2/5/2013 7:54:55 AM: I don't do much on this site any more but sometimes I like to write and this always seems more private - a lot less of my friends on here.   One of my friends just died a couple of hours ago. I first met her online years ago, she always made me smile and she used to be the sort of submissive I always wanted to be. Then I went out to AZ and met her a couple of times. She wasn't young bu tshe was beautiful - so feminine and graceful, all the things I'm not. And I'm sat here crying for her.

6/29/2011 8:34:04 AM: Ok - i kept a straight face when miss 'I am poly' took me on one side and told me i was making her uncomfortable sitting at my kitchen table in my house drinking coffee with two of my partners but I've just found out that when I  share a shower with the man I share a bed with, it creeps her out. I would hate her to find out exactly how i play privately - actually i am fantasising about trapping her in a corner and describing it in great detail - I could be such a sadist!

7/9/2010 7:38:15 AM: I'm going to put the detail in my private journal, not here but i am so angry right now - isn't it up to me to decide if i'm going to risk getting hurt or not. If i'm happy to accept a relationship that is one-sided and to work at not letting that spoil it, i dont see why i have to accept someone being overprotective - hurting me so i dont get hurt. 'Things can go back to how they were one day' - no they can't - we either sort this now or abandon it and i've been pretty much told to abandon it.

7/7/2010 5:43:43 AM: i'm going to go out later and buy a proper journal - so i can carry on writing out my thoughts but not share them with anyone who cares to look - so this might be my last entry. Current thoughts are: some bits of being good are remarkably easy - its quite satisfyig knowing i'm doing as i was told. Others are a little harder but i just have to remember that, although he is no longer my Dominant, it is better that my will bends to his than vice versa. Plus being friends, however distant, is way better than the alternative.

7/6/2010 11:52:34 PM: Once i have my lead back, i think i'll feel better - well i think i'll feel worse at first because it will really be the end of all hope this is going to be miraculously fixed but it will have happened and i'll be recovering - at the moment my stomach is in knots every time i hear the post.