12/6/2015 6:59:42 PM: Why does everyone believe that a slave is always a slave? That we are not human beings devoid and stripped of our personhood before the one(s) we have deemed worthy to hold it in safe keeping - offered it up on the alter of a bond which, although not love exactly, is stronger than Death itself. Perhaps it is Death in that it changes us beyond recognition. Once rational, we become so consumed in our effort to see that precious smile that we will do anything to see it directed at us. We will tolerate things which make our skin crawl, our blood boil, and think we have put ourself in the hands of a Crazy Person. This type of devotion is not about love. It is about something stronger than love, stronger than the fear of Death and stronger than the Grave itself. This is not about power exchange. This is about something deeper. This is about giving until we have been bled dry - because, in our Leader's own way, those we have deemed worthy to lead us give until they are bled dry. It is not power we are bled dry from, though. It is trust, honor, service and integrity. 'Love' is an illusion. 'Power' is delusional. Our Leaders cannot stop the world from turning, bring us back to life or heal a broken bone by wishing it to be so. 'Love' is a chemical reaction in the brain - neurotransmitters, axons firing and a drive to procreate. No - those we are devoted to deserve far more than these chemical reactions, these delusions. We do not see the fights they fight. We are protected at every fucking angle from these internal struggles. Yet - and listen to me well here - our chosen Leaders are human also!! The Sovereigns, Lords and Ladies of our hearts and souls are not unending fountains of strength. They fuck up the same as we do. They experience pain, loss, fear and we don't appreciate them. We are so wrapped up in our fantasy of this God on a Pedestal that we fail to see the human being behind it. Sometimes, wires get crossed - that person so near and dear to us hurts or has a bad day and we bear the brunt of the anger held inside. Wear this pain as a badge of honor - you are seeing the softer side and your Leader is comfortable enough to show you in some small way the pain and weakness that the HUMAN BEING is experiencing inside. Although, sometimes it can be confusing as hell to try and figure out exactly how to help them process their bad day. So, while the fantasy is great and all, give me the person. The strong Leader, yes, but when I gave myself over to those I have chosen to devote myself entirely to for now and always - my Family of my Heart - I sacrified my personhood before the human beings before I did the Leader. If a slave cannot do that on the day it chooses to make this sacred sacrifice, it is not now - nor will ever be - worthy of the station as I experience this aspect or my life. This takes a quiet strength and a devotion beyond all reason. Learn these concepts well - they will keep you upright and honorable. I am, in my own way, a Gladiator.

5/22/2015 3:33:04 PM: Quick Overview of the ENFP Personality Type We are known as “Campaigners,” “Champions” and “Inspirers.” We are an enthusiastic, idealistic and creative group of individuals who are capable of doing almost anything that interests us; however, we do not care for the details. As an EFNP, I must live my live in accordance with my inner Self. I see meaning in everything, and I am on a continuous quest to adapt my life and values to achieve inner peace. I am a rather intense woman with highly evolved ethics. TPE/Abject Slavery As It Relates to ENFP-T: Statement Of The Problem As with most every ENFP, I thrive on the ability to question the status quo and explore alternative ways of handling problems. In my experience, TPE and abject slavery not only do not appreciate this quality, but outright condemn it. Because I have a Turbulent rather than Assertive mindset (I need to “Socially Engage”), this situation leaves me depressed, stressed and overwhelmed. The more unhappy, stressed and overwhelmed I become, the more emotional outbursts I have. The more extreme my emotions become, the more harsh the Leadership tends to become to attempt to correct the unwanted behavior. Should I remain in this vicious and malignant cycle for years, I will become entirely withdrawn and completely tunnel-visioned. Both the system and my reaction to it create an outcome which leaves everyone involved feeling unappreciated and frustrated. This is NOT healthy for those within the system and cannot be sustained long term. While it is true that I find highly structured systems such as TPE and abject slavery extremely stressful (to put it in kind terms), I endure the experience for short bursts of time so that I may work to strengthen my weaknesses. M/s is not a romantic relationship for me. Rather, M/s is a dynamic which changes the individual components into something greater than was previously thought. The journey is one which will help bring those weaknesses to light in the hopes that I will be able to work on them after the contract has expired. A diamond is nothing more than a chunk of coal which handled stress and pressure well for a period of time, after all. Long-Term Service When I enter into service in a long-term setting (providing that I am not in a TPE M/s dynamic), the Leadership will find that I am highly