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VampiressWrath
Hetero Female Submissive, 31, Cocoa, Florida 

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 Female Submissive

 Cocoa

 Florida

 Willing to Relocate

 5' 8"

 218 lbs

 31

 Hetero

 African Descent

 06/12/24

I am looking for a loving dom seeking a serious relationship that wants to get married and raise a family together. I am into cum, pissing, food play, bondage, restraints, handcuffs, blindfolds, gags. The type of guy I am seeking is honest, intelligent, fit, ambitious, has medium to monster*, family orientated, charming, kind, very kinky, open-minded, and funny. I want him to help me unlock my submissive side in real life. I have problems trusting men with myself and constantly have to be in control of myself. I just want to give someone else control of me and enjoy the ride. 

Today it was interesting. It feels like all the past admireers are swarming back to me with a venegance. First to start off, Punker drifted off so although i wish him the best. I am too busy with work to cater to his needs. Lucia is getting his life together which is great. At least I don't have to worry about him too much. I am stilltrying to secure a secound job and have to pay one last bill to someone that i owe money to. Luckily it is final payment. Jafar contact me to check up on me and was worried about my well being. He is doing well and glad that he is getting back on his feet. I am not too happy about constantly asking questions where i just want answers to. I have to pay for materials to use for cooking including tools. I am officially bored with sex. I just gave up on it since I could never be able to find pleasure or satisfication in it. I had to miss work last wendesday due to the fact i was injured. I was in so much pain that i was crying. Capone is very worried that I might not be taking care of myself the way I should. I need to take better care of myself. My brother's birthday is in two weeks. So far I bought the famous Blackout cake shipped from New York. I arranged a dinner to be set up at Rec 225. The menu is appealing and the drinks are promising. After my brother's birthday, I have to prep for my birthday. I know i want to eat at this new asian resttaurant near by. They sell dumplings and boba teas. I wish my parents helped me out a bit more versus constantly trying to find new ways to pull me down. I also have admirer that keeps messaging me when I told them clearly I wasn't interested. It got so bad I had to block them because they didn't understand that no really means no. I better go I have to get stuff ready for tomorrow.

I wish my dream dom would take me away from this mundane world and let me enjoy being submissive

I managed to get my lunch box from the Lyft driver. I am so happy. The box was special because a coworker gave it to me from secret santa last christmas. This morning I was reading texts from Lucia and his confession. Although sincere I can't let myself be with him because he isn't showing with actions and it is all words at this point. Yesterday I gave food to my friend Meerkitty. He enjoyed my cooking. The cheesesteak toretillini is a big hit. My brothers finished off the first container and the secound container is almost gone, if not already. My onion galette was also good. Meerkitty woofed down the onion galette like it was nothing. I am so proud that my cooking is improving. I was always told since birth to a man's heart is a man's stomach. I hope that is true. I hope to service a deserving dom and cook for him as much as possible. A dom has been conversing with me and he is extremely nice yet very sexually starved. We shall call him Punker due to his punk style hairstyle. He is a widower with two kids. His wife passed away due to cancer. I feel sorry for him. My grandmother had breast cancer and thankfully she beat it. My great aunt however was not so lucky. I understand the pain of losing someone you love so much.  Death is normal for me since Death claimed members of my extend family whether from old age or health problems. I want to help Punker out a bit. I work at retail and their is a lot of clearance for clothes and shoes. I could buy them and send it to him for the kids. I also cook big batches for my family. I can send some of the food I cook to him as well. Anything to make someone else's life easier. There are so much people in this world that focus on self preservation that we forget it to help those in need. We like to use the bible to justify our own agenda but forget the the key commandements that Jesus Christ taught. To love thy neighbor as you love yourself and to do unto others as you want to do unto you. I beleive this to be true since good things seem to happen whenever I do the right thing for others. I should go I can't be still for so long in this room.

Update on my life: I am broke from groceries i had to get to feed my brothers. I made chicken parm grilled cheese and wasn't my best. I made cheesesteak toretllini and I can't be able to enjoy my dinner because my mom chooses tonight out of all days to clean the table and reorganize the kitchen. It feels like hell and on top of that. She started hoarding my room with her junk. And I can't say anything about it, since I only living here temporarily and now the roaches are coming into the house. She says it needs to be sprayed again but the problem will still exist until the junk is completely cleared out. It means having to sort through the junk and figuring out what to keep  and what to donate. And what is trash. I have offered plenty of times to help clean up on my days off. I even said that I won't throw anything away. You get to decide what you want to do. Even that was too much for her to do. It is the main reason why i left home with my former boyfriend at the time. I don't want to leave in a hoarded space when i don't hoard things period. I enjoy doing laundry and washing dishes. I enjoy having space to walk and not have dust everywhere or easily be able to find things in my livable space. I can't do that at home and it makes me feel so depressed about not being able to escape my environment that i have thought about self harm. Yet i don't do that because i have people that still care and love me who don't want to see me hurt. I just wish for once in her Christian life. She understands that she doesn't need things and her family is enough and her friends are enough. I am enough. I hope when I have children of my own> I wouldn't put them through the pain of having to have their space crowded out for my things or have to feel like i choose the stuff over them. 

I haven't written in my journal a long awhile since i have been busy with work and finding a second job. I have so me down time to write in here, so i will try to give the reader's digest of what is going on with me. I am completely broke. So i had to file for bankruptcy. It is the most humbling and embrassing moment in my life. Lucia and I are on talking terms but I am blocking him from being intimate with me because I can't keep putting effort into something and not be blown off from it. My health is not that great either. I have been bleeding for three months now and not have any relief from it. I don't have health insurance, so I can't afford to go to the hospital. I think Liberalism isn't bad since universal healthcare would be nice about now. Having the government pay my medical bills when i can't afford it, so I can get on my feet to go back to work would be perfect. I see a lot of homeless people out here. More than usual. Yet a bill is passed that police officers can arrest you for being homeless in public areas. There is no homeless shelters in my area, so how can they be able to be out of the public eye? It is shaping out to be more and more like the Great Depression Era. Make America Great Again my ass!

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AmbiguousUtopia
Submissive, Age: 23
 London, United Kingdom