7/24/2017 4:54:21 PM: The D/s BS Translator: 1. 'Your submission is a precious gift - it should not be given  lightly.' [Translation: So how about you stop putting out all over  town?] 2. 'My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits'  [Translation: limits schmimits....let's do what I like for a change.] 3. 'My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission - that is a  natural feeling.' [Translation: Any more smart ass back chat from you  and you'll be kicked to the curb.] 4. 'You seem troubled my pet. We should talk.' [Translation: Your  sulking is giving me the shits.] 5. 'You are so wonderfully responsive' [Translation: You wail like a  banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major  organ....including your brain.] 6. 'It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free.'  [Translation: I need some shmuck to give up his own life to wait on me  hand and foot without payment.] 7. 'I have 20 years experience' [Translation: 20 years ago I tied  someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.] 8. 'For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene'[Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.] 9. 'A true Dom has humility and never stops learning.' [Translation:  Yeah, so I fucked up again: don't give me that accusing look, you big  sook.] 10. 'I never, ever strike in anger.' [Translation: It just feels that  way when you give me shit.] 11. It is time we explored polyamory together.' [Translation: It is  time I bonked other people. You can help me pick them up and be my  excuse to get rid of them afterward] 12. 'I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private  person.' [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a  very married person.] 13. 'I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s.' [Translation: I  had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.] 14. 'SM? Don't think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation.'  [Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain  a big man like is going to be too proud to safeword and stop the party.] 15. 'You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have  submitted.' [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds  like a legit reason you might actually consider it.] 16. 'You must master your own life before you can master another's.'  [Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be  pulling down at least 250k a year or the deal's are all off buddy. As  a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become  accustomed to.] 17.'I have no limits.' [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal  so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of  my life off the proceeds] 18. 'That's not a Dom--that's a control freak.' [Translation: Get rid  of that guy I wanna be your Dom cuz I hear you give good head.] 19. 'All Dommes need is to find the right man.' [Translation: Cuz I'm IT!] 20. 'You aren't sub enough.' [Translation: I can't handle a guy with a  mind of his own without resorting to cheap manipulation.] 21. 'You're not submissive enough.' [Translation: Because you won't  quit your management job, move to Nebraska today and give me oral sex  on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.] 22. 'You're not Dominant Enough' [Translation: You're no fun. You  won't maim me permanently and it's always been my biggest fantasy.] The D/s BS Translator for Online Profiles: 23. 'I'm service-oriented.' [Translation: I hope the dumb sap falls  for this so he'll let me clean his place and I can snoop through his  shit.] 24. 'I'm under consideration.' [Translation: I'm chasing someone.] 25. 'I've been released.' [Translation: I've been dumped.] 26. 'I am a true dom/sub.' [Translation: You're a phony if you aren't  just like me.] 27. 'I am a bratty sub.' [Translation: I am a pain in the ass.] 28. 'I will bend you to my will.' [Translation: I am insane.] 29. 'I am a submissive with slave tendencies.' [Translation: Pick me  because I'm pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular  submissive.] 31. 'I am seeking my One.' [Translation: Someone out there must have  dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.] 32. 'I'm trained.' [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly  what my last master wanted.] 33. 'I am a 24/7 slave, online only.' [Translation: I am a bored housewife.] 34. 'I'm strict but fair.' [Translation:  I'm always right, you're  always wrong, and I'll beat you whenever you're right and I don't want  to admit it.] 35. 'I am a trainer of sluts.' [Translation:  I'm looking for girls  who will believe they are being 'trained' when I order them to blow me.] 36. 'Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us.' [Translation (when  posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and  I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need  a backup fuck for when she's mad at me. Bonus points if you'll take my  side in the argument.]  

10/6/2016 4:16:06 PM: Most men who chase lesbians have a quote stuck in their head 'to boldly go where no man has gone before'