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NYCDom4polysubs
| Hetero Male, 55, Manhattan, New York
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I am looking to establish a poly household in NYC/Manhattan with 2 or 3 switch or submissive women. The idea is to create a safe, nurturing space where is is ok to be kinnky, submissive, crave BDSM, and to have a 'family' of like-minded people.
I am not looking to establish a harem, but rather a communial, poly household. HUGE difference!
(Posted 10 March 2023)
This is a serious and legitimate undertaking, and not fantasy. to understand will require you to read all of this, and yes, there is much to say.
There are many reasons for this idea:
1. As an older Dom I enjoy mentoring, guiding, protecting, and caring for younger subs who appreciate a demanding, creative, and experienced Dom. But I realize that few want to have a long-term relationship with a man who much older, as that limits their future. Of late, relationships have been short-lived and transient, mostly at my decision, as I want my sub to have what she needs in life. That might be a young stud with a iron-hard cock, or might be a more age appropriate Dom with whom she can make long-term plans.
I enjoy teaching and mentoring, and best of all advising a submissive. I am very much a Daddy-Dom, by nature and profession a teacher, leader, and problem-solver. I want that to continue as part of my life. So, this seems to be a solution. I'm not really interested in a sub who is closer to me in age, and that's not a creepy old man thing, I just find most submissive women my age to be older and more conservative than I am in my world views and interests. They also have much more accumulated life-baggage that often cannot be jettisoned.
2. I enjoy living in NYC, but as we all know high-quality housing it is very expensive. I have had roommates in the past, but then one is faced with having to hide one’s kinks and pleasures from that roommate. And yes, I tried to have two older, ex-military Doms in one space! that did NOT work out well, haha.
Likewise, few younger people, esp women, can afford quality housing on their own and they too then face the conundrum of having to hide their BDSM tastes from roommates. To me, the logical solution is to offer a place where we can pool our resources to find high-quality (perhaps even luxury) housing, with moderate contributions to the group, and have the space and privacy to indulge our kinks in a both privacy and acceptance.
3. Many people who have found themselves through exploration of BDSM can't tell friends, let alone family about this side of themselves. Sad, but a reality. Online groups, kinky friend groups, munches etc are great, but at the end of those, one goes home to a space where one’s core values are either not accepted or have to be hidden. In establishing such a poly household and family, it allows us to be who we are at home, and to find comfort and a safe harbor.
My vision is that we are poly, and would establish group rules on behavior, commitments between us, etc. but that each was free to have what partners they wished outside of our household. Within our household, we are that a household, a family, a collective group. yes, my military and sports coaching is showing, haha.
Ideal People
Submissive woman, open to living in a poly household and family. Very open to people who want to re-locate to the big city. Perhaps you have been dreaming of living in NYC, but haven’t had the opportunity or the right situation.
Intelligent, educated, open-minded, energetic, healthy (no smokers or heavy drinkers!!), one or two bookish, nerdy attributes like me, ideally professional, or looking to become professionally employed, or in graduate school.
Inquisitive about things, intellectual omnivore, secure enough to say that you don't know - I say it all the time. You should enjoy laughing, puzzles, cards, Ted Lasso, and a Major plus if you like K-Dramas!
In terms of ages, I really can't imagine anyone younger than late 20s at the youngest, although there are many very mature, late 20-somethings, so prove me wrong! Oldest might be late 40s, again prove me wrong, as it is all about attitude and energy.
Also, bring something to the collective group besides D/s and BDSM. Love to paint, make music, be the joker, the nurturer, a love of cooking, the social butterfly. Be open to sharing with all of us your passions and what makes you, you. Perhaps even a Man United fan (maybe ... that would be a tough one to overcome.
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3/17/2023 7:22:10 PM: This is my kind of Dominance
The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and is looking for.
The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the ive and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her.
Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating;
3/17/2023 7:21:28 PM:
The Democratic Dom: While it might sound like an oxymoron this Dominant is one who controls by agreement. Limitations, conditions, safe words, and times & places are all agreed upon beforehand and strictly adhered to. Discussions between the Dom and sub are the norm and written contracts are not unheard of.
Punishment is both a training tool and very often a reward. It is dispensed by the Dom to achieve or reinforce a certain behavior in his sub and at the same time as a pleasurable (sexual) stimulation for the sub. While both punishment and reward may be two distinct areas in the relationship, many times the lines .
Submissives who are attracted to these situations are those who want the same agreed condition and especially the limitations. They can be called feisty, bad little girls, spoiled, hard to tame, because they like to challenge the limits and/or rules. Or because they have certain fears.
This can be a game area where fun supersedes the Dominant/submissive operative. The Dominant and submissive like the actual and varied activities and enjoy each other when participating in them. In many cases the submissive does not actually want to surrender but likes playing as if she does.
These relationships seem to be less long term, as this is the area where “thrill seekers” usually reside. Many like this type of situation since it is a convenient and safe way to play with D/s. It is fun and it makes it easy to feel like they are indeed practicing D/s. These same people while enjoying D/s related scenes are not as into the emotional side of dominance and submission as are others.
On the other hand this type also serves a very good purpose, acting as a safe passage into other variations of D/s, or for learning, especially among those who are doing this for the first time with someone new, or they are trying it for the first time ever. After some experience is gained in D/s activities these people begin to learn the “rules of the road”, so to speak. Sometimes leading to a more intimate and stronger D/s relationship.
3/17/2023 7:20:16 PM: Essay on the three types of Dominants as percieve us to behave and act.
Dominants fall into three general categories, Authoritarian, Democratic, and Equalitarian. Each category has its sub counterpart. Because these are generalities each category has many variations. What these variations may be are left up for you to conclude.
The Authoritarian Dom: Rules with absolute power and total control. He makes all of the decisions and there is no questioning by the sub of what is asked or what is done. The only recourse a sub may have, if allowed, is a “safe” word. Generally there are little or no limitations binding the Dom. The subs attracted to these relationships are the “slave” submissive. The sub that wishes to be totally controlled.
This form involves the voluntary surrender both emotionally and physically on the part of the sub. Generally the limits are pushed through heavy S&M activities. Some of the strongest relationships exist within this category. The couples that live a 24/7 D/s relationship are usually found in this realm. Unlike with the Democratic Dominant, there are no long training sessions to affect certain behavior. Things are done with no negotiations, limits are pushed and both parties accept this. The feeling of closeness and coupling is generated by the relinquishing control and the wielding of (almost) absolute power.
This Dom’s implements (toys if you prefer) are usually highly crafted, sometimes intricate, wielded both with proficiency and effectiveness. The Dominants are skilled in their use and their sub is generally highly skilled at receiving the results. The implements developed by the Authoritarian’s are often borrowed in kind by Dom’s in other types of D/s relationships.
It can be a profound and sobering experience for someone not yet familiar with this type of domination to watch an Authoritarian scene. Authoritarian Domination is what is usually referred to as “real”, when D/s aficionados use the term real, this is of what they are speaking. This type of D/s is not only S&M but encompasses a wide variety of D/s conventions and behaviors. This is the generally accepted and also the stereotypical definition of BDSM.
Remember that this is only the stereotypical definition of “real”. Authoritarianism is only one ect or area of D/s. So “real” is what you are involved in and feel comfortable with and not what others do.
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