10/1/2023 11:33:31 AM: Today I am not feeling too well. I ate some bad fastfood from steak-n-shake. I probably should of had wayback burgers instead. I had to postpone a date with Capone again. I feel bad about it since I did promise to spend time with him.  I also did that yesterday because i was tired from work and my nerves got to me. I don't understand why I am nervous of the thought of Capone touching me and joining him in bed. Is my trauma from my childhood resurfacing again? I bought dog treats for my Lexi. She really loves the capora! I kee putting off finishing up my drivers ed. I still need to schedule the knowledge exam for the restricts. I am always on the move and try to do everything at once. I want to have it done as quickly as possible. I really need to stop putting stuff off and rushing. My body still yearns to be dominated. I keep running through my head of being in bondage and being helpless, at the mercy of a man groping, sucking, licking my entire figure. It frightens me that I will be giving myself willingly to a man not because it was expected of me or feel obligated to do so. My flora is extremely wet lately maybe in reponse to me working out. Lucia was upset with the fact that I didn't want to give my temple to him for worship. He blew up on me and univited me. I am glad that I didn't spend any money on him like last time. Lucia always has these mood swings where he is friendly with me at one point but then next day at my thorat. It is major reason why I can't be his lover anymore. I can't fault him on him having a mental disorder but I need someone that I can be able to be present and is mentally all there. Lucia will always have a special place in my heart. I constantly think of my dom slinging wax on me and rubbing my pink petals. I want to feel his entire boa slithering inside my tight flora. I want to be submissive so bad.

9/25/2023 8:56:36 PM: Today I was blessed by the Great god almighty with significant increase in my credit score. I was so happy I wanted to spread my blessing by giving the best service at my job. Plus help out my mom with her daycare business. Capone is very nice to me and he makes me feel comfortable. I asked about the status of our relationship whether it was open or closed. He gave me an answer and when directed the question at me. I couldn't be able to give an answer. I want to say that I am commited to him but there is always this inkling of doubt that it will be the way i want. So I keep my distance and keep my heart guarded. Lucia is expecting me to lie in bed with him and i had to refuse. It is the main reason why I want to get a hotel room which keeps him from touching me in anyway. Yet at the same time, Lucia is getting worst. It breaks my heart when he calls me and he tells me what is going through his fast paced, disorganized, looney mind. I can't make sense of it. I keep wanting a lover to company my bed. I always imagined a lycanthrope or a vampire to slip in the dead of night. They open my legs ad just taste my chocolate bao. I burst molten chocolate all over their mouth and I beg them to go inside me deeper, harder, and I arch my back and I let out a moan. Their primal instinct kicks and they devour my flora with their fauna. I can feel their alpha male energy vibrate through out their body as i feel their laboring breathing. Their gutteral moaning in my ear as i hold on to the satin sheets from under me. My legs wrapped around them as they finally release their white lightening. It makes me excited everytime I think about it. 

9/23/2023 10:28:10 PM: My body yearns to be touched by a man like Capone. Yet i want to marry my dom. My honeypot still has sweet honey drippingly out and ready to give service to a dom that can satisfy my ever growing breeding fetish. It sucks not being fulfilled in such a way. My ex came to the house tonight. I told him to get lost and i had a ne man in my life. He tells me that i am lying then grabbed my charmed ones. I slapped him so hard in the face. Yet he liked me being defiant. He grabbed me and started rubbing my pink nectar. The more i struggled, the more he liked it. My brother was the one who intervened. He threatned calling the law if he came back again. My friend Lucia desires me to give him a warm body to help him sleep. It didn't help when he mentioned that he doesn't demand for erogenous pleasures that often anymore. Even tonight, i arch my back touching and worshippping my temple. Desiring folliwers to clean and worship me as their physical goddess.

9/20/2023 5:04:38 AM: I won a giftbasket for mens for the longest recepit. I was gunning for the women's giftbasket but i can settle for constellation prizes. My body still yearns for another lover to wake up to every morning and to go to sleep with every night. I managed to get two out of seven gifts for seven people. I got a plea from a friend named Lucia. He doesn't like to be alone for Christmas every year, so he invited me to go see him at his assisted living faculity. It is more like a prison to him based on the fact; that he was abused there. I decided to rent a few nights in a hotel which in essence gives him a chance to escape just a bit. Capone has been very nice to me. He always bring me flowers and treats me like i am a lady rather than a harlot. And as always without fail, on a third date i must allow Capone to touch my body and take pleasure from it. I am scared because my honeypot is sacred to me. I want worshippers that i can be able to just let go and allow them to feel every crevice of my glorious mounds and valleys. I don't want to avoid Capone since Lucia needs my attention. Lucia suffers from a very serious mental disorder that has him on fifteen different medications. One of whom he built immunity to. There isn't a stronger dose for it, so he has to be in constant therapy to battle his demons. He leans on me to help him through his manic episodes and take him back to reality. I am laying in bed cupping my brown sugar mallows wanting to be groped by my dom. I want him to feel how much my chocolate syrup wants that banana milk mixed up inside. I never longed fo my dom as much as i do now. I long to be touched but I long for compatability to just let go, to trust,to be able to speak the tongues of erogenious bliss. I am frightened to expect more out of men especially knowing there is no chiavarly anymore. It is part of the reason why I find Japanese men more alluring to me. As i  arch my back, i let a long shallow g as my flora starts to quiver. It wants to be whole. It wants to be wanted and doesn't want to give themselves to just plain cream cheese log. It wants an exquiste cornish hen feast with long wurst links. I better go i need some rest.

9/9/2023 5:24:31 AM: I spent the night at a friend's house. I finally can say with confidence that I don't feel anything for him. I love Meerkitty as a friend. Strictly as friends. It feels bittersweet. I am glad that i moved on emotionally from my love for him. But at the same time, I wonder what could of been. And not saying that loving him is what i was trying to do. Right now I have to beautify myself and get into the sexy mode for the date on Sunday. I hope my efforts will be rewarded greatly. I hope one day I can unlock my submissive side and just let go. I will be just content in my own skin.