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Hetero Female Dominant, 60,   , Washington
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Quiet intellectual Domme looking for submissive male partner. I am not a partier, my idea of a good time is settling in with a book, going to an art house movie, a good conversation, running errands with friends... I enjoy the small everyday graces and find comfort in those who are loyal, honest, compassionate, and kind. I come across a bit aloof at first, but with time you will find that I take great joy in being able to relax with you and show my goofier side.

Im monogamous and have zero interest in a poly relationship or cuckolding. Is it possible to have less than zero interest? If so, mark me down as that.


I do have a standard by which I expect you to behave - respectful, communicative, attentive, and fully present. I also expect you to have thoughts and opinions, and to share them. Ds is a partnership, and both must support each other in their roles. I am not looking for someone who turns their brain off and just chants Yes, Miss. I am looking for a real person with heart and spirit, who is able to function independently as an adult, and wants to bring things to the partnership instead of needing to be taken care of. By things I do not mean that I am looking for payment or tribute, I mean that you should be self-aware and capable of working on your own issues. I will help and guide where needed, but I expect you to be self-aware and not running to Ds to hide from the world or have someone fix you. My age is up to date as of November 2021. If the age on your profile is not correct, please let me know. I will not respond to messages from subs in their 20s and 30s.



Fair warning I am very direct. I am also shy. Yes, a Domme can be dominant and shy. No, on the surface you would not guess that I am shy. However, with an intimate partner, it will come up from time to time, so in addition to taking direction please appreciate that sometimes we will both need a little space and privacy.



I enjoy good manners, and will expect you to know or be willing to learn how to cook, give a really good massage, be willing to learn new skills as requested, and bonus points if you are handy.



Do not message me if you are married. Do not message me if you are in a relationship. Do not message me if you are in the process of leaving a relationship. Do not message me if you are racist, homophobic, ageist, classist, uhm..... or any other ist. If you are a bible thumper, we are not going to get along. Having some sort of spiritual belief is fine, trying to shove it down the throats of everyone else is not. Have kids? Im fine with that, but I do expect you to parent responsibly and not introduce new people into your childrens lives until a relationship is established or likely. Dont have kids? Im fine with that also.



Please note, I do not friend people I havent met in person.



What a relationship would look like A lot like a vanilla relationship, with an added and strong Ds component. I practice the mental and emotional aspect of Ds, and know that you can take direction in jeans and a t-shirt. If you can only picture your Domme in fetish gear, dispensing kink to you at your whim, kindly move right along. If you are looking for emotional intimacy and companionship, well, maybe you should stay awhile.


I have reached a point in my life where I would like to settle down with a partner for the long haul. I am not interested in online play, a casual play partner or penpals. If you are too frightened to talk on the phone after getting to know each other a bit, or if you do not have the intention to meet in real life at some point, then we are not a match. I am a real person, looking for another real person who is interested in a long term monogamous relationship and who understands that relationships require work. Kindly treat me as a real person and not a fetish.
*I have listed rubber play as a hard limit due to a latex allergy, so that truly will not ever be happening, and best to be upfront with that. A couple of other quick notes - I will not respond if your profile is full of dick pics (not looking for a sub whos gotta show his wang to the world to feel manly) and I prefer to reinforce positive behavior through reward and privileges so if you are a brat we would not be a happy pair.


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Joined:

 prettyjellybean

 Dominant Female

   

 Washington

 5' 8"

 60

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 07/04/15

 

Actively Seeking:

Sub / Slave Male

 Likes:

 Art Galleries

 Fine Dining

 Movies

 Museums

 Volunteerism

 Newspapers

 Science Fiction

 Archaeology

 Liberal Politics

 Alternative Music

 Classical Music

 Funk

 Jazz

 New Age Music

 Pop Music

 Rock Music

 Hates:

 Bar Hopping

 Modern Primitivism

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Hard Limits:

 Rubber Fetish

 Swinging

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Journal Entries:
8/15/2022 7:50:41 PM

I'm in an abusive relationship with ice cream.

