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MaritimeBromelia
Hetero Female Dominant, 35, RiversideCounty, California US 
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MaritimeBromelia

Attention Horny Bros

If you are going by my fetish list and groups and thinking "I just want to get my rocks off, and obviously she does too, gotta contact her!" STOP NOW. I am demisexual, so it will take you an eternity in horny years, months at least, to get past the friends stage. Your junk will turn blue and fall off if you wait that long to fap, because science.

I am not a pro domme.
I am not a findomme.
I will not perfor m for you.
I will not go on popular chat sites or sext or fantasize with you.
I will not send you nudes or more body pics.
Do not contact me for any of this.
I want your personality, not your money.

I do not care about dick size. Rippling abs and strangled, veiny dick pics or whatever you deem "sexy" does absolutely nothing for me. I care about your ability to communicate clearly.

It is best not to waste your time and mine if you are not willing to put in the effort...

...eh, who am I kidding? You probably won't even read all of that, so I am going to spend the rest of this profile talking to those that did.


Who I Am

Hi! I'd write more about myself but this is already an essay. To keep it short, I'm a tall, fat black woman. Technically medium brown in the black skintone spectrum, with brown hair currently past my shoulders. Loves eye-searing yet tasteful clothing, always wears glasses, and currently has braces so the whole chic nerd look is happening for at least the next year and a half (as of March 2022). Looks better with clothes on. Permanently keto, not by choice dammit. Extremely intelligent, yet reads too much smut. Allegedly kind and reasonable yet sadistic when the situation calls for it. Lot of paradoxes; frankly, it's fucking annoying and is precisely why I'm still single. Anyway, this is


Why I'm Here

I am looking for a combination long term FLR, toilet slave, and service sub or slave with more extreme fetishes as central elements of our lives. I want to love and value my partner, otherwise I see no reason to be with them.

To clarify, I am seeking someone who views these fetishes in a positive way because he finds joy in serving his dominant and in the intimacy of the fetishes themselves. He is more than willing and should not have to be treated badly or forced to do them. He does not have to get ready to suffer through them for me, or need my help to get used to them.

I created this secondary profile because I feel these kinks are a mite extreme for my primary one. This profile is mostly centered around my interest in toilet play including scat as a feeder or giver, some age play, and other things I cannot list.


Requirements for Consideration

  • Age 27 to 45 (I widen this range to 23-48 only if you are truly extraordinary)
  • White
  • Male sub or slave
  • Androgyne, crossdresser, genderfluid, or fem
  • Straight, bi, pan, fellow demisexual
  • Disease, drug, alcohol, and furry pet free (yes, pot is a drug, don't try me)
  • Intelligent and sweet
  • Have a lithe, boyish body type
  • Have a filthy mind
  • Care about self-improvement

REQUIREMENTS ARE NOT OPTIONAL. I have written them for a reason. You are not a special exception to the rules, so if you don't meet them, move on.


Disqualifications

  • Do not meet the aforementioned requirements
  • Do not read profiles (it's painfully obvious)
  • Are unvaccinated due to personal or religious beliefs
  • Ignore requirements you think don't apply to you
  • Fall on the bratty or doormat extremes of the sub spectrum
  • Cannot write a message more than three sentences long
  • Send first messages that contain 75% kink and/or 0% personality
  • Are married and/or have kids
  • Never plan to meet in person
  • Like the idea of FLRs, but don't want to experience the reality
  • Expect casual or immediate sex/kink (again, demisexual, it's just not happening)
  • Want cuckolding or chastity
  • Identify as a sissy of the potentially misogynistic, parodic variety
  • Refer to yourself as "it" or "this slave"
  • Want to be treated like shit for all eternity
  • Never want to use your dick for sex
  • Do not like blowjobs or being rimmed (while clean)
  • Are homophobic
  • Are into black supremacy or any kind of supremacy
  • Are not interested in a fat black woman who exercises multiple times per week
  • Do not take care of your own health

Contact Instructions

  1. Address me by my username or MB. I prefer basic respect as a human being, not deference I have not yet earned. Therefore, I do NOT consent to being addressed as your black, ebony, chocolate, whatever, mistress, goddess, queen, whatever. These titles have meaning, and they are not the same as maam, miss, etc. When you give a title to a stranger, you are also giving scammers a chance to take advantage of your ignorance.
  2. Copy all of the requirements above (not the disqualifications) and paste them in your message to confirm that you meet them.
  3. Write at least 5 sentences about yourself, not your kinks. In addition to those sentences, tell me: How can you make my life easier? What makes you unique? What sets you apart from the rest? More effort means more of a response from me. Minimal effort or a fappy or creepy response (yes, compliments on my body are both fappy and creepy) will just get you blocked. 
  4. If you are contacting me solely for friendship, mention it in the first sentence. Sane platonic friends are welcome, especially male slaves, subs, and switches.

Since more extreme fetishes seem to lead to more objectification, I do block those who are not a match. The sheer vitriol I get from simply saying no thanks or offering constructive criticism about treating potential dominants like real people is insane.

(Oh, and my username's lovely stronghold says Ac crfdetx'z xyeiwax lgob gfaby wfahp. Iyon btni rnygkai. Hpmhrvaxo kjn vy leesv aontvtevn. Wy meugbx tuz. Popx "zyswaxsmo miggomne" gz nhtpo. Uduq xscr!)