growth-oriented. I am able to listen to the Leadership’s perspectives, analyze it and work to make it a reality with a creative and adaptable approach to the problem. (Please note: It is this very characteristic which makes TPE untenable for me long term. Once I understand the picture the Leadership is painting and/or the desired direction the Leadership wishes to go, I require the freedom to make the Leadership’s dream a reality. Don’t wish in one hand and birdwork my efforts to accomplish the tasks given with the other. It drives me batty and frustrates me to the point of giving up.) I fully understand that some direct management will be required from my Leadership. It is one of my greatest weaknesses: I just cannot see the individual trees for the beauty of the forest. Because I live in a world of endless possibilities, I will all too often become bored with something once it becomes too familiar of a task – even if it is not complete. When direct management is required, I respond best to a spirit of gentle guidance and camaraderie rather than a spirit of overt dominance. Given an environment with the freedom to execute the overall vision of the Leadership and a spirit of genuine goodwill, a Leader will find me to be a hard-working, devoted and contributory servant. On Households and Systems Thinking Structure in complex living systems is the basic interrelationships that control behavior. In human interaction, this is the basic operating polices that we translate perceptions, goals, rules and norms into action. Because of this, structure in human systems is very subtle. In order for a Head of Household to be an effective leader, s/he must first be able to recognize (potential) pitfalls within the system, have the ethics to understand that it is (or will become) an issue and possess the ability (power/authority) to do something about the problems which are inevitable within any structure. If any of these three legs on the tripod of Effective Leadership are missing, the problem will continue/escalate into something that is monstrous in nature. I’m only going to address one of the many learning disabilities that I have witnessed in Authoritarian Households to illustrate my point: All too often, Masters lack the ability to see systems. Rather, they are still stuck in the “cause and effect” linear thinking which keeps them failing with slave after slave. Both Master and slaves become their positions within the House. This type of thinking is actually a learning disability within the Household because, when people focus only on their position, they have little sense of responsibility for the results produced when the entire Household works simultaneously (note the wording I chose here – simultaneously does not mean working together). When the results are dysfunctional, all anybody can do is play the blame game (which is another learning disability and a direct result of “I am the Master/slaves'). Because neither Master nor slaves understand how everyone’s actions extend beyond the boundary of their positions within the Household, there is a misperception that the problem is externally caused by the others within the system. Because all the individuals involved have incomplete stories, this learning disability makes it almost impossible to detect any leverage which would ease the problem. Honestly, how many times have we heard during a very bad - and very public - breakup 'My ex was the problem! S/he was horrible to me because of this, this and that!' Personally, I have lost count. Most of the time (save for gross abuse or neglect), this type of 'blame game' is directly related to viewing ourselves as separated from the Household's living Structure. We fail to see how our own actions are making the Structure less sound and healthy. Today's problems, all too often, come from yesterday's solutions unless we have a firm grasp of how the Household functions as a system. In my opinion, Households need to be places which foster inquiry and inspiration rather than Authoritarian preservation of the status quo. Argumentative advocacy approaches to communication found in Authoritative Households will yield grudging compliance, but I do not believe it will yield servants committed to the Leadership or the goals of the Household. I firmly believe that only honest and fully transparent dialogue among all Household members will yield the loyal commitment so sought after by most Household Leadership. In Conclusion While Thinking types may be better at applying logic to systems and machines, I am able to apply that same logic to human interactions and networks. I am quite capable of using my social perception to find out what makes people tick. Once I see the system (and the individuals in that system) for what they are, I am often able to bring radically different views to a common ground and point them in a common direction. It is this skill where ENFPs shine. I value encouragement and empowerment of the individual, but only after that common ground has been found.  This is to ensure that everyone is able to function at optimal capacity, thus bringing the Household to the objectives set forth by the Leadership faster and with far more efficiency than was previously believed. It is this ability which makes me an Inspirational Champion - a catalyst for change and a devoted (if often scattered) servant.