Even though I know I'm going to regret it, I can't resist its mint chip allure.  My hopes of sleeping through the aftermath are always in vain.  No lactase enzymes can save me from the carnage.  And yet I ignore the wrath of my body and go back for more the next night.

I am not a switch but willingly allow ice cream to top me again and again.

Why? And why mint?  Such are the mysteries of the human soul.


8/10/2022 1:59:46 AM
style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: #ffcc99; font-family: Buda, serif; font-size: 16pt;">ripe plums are falling now there are only five may a fine lover come for me while there is still time ripe plums are falling now there are only three may a fine lover come for me while there is still time ripe plums are falling i gather them in a shallow basket may a fine lover come for me tell me his name Chinese Book of Songs Quoted in "Crossing Delancey"

8/9/2022 2:38:21 PM

Currently at odds with our IT department.  They insist my internet is lagging because my voice sounds slow and there are pauses, and I keep telling them that's just the way I talk.


8/8/2022 11:43:25 PM

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that." - Brian Andreas


8/6/2022 11:34:12 PM

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.”

Pablo Neruda


8/5/2022 11:13:34 PM

Note to self: Next time you're up in the middle of the night shopping for Swiss Army knives and having trouble making a decision, pause and ask yourself, is it possible you have a fever?  Because sure enough, this morning I was a sweaty mess.

In an ideal world, my sub would bring me some cold water, turn on the air conditioner, put a little blanket on my lap and ask if I want to snuggle or be left alone.  In the absence of that, I took a bath, washed my hair, ate some rice, curled up under a little cotton blanket and took a nap. Groceries came and I only got two thirds of them put away.  Blaaaaaaaah.  Looking forward to going to bed.

As for that tribute nonsense... the only tribute I want is a cup of tea when I'd like it.


8/5/2022 4:45:18 PM

I just got a fortune cookie that says, "your personal property will be enhanced within the month. "  Guess this means I'm gonna wash the car.


8/5/2022 2:26:19 AM

What does one do when up after midnight?

Watch Korean tv shows
Comparison shop Swiss army knives
Look for a crescent moon door wreath
Read about crate training dogs, no I don't have a pupper  
Make a grocery list
Eat a hazelnut and Belgian chocolate chip cookie
Learn about how to use a miswak stick
See what dommes are chatting about on fetlife  
Map out a fictional town  
Clean out CollarSpace inbox
Dream

 


8/4/2022 8:32:19 PM

For those who are curious, journal posts are currently getting approved really quickly.  Sometimes within a couple hours, two days at the longest (as far as I've seen).


8/2/2022 12:36:00 PM

Yesterday was one of the most traumatic days of my life.

There was a news article claiming that research shows eating ice cream causes cognitive decline.

I have navigated over two years of Covid, wildfire smoke, mumps outbreak, rioting, toilet paper shortages, hand soap rationing, flooding, heat dome, rollbacks of womens rights, monkey pox, and now they're coming for our ice cream????

it's too much.


7/29/2022 5:20:48 PM

More crabby journal posting.  
There are communications I receive which cause me to regard the other person and think, "are you out of your freaking mind?"

Amazingly, these land in my inbox with tragic regularity.

One of them is, "I'm an alpha sub.  I'm not like these other guys."  
What they think they have communicated:  I have a strong mind, great coping skills, and am not a weak individual. I am respected by other men.

What they have actually communicated: I'm inexperienced and don't know fuck-all.  I have never spoken to other subs.  If I have seen other subs at functions, I have interpreted their submissiveness with their partner to mean that they are weak willed and could not hand me my ass in a fight.  Because I have internal conflict about my own submissiveness and think it's abnormal.  

Common communication: "I have sent you several messages.  If you aren't interested, I would expect the courtesy of a reply."
What they think they communicated: My time and interest are valuable and ignoring me is rude.  

What they actually communicated: Even though you don't know me from Adam, I am entitled to your time and attention.  By having a profile up on this site, you owe me.  Me me me me me.  Me me me.  I will keep messaging till you acknowledge me, because I do what I want! Acknowledge meeeeee!!

