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kheldar
Hetero Male Dominant, 35, Seattle, Washington US 
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kheldar
Quick summary Real, experienced with LTRs and bdsm, serious, smart, honest, monogamous, single, and looking for more than just in the bedroom. Seeking someone with a brain behind their head to interest me and more than just a set of common kink interests.


*looks like CS is removing punctuation, so some of this might be now screwed up*

I am a genuinely good person who knows what he wants out of life. Life is pretty damn amazing and I try my hardest to get the most I can out of it while making a difference in the world. Im not a fanatical sadist whose life only revolves around BDSM. I certainly enjoy it and its one of the things I look for in the women I date. However, I am looking for the best connection for me, whether that ends up being closer to a 247 slave or a submissive really depends on the situation. As the past has shown, both can be equally satisfying and both can be problematic. I am flexible, adaptable, passionate, and clever so I am not someone who will obsess and go completely ADD on the tiny minutia of a setup and never change.

I believe in variety, adaptability, nuance, and the value in changing things up. I approach relationships from a more positive philosophy rather than a root of fear, anger, hatred, contempt, or weakness, because it allows you to draw upon all your emotions, tempered by who you are are your core. And the sub or slave I am with is ultimately reassured and safe in that understanding, even if you are being unforgivably cruel or sadistic in the moment.



I am looking for a submissive girl, ideally someone to spend the rest of my life with but, the future is hard to predict. It might take some time to find the right person but, I am more than willing to put in the effort to find them. As with everyone, Ive found some things that were close, but not close enough yet.

Not every relationship needs to start with an OMG is it forever?! (that kind of attitude is usually more harmful than good), but I would like to be with someone where I can see the inkling of a future together.

From my interactions and from reading peoples journals and blogs there are a lot of scene people who seem to only be out for themselves. I find that pretty damn odd, because if you are going to sell yourself as a dominant that should mean you are strong enough to take care of yourself and take care of someone else who has put their trust in you. And not that you are using BDSM as a thinly veiled attempt to hide from the fact that you are afraid of being in a real relationship where you cant totally control someone else (control is sexy, so very very deliciously sexy, but only when its done for the right reasons and not a cover for an abusive relationship). Hint If you are an angry and petty dominant you should really find someone to talk to - you will be so much happier in the long run.

In my experience BDSM relationships require a much deeper and stronger connection than plain vanilla relationships. Half the fun and attraction is getting to dive deeper into the person you are with and its a lot harder to hide things when you are doing that. So the things that would break a vanilla relationship should bubble up faster rather than be swept under the rug under the banner of well this is a BDSM relationship, so... I get to ignore all those vanilla issues. If I wanted a play thing I would get one, I want a person. So smarts, a drive for life, great company, common interests, beauty, and a submissive side all in a real person with all the good and bad things that entails. No one has a clean slate, everyone has history, good relationships make those things not matter as much, bad ones just dwell on them. There is always a price of admission in any relationship.



I am actively looking for the right person for me on vanilla websites as well. Not everyone who shares similar kinky desires has an account on collarme or fetlife, and not everyone who has those desires even knows it. So I do not have to find someone who will instantly obey my orders and simply lick the ground I walk on. Quite frankly, it puts my teeth on edge when someone calls me sir right off the bat, not every interaction needs to be done according to the imaginary bdsm guidelines. I realize some people like the rituals and ceremonies but I kind of enjoy getting to know someone first )



Id rather find someone who knows what they want but isnt ready to simply give up control to someone else. I am a very patient person and I actually really enjoy being with someone, making them comfortable, pushing their boundaries, and helping them reach someplace they know they want to be. Its kind of the difference between climbing a mountain and taking a Gondola to the top. Climbing is a lot more fun and something you value much more than parking your butt on a seat while you are carried to the top. I am the kind of person who loves challenges and pushing themselves.



Outside the kinky world I am a pretty successful person, have a doctorate (so I think Im a smarty pants), enjoy traveling around the world, and having fun at home. Im not afraid of someone with a thought in their head and would like to enjoy being with the person I am with. I am comfortable enough with myself and my kinks to not be crest fallen when things do not go quite right or when theres a need to be a bit flexible. I also like to write a lot. If you are interested in talking, send me a message, in general the type of women I am looking for are HWP, slender, athletic, not more than a few years older than me to 21+. They do not have to be local (plane tickets are not a big enough barrier to keep me from the right person) but I have done long distance and it requires a bit of a deeper connection than a submissive desire and a pulse.



Experience wise, Ive been doing this since before time began. Ha! Experience really doesnt matter and seems to often translate very poorly into how well you and someone will click and work together, unlearning bad habits isnt always easy. And quite frankly if having a lot of experience is the most important thing about me, we probably wouldnt get along very well anyway. But, anyway since a lot of people on here havent done much in real life, Ill just say Ive done some stuff. I dont let my kink control my life and my greatest achievements in life are not kinky ones.



But, since it is somewhat important Ill elaborate a bit more. I think what you do in a kinky relationship is drastically different depending on the people involved and the relationship.


Been the dom of a sub before.
Im a lot more of a sadist than I would ever be comfortable admitting to. But, Im not a moron and not particularly interested in beating on someone unnecessarily or to compensate for my own issues--its a kink not a personality defect )
Ive had sex with people in bondage, regular vanilla sex as well, a good time was had by all. Anyone who tells you differently is lying D So, it doesnt need to just be kinky all the time.
Ive met people in real life before (and as Im fond of repeating Im sure I can run farther and faster than most of the people on the site so Im sure Im safe) and generally found some pretty neat people
I have been to fetish clubsevents. Its not as awkward as you might think. If youre really afraid of going out in public I can only say that people really dont care. Unless youre not a nice person youll have fun too. Kinky people are usually pretty cool. And creepers usually stand out like a sore thumb.
I have kinky friends and theyre all quite great. It probably should be a bit weird when the rigger on my Pictionary team threatens his gf with a suspension with cow bells for winning, but its actually just funny. Aaaaand seeing your other friend actually being suspended naked by her bf isnt really as weir
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