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Hyppiegirl
| Pan Female, 47, Greenville, South Carolina
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I took a 2.5 year break from this but how could I have forgotten the infantile behavior of the Doms. I am exhausted and I have only been back a month. I remember back to the men of my youth and the quiet strength they exuded -where did that go in our society. I realize the woman have taken over but I do miss the real men-sighs.
-The empty nest, nobody tells you that the first year your child goes off to college that you have no compass but such a sense of loss and you eat cereal for dinner because nobody needs you anymore.
First off, please know I am very content with my life. I have a beautiful family, friends and a career I love that allows me flexibility and financial security so I am in no need of being rescued.
That being said, there is still something missing during those early morning half awake moments when I find myself reaching for someone who is not there and I have noticed that more and more this saddens me.
I do not know who this someone is but my hope is that, he is all Dom, that he does not play mind games, that he understands and loves me even though, I laugh at everything, that I get drunk and kiss everyone, that I am a smoker and an occasional toker. I hope he is firm because I am a wild child that needs accountability because it makes me a better person. I hope he is a light sadist because I am a light masochist. I hope he is honest and that I can trust what he tells me with no doubts. I hope he can match my intense loyalty. I hope he can care for himself financially. I hope for intelligence because smart is so sexy. I hope he knows that I give unconditional love and that if I am in your corner then anything is possible.
I am very open, light hearted, talk and laugh with everyone but beneath that, lies a deep shyness with men, which meansunless you pursue me, I do not have the self esteem to pursue you.
I am and always will be a work in progress but I kind of like me!
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I dont mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I dont mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. Anas Nin
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3/7/2015 8:01:14 PM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhpwV4cwB4o
8/17/2014 7:53:10 PM: Sonnet 17by Pablo NerudaI do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topazor the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that never bloomsbut carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,I love you simply, without problems or pride:I love you in this waybecause I don't know any other way of lovingbut this, in which there is no I nor you,so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,so intimate that when I fall asleepit is your eyes that close.
4/18/2014 7:14:03 PM: Error Code: Love
If you’re going to fall in love -Don’t fall for the decorated “Me.”That I prepare every morningTo face the world, to survive another day.A fake smile, a white shirt, jeans and cologne. Don’t fall in love with that false personaThat I carry to impress, to climbThe steps of achievement they've defined for me.
I’m not exactly the spring you've waited for.I can be the deadly summer. If you’re going to fall in love -Fall for my weaknesses. My jealousy, my impatience, my indecision. My moods, my resistance, my numbness.My inner child that seeks attention.who can be restless – giving you a hard time.Love me, for them if you can.
I’m not exactly the spring you've waited for.I can be the dry Winter. Fall in love with the wall I create.From a self-perceived maturity and melancholy.Fall in love with my scars, my wounds, the blood stains.All the under-achievements, all the complexities.That make me - imperfect. That make me – “me.”Love me, for them if you can.
If you’re going to fall for me,Fall in love with every fragment of me. Decent, wicked, ugly, glorious - I’m a little bit of all.Fall in love with my shortcomings