Collarspace

Time for an update!

The biggest change is that submissives/slaves/ladies for whom semen is must should pass straight on by. I was diagnosed with the early stages of prostate cancer and have been treated for (a course of hormones and radiotherapy). That was a year ago and it seems we gave kicked cancer's butt. I still have erections and orgasms, but they are pretty much dry. Not totally dry, but I will disappoint anyone who "must" have a facial or creampie.

It has not changed my essential self, nor my drive and interests and arguable makes a submissive's or slave's service more selfless.

I think the dynamic of cuckolding offers delightful possibilities to rnhance the power exchange so don't be afraid to ask questions or simply chat.

NB the rest if this profile remains as true today as it was when written many years ago.

These will be my best years!!! I want to share them with a special person or couple.

I used to say that Domination is not what I do, it is who I am, but realised recently that my thinking has been rather tramlined by the tags so often used within the BDSM community. That insight leaves me wanting to find the box that says

intelligent, romantic, sensualist with a quietly dominant and caring nature

I say this without fully understanding what it means to be a sensualist, but it feels more right than leading with dominant.

I am told I have dark corners, a wolfish grin and my eyes can be evil, but I have a soft centre that needs more attention.

I am a tall (6ft 3in), well educated, intelligent and professionally successful, 60 year old individual with a strong and complex personality, one aspect of which is a quietly dominant nature. While gregarious and extroverted I dont have to be the centre of attention. Instead I prefer the attention of those I choose to be with while also being happy with my own company. I am a physicist by training, but I would argue I am also so much more. I have an eclectic taste in music, but have never taken to opera. I enjoy the theatre, but am puzzled by ballet. I read a lot (mainly thriller, crime, Sci Fi, etc) and once pered stand up in Camden. I also have creative side, writing short stories and working with digital photos, videos and designs.

I definitely enjoy quiet, intimate moments and humorous times. I try not to take myself too seriously, but dont always succeed.

I have an active and quick mind. I am ever curious and always open to new experiences. In truth I need to keep my mind fed with new ideas and opportunities, else it will fill with mischief. Finding a mental connection is an absolute must for any lasting relationship. I know that I dont suffer fools gladly.

I mentioned my dominant nature, well that is true, but in both my working and personal lives it manifests in a quieter way than many might expect. I really am not into fetish clothes, nor am I a sadist. Instead I relish and bask in the trust and respect of an intelligent, ined lady whose submissive nature finds a complementary fit against my own personna.

The sensual side is evident in that I find little greater joy than a cuddle after I have made a lady cum. I love to find all those places and things that arouse her, build her pleasure and to then release it. I have learnt that there is little I cannot or will not do with the right lady, though I do have some hard limits and really dont get the adult baby or pet play aspects. Also I reiterate that I am not a sadist. That said in no way do I judge others whose dominance takes those s or those that enjoy receiving it.

There is little sweeter to follow this than, wrapping her in my big arms and quietly enjoying her presence and her energy.

My understanding of Dominationsubmission is that it manifests as the ined and conscious transfer of control from one, the submissive, to another, the dominant, in the belief that it will only be used for their mutual benefit and not to harm or exploit the submissive. It is based on high levels of trust, respect and communication and will operate within constraints of time and behaviour, though those constraints will likely change over time and may be completely removed.

I cannot box up my sensualdominant side and lock it away, so instead I want a partner who will be whole life, ie we can do the vanilla, the professional and the kink. Someone who is an equal in many everyday ways, yet a matching and complete opposite. She will sparkle and light my day, be my muse, yet cut me some slack when I have bad days, as I will at some point. Someone I can rely on in times of difficulty.

In return I will protect, care, nurture and guide her across her many facets. I dont micro-manage, but rather set and ensure the values and behaviours I expect.

I am not a fetishist, well unless you include the simple sensual DominantSubmissive interplay as a fetish? I realised that fundamentally I have no interest in the popular image of fetish. I dress smart, casual and smart casual. I do have black in my wardrobe, but relatively little leather. I have good shoes and quality belts that go around my waist. My hair is mid-length, my beard trim and I have no tattoos or piercings (and no interest in any). I dont wear or particularly like others in PVC, unis, harnesses, adult baby or pet gear, etc nor making someone into a coffee table or standard lamp. As I said that is up to them, but not for me.

I should say that I do love the female , naked or well adorned, possibly in a corset, beautiful lingerie, or well fitting and suggestive day clothes. I just have no need to go fetish.

Similarly I dont want to spend all night every weekend in some fetish club. I can and have enjoyed them occasionally, but my desires are more personal, private between 2 people, and dont need an audience. I saw a Dom write about the dungeon of the mind well that is where I play too and I can erect that anywhere. I have seen requests for a creative sadist. Well as I have said before I am not a sadist, instead I think I am an imaginative dominant sensualist.