Another communication I receive is, "I saw you were online and didn't answer my previous message, you are mean and toying with me."
What they think they have communicated: I expect respect and attention.  If you are more interested in other people, let me know.

What they have actually communicated: I'm not much of a geek, and don't understand that people multi task and leave multiple screens up, sometimes for hours.  I am stalking your profile and checking when you are online.  I'm creepy, and I think you owe me.  

And finally, there is this gem.  "We've been chatting a long time and you offered to call me and I said yes, but now you expect me to provide a phone number.  I have told you all kinds of things about my kinks and you haven't talked about yours, and I feel NAKED and I've changed my mind because this feels inequitable!!!!"

What they think they have communicated: I refuse to be taken advantage of, you evil conniving woman.  I have caught you in your game!

What they have actually communicated: Despite your telling me that you didn't want my kink wishlist, I splooged it all over your inbox anyhow.  And even though you thought there might be some potential worth exploring anyway, this has all become too real and I'm over my head.  Also, I'm too technically illiterate to download an app with an anonymous phone number so instead I'm going to accuse you of probably being a scammer and on top of everything how dare you, a domme who is seeking a Ds relationship, how dare you propose anything that might in any way feel inequitable, how dare you, you bitch bitch bitch I'm scared and only want fantasy.  Run run as fast as I can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!  Please give me the sense that God gave a pea, I need it badly.  

And that concludes my crabby post.  I hope it has been helpful.  If someone suggests a phone call you can download Signal, which will assign you a confidential phone number which will also allow you to block the caller if they turn out to be bananas, or even delete the app altogether.  Or there is Google Voice.  Or God knows how many other options. The more you know! Seriously, discuss these things calmly rather than freaking out, and if someone says they're not interested in online roleplay but you aren't ready for real life interaction, please move on to other profiles.  


7/29/2022 5:10:31 PM

Another crazy hot day.  More popsicles.  Thinking fondly of a past partner who pressured me into buying an air conditioner.  

I've been looking at some of the other recent journal posts and apparently I've got this journal thing all wrong.  I should be screaming about how impossible everyone on the site is.

There are days it certainly seems true.  Not long ago a sub landed in my mailbox, like an alien visitor, and insisted that I have everything wrong, that Ds is not about authority, it's about sex.  There can be no Ds without sex.  Despite the fact that there are gay male doms with straight female submissives, despite the fact that some Ds couples have no romantic or sexual relationships, I was absolutely wrong.  Foolish, even.  When I would not accept his correction, then I must be asexual.  

Another recent inbox exchange ended when I maintained that a site where men pay for lessons in submission was a scam.  Granted, it was an appealing site for wishful and inexperienced subs.  According to the site, you had to surrender your male pigname, engrave dog tags with your new feminine or neutral name, put yourself up for auction to be paired with a domme who would give you a plethora of pre-written lessons over the internet, and there was something about wrapping the dog tags around your balls and yanking the chain for correction. 

There is no such thing as universal training for submission.  Every domme is different.  Every sub is different.  One of the toughest things in a real life relationship with an experienced submissive is for the sub to drop the habits they formed with their last domme, and learn their new domme.  I can't even imagine the nightmare, for both people, that would result when someone thinks their paid lessons are the One True Way.

Which brings me to the point of this post.  It's a post I've considered making for months, and then I decide not to, because it's just common sense.  But after this last exchange, I've decided it may have value after all.

Subs, this is for you.  It's coming from a domme who has had real life relationships and participated in her local kink community.

Any domme telling you that you need to purchase a training kit off the internet is scamming you.  Real dommes don't do that.  The person directing you to the training kit is getting a kickback.  I know there are plenty of you reading this who want to believe the training kit scam is real.  It's not.  

Anyone asking you for tribute to prove your sincerity is interested in your wallet, and how much more they can get out of it.  The sincerity they want to see demonstrated is whether you can sincerely pay or gift on time.  

If you want to do fantasy roleplay on the internet, great, have at it.  But understand that it is fantasy.  If you were to go to a real life gathering of dominant women and announce that you had renounced your male pigname, we'd be going, what is this person talking about. 