7/17/2022 12:26:57 AM: Clarification: I'm a scat fetishist AND a dominant I think there's some confusion I need to clear up. I am both a scat fetishist feeder and a dominant. This means that I can thoroughly enjoy scat play without a D/s dynamic attached to it. I prefer both simultaneously, but that's very difficult to find without stereotypical expectations attached to it. And yes - I do actually enjoy scat! I don't consider it a chore or a hassle or a tool for control or a punishment or a way for me to get money out of you. This is highly unusual; more often than not, in this subset, you are seen as a means to an end. That's not me, and that's also why I'm looking for something very different. I am looking for someone who is a scat fetishist receiver and a sub or slave. You get off to solo or partner scat play because shit turns you on. A specific type of combination with a D/s dynamic is your ideal. Whatever media you've consumed (heh) that caused you to stumble across my profile mostly doesn't apply here, because the rare blend of positive, happy scat fetishist feeder woman and female dominant? Almost nowhere to be seen. I get it, I get it. Part of the 'please shit on my face Mistress' fantasy may be lost for you now. That's cool, you can stop right here and hit the back button. Because combining mockery, contempt, superiority, humiliation, loathing, and degradation of self with an intimate, personal, loving, favorite fetish? Hard pass. It's why I say I don't want to train someone or try to talk them into feeding. Scat fetishists generally do not think like this. You have to already love scat play (or the idea of it) before I've even met you. You definitely do not need convincing. You may have even tried your own to see if you like it, and you like fap-free discussions. I'm not looking for grudging acceptance that may or may not happen. If I were, I could just delete this profile and take my chances with the vanilla kink one. Anyway, this ramble is almost over. There's a slightly accurate concept called the 5 love languages. They're brief summaries of how different people show and receive love. My second highest is acts of service. If my sub or slave considers scat play with me with joy, love, and excited anticipation, it's the ultimate act of service.

6/5/2022 1:00:25 PM: 3 NOTES Do I Contact Potentials First? I almost never contact potentials first, and here are the (very rare) exceptions: You explicitly state in your profile that you are into extreme kinks/toilet play You are *not* seeking something casual, online, paid, or fantastical Your profile is as well-written as mine or better In 8 years, I can still count on one hand the potentials I've contacted. When you have a vague or nonexistent profile (most do), it's up to you to write me. 'I love your profile, but I'm outside your requirements' ...okay, bye! Much like creepy body compliments, this compliment that is not really a compliment is one of the most popular messages I receive. Although you may not mean it this way, it reads as though you are: Whining Attempting to make me apologize for preemptively rejecting you Attempting to use potential guilt over point 2 to manipulate me into making a very special exception for you (which unfortunately proves just how unexceptional you really are lol) Instead, try 'I love your profile, but since I don't meet your requirements, I'd like to be friends.' Follow that up with fun things about yourself. 'Hi, how are you?' crickets instant block I HATE time-wasting social niceties. If you do the bare minimum in your first message, I do the same in my response.

6/4/2022 8:22:23 PM: On Potentials Who Circumvent Blocks to 'Explain' I teach subs how to approach dominants when seeking a relationship. Despite recently happening twice in as many days, this is (thankfully) a semi-rare occurrence for me that I feel I should address. When I block someone, that means that I am no longer interested in hearing from them for any reason. There was no misunderstanding on my end. The onus is upon you to check and double check messages before sending. If I have questions or need clarification, I ask prior to blocking. Following clearly written instructions shows that you respect yourself and your time as well as me and my own. Not unlike a job application, there is no second chance to make a first impression. Despite the common refrain of potentials stating that creating another account specifically to contact me is their only choice (because they absolutely had to address the situation...or get the last word...or just be an asshole), it is not, in fact, their only choice. The other choice is to make no contact at all. Let the alleged misunderstanding stand. Trust that the dominant knows her own mind. Take the perceived insult on the chin. Move on with your life. That way, I will (barely) remember you as the potential who disqualified themselves for whatever reason (what you feel the need to explain away is usually not the reason). But by walking right through the equivalent of an online restraining order, I will (barely) remember you as a creepy cyberstalker who ignored my feelings and humanity to exert your own power through harassment. In other words, your circumvention of a block just proves I was right to block you in the first place...and lifestyle dominants definitely talk to each other. Your intention may not have been to harass, but that's how it comes across - especially to women in online spaces. I know this is CS, but stop and use your brain to think before you type.

5/25/2022 5:15:21 PM: Do you see that part in my profile about taking care of your own health? Yeah, that includes being fully vaccinated and boostered and wearing an N95 EVERYWHERE you go in public. While some of you may be very willing to pretend we are not in the midst of a global pandemic and are happy to risk your short- and long-term health on an unknown quanitity to do whatever you want, I am not. No travel from me or you to meet in person until it is over. Couple this with how I don't do online relationships and how folks seem intent on dragging this mess out as much as possible, that means we will remain in limbo. How long is the wait? It's really up to you and our mutating-murder-cooties-of-doom-transmitting fellow citizens of Earth. If you disagree and/or are about to send some 'we can't live our lives in fear' message, move on. We both know that phrase is just a shittily trite way to say 'I lack empathy and self-preservation. I want to absolve myself of any responsibility related to protecting myself and others because I'm invincible and I'm tired of thinking about it and I want to do fun things.' That's not someone I'm remotely interested in. You have been warned.

4/13/2022 3:12:53 PM: Giant hint: If you start your message with 'mistress' etc., I immediately delete it. I don't even read it. You just wasted minutes of your life copying and pasting that you can't get back. Go think about your life choices, get a hobby, or do something else productive instead.

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