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AbyssDescending
Hetero Male, 55, Alberta, Canada 
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AbyssDescending

A very dark mix looking for the fit that meshes and matches.


To be clear, I am not looking for casual, online, but rather ultimately up close and personal, long term, permanent and 247. By that I mean that I do not play. I LOATHE that term if applied to myself. It is fine if that is what others want and enjoy, however for me this is a LIFE choice, which is in and of itself different from lifestyle. This is not transient nor is it something that is a game to me. It simply IS how we would be living our lives, irregardless of where or when we were. Yes, some augmentation for those around us who have not made the same life choice and out of respect for themselves and for our own sanity and sanctity, but the power and positions still hold true no matter where, and no matter how they are maintained in the outside world with subtleties that scream to us and are completely missed by those ignorant of who and what we are. Instead, they see the consummate couple ... the one that they want to be or the one they want to have as their partner being the either of us, only because of how we are to and with each other.

Distance is of little concern. Airplanes work and frequent flier miles can be racked up, but ultimately relocation would be sought to have my slave come and live here with me.

And as dark as I can be, there would be a need for heart, soul, love and gentility mixed in. There is a constant need to have passion, emotion and tactility to, from, with and between myself and my partner.

And to be equally clear, I do not share at all well, so if the want or need to have multiple men, or to have me playing second fiddle to someone else exists, I would not be a good fit at all.

To make things even more difficult, depth, intellect, heart, tactility, warmth, adoration, investment and commitment are all things that add to the package of who I am searching for.

I would enjoy having her by my side be it running (okay .. jogging and walking in combination), camping, playing chess or scrabble or backgammon, enjoying a fireplace, the odd travel adventure, hearing me de-stress or even just sharing in every part of the day ... in short life outside of the sexual which goes back to the depth, texture, intellect, heart, tactility, warmth, adoration, investment, etc.)

It is a paradoxical maze that makes me up surrounded by an intensity that is overpowering to most.

10/23/2017 12:11:45 PM: 502, 503 and 504 Gateway errors making access to this site near impossible for an hour plus at a time is starting to become chronic.

4/21/2015 12:29:56 PM: Enter at your own risk.   Okay ... here is what I have learned over the past bit of time, and to be fair I am stinging a little bit from a potential wonderful meshing that ended in a rapid, sharp rejection.  That is fine. That's life and better to be finding things out in advance or early than to find that things don't work years down the road.   But here is the short bullet point hot sheet about the things I have learned and the place I am at for this moment in time.   - I am not wanting a standard, fair or vanilla life with my partner - I tend to be drawn to someone younger than myself but that is not an exclusive thing. I find it is that way because of the things I still want to do and share, as well as just the general attraction I find. With that said, who the hell cares about the number, less than, equal to or more than where I am at IF the fit is the right one - I am WAY intense IF you are looking like you could be the one that I have been searching for. I am impatient to get to a certain place and point, then if or when that is achieved, the breathing and wonder of things really sets in for me. - I am done with the fighting for control in a relationship. Been there, done that, exhausted and toxic scarring from the experience(s). Enough. I won't do it any more. That doesn't mean that there aren't things that I won't ALWAYS want to know about my partner .. constantly wanting to know what they are thinking, feeling, sensing, seeing .... I want to know them intimately ... and that means far more than just the physical. I need to know them inside and out. - I am through with the chasing around. I may reach out and inquire or approach, but I will not keep chasing after someone. If I am not worth them taking the time and energy to be with me, and if I am not someone and something that they see as valuable beyond measure, then what the hell am I wasting my time, energy and investment of self for? I am through ... FINISHED ... with the one sided full force investment. You want me ... you can EARN ME! Is that greedy and self centered? Better fucking believe it. But wasting myself on someone who has no value for me because it was just there ... trust me, I have earned the right to be greedy and self centered. And understand .... if you are reaching out, and there is something that resonates, potential that exists or reciprocated interest ... you will be met half way, or if you push the buttons as noted above ... you will find a profound return in kind. - I am not into sharing my partner. I don't do the gang bangs or the whoring out. I am greedy and possessive. Deal with it. You can't? Fine. Carry on. Best of luck to you. - I am rough, dark, twisted, perverted. I like to choke, pull hair, slap, spit, pinch, twist, cause cries, screams, moans and more. I want that ... as just the way we make love or have sex ... I ... want ... that! - I am EXTREMELY sexual. I like having my sex with specific persons and casual means nothing to me other than another waste of self. Again ... I am done wasting myself on someone who has not appreciation for me or who and what I am.  - I am wanting permanent ... not part time or intermittent. Of course there is time to get used to one another and see if there is a fit, but ultimately, that is the aim. - I want up close, personal and real. Skin to skin. I will use Skype or ym to manage the distance, and I will be wanting to share who I am and see who you are far sooner than later. It will be a fair exchange, but it will need to be there. I am willing to use airplanes, trains or whatever methods will bridge distance. I have no problems with distance and disseminating it or any other issues that may be between myself and the person who I want ... and WHO WANTS ME AS WELL. - I want and need control and the perverse. That includes the whole TiH, HoH, M/s aspect ... and not just once in a while .. but as a regular part of our lives. - I am, believe it or not, a deep and passionate romantic. I want to feel the touch, the love, the passion, the wonder. You get my heart as well as my body and my being.    If I am going in, I am going all in. Ultimately I will be expecting nothing less from you. And I do want the WHOLE package.   This is anything BUT a game to me, and I am absolutely, dead serious.   I understand the need to sort, sift and see what options would be best for you, but understand I do not tolerate being second fiddle very well or for very long, and only at the start while figuring out what will or will not fit.   You don't want me? That's fine. You think I will just wind up alone? That's fine too. Better that than to keep wasting myself on people who just take and throw away the time, energy and the very being of me.   These are just parts of what I have learned and where I am at at this specific moment in time. It may be adjusted .... but ....   .... you can work to get ME now ... and if not, then whatever. Clearly if I am not worth your time, energy and investment, then you are not worthy of any of the same from me.   No more one way streets.    PERIOD.

