I have a few minutes to sit still, so I figured I could follow up on my previous post, and discuss the topic of pictures a bit more.
But I realize I'll probably never do better than what I wrote a few years ago, and I know no one ever scrolls back and reads, even if I few do read the current posts. So I'll re-post that, and maybe it will help someone.
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Women are not men.
I know it seems obvious, yet the majority of men still pursue women without really considering what that means.
They write profiles based on what THEY would like, what men value, what men think is impressive, and what they wish they saw on women's profiles.
They take and post pictures the same way - based on what they value, what they think is impressive, what they wish women put in their pictures.
If they crossdress, they take and post pictures similar to those of women they found sexy - scantily clad in lingere, posed seductively or sluttily, etc. without considering that those pictures, like porn, were meant to appeal to men.
They send emails, again, that same way.
I repeat - Women are not men.
Dating, at it's bottom line, is marketing.
You have something. You want something. You want to exchange what you have for what you want.
In a store, you exchange money for goods and services.
In dating, you are mostly hoping to sell.
You are hoping to purchase the attention of a partner, in the long or short term, in exchange for your attention, your time, your services.
You are selling you, in exchange for them.
That's actually a very basic equation.
You can't sell to someone unless you know what they want, and find a way to market what you have to that want.
This is where most men fail - at the basic premise.
They know what THEY want.
They don't spend a lot of time researching what their target market wants to BUY.
So they market based on what they know, and what they think they know.
They know themselves.
They know men, in general, and they know what commercials and movies and tv and all media everywhere has told them is attractive to women.
They, being men and raised in a male dominated world, never seem to realize that all of those things are ALSO targeted to men, to get men to buy things, usually by appealing to male egos.
They show women draping themselves over men who drink this beer, or drive that car, or wear that brand of clothing.
They show this to men so that men will want to buy those things.
Most of the time, women couldn't give less of a fuck about those things. But men are surrounded by all of this input, so they think we do.
I'm not going to try to define what "all women" want on here. Not all women want the same things anyway.
Right now, I'm just going to clarify that what WE want is usually not the same as what men want.
You need to find out what those things are and tailor your pictures and profile to market to that.
Basic things like "don't use a picture of your penis as your profile pic" have been said a million times but it's always the first thing we see everywhere we look.
Yes, I like to see a pretty penis. No, I don't see a pretty penis in a picture and become suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have it right this second. I can't say that I've ever gone looking through the internet just to look at pictures of penises. And when I get one shown to me when I haven't asked to see it, I'm not horrified, but I right there decide that the guy showing it is a pushy, insecure jackass. I lose all interest in interacting with him. It's not that the penis itself is a problem, but that it tells me something about who he is when he has to insist on showing it around - that he's not interested in pleasing ME. He's interested in his own pleasure. And I can do better than that.
And honestly, a picture of your chastity device is pretty much the same as a dick pic.
You don't want your profile to be a long list if things you want, either. Yes, you want things. You will need to communicate those things.
And the world you were probably raised in told you that women do things for men, even Dominant women.
All that BDSM porn? It shows lots of women in black leather and rubber getting a LOT of enjoyment doing those things to men.
Again, that is written specifically to be bought by men, so they show men what they want to see.
Yes, I like doing those things to a man. I like doing them to my partner. I sometimes want to do them to someone other than my partner. But I almost never want to do them to some total stranger just because I like doing them. Your accountant may like his job, but he doesn't go out on the street offering free tax jobs to strangers, ya know?
Your profile on a dating page is your resume. Your sales pitch. Your introduction to make us think you have something worth our giving up a few minutes of our time to read further or possibly even have a conversation with you to get more details.
This site is a kink/fetish site.
This particular discussion is about 'finding a dominant woman.'
If you are reading my journal, your target audience is a Dominant Woman.
Most Dominant women I talk to are drowning in emails and offers from men who call themselves submissive.
Most of them are requests for US to do what THEY want.
Which is the first mistake.
It's usually their last.
Your sales pitch should NEVER NEVER EVER be "I'll let you spank me!"
One, why do I WANT to spank you in the first place?
Two, why you and not someone who is offering something I want?
I'd rather talk to the subbie over here that is offering to give me a full body massage, no strings attached.
