Keeping in mind that as soon as I saw that he had written before, I rolled my eyes and made a choice to respond, knowing how this was gonna go, and since I'm in a mood, it was slightly amusing and I almost chuckled when he did exactly what I expected him to do.
Which I'm sure would have pissed him off worse...
I received this today from someone listed as a Dom, who had contacted me well over a year ago, then again last December.
Just 4 months ago, but he's once again completely forgotten that he wrote me before, that he was asked to do something then disappeared, forgot that he had written the second time and was REMINDED, and asked if he had done it yet, but wanted me to commit to being interested (in someone who had ghosted once already and hadn't done anything he was asked to do, which was to read and EDUCATE HIMSELF, not do anything that benefited ME, but instead forgot even speaking to me) and now he's written me again.
With the same message as the first two times.
3/6/22 6:48 AM
"Good morning, Miss,
Hope you are doing well I am wondering if per chance you could possibly be open to a 64 going on 34 year old sub and iring slave located in North Aurora, west of chicago who is intelligent openminded kinky adventurous fun and selfassured about who and what he is? Most of all one who seeks a true Owner and Domme who is a totally devoted to you like me? It is so hard to find a genuine and suitable Domme and Owner in this lifestyle I hope you find me to be exceptional seems like we want the very same thingfor You to take total control of memind body and soul And what you depict your profile is quite interesting and just what I know I need Although my profile says I am a Dom, I have come to realize I am a stone sub I have the ability desire and wherewithal to host and come visit and ultimately relocate should it come to that I travel your way quite a bit on business But most of all I would love to just have the honor and privilege to get to know you you seem so genuine Hope to hear from you"
This is what I wrote him just now.
I think it was pretty mild, all things considered.
"angeldmort on 3/6/22 at 7:20 AM:
Considering that we had a conversation not 4 months ago and you've already forgotten that, I guess not
And you obviously didn't read my profile THIS time, either
So youve spammed me twice, I let you off the hook last time and had a conversation anyway, and now you are back having done the same exact thing, so you learned jack shit last time and are telling me either how forgettable I am, or how incredibly forgetful and lazy you are
Either way, buhbye"
and his entirely predictable reply -
"sorry Had I known you were such a cross, unpleasant, downer, negative and selfcentered personI would not have contacted you in the first placenot at all the type of Domme or person I want in my life Who wants to take the time to read all the gibberish anyway
Thanks and buhbye to you, too"
Now, this is not at ALL even remotely uncommon.
This is the Standard Operating Procedure for guys contacting women via the internet for the purpose of getting the attention they want.
They bury us in compliments, make grand sweeping statements about their desire for a relationship, and when they don't get it, usually because of their own screwups, they immediately do a 180 and get verbally abusive. (Or if in person, physically abusive/violent/deadly.)
And in this case, since it's a BDSM centered site, he stated he wanted a Domme "to take total control of me mind body and soul."
But apparently that did not extend to actually asking him to DO anything.
Even if it makes him better able to get what he wants.
When I asked him back in December if he had read any of the books I recommended to him, based on his complete lack of submissive experience and his stated desire to get some, he replied
"Quite honestlyI have not But if You feel You are truly interested in me, I will gladly do so as I know that would make me better prepared to be the best I can be for you should it come to that And that would be my entire focus"
Do you see the problem?
A total stranger on the internet.
We have exchanged a few emails. That's it.
I have to profess my TRUE interest in him, without knowing him beyond what his shown so far in this extremely limited way.
After he has already failed to do the most basic of things -
- actually READ my profile, which has a couple things in it specifically to let me know if someone read it, right at the very tip top where it's easy to see
- written a profile that actually reflects who is is, instead of one that he thinks will get him laid as a Dom
- write an actual email to me instead of sending me the copy/pasted message he sends every Domme
- write a message to me that doesn't lie about having read my profile and "seems like we want the very same thing"
- stick around in a conversation HE had initiated
- done the only thing I actually asked of him, which was to read a book I thought would help him with his search
- be honest about not wanting to do this, like a fucking adult, instead of ghosting like a little bitch
- keep track of who he contacts so he doesn't insult my intelligence with another copy/paste message that just tells me I'm not interesting enough for him to remember
Yeah. I'm gonna be SO interested.
In blocking him from contacting me again.
But he feels I should give that, before he has to give ANYTHING.
He should get payment up front, before he begins the work of becoming someone in who a Domme COULD be interested in.
Because ...
He wants it?
And being female, I should want to hand it to him on a silver platter.
And the second that is pointed out to him - the first time I explain that no, he has screwed up, and screwed HIMSELF over with his own actions, and lack of actions, and lack of basic effort on his own behalf, more than once?
I am "a cross, unpleasant, downer, negative and selfcentered person."
Because that's how a "submissive" responds to correction from a Dominant Woman?
Or it seems to be, based on how this goes, over and over and over.
No recognition of personal responsibility for his mistakes, no apology for ghosting, no appreciation of being given a reply despite the obvious lack of effort, no self-awareness at all that might lead to him fixing his mistakes, changing his course, and possibly finding what he claims to want.
Just the immediate knee-jerk flip to insults and abuse.
But hey, at least he didn't call me old, fat and ugly.
That's the usual guy response to getting rejected.
And again, this is standard stuff. This is the main kind of interaction women have on dating sites. This is the main kind of interaction Dommes have on BDSM sites.
It may as well be the same exact person writing me these, over and over.
As the song says - "Only the names will change."
This is not submission.
This is self-entitlement.
This is toxic masculinity.
This is a fragile male ego.
And THIS is what is standing between you and the Domme you want to kneel to.
THIS is what we see and expect when you write us before reading our profile, when you send us a generic email that could have been sent to someone else, when you don't fill out your profile, when you want us to be "interested" before having an actual conversation and letting us get to know you.
I know it sees like work, but honestly, without it, you are asking for a handout, and we know that hand will probably turn into