4/10/2015 8:50:49 PM: Note about self ...*IF* you seem to have the wonder and potential of being my 'it' or my 'her' then be aware ....... I come with intensity ... IN-TEN-SIT-TIES!I want to plan and include and daydream and wonder and treasure ... and more ... soooo muuuccchhhh mooorrrreeeeeee .....No one has been able to handle that save for one in my past who is sadly not with this world anymore.I am NOT an easy person to be with just with that alone.A secret to the essence of me ........ that intensity WILL hit ... I will race to get to a place where I feel secure ... and exclusive ... and have that safe harbour to be in .... and then ... I will relax a fair bit ... not ignore the relationship and person .... but just .. breathe and love what it is that has been accomplished ...Just forewarning .... this is part of who I am ... I am trying to work on it. But it exists .. profoundly so.

3/8/2015 11:58:49 AM: The problem with kids .... First of all, this has been something I have been wanting to set time aside to write for well over a couple months now. Add to the above first, please find 'First - Part 2, section B (i)' ... as much as I have perverse thoughts and the like, this is definitely NOT an illegal, incestuous or other like set of thoughts. Quite the opposite. It is grounded in reality, reflection and experiences thus far. There is no answer to be found at the end. It is merely an observational post with experience, a question of sorts and no answers. I have been in relationships with a single person, I have been 'the other man', which is in and of itself another posting all together that has been percolating and will be written (hopefully) soon, and I have been involved with a mother with kid(s) three or four times. The problem that sets itself up is the fact that it is a relationship that is truly poly, albeit asexual, and a triad or quadrilateral or the like type relationship. The initial question that screams from the beginning is to question if the introductions should happen early on or if it should be held back, myself and the relationship kept a secret until there is a degree of certainty. There is no right or wrong answer to this. On one hand, the objective is to protect the child from any upheaval and change. On the other hand, the need to be involved and see if the meshing of the whole family is possible is equally important, and even more so from the mother's point of view, to see and ensure that the perspective step parent is a positive and viable one setting a full family dynamic that is sought after. Is there patience? Connection? Support? Potentially even love, not just acceptance, between, to and from both? On the other hand ... there is an investment. There is a definitely love and a giving of heart, mind and soul to the other family member from myself. Of course there is the potential for having things work out and that is the aim and want for all involved. But if things don't work out ... that is where the problem with kids really hits. It is not a loss of a potential partner, which can be painful and crippling by itself, but a loss of a second (or more) love which adds to the pain and impact. There is no answer to this. Yes, you cant take time and patience, which is typically one of the best pieces of advice, but the want to be part of the whole unit, to participate, to support, to be involved and be a complete unit .... it is a powerful draw, certainly, especially when there are hiccups, attitude adjustments needed and a want for a nuclear family dynamic to be in place. To be a good model and place for everyone, no matter the age. There are no faults and there is no blame to be aimed anywhere if things don't go well, but there is a price to be paid if things are failed for whatever reason, and it is undeniable except to those who are able to participate without investment or interest, and without an aim for the long term .... ... that is a dissociation that I am unable to achieve. And the price has been paid repeatedly. It certainly has caused a want to hesitate to become involved, and I understand that want to protect, be gunshy and to be wary of any potential love interests from the mother's side of things. The only problem with kids, for me and from my perspective, is that I would fall in love with them as well. Yes, there are the obvious challenges .... time and place for sex, inability to make noise, locked toy boxes, many trips 'to the bathroom' where she 'needs help' as urges take their demands and needs and wants ... ... but those are just challenges ... every day life. Not problems. It is what makes the days and nights and life overall a wonderful textured event. Those are the things that are wanted and ached for. soft shrug Just a set of go nowhere thoughts.

