5/19/2015 2:09:29 AM: Just a note to 'note' how lucky I am. I met my Dom right here on collarspace 9.5 years ago. (it was called collarme then.) I have also met and befriended some wonderful people I never would have met otherwise. If I could give advice to others looking, I would say to TAKE YOUR TIME, and get to know the person first. For me, jumping into kink talk right away would not work. Why talk about kink if I don't like or am not interested in you as a person first? I would also say that you may have to look outside of your own hometown or state to find just the right one for you. You may not meet the one you're looking for here, because they may not be here. But if you're careful and open, you may make some really nice friends. :)

2/14/2012 3:22:50 AM: I do appreciate that with me being a professional in a sex-related business, some of you are not going to like that. I get that, and that's ok. I personally, would never write to an attorney or an accountant and take them to task for taking money for what they do, but if you feel the need to write to me whining and complaining about it, by all means, say what you will. Do remember though (if you can) that there is a real person on the other side of that letter you're writing. I take it all with a grain of salt, but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to it all.

1/4/2009 12:36:10 PM: It’s usually best to start at the beginning, but what if you don’t know what the beginning is? When I was a little girl playing cops and robbers, I always wanted to be the one caught, tied up, and maybe even tortured. I was very sensitive to other peoples’ moods, often knowing what they were thinking or feeling even before they did. I wanted to please, and I hated to see anyone hurt.   Then again, there was another side of me…the side that could be mouthy and provocative. That side would not back down, even when I wanted to, I found that I couldn’t. So, as I grew, a battle was waged inside my head and inside my heart. I couldn’t be the open, submissive, giving person that my true nature cried out to be, because there was a “protector” there keeping me from being honest with myself, and with others. There was a reason I had that protector; having been abused as a small child (but then rescued), and sometimes being teased for my shy and forgiving nature.   My protector became so strong, that many people confused that part of me with the bitch that she portrayed. Yes, I do know it was me…I did not have multiple personalities, but, I did and said many harsh things that I did not mean, seemingly against my will. I hated saying the flippant, sometimes callous things I said, but I felt powerless to give in to my submissiveness, afraid to go into the water.   So, I grew into a young woman who dreamed of being dominated, sexually, emotionally, physically, and being able to give my all to someone; someone kind, strong and sadistic all at the same time. But that did not happen. Even if I had known that this lifestyle actually existed, no one would have been interested in trying to tame such an outspoken and sarcastic submissive…   One night, while I was playing a word game on the computer, I began chatting with someone else who also played that game quite often. I told him that I had been celibate for two years, and that I just wanted to find someone that wants the same type of life I do. He asked me what that was, and I explained my idea of the ideal man; someone who knows what he wants, and is strong enough to lead me.   He asked me if I was a sub, and I asked him why he thought I was a teacher. He wasn’t sure if I was teasing him or not. He explained a lot to me that night; that there are actually people who live this lifestyle,that they go by different names depending on their orientation, and that, yes, I could find other people who felt the same way I do.   After speaking to him a few times and doing the play-chat Dom/sub thing, I did an internet search on BDSM, and other related words I could think of, such as submissive and Dominant. The first site I found that had actual forums you didn’t have to pay to join was Collarme. I spent a few nights cruising the profiles, reading the forums, and learning as much as I could about this lifestyle.   I learned about sub-frenzy and how to avoid it, or…at least how not to become a victim to it. I spent about six months talking to the Doms who contacted me, and getting to know what worked for me and what didn’t. I found that although I identify as submissive, it does not preclude my need for respect, on both sides of the slash. I identified a few who I might actually consider and who might actually consider me. I spoke with them often, and after a time, took it to phone.   After a while, there were two who I spoke with on an extremely consistent basis, and who stood out from the crowd. (at least for me.) I met with one of them first. I flew out to California to meet him, and he was wonderful; funny, smart, well-spoken and very sensually sadistic. It was, however, a very long distance relationship, and there was one much closer, who I was also considering.   He lived less than two hours away. He wanted to meet, and I wanted to get my nipples pierced. Since He had access to a numbing drug which would be beneficial in numbing them before the piercing, we decided to meet and do the piercing on the same day. We usually talked for hours every day for a few months before, so, I didn’t feel I was meeting some stranger; I knew a lot about Him, and not just what He told me. Google has always been my friend.   We met, and went to a local restaurant I enjoyed. We had a very nice lunch, except I didn’t see much of His eyes, as they were planted fixedly upon my chest…Afterwards, we went to a hotel and got a room. It sounds so slutty now, but, as I stated earlier, it didn’t feel that way. I felt I knew Him, and belonged to Him a little bit already. Although I wasn’t yet at the point where I wanted to belong only to Him.   He affixed a collar to my neck, and had me kneel in thigh high stockings, collar and the shoes I had chosen to wear for Him for His inspection of me. I kept my eyes on the floor or away from Him, as it was humiliating to try to look Him in the eye during this time.   It’s difficult to explain the feelings a sub/slave goes through when first meeting and submitting to someone, even someone they know and trust. It’s exciting, humiliating, scary and exhilarating all at the same time. If you are drawn to it, and you are with the right person, it’s like coming home. It’s like lying on a soft bed when you have been walking without respite, for years.   He was gentle with me, as He knew I had only had one other real life experience in BDSM in my life. He was harsh with me because He knew I craved it. He saw the way my body reacted when He cropped me, when He pulled my hair, and when He touched me. Bent over and wondering every second whether the next touch will be painful pleasure or gentle pleasure, I was able to give myself over in ways that I had only experienced one other time; in ways that I had only ever imagined. And it was even better than I had dreamed.   He had me call Him Master, a word my protector tried (and still does) to keep from leaving my lips. Every time I did something I would not have normally done, but did because He wanted it, I became more and more excited and enslaved. The thought of being owned by Him, of being His property, in all ways, anytime I thought of it, would bring on an immediate physical and emotional reaction.   He would make me tell Him that He owns me, that He owns every part of me, and that there is nothing of mine that is not His. I knew that if He wanted to do something to me, that I could either fight Him and give in, or just submit. I knew fighting Him would always make it worse. It was difficult to always submit, though, because my “protector” would whisper that it wasn’t fair; that I should have a say about things as well.   My submissive, though, only wanted to please, to become more entrenched into His ownership of me, to sit at His feet, to be led on His lead, to please Him in whatever way I could. It turned out though, that my protector and my submissive were not going to have an easy time living together. The protector threw down the gauntlet, and made it quite clear that it could only be one or the other, and she was quite sure it would be her. I was afraid she might be right. And afraid she might be wrong.And that's as much of this story I'm willing to tell at this time.That's my story.That's my life.

12/12/2008 8:03:03 AM: Dear Santa Clause,There isn't much on my list this year, but the things that are on it are very important.I'm not sure you can deliver them, though.I would like for my loved ones to be happy and well. I would like to live my life with peace, love and exhuberence. I would like to find a good job in my field. (a difficult request in a declining job market, I'm aware.I would like to go to Greedy's wedding. (and if your reindeer could take me in your sleigh, that would be awesome!)Sparkly things are always welcome too, Santa!Thanks!xxblushesxx

5/16/2008 12:09:33 PM: I'm very curious what it would be like to serve a woman...But in my imagination, she is someone I am attracted to, someone whose personality I am attracted to, someone who doesn't move too fast or too slow...Someone I respect...Also someone within a couple of hundred miles..(the closer the better) so we can play often, although that's not a deal breaker, per se.(hey, it's *my* fantasy right?)