As many ladies say they get turned off by profiles with photos of cocks, so I realised that my interest wanes when a ladys photos are predominantly of floggers and sex toys. I want a real person, not a play character someone who would be interesting even if we were both naked and alone in a pitch black room or even paralysed from the neck down lying in adjoining beds.

We all bring baggage and I am no exception having lived for 58 years and explored BDSM and my sexuality for 15 years or so. I can only promise to be open and honest from the start and suspending judgement and hope that is enough.

While it has not always been so, I am extremely comfortable in my own skin these days. I am patient and by, some peoples standards, slow, but I believe in laying good foundations for any relationship that I want to last. I have seen and been part of a number of fast burn, lust-driven Ds liaisons that barely survived a handful of weeks before leaving burnt and smoking husks and considerable hurt to one or both parties. I have little interest in repeating those experiences, hence my considered engagement with a potential partner.

If you have read this far I will leave a parting quirk I will share the fact that I see a huge amount of Ds in the Japanese Tea 8Ceremony and hope that one day a lady will learn and perform it for me.

I have NO interest in single male subs

This online text stuff is hard. I used to say it was like playing darts blindfolded when the only chance of success is hitting the bullseye. Now I think it is harder.....more like playing pool blindfolded..First you have to connect with the cue ball, then that cue ball needs to find the right ball, before directing it into the right pocket. So some fine detail of your profile will trip you up. Then and answer will be misinterpreted. God forbid you express a desire that is not spot on. Why is this community so judgemental in earlt exchanges?

I wonder what I said in my profile for someone to review it and immediately block me so I cannot even thank them for taking the time???

What is a slut? Recently I have been talking with a number of self proclaimed sluts, but finding that in most instances I did not �feel it�. Now I know I am not necessarily a typical Dom and that words and titles mean different things to different people, but this lack of connection / lack of desire set me thinking and I wonder if anyone else can help. Where I am right now is considering two forms/styles of slut. I know that as with other elements of human behaviour this is actually a spectrum rather than discrete points, but maybe these starting points will aid comparison and discussion. I will call the first a �traditional slut�. I am not sure traditional is the right term, but bear with me. This slut is focussed on her her own personal gratification. The man and his cock are merely tools to deliver her pleasure. While fucking her main focus is often on achieving her orgasm, unless she wants something from the man when she may give his needs some attention. She has learnt that she gets what she wants by opening her legs, literally and metaphorically. Her loyalty is to herself and rather than being submissive she is something of a passive aggressive bottom. Her need is relentless and her willingness to take risks is often reckless. All that counts is her pleasure. This is the form that has no appeal for me. The other is a submissive lady to whom the term �slut� has been applied (in a loving way!) in this form slut refers to her willingness to readiness to engage in all (well most) forms of sexual activity; something of a martini girl, i.e. Anytime, anywhere, anyhow. That said her focus is on her Dom, his needs and pleasures and in this she is the delivery tool, not him. Her loyalty is to him. She is submissive first and accepts his direction and control. Now I do like this latter form! Does anyone else see it this way? Any alternative views? I am certainly interested to hear other thoughts.

I don't often use the block feature on any site let alone here. I am one of the most liberal and curious people I know. I love a good verbal joust, a debate, an exploration of different views, but when someone gets hung up over a single spelling error that came about from autocorrect and uses that to judge everything about you, well enough is enough. I am far from being a millennial and was taught English Grammar as a subject at school though I confess it was neither my best nor favourite subject (there could be a link!). That sit there is something to be said for 'effective' rather than 'perfect' communication. If the reader understand the intent of a piece without undue distraction or extra effort then I consider it to be successful. Additionally if you are going to give it out you have to be able to take it too. I can barely imagine a play session with the lady I have in mind - she would be trying to correct everything I did, judge ever move, never allowing herself to sink into the moment. Severe restraint and gagging would be a temporary solution, but frankly I have better things to do with my time. So I was bored and blocked. I can't be arsed to expend any more energy on her. I may unblock in due course - if I remember :)

I used to think that this site was pitiful and laden with fakes and frauds, but having recently looked elsewhere I apologise to all the real people here, because there are some really good people here, once you filter out the dross. While one still needs to be pretty savvy here, it is better than most. On one particular site I have been taken in and 'invested' in some storylines that would put Hollywood to shame. I don't believe I am stupid and I have no idea what the perpetrators really gain from it all, but the creativity still seems to hook me, and of course I want to believe. I tend to trust people and wear my heart on my sleeve which means that it is easily stamped upon. About a week ago the combined impact of a number of fake interactions took their toll on me, albeit only for few days. I have now pulled back to more even keel and I am developing a finer set of fake detecting senses and techniques. That said I will fall in love agian. Over 20 years I guess I have been seriously catfished 4 times and the scars are still there if you look and listen closely, but I would rather feel and know I am alive than be immune and die from the inside. So if I look to verify your reality sooner than you might expect believe me it is for the best of intentions and I would not ask anything I would not do myself. There have to be strong foundations for any sort of sustainable future.

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