3/8/2015 9:34:48 AM: Added thoughts on the drawbacks and challenges of ageThere were a few things that went through my mind that I know I had wanted to include in my last set of thoughts, that somehow made it past my brain, out my ear and not into my fingers as I typed. Understand, that for whatever reasons, the age gap still appeals, but there are things that one needs to walk into with eyes open. Even with that, however, it is amazing how ones solid belief and total dedication at the moment of saying 'yes', changes over time when the reality of this life hits. There is a huge difference from the intoxication of having the idea of being slapped around, manhandled, clothes ripped off, forced into sex, pain inflicted .... ... to the reality of feeling the slap, the actual uncertainty of if you are actually safe and Gawd help you if you really aren't safe, in having the total loss of control and really starting or actually living the life where your control is gone and you are living under another persons hand ... ... then the issue of the one controlling, the responsibility of taking care of your property, ensuring that ALL the bills are covered, taking on all that added stress (it was one of the contributors to why men were dying off so much sooner than women) ... But I digress, though the above thoughts still hold validity and should be contemplated before stepping into something serious, no matter what age gap may exist, that includes whatever aspects and tangents of living the things included in this life choice, kink, whatever you want to call it. Now back to the age thing. There is death. That is the one thing that has always bothered me. I have yet to find 'the one'. God, Goddess, Gods, Goddesses, everything above, below and around .... I have been looking. I have had glimpses of what it is like to be blissfully happy. That is more than some, and less than others, but the fact is that having and keeping are two separate things. One, you have to work exceptionally hard to achieve. The other, once you have it, I have learned through bitter experience, is much harder once you have it ... to keep it. And the idea of finding my happiness .. finally ... being able to live it and relish it ... only to have the time so short ... ... it pisses me off!! TO NO END!! As much as that may be the case, imagine now being a younger partner and knowing that the time is limited by decades, unless some miracle happens and you both go together, quickly and painlessly would be preferred ..... But it is something that has held back at least one perspective partner who considered me and whom I considered in kind. And that pissed me off even more. To have what could be 'it', only to be told ... naaawwww .... you'll die and that would be worse than being happy and living what time we have left .... FUMAGE Not to say I don't understand it. The idea of being torn apart from the person I am with is beyond heart breaking to me ... and sadly, I can feel emotions with amazingly vivid capacity. And then there is the idea of taking your time, going back and forth and wandering down the hallway .... .... my time is not as unlimited as yours. I tend to invest heavily because of that added understanding. If it is going to be ... the it simply IS! I am not walking into something with the idea of failure all over my being. If I am going in, I am going ALL in. That is frightening to most, myself included. But there is a book series I once read and still treasure. It is the Sharpe Series written by Bernard Cornwall. In it, the lead character, would face challenges and adventures in the Napoleonic War. Throughout the books, some choice lessons and notes would repeat themselves. One was give credit where credit is due and don't take credit for things that you have not done to earn it yourself. The other, and the one that actually applies to this set of thoughts, 'The steps that we fear the most in taking are typically the steps that are most in need of being taken'. I may have the quote slightly wrong, but the basics are there and resonated within my being. That is not to say all fear should be ignored. Different kinds of fear for different situations needing different responses. Oh .. Muh .. GAWD ... itzaFFFFYYYIIIIIYYYUUUUUURRRRRRRRREEEEHHHH = justificable rapid evacuation. This is a 'duh' moment. My HEARTS on fire ... well .. that's a different matter entirely. And fear has taken more than one amazing rare opportunity away from me as well and with those retreats, there is a bit of a scar that is left for me to remember the moment by. Still ... death is something that can not be escaped, and the effects for those left behind are things that one has to consider. Then there is