2/1/2015 10:04:36 AM: Here I am again bemoaning a fact that I really did not want to think about.  So many negative comments about that recent journal entry.  I just don't see the problem.  I am not trying to control ANYTHING except my own safety and as a US citizen I have that right.  It does not make me less of a sub or slave, it makes me wise and NOT a doormat for someone else. As I said in the former post I was hurt, raped, beaten and had my nose broken when I made the mistake of a first meet in a private place.  End of story, it wont happen again.  If you are thinking I am on some power trip, buzz off, I want the man to be in charge, thus the fact that I choose a slave life.  It is unfortunate that I needed to move so far away from the good man I had found after that incident but I had no choice and I have been up here 5 years and cannot seem to find anyone.  I do not think I am wrong or demanding, after we meet, the next time, if we are both 'feeling it,'  I have no problem beginning a relationship in earnest.  It is who I am, who I choose to be and how I choose to live my life.  So before you go to send more and more nasty mail, please take time read, try to understand where I am coming from and why because of past events I must put safety first, then service.

1/30/2015 6:48:18 AM: Good morning,So I was chatting with a potential Master on another site.  He wanted to meet, I have some first meet rules for safety that I did not think were wrong.  The man insisted on meeting alone in a semi dark place.  My rules are simple, public place, safety call upon arrival and no need for any BDSM at first meet.  This man wanted to meet on my birthday, and had me call him when I explained what I needed for a first meet and why I needed it.  I was told I am not a sub or slave and I am demanding.  He said, can't we just pretend we already had a first meet, in my head red flags were raging.  Shouldn't a Master have enough control of himself to handle a first meet with some safety ground rules?  I do not understand, I even explained how I got very hurt by someone who I did not have those rules with and that is how it came to be. He let me know he expected a blow job at the very least and again the red flags were raging.  Every time I said anything I got defensive and felt like less of a person, I almost gave in but in my head I know I am right I just wish ALL Masters could understand and be appreciative of a slave who has safety rules. Someday I will be able to write some happy news here, please.Sweet

3/25/2014 3:17:55 AM: I hate that I only post here when things go wrong but it seems the need to know, needs to know.  I was actually having some of what I thought were good conversations with 'gatorhater' and alleged switch who was also sadly a widower.  Poof he disappeared off the site as if he never existed.  Hmmmm, makes one wonder if there are any real human beings out there other than myself.  Heavy sigh, someday I know I will find the one. Sweet