4/13/2015 11:20:02 AM: My Lord must love a challenge because he has put up with me for two years. I am highly intelligent. It does not often come across when I speak due to my hearing difficulties, but I am constantly watching. Communication to me comes down to reading body language, reading tone of voice and piecing together the 60% of the words that I can comprehend. I may not be able to put into verbal words why I have reached the conclusions that I have, but I know it just as certain as if someone had a flashing neon sign. Give me a pen and paper, however, and I am positively lethal in a debate. Because of the challenges in communication, the exponential compounding effect that stress/fear/uncertainty has on these already difficult communication challenges and my unbreakable sense of ethics and justice, I will often be perceived by those who attempt to master me with a heavy hand in an outright fashion as being willful, disobedient and impossible to control. I have been told outright by one Owner that he was starting to wonder if I was even a slave because of these characteristics. After two years of leading this stubborn old mule, I asked my Lord if he found me 'impossible' as so many others have told me in the past. He chuckled and, eyes twinkling with love behind the lenses of his spectacles, he simply told me the following: 'You cannot be controlled by someone who is not at least as intelligent as you are. While you do challenge me, you are not all that difficult to control. My control is far more indirect than what you've been accustomed to in the past, but you are moving in the direction that I want at the pace I predicted when I first took you on. Those who have tried to master you through force were not intelligent enough to understand the way your mind works. If you know something, you will stand your ground in a pissing contest with God Himself. If someone is going to control you through outright force, it is necessary to hit you where you don't have sufficient data. When you haven't had a chance to do your research, your natural inclination is to submit and follow. You challenge my knowledge. You challenge my conclusions. I have grown as a Man and a Leader because of your presence in my life. You are not difficult to control - you just require someone to meet or exceed your level of intellect. That is not an easy thing to find.' If you had told me four years ago that I would be where I am today: A business owner, a service professional to a House who I am proud to be associated with and a family where I am accepted for who I am, I would have laughed in your face under my breath and wondered about your sanity. Thank the gods I do not choke on these words as I have in the past: I am the lucky one. Not because I correctly saw a situation for the mess it was and took action to ensure that I was as separate as I could be from the fallout. Not because I had outsmarted an Owner to keep as much peace in the House as I could. No, I am the lucky one because I am finally in a safe place where the elephants in the room are acknowledged and dealt with. I am the lucky one because I no longer need to outsmart the Leadership because the elephants are not being dealt with. I am the lucky one because I am not under the hand of someone who is unjust; rather, I am insanely lucky that my Lord treats me with a kind, just, patient and ethical touch. Those who have seen the transformation over the past two years from the frantic crazy woman who showed up at the munch back in 2013 (which that entire year is still a confused blur) to the strong, confidant woman my Lord calls his 'Nuclear Attack Sub' have seen the change that the strongest form of mastery is to inspire confidence in the ability, awareness and ethics of the one leading. If an Owner accomplishes this, his slave will willingly - and without hesitation - lay down its life for him.

4/13/2015 11:10:45 AM: My time in active slavery taught me a great deal. I have learned what it takes to keep me healthy and productive mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I learned first-hand the dangers of attachment and expectations. I also learned a great deal about leadership – both what it is and what it is not. That’s the thing: The Divine brings individuals into our lives for a reason … it is either to be a blessing or a lesson. Truly, in the end, there are no friends or enemies. There are only teachers. People always teach through example: They will either show us what characteristics we wish to emulate or what characteristics we wish as far away from our lives as possible. While I would not change either the experiences I had or the friendships I found during my time up North, I will never again do something as foolish as move to be with someone. I know this is something that everyone harps on when speaking about keeping yourself safe, but I am about to expound upon this lesson and speak to you bluntly and frankly what experience has taught me about these sorts of situations: People will tell you anything online. Even if you ask for references, how well do you know any of the people who are vouching for this individual? You’re taking the word of complete strangers about this individual that you are thinking about moving in with. The wheat can only be separated from the chaff through the behavior and actions of the other individual. That will tell you the truth of the situation and the truth of the matter. Whether Owner or property, one needs to watch the other individual in a variety of situations to get an honest “feel” for that person. This sort of “feel” cannot be accomplished through online interaction – nor can this be accomplished through several week-long visits. It can only be accomplished by watching how this individual handles hardships, joy, disappointment and love: Day-in, day-out. Remember, this is an individual you are entrusting with your very life or reputation – this is not a game to be taken lightly. Without the actions to back up what they are saying, then there is nothing there worth trusting to that level at that point in time. Because people will tell you anything online, understand that someone you meet online may or may not give you full disclosure. I don’t care if this is “I’m using you to prove to my primary partner/sub that I love her because she cannot believe my words by my neglect of you and any other slaves I have in my care” or “I was sexually assaulted as a child and have flashbacks which make it impossible for me to tell reality from what is in my head” – which are merely two of the real-life examples of some of the malicious omissions made at the negotiating table that I personally know about - nobody walks outside butt-ass naked. This sort of behavior, while reprehensible, is an