3/1/2018 2:02:29 PM: it seems the more you try to lead a normal quiet life, the more the lure of the erotic eats away at you. Your weaknesses surface and all seems lost again.  I suppose we males really do not know what we want.  When we have found our 'true' role in life we get wrapped up in our own self interest and lose what we thought we had found.  I cannot convince myself to follow my desires or stay in the shadows and sulk.  I have left my Mistress so many times and been graciously allowed to return.  Do I dare to ask Her for another chance to show my dedication and commitment?  How can I have the nerve and audacity to even consider it?  Could I ever be faithful to Her for as long as she desires?

6/22/2017 2:24:48 PM: It seems I can only go for so long in denial.  Trying to change oneself or deny what You are deep down does not work.  Every time I try and leave I say to myself this is it!.  Sometimes it last for days or weeks.  This last time was so long, 6 months, I was certain I could be independent and free or any submissive desires or feelings.  Now I go ahead and try and reconnect with my previous Domme.  I caused the split and now am begging to return. regardless of the price I will pay. The necessity to be submissive and controlled by the right Mistress is inexplicable to most 'normal' males.  It is difficult to explain the personal pleasure derived from submission.  it takes away individual freedom and replaces it with a structured environment.  You don't make any decisions on your own sexuality, Your Mistress does it for you.  Self pleasure is no longer a 'problem' . You don't have to dwell on thoughts and activities, it will be arranged for you.

12/9/2015 1:49:50 PM: here i am again at the threshhold.  do i wnat to go back where i was or can i maintain my independence.it seems so simple and so right weeks ago, decalring my freedom and being on my own.  somewhere along the way i weaken.  perhaps it has to do with myself. the longer i maintain parsonal chastity, the more i find myself searching the web over many topics that i have been curious (read hooked on). in a moment, perhaps several, i searched online looking at chastity cages.  why i don't understand. but i do know!  the thought of being locked and restrained acually excites and arouses me.  in a fit or desire, i order one on e-bay, while continuing a search for other ones more erotic, constrainign or punishing.  being on my own is hell at times.  i just noticed there are chastity cages with electro stimulator wires and ports.  now i find myself looking further.  expensive but not too much. how do they work? are they as good as they claim?  experience has taught me that most things are overrated and nowhere as good as advertised. oh well possibly atsome period of weakness??