Cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor.If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely.If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally you will be jailed.If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.If you cross the Mexican border illegally you will be jailed for two years.If you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.If you cross the United States border illegally you get:1 - A job2 - A driver's license3 - A Social Security card4 - Welfare5 - Food stamps6 - Credit cards7 - Subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house8 - Free education9 - Free health care10 - A lobbyist in Washington11 - Billions of dollars in public documents printed in your language12 - Millions of servicemen and women who are willing to – and do – die for your right to the ways and means of our constitution13 - And the right to carry the flag of your country - the one you walked out on – while you call America racist and protest that you don't get enough respect.IF YOU AGREE, COPY AND RE-POST THIS!

YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF... 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.' 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

The New PriestA new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldhardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about gettingnervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took adrink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found thefollowing note on the door:1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred toas Daddy, Junior and the spooky.8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out ofhim.9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off hisdonkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.10)We do Not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'11)W hen Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say' Eat me'12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with theCherry'.13)The recommended grace before a meal is not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanksfor the grub, YeahGod.

Wouldn't it just figure? I messaged a female sub, she messaged back with her YIM name. I proceeded to rspond to her on YIM. Her first response was 'do I know you?' I reminded her she had just  given me her YIM name not 60 seconds before and gave her my CM name. Her next post was wanting pics, to which I replied, it's on my CM profile. I asked her for pics and never got a single message again. Since the CM police won't let me post her CM name or her YIM name here, if anybody is curious as to her identity, email me here and I'm more than happy to share both of her names.

Goddamn punk kids. A 14yo punk kid picked up a chunk of asphalt and threw it through the rear window of our car. He lied about doing it but finally admitted to the cops he had done it. Justwaiting to get some estimates on getting it fixed so his mom can pay for it. What the Hell happened to kids these days?