9/10/2016 6:54:26 PM: *Venting Post*I am sorry but  I KNOW WHAT CANCER IS YOU STUPID LITTLE TWIT .. I am a cancer survivor .. I had it and have Beat it .... and am still living to tell about it ....DONT you dare come at me  and say shit like you did  STOP Talking to me sending me messages  because  I am about to BLOCK YOUR ASS

8/11/2012 8:29:20 AM: UPDATE !!!!!!!!!     I am no longer looking for a DOM ... I Found one after many years of searching  I Found  my Dom and Mistress ..  Am exploring this life with two people i have come to trust and care for deeply ...   Thank you  Sir and Ma'am  for making my world right ... thank you for taking the time to understand me and helping me be better ..     

7/12/2012 7:46:58 AM: when the world is silent . and the stars are out .. looking up at the sky i wonder where i got lost Tears slide down my cheeks constantly and my heart bleeds the pain i am feeling is all consuming my head says one thing and my heart says another . How do you ask for help when you dont know where to start . shutout alone Lost when you dont know what end is up and you struggle day to day to keep your head up when all you want to do is curl up and hide ... you make mistakes .. and just keep making the same ones .. alone and crying .. this cant keep going on ... slowly losing your mind you put on a mask to everyone else and hide your pain .. trying to be strong for everyone around you when they need someone to lean on and you are barely standing on your own .. taking on their burden because that is all you know ... trying to save someone else .. when you are drowning ... and there is noone there to save you .. struggling to breath .. sometimes your thoughts turn dark . maybe things would be better if you wouldnt be there... maybe things would all be better with out you ... you fade away into nothing ... like the nothing you really are ... is this being lost .. is there ever a way back .. if there is ... i wish i could find it

7/12/2012 7:30:01 AM: its safe in here , inside my walls of hurt noone can reach me noone can pull at my heartstrings that is what i wanted when i built this wall around and i have done well till i met you ... You pushed against the wall chiseled it away breaking it down brick by brick leaving me open and exposed then you left for someone to come along and break it down now i see what i had done . building that wall while noone was able to hurt me but you .. you broke me scarred me built me back up only to let me fall again What a fool i was .. For letting you get to me so easily . Having that which i cant explain there and to be gone again DAMN IT why WHY DID YOU BREAK ME ... Do i build the wall back up to protect me or learn to be with out that wall SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME cause i am scared and afraid ... lost and alone naked and exposed ..

2/29/2012 8:20:15 AM: Unsure!!!!!!!!!this is what i want ... a collar .. a owner/owners but i am so unsure scared How do you take that step .. and jump.. what ifs  run through your mind .. causing this panic driven Fear that keeps you in suspended animation..You stand there with your eyes closed trying to catch your breath  all you can hear is your heart pounding in your ears  drowning out all the noises around you you push your self to the edge ... and teeter on the edge ...you feel like a little child .. inside ... so scared and unsure ...   are the rewards more then the pain .. the fear of failure or disappointment .. Not in them but in your self ...  HOW do you  do it .. honestly   after taking the jump and crashing hard .. to only be left laying there  broken and bleeding .. the fear is unesscapeable .. it  holds you in its clutches what if it happens again  ... can you trust that it wont .. or do you just run ...Yeah i know my mo is to talk a good game but at last minute  choke and run .. I DONT WANNA RUN ... i want this more then anything ... so i am turning over a new leaf  I REFUSE TO RUN ..   but honestly  this journey scares me but not enough to stop looking and wanting