimate explanation of Crowley's famous statement "Love is the Law, Love under Will." By love Crowley meant the uniting of the opposites masculine and feminine, active and receptive, and not so much romantic love. Orgasm is considered to be the moment when 'the gates of heaven open up'; for a while the barriers between the restricted physical world and the limitless heavens dissolve. During the precious orgasmic moments we swing away our magical desire into the universe with enormous power and a 'magical child' is born. This magical child is the astral effect of our magical action that will result in manifestation. The sexual fluids of man and woman are charged with powerful qualities because of their magic and they can be used for several purposes.
 
What types of sex can be used for sex ritual?
In fact any sexual activity can be used to work sex ritual. It can be practiced alone, it can be practiced with a partner of the same sex or of the opposite sex, and in advanced sex ritual, it is also possible to work with more people BUT a group sex ritual is never an excuse for a sexual orgy! It is a strong ritual in which several people dedicate their sexual forces towards a mutual goal. Ritual is synergistic, what means that the power conjured up is geometric (1,2,4,8,16, etc., so a ritual with four people gives the energy of eight separate people!) Please remember that in no way this is an invitation to ever do a group ritual in your life unwanted, nor does it mean that joining a group ritual implies that you should also have sex with more than one partner in your personal love life. You can include all forms of sex in your ritual; it can be genital, oral or anal sex; it can be bondage, bizarre sex or whatever; as long as all partners included enjoy it and agree it's okay.