There is no international society of dommes that sets rules for everyone.  There is no universal training.  The truth is, if you want a relationship with a real life dominant woman, it usually starts out looking an awful lot like plain vanilla dating.  Most of us are concerned about basic compatibility and want to establish that first.

Lastly, when I did not budge from my view that the training site for subs was a scam, I was criticized for having strong opinions.  No shit, Sherlock.  Dominant women do tend to be opinionated.  Real ones, anyway. 


7/26/2022 11:31:15 AM

It's going to be in the 90s today.  A road trip is not an option.  Clearly, the best way to deal with the situation is lower the blinds halfway, turn off the lights, turn on the air conditioner, and have a frozen chocolate dipped banana popsicle for breakfast while listening to Shine On Crazy Diamond.

It also seems like a good day to take the car through the car wash, but maybe not because isn't there something about not drying the wax in full sun?  Hmmmm.  Must investigate.  I guess I could go to the do it yourself car wash and skip the wax.  

Ages ago I used to drive outside the city at night to the do it yourself Big Top Car Wash. Yes there were other car washes nearby, but it was fun to get out on the freeway for a night drive at good speed, and the bright colors and flat out goofiness of the Big Top Car Wash made me laugh.  This was when I had my little rocket car, and I would pick up a friend to zoom around with me, chattering away, then when we got to the car wash I would have them man the dial while I ran around the car beautifying it, calling out foamy brush! Clear rinse!  Wax!  We had fun.

I have a history of taking friends with me on errands.  For a long time, I was the only one with a car, so I'd call them up and ask if they wanted to come to the grocery store or hardware store or wherever.  I still love doing those things with someone.  Some of my happiest dating memories are grocery shopping together.    Something about it just feels cozy.

I know there are subs who will read this journal entry and think, If I were there I'd be scrubbing the car and she'd be turning the dial.  The thing is, I might not want that.  Service isn't service if it's unwanted, it's assumption and might be imposition.  Offer.  There are things I'm happy and grateful to offload, and other things I enjoy doing myself.  This is part of treating me like a human being, not a caricature.  Knowing the ins and outs of what is wanted and what is not builds intimacy.


7/26/2022 12:56:15 AM

There are vast numbers of things that I simply do not care about.  I have strong preferences in some areas.  I have preferred brands of pens.  Most people who have done a lot of office work do.  I like a Pilot G2-07. Pentel is a good backup brand.  I want to like Uni-Ball but their ink blotches.  Giving me a box of Bic pens is like passing me a secret I Hate You note.

In other things, I don't care.  Toilet paper roll over or under? Who cares.  Should the toothpaste tube be squeezed from the bottom or the middle? It should be squeezed where my hand landed on it.  If you ask me my preference in something and I say I don't care, it means exactly that.  It's not a trap, it doesn't mean I'm angry, it means I have no preference and don't consider it worth the time to think about.  When I am at a restaurant with someone, I do not care what they are ordering.  If they want wagyu steak, fine.  If they want to eat a bowl of cheese whiz, whatever.  I've sat across from plenty of people chowing down on things I would never touch in a million years.  Don't care.

I do care if someone is trying to convince me that I really don't want what I want.  If I say that I want chai tea and the response is, I think you really want a fruit smoothie, my thought is, get out of my face.  If I say I want to watch the movie Red and the person queues up Die Hard instead, they will be spending the evening alone.  

Some people find this directness intimidating.  I think it makes me easy to live with.  There's no need for a lot of second guessing or decoder rings.


7/24/2022 9:49:59 PM

I just tried to put a weighted blanket inside a duvet cover.  It was not the right solution.

Future submissive, rescue me.

Oh wait, YouTube might have saved me.  But this sucker is heavy and too big to tackle tonight.  Future project.

I'm not sure I really like the weighted blanket anyway.