unpleasant fact of existence in this way of life. Without the ability to personally observe the actions of the prospective Master or slave coupled with the vetting process, speaking with people that you personally know and trust about a prospective, you are gambling with your very life should you decide to blindly trust an individual that you cannot know and cannot vet due to being so far away and traveling in different circles. Another lesson that I learned during my time in slavery is that I will never againkneel before someone simply because an Owner has instituted hierarchy from the top down. To demand that I kneel before someone who has not earned that privilege from me is to not respect my humanity. This does not mean that I will show disrespect to those I serve alongside; rather, this means that the entire notion of a “First Slave” who has whipping rights or who I am expected to call “Mistress” is an affront to both the station of Owner and the station of slave. Who I kneel before is the only decision which is left to me as a slave. If an individual has not demonstrated through action, word and character the behavior of someone I am comfortable with leading me, I will give the respect due a fellow servant, but I will never kneel until and unless that has been agreed upon between the other servant and myself. NOBODY has the right to tell me what my my other relationships which do not involve that person will look like. I don't care what 'station' this person believes s/he holds in my life. I will never again allow such blatant disrespect towards myself or the institution of M/s in my personal relationship dynamics. Because I believe that no healthy M/s dynamic can exist without mutual respect running both from the top down and from the bottom up, I am firmly convinced that effective leadership is chosen from the ground up rather than from the top down. In my experience, to pretend that the Owner has the right to dictate how the Kennel is to interact among one another (aside from showing each other the respect due to a fellow servant) or to dictate who is in charge of whom is to create a hostile home environment which is unstable, unhealthy and highly volatile. In short, the Owner ensures that he has a toxic home environment for everyone involved with the Household when the hierarchy is imposed from the top down. I am not going to make these mistakes again – and I hope that, in sharing and owning up to my previous poor judgment as well as the lessons I took away from that experience, I will be able to spare others the long and difficult road to recovery I have spent the past two and a half years working my way towards. If I can do that for just one person, the entire experience was worth it. The long and short of this is to LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. Always value yourself and what you bring to the table - whether it is Owner or property, Top or bottom, Master/Mistress or slave. Each of us have a world to share with the ones we love and with whom are closest. Never sell your birthright for a bowl of gruel. God didn't have time to create a nobody - just a somebody. Never underestimate yourself or sell yourself short. Get out there and shine! Be somebody that you would want to spend time with. Someday, someone just and ethical will emerge and will encourage your dreams, value your quirks and support your vision. It is better to have a full existence without an Owner or a slave than to have a half-existence in a toxic environment for you.

11/4/2014 6:12:11 PM: I have learned a great deal over the past year and a half. I have grown by leaps and bounds and I am finally starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together from the past four years. After I have completed the Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life by Jan Black and Greg Enns at the encouragement of my therapist and psychiatrist, I am starting to truly put the missing pieces of the puzzle together. To be honest, I gawked at my therapist when she initially told me 'No healthy relationship can exist without boundaries.' Now that I have completed the first steps in understanding what boundaries are all about, I must begrudgingly agree with her. It has been proven time and again that those who seek Power and Control are the least capable of withstanding the corruption that it brings. Even with the best of intentions at the start of the journey, by the end of it, they will abuse that Power. The first lesson came easily: Those who seek power are already three-fourths of the way corrupt and should not have it whatsoever. When a human being does not have boundaries - or allows those boundaries to be set by someone else - life becomes chaotic. It goes this way and that on the whim or threat of the Master, who is already corrupted by his own perceived Power. The slave is subjected to internal anarchy as s/he tries to follow the ever-changing boundaries of the Master, which results in personal warfare and the ultimate death of a vibrant life. With boundaries being placed in the hands of the Power-Mad, the good things that the slave means to do will become easily choked out with activities and roles accepted from a place of obligation rather than passion. A life lived long enough in this state and the slave will eventually lose interest in life. It will feel as if life has become anemic, with just enough energy to stay alive. The slave will eat, sleep, work, groan, feel used and fulfill basic responsibilities rather than live and love fully, work hard and nobly or contribute passionately to the Household and the world at large. The slave will eventually give up, become hopeless and likely experience some degree of depression and/or anxiety. I know I certainly did - to the point of becoming actively suicidal over my lack of boundaries. I say all of that to say this: It is impossible for me to thrive without strong boundaries. The most stable boundaries are rooted in the ability to truly treasure myself. Boundaries built upon the ownership of my life, my passion and my Core Self will free me up to fulfill my mission and use my talents and abilities to contribute to the good of those around me. I will be able to do this because I will have less distraction, chaos, guilt, irresponsibility, missed opportunities and/or spoiled relationships. I will be able to be a more trusted servant because I will be able to state clearly what I can and cannot do, offer workable alternatives, welcome input, work passionately without burnout and stick to projects and jobs that suit my strength and abilities. I will also be better able to withstand criticism. This is my life. I will chose to live it with purpose, passion and determination and in a manner reflecting my True Core Self.