3/11/2018 7:50:30 AM: Kinda struggling as what to write today. So many thoughts and of course we are on opposite sides of the earth today. We do need to get everythin settled so we can be a real full time family. There is just a lot in the way and discussions need to happen. We need a fresh start, new schools, decent friends and a place where we can enjoy life. As much as I am not selfish,  I need a place where I can be happy , have a view, feel at home. The next move for me will most likely be my last. Jess is such a good girl but scared of the unknown. The girls will be happy anywhere as long as we can be a family. its so much fun to buy the girls things they have never had before,  they  so excited over little things we need a change of venue before the next school year. This is a rambling entry but I/we neee to work through this whole move, home, family piece soon. I will be there to take care of all My girls, they just need to trust me to know what’s best. I remain amazed at Jess as she has had very little good happen to her yet she gets up every day with hope All these girls deserve a home and strong family 

2/1/2018 6:51:47 AM: Back in PA. Can’t realy say home anymore as home really seems to be back West with My girls.Lifes complicated and confusing at times but it gets clearer when I sit here alone in the quiet and find I miss the chaos. So much to do and it’s really starting all over again, from the beginning, but with so many habits that need to be fixed. Still in the end there are 4 girls that need to be led, loved, laughed with, read to, spoiled and disciplined. I still have not figured out Lil j completely and I know she doesnt share all her thoughts desires and wishes, at least not in a direct way.  We end up often not in the same page when it’s just us. j is not comfortable just talking with Me about stuff often times, maybe it’s just a defensive mechanism based on past history I don’t like the word “really“ anymore.i think she knows what she wants but is to polite to tell. I know I dont get the real story at times around past experiences but that is normal.  j does not understand what I am saying when I say “next“ sll that said there is bo one I would rather love, cherish , protect, own and keep forever. I need to get back sooner. F&A 2I&WB 

1/7/2018 9:04:47 AM: It’s cold cold cold here in PA and my girls are so far away on the warm west coast. Just came back from a wonderful 3 week family vacation with Jess and our girls and I miss them so much already. Where is home, what is travel, where is family, it can all get blurred  I should be there to build consistency and structure, provide Jess with the support she needs and deserve. Such a big step, such a big risk, such a big reward. I so need to be someplace soon, own a hone, have projects, fix all the things that get broken, make a house a family home. I am always amazed at how Jess is able to do it by herself. I know it’s hard and things fall through the cracks but stuff does get done and life goes on. We all need to be a family, fresh start somewhere (warm I know) structure, discipline, love and the ability to spoil my girls everyday I hope this day is soonF&A 2I&WB

11/27/2017 8:57:40 AM: Tougher and tougher each time.  Leaving this morning was tough, pouty faces, clingy arms around my legs and even tears.  I have four girls that seem to love me and that means the world to me. We all had so much fun this week and it was nice as always to see lil j relax just a little bit, three sangrias helped as well. I am concerned arounds Jess's availability to finally be happy, feel she deserves to be happy and can filter out the crap that always gets in the way. She is a little girl that has had to grow up to quickly, so much drama, change, disappointment and uncertainty. She has built a shell and wall to protect herself but at the same time is blocking out experiences which will bring lasting joy.  We have a great beginning here and a great opportunty to last forever and give our girls the foundation to be happy and secure in their livesi have to be patient but also continue to be there for her even when she pulls away. I have to be the example of unconditional love and acceptance for her and the girls As they need to experience this so very much. I need to get back soon and kiss the faces of all my girls. F&A. 2I&B D 

10/5/2017 6:57:24 AM: Heading back to PA after Anniversary week with lil j and our girls. I am not quite sure who to take away from the trip as it was a roller-coaster ( ok maybe one from the kids park ) of experiences and emotions. I was completly surprised but not shocked that lil j was able to find My special gift. It took a lot of effort and persistence to find it.  I am very pleased. it was so cool to also give lil j her special anniversary present.  It will be something she can have for life and will grow in meaning and importance. We still have some disconnects to work through and parts of our lives which are still not to be discussed or just get us both weird when we do.  I also have to demand and expect more adherence to protocol and direction. its funny as lil j is better at structure when I am absent then when I am present. The issue of consistency is more in my direction and disipline  than I believe in her willful disobediencei would not have any other so I must be a better Master, Sir, Daddy and sometimes just Danny. F&A. 2I&B