7/23/2022 5:04:31 PM

I got a Covid booster.  I switched brands.  The after effects were different.  With the original brand I would be hit with immediate, extreme dizziness and stiff jaw.  The dizziness would last into the next day or two.  This time, with the different brand, no dizziness and no stiff jaw.  However, I did get an arm so sore I couldn't fully lift it for a few days, and I felt tired and slept a lot.  I usually have good time sense, I instinctively know what the approximate time is.  Not only did that go out the window but I got all whacked out on what day of the week it was.  Stress level was a bit elevated, sudden noises were making me jump.  I could not focus enough to read a book.

I'm continuing to take it easy this weekend.  Currently curled up in bed with the lights out, a little sun coming through the window but not much.  I have some recovery supplies on hand.  Watermelon.  Mint chip ice cream.  Minute rice, because what is more delicious than rice with butter and freshly cracked black peppercorns?  Maybe rice with pink pickled ginger, but I don't have that right now.  

Other recovery items I sadly do not have are Chinese cabbage soup and pork fried rice.  I had them the day of and the day following the vaccination, but they are now gone.  Sadness.  My favorite pizza place has closed, they had amazing salads.  More sadness.  Anyway, the plan for the day is to lie around.  Maybe I will put on a Chinese historical drama that saved my brain during the early days of the pandemic, or a favorite Korean show.  No I don't understand either language, but I like the sound.  Sometimes there's Japanese or Urdu playing in the background of my living space too.

This morning I got an interesting message.  Someone was talking about the ratio of male subs to dominant women here, guessing that I must get a deluge of messages.  They said they had just checked, and there were 4 dominant women and 75 male subs online.  I'm going to share my response because I think it might be helpful to those subs who think the odds are against them.

I get messages, but I dont know if its a deluge. I used to get more messages before I put some journal entries up. A large percentage of them were icky. Since I put some journal entries up, I get less messages and a lower ick percentage. Of the messages that are not foul, most do not make it through my initial questions. Of the ones that make it through the screening questions, it is not uncommon to have a few message exchanges and then to be called a variety of names. Of the remaining people who have cleared the screening and not called me names or been demeaning, not many are capable of substantive communication. Those that display an interesting mind eventually are invited to have a phone call, to which the majority agree and then ghost rather than supply a phone number. Of those that progress to a phone call, sometimes there is instant mutual dislike. Sometimes there is denigration and unkindness at that point. So you see, there is not the vast pool of possibilities for real life dommes on this site you may imagine.

Okay, with that out of the way...  It would be lovely to have someone pick up Chinese cabbage soup, or make a cup of tea while I'm feeling run down.  I have moved past the get away from me everything is too much stage and into the phase where it would be nice to curl up with someone for a little while.  If you don't speak cat, you may be perplexed.  I once had someone tell me that I run emotionally hot and cold.  Not really.  Cat people will understand.  You can enjoy just being in the same room with someone without needing them glued to you.  Other times, touch is desired.  Well, I'm not boring.


7/18/2022 1:21:06 AM

It has been a quiet weekend.  I took my profile down for a few days to do some thinking and take a mini vacation.

This weekend, I did some reading, treated myself to some favorite snacks, and binge watched the latest episodes of Alone.  For those not familiar, it's a show where survivalists are dropped off in the wilderness alone, where they need to establish a campsite and figure out a food supply.  They are periodically checked on by a medical team.  The person who lasts the longest without tapping out or getting pulled out for medical reasons (frostbite, malnutrition, etc.) wins a cash prize.

I'm not an expert camper and wouldn't last long in such a situation, but I really enjoy the show.  The shelters built sometimes show fantastic ingenuity.  Some of the participants hunker down and limit movement to conserve calories, others busy themselves carving utensils, musical instruments, art for their shelter walls, and so on.  It gives a unique view of these people.  There are also short onscreen educational notes about the nutritional value of the berries they have foraged or info about the animals they encounter.  A lot of the time contestants tap out because the isolation becomes overwhelming and they miss their families.  Many of us have gone through mini isolation during Covid.  I have dealt with it better than I would have predicted if you had told me two years ago what was ahead.

Hoping everyone else is doing well and taking good care of themself during these uncertain times.