the idea of having to care for an aging person while you still have your youth and vitality. The comments of 'changing the diapers' may not be that far from the mark in the very distant read: 30 - 40 years future. Your friends are still out there and active while you are tied down to an ailing partner. ... or are you. And once again, the potential exists and is very common to have to suffer ... where I would be disposable, or left behind to rot away alone while my younger partner goes rampaging through the country side with far younger, and again more virile and etc. people ... .. the psychological effects of that can have some ugly ripples, I assure you. None of this stuff is textbook certainty. I am just saying these are possibilities that need to be considered and discussed. You may want to go out partying, take in the club, that sort of thing while I look at the warmth and wonder of home and am thankful for the sanctuary. SO why the hell would ANYONE want to get into something like this? Why would you? That is something for you to consider and answer. For me? There is the obvious love for beauty and wonder, and a younger partner can have that ... yes so can an older one, but for the moment I am focused in this discussion to the issue of age gap. Still, suffice it to say that it is not impossible to find all or any of this with someone near or even beyond my age. But I do love beauty. I WANT to wake up in total awe of the woman who is in bed with me and there for me to take, have, keep and love. And then there is the whole love thing in and of itself. There is something amazing about a younger love. It tends not to be near so beat up and jaded as those of us who have had to fight our way through things to be able to survive to where we are. I LOVE being LOVED! I LOVE *LOVING the woman I am with and the two when they are put together ... wow ... LOOK OUT!!!! But there still exists a danger with the younger love received .... ... is it love, or is it a crush? Is it a love that is the real long burn? Or is it the 'Irealllllyyyyy love jelly donuts! But I thought you 'realllyyy loved chocolate sprinkle donuts last week! ' Well that was last week .. THIS week I ***REALLLLLYYYYYY love jelly donuts!! In short ... am I a passing fad or fancy to be discarded in a day, a week, a month, a year or withing a decade? There are some who have been able to make it work ... as far as famous people .. Peobe Kates, Bo Derek to name a couple... so it is not impossible to find. Buy it is not commonplace and it is certainly not an easy thing to find. Typically those who are around my age are very grown up. That is fine. I not only appreciate refinement and class or sophistication, but love it and am attracted to it. If I find my partner dressed well, I will want to rip the clothes off of her and rape her senseless ... not because of my despising her being dressed up, but rather because I love how she looks and how she looks has poked the beast who has no intentions of not having what it wants and needs. I love her, I lust for her, I simply want her and WILL have her ... without reserve and with total abandon. But I also love being young myself. There is a part of me that is very much youthful still. I love the animations of Pixar, Disney and the like. I love some stuffed animals and love imagination, both mine and others. I love singing and dancing and the idea of being able to do all of that with someone who not only appreciates it, but loves and adores it in me and not just accepts it but treasures it ... welll ... wow is an understatement to that. Women who I have experienced in my life who are my age have no tolerences, appreciation or want for those qualities. They are juvenile and unwanted. Instead, security is where it is all at for them. Again, I have come across too many women whose full focus has been the house, bank ledger, car, luxuries, etc. Basically, I am only as good as the amount of money and the things that I have. Anything else ... it can be tolerated for the right prices and the right amount of security. Not being a mega rich millionaire or billionaire, not being a super famous movie star or rock star ... well ... you can see where I fit into that whole hierarchy of preferred specimens. And that is sadness incarnate ... to be trapped in a life with someone who stops you from living and being all of who you could be ... soft sigh Is it any wonder that searches for someone as a partner for life are so difficult and why the amazing finds when they happen ... truly ARE exactly that ..... ... amazing. Just a few thoughts that have been in my mind as of late.

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CCofAZ
 
 Age: 43
  South Carolina