I'm interested in finding a middle-aged bourgeois man whom I can toy with and humiliate.  I'm particular interested in the "class warfare" aspects of this.  I want to make sure that you know that your boring suburban life disgusts me, that you're completely unworthy of being with an amazing, brilliant, mad-scientist, free-spirited, enchanting women like me, and that you could never meet my needs the way a real person (like, say my boyfriend the artist) could.  I mean, face it, you're barely more than a supporting character even in your own life.

While I'm not in this for the money, it might be exciting if I made you pay me for the privilege of being in my presence, since you're such a boring republican waste of space that money is all you have to offer.  However, I want to be clear, there doesn't need to be any exchange of money at all, and if there is, we'll need to find a way to make it not weird.  Maybe I can make you donate it to radical left-wing charities or something?

I can probably arrange for a large black guy (my boyfriend) to watch if that makes it more exciting for you, but this isn't really his scene.  Probably because, unlike you, he's confident in his masculinity.  One the other hand, the chance to tea bag a Tea Partier might change his mind.  :)

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in too, let me know.  You don't actually have to be a boring republican suburbanite, but you have to pretend to be.  If you really want to get my attention, write me a short story about this sort of scenario and message it to me.  Guaranteed response if you do (even if you're far away).

ps: I get that this is kind of weird, and I probably have deep-seated issues.  I don't need a lecture about it.  If you're not interested in the scenario I've outlined, please don't both writing me.