7/17/2022 9:33:44 PM

My home doesn't smell like my home should.  
I realized this when I received a used book in the mail, opened the package, and it smelled like that persons house.

Its been awhile since I've been able to step inside my door and have it smell like home.  The herbs I often keep near the door have faded, time for a refresh.  At its best, when I step inside my place it smells of white sage, star anise, peppermint, juniper berries, cardamom, and sometimes a pinch of rose or lavender.  In winter, I may add some frankincense and clove to the mix.  Looks like a trip to the apothecary is in my near future.

I'm sometimes asked what types of things I will want from my sub.  I want someone who notices a delicious scent, someone who when asked to pick up some tellicherry peppercorns doesn't come home with green peppercorns instead.  Who understands that the yellow kitchen sponges are used for food surfaces and never with chemicals.  Who doesn't absentmindedly add sugar to my tea, and doesn't mind stopping to pet a cat while out on a walk.  This is a different sort of sub than the ones who message me with their lists of all the ways they want me to perform for them.  If you've got a list of kinks you expect your domme to perform, it might be best to hire someone to do it to your standard, in the precise way you prescribe.   

I get messages from people who somehow think I don't realize that I haven't listed any kinks on my profile likes.  I realize.  I'm not interested in discussing my preferences with strange men on the internet.  This is a kink site.  My profile mentions that I'm a domme who likes service subs, and I'm into Ds.  I believe that demographic is capable of understanding some of the nuances of my profile.

I don't mind questions, but I don't want to discuss kink unless it hits the point that we already know we like each other's brains, sense of humor, and general outlook on the world.  That usually means we've gotten to the point of a phone call.  My general rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't say it to a woman on a date in a restaurant, don't blind message me with it.  You wouldn't randomly walk up to a woman and drop your trousers, don't message me about your dick.  If you do not understand this, we are not a match.  Yes I know this eliminates about 85 percent of the men here.  I'm completely okay with that.


7/10/2022 9:39:57 AM

Good dreams last night.  Two cars ago I had a 77 Toyota Celica, stick shift, which I took to a racing mechanic.  Loved that car, I was always first away at a light, and could do 120 climbing a mountain pass.  Last night I dreamt I was driving around town in that car, moving through the streets of the city at a smooth swift pace,  I completely miss having a stick shift.  The only part I don't miss is the panic on a steep hill when you're caught at a light, some twit has crawled up your tailpipe, and you know you're gonna roll back.  That car was low to the ground, and light.  Light enough that if the battery died I could open the driver side door, push the car, jump in and pop the clutch, all by myself. Friends liked it when I picked them up for midnight drives to nowhere, because the car was so fun to be in.  I was a little sad to wake up.

I also dreamt I was house sitting for someone, gathering my things to leave the house and go back to my own life, when I suddenly remembered I needed to take down all the glow in the dark stars I'd put on their ceilings. 

Until just a few years ago I had glow in the dark stars on my bathroom ceiling.  Some of us never grow all the way up.  It takes hard work and vigilance to defend the magical corners of your life.


7/1/2022 4:36:28 PM

What do you do in your spare time?

Last night I watched a couple of documentaries on North Korea, had Chinese food, a long phone conversation, listened to music by an East Indian singer, and browsed Reddit.

Tonight I'll be reading an urban fantasy steeped in Celtic folklore, shopping for a gift for a friend, and perusing a newly acquired vintage cookbook dedicated to pumpkin.

This weekend it will be cleaning, laundry, reorganizing the kitchen, a walk in a Japanese garden, a trip to the post office, work on a music playlist, and in an ideal world I would also set up a new laptop and start a basic design project, but that probably won't happen.  I'll be touching base with a couple of people by phone.

On Saturdays, I typically participate in a local womens group but I've skipped the last few weeks because all they want to talk about lately is disease and death.  If someone is not well and needs support, sure.  But if they're not sick, they want to talk about someone they know who has some disease.  If they don't know anyone who's ill, they want to talk about a friend of a friend or someone they heard about in another state or country or something they read once about someone somewhere who was sick, or some sickness they heard about that existed somewhere at some time.  Like, no.  I'm not that bored.

