I am an outlier on life’s bell curve and I want a women who desires to be out here with me. What I seek is to build that intensely personal and private bond, the thing that takes life in the exchange of the giving and trust by the submissive with the focus, imagination, sensitivity and caring of the dominant. I do not write this to evoke a response in as many as possible, I write it in the hope it will resonate with the one I seek.
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If what you want is showing off: tools, techniques, toys and “science experiments” then I hope you find someone or a group to do that with. If you seek, especially if you require, the approval of the crowd then we are not for each other. I require a woman who values depth more than intense experiences.  And the only applause we will need for our bond we will find in each others eyes.

I am a private person, especially about intensely personal matters, I expect her to be as well. I have no credibility or reputation with any group or community concerning my private sex life, nor do I wish to have one. I know such a bond is possible because I had it, then lost her to illness in 2005. For all except the last of those 30 years we had a sex life built on a foundation of my control. The last year she was too ill, but the bond remained because it lies in the essence of what you have together, not just the physical. I do not mention her for sympathy, but to say that I know what I seek can be done if both parties commit to building it.

We did not have an exclusive relationship for all of those years, but in the end I was literally the one who was there for her. Because of me she was able to see her first new rose of spring from her own garden and to die peacefully in her own bed. I am proud of that. And because I did my best for her I am now free to move on.
 
I seek an educated woman of depth, substance, and wit, who appreciates the same, a woman who takes commitment seriously. Nothing is more crucial than a compatible sense of humor. This is because nothing is as integral to your values as what makes you laugh. I love wit, dry humor, irony and satire. I dislike the mean, the petty and/or picking on the weak. I will know I have a real connection when I find that we frequently laugh together over nothing at all.

I want a woman who wants the man to be in control, who is comfortable when the man accepts the responsibility and she submits to his decisions, I do not seek a woman who lusts for the random infliction of pain, because I do not see intense sex as a separate event, I see it as a more focused expression of the ever present bond.  I can and I will sometimes use implements (toys) to increase stimulation and read her reactions. I will use them as an explicit demonstration of her submission to my control and to intensify the sensuality of the moment. I am familiar with the fact that as a woman becomes aroused she will accept and even desire greater and greater levels of stimulation. I am a quick learner who is good with tools.  I am not one who is aroused by the process of inflicting unwanted pain.

But that is not where the real stimulation lies, it is mental and emotional, as I said, it lives in the exchange; the intense connection with the partner, the self feeding loop both nonverbal and verbal that lives and guides, so I can find and push her limits of intensity without breaking our bond. And that bond should be as real in a spontaneous moment as in the most meticulously planned time. As alive in knowing glance between us across a crowed room, or the taking of her when alone, or simply a pat on the butt in the kitchen.

I am willing to accept the responsibility for making the intimate decisions in our relationship; but intimacy requires two, the situation demands open, honest, respectful feedback. If your idea of a dominant is the storybook always perfect man than I am not for you. If you close up or close off your partner when unhappy, for whatever reason, than growing what I seek would not be possible with you. I will consider all her thoughts along with what I observe and then do, and expect her to do, as I see fit. I expect her obedience and enthusiastic cooperation in this relationship.
 
When I deem it appropriate I will discipline and I expect that she will accept this, learn her lessons and alter her future behavior. I seek a partner, not a contestant or game player in a battle of wills. I will not micromanage.  The woman I want is wise enough to understand that because I will not actively control all the time it does not make me weak or unworthy to master her. Any woman bright enough to be worth dealing with is going to have her own areas of expertise, family issues, financial matters, etc. Being capable of handling these and then choosing to defer to me personally just makes her and her choice to submit to me more special. Besides, every decision she makes large or small will reveal more of her, and I do pay attention.

This is critical: I want a woman who can be moved to tears by exquisite tenderness as well as exquisite sensation. She will have to be wise enough to know that tenderness is not weakness. Also wise enough to realize that my ability to be tender will arise from the fact that my control is an established thing between us, and the maintenance of it is her responsibility as much as mine. It takes the commitment of both to grow and maintain it. My certainty about her commitment will be the basis of my protective caring dominant side, especially towards the outside world.

Physically I am 6 feet tall and weigh 160 pounds, I wear a 44 suit and my 38 inch waist pants are starting to hang pretty loose. I have broad shoulders, hazel eyes, and an easy smile. What little hair I have left is going from brown to gray. I have strong hands because I use them in my work. I am semi retired but I still like to work on my projects. And as long as I am addressing the physical I should say that I have found all sorts of women to be attractive over the years, I have dated cross culturally and found it intellectually stimulating. Physical attraction for me seems to be based on ratio and proportion not on any one type, or hair color, height, etc., it’s all good, it’s just different good.

Deal Breakers: I lost her to lung cancer so smoking is a deal breaker. Plump or curvy is fine, if you are obese then be ready to work on it, it is a health issue. I have had to fight a lifelong battle to maintain my weight and I cannot imagine being dominant over somebody who is obese and comfortable with it. D & D free is also necessary, I want to be in control, not alcohol or some other drug.

I will end this little treatise with some random thoughts knowing that I reveal more about myself with each word. And hoping that they ring true to my female outlier. I want a woman who takes her principles seriously not herself. I want a woman who is as comfortable in the seat of a twenty five year old pickup truck as she is in the rear seat of a long wheelbase limousine, or on her knees in the rear of the limousine, or on the back of my motorcycle or if she would prefer beside me on her own. In short I want a women who is comfortable being herself.
 
I want a women who considers shopping to be a chore not a recreation, who understands that you can do more treasure hunting in one good used bookstore, museum or nature trail than a whole city of manipulative “rat through a maze” malls.

I like most forms of music: classical, jazz, folk, pop, big band, ragtime, blues, bluegrass and some rock and roll. I think if a song has words they should be worth listening to and the singer’s interpretation should enrich them, not just manipulate them. Volume is not an acceptable substitute for quality in music any more than it is in speech.

One definition of outlier I found could be paraphrased as follows: 1."An outlier is one that is located far from the rest of the crowd. Given a mean and standard deviation, a statistical distribution expects people to fall within a specific range. Those that do not are called outliers and should be investigated" If you are still reading this and it resonates with you; please email me, we can investigate together..
 
Edited 8/2010