Thought I better get back on here as my wife left me due to my pasta touching fetish. Now I'm feeling cannelloni.

I've always said you should fight fire with fire. And that's why I was thrown out of the Fire Brigade.

I'm currently writing a thesis on Stonehenge as to why it was more successful than it's predecessors Woodhenge and Strawhenge.

Hopefully, I’ve got a book coming out soon. Shouldn’t have eaten it, really.

My previous profession was as an archaeologist. My career was soon in ruins.

My Grandad is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open. Which is probably why his submarine sank

About a month before my uncle died, we covered his back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.

Maybe speak to you soon then.

Cheers.