So the theme of this post is, I manage to keep myself entertained, and I'm looking for someone who can do the same.  Curiosity and humor, please.  Also, some social grace.  I fully understand what it is like to be a socially awkward penguin, but I need someone who is capable of polite manners and can be taken out in public.


6/27/2022 3:10:36 PM

If you are ever feeling sad, just remember the world is 4.543 billion years old and you somehow managed to live at the same time as Joni Mitchell.  And Hozier.  And Dave Grohl.  And Paul McCartney.  And John Lennon. And Ryan Adams.  And The Waterboys.  And Nahko Bear.  And EmmyLou Harris.  And Nina Simone.  And James Taylor.  And Ray LaMontagne.  And Van Morrison.  And Daniel Lanois.  And Amy Winehouse. And Paul Simon.  And Robert Plant.  And Demi Lovato.  And Dionne Warwick. And Stevie Ray Vaughan. And Peter Gabriel.  And Iggy Pop.  And Rokia Kobe. And Kavita Krishnamurthy.  And Nancy Curtin. And and and... 


6/21/2022 10:12:45 PM

Amazingly, I've had better messages since I started posting a journal.

I'm assuming some of the unsavory people have thought, oh no she has a brain!  Danger Will Robinson!

I've said plenty about what I'm not looking for, and probably not enough about what I find attractive.

I like stability.  A stable partner makes me happy.

It's important that any partner appreciates creativity and whimsy, because that's part of the package with me.  

 


6/19/2022 10:15:42 PM

Most succinct way I've seen it put: try to meet a woman who happens to be a dominant, not a dominant who happens to be a woman.

When I'm communicating with a sub, I'm primarily interested in who they are as a person.  If they are unpleasant or have no interests, they can provide the most perfect service on the planet and I'm not going to enjoy the interaction.


6/18/2022 6:39:42 PM

It was a good Saturday.  
I packaged and mailed some paperback books for a book swapping club I belong to.  I make an effort to add some artistic flair to the wrapping so the receiver gets a little extra pleasure when the package arrives.  I placed an order for a book I'm looking forward to, and I have a new book that I'm starting today.

The drive to the post office was very pleasant, the sun was out.  But, it's still much colder than usual here so I had to have the heat on in the car and I'm wearing a hoodie in addition to jeans and tshirt.

Which brings me to this point... jeans, tshirt and a hoodie are common wear for me.  Yes I can dress up a bit for dinner out, but my daily wear does not consist of thigh high boots and a whip.  I get a lot of messages here, and some of them are pretty far out in the ozone.  Men who have no real life experience and are basing all their notions off of porn, approaching me with a list of demands.  Those folks are not exhibiting any behavior that indicates they know how to function in a relationship.  Even polite deferrals of, "we are not a match, best wishes on your continued search" are met with tirades and verbal abuse.  
 
I expect some social skills.  The capacity for polite conversation.  The ability to discuss differing viewpoints.  An understanding of nuance.  A recognition of the need for communication.  I'm not here looking for casual kinky pick up play, I'm looking for a long term partner.  I think it's reasonable to expect some relationship skills.  

 


6/11/2022 9:50:09 PM

I've realized I should probably say this:

I don't particularly enjoy talking about kink, in the same way I don't feel the need to understand all the inner workings of my electric teakettle.  I am most comfortable in a femdom relationship.  I like the kettle to boil water so I can drink tea.

If you want to bang out wanky fantasies by the glow of your monitor, you'll find me very disappointing.  

If you want to make my tea, we might have something.


6/10/2022 9:50:47 PM

The number of men who become abusive when you do not tick the boxes on their kink wishlist is mind blowing.

 


5/30/2022 7:04:28 PM

The perfect way to end a long weekend:  Pork fried rice, and Chinese cabbage soup from a local family run restaurant.  I swear it imparts super powers.


5/18/2022 3:54:27 PM

A quick note to the male doms who message me:  No.

Go look for someone who's interested.  It's not me.


5/15/2022 9:11:33 PM

It's pouring rain.  The sunshine we were promised today did not happen, and I'm okay with that.  The rain makes so many lovely sounds.

There was the slow drip of intermittent rain this morning, fat raindrops hitting the windowsill with long irregular pauses inbetween.  The light spattering of rain on the hood of my jacket as I walked to the car.  Torrential rain gushing down on the windshield, so heavy it was like going through a car wash.  Later, parked, a steady drum of hard rain on the roof of the car.  Starting on the next leg of my journey, the whoosh and spray of driving through puddles, parking under a tree and listening to the patter of rain on the leaves, walking and hearing the impact of the raindrops hitting the paper bag I was carrying.  Home and cozy, the sound of rain falling on the bushes outside and tapping insistently on the window.  The day has been a symphony of water, and it's been really nice.  


5/9/2022 9:20:22 PM

I had a really lovely Saturday.  I went for a drive in the mountains.  By myself.

I'm lucky, I think, because I enjoy my own company.  I have known folks who don't like to spend time alone, and are willing to stay in unhappy and exhausting relationships just so they don't have to be by themself.  I feel sorry for them.

Drive in the mountains by myself?  Why yes, I think I will.  Lunch or dinner solo?  Sure, especially if it's Thai food.  Go to a movie alone?  No problem.

I enjoy having someone to do these things with, if they bring an interesting mind and good energy to the relationship.  I'm looking for someone who adds to my life.  Similarly, I'd like someone who enjoys my company but doesn't freak out at the idea of doing things on their own or with other friends sometimes.  I don't want to adopt every single one of your hobbies and have no intention of giving up mine.  You can keep yours too.  Unless you want to raise snakes or spiders, in which case you can just get lost right now.  There are limits.


4/20/2022 12:15:04 PM

To help garner some better matches (which is beneficial to all), I'll offer the following:

I get along exceptionally well with service submissives.  It's a dynamic I understand and am comfortable with.  For some bizarre reason, many people do not grok service submission or understand that it can create an emotional bond.  I am not one of the clueless flock.

If you have a list of all the sexual acts you want performed on you, we're not a match.  I'm not here to tick off the boxes on someone's list, I'm looking for an actual relationship between two individuals.  

I recently received a message from someone who stated they were sapiosexual.  I was very excited by this, as I am sapiosexual and appreciate a decent vocabulary.  So for the record, I am sapiosexual and demisexual.  Please don't message me asking what those words mean.  There's this thing called Google...

Lastly, kink and D/s are not a substitute for therapy.  If you don't know what you want in a relationship, I'm not going to be the magic answer.  I can't fix people.  I will not transform you from one thing to something else.  I don't want to hypnotize you into a mindless state.  I don't want to be your surrogate mother. If you believe that women are superior goddesses, we do not inhabit the same planet.  I'll stay right here with the other humans...  Kindly note, if you happen to be pagan and follow a goddess, that's fine.  Just don't ask me to fill those shoes.


3/28/2022 2:33:09 PM

Given some recent interactions, it has become clear that I need to call out the following:

I don't know you.  I will form an impression based on your communications.  Messages consisting only of Hey or Hi there will not get a response.  

I am not an heiress.  If you have disdain for the working class, move on.

I have gotten some messages from folks who believe the Covid vaccines are not vaccines, but a way to implant trackers.  If you are so important that the government wants to track you, they have better ways to do it than trying to inoculate the entire population.  Do not message me.

I am not interested in hearing the explicit details of all your fantasies, nor the sob stories of how every woman ever has wronged you.

Also, and super important:  If you think there is something wrong with you because you are submissive, I am not the right person for you.  I don't agree with that thinking and I'm not here to provide talk therapy for those who want to flail on about it.  If you know you are submissive, you like being submissive, and you're looking for a partner who enjoys a Ds dynamic, yay, there are plenty of us who are dominant and looking for you, because it is a relationship orientation that works for both of us and makes us happy.

To everyone else, I hope we all find what we are looking for, and best wishes.  Thanks for coming to my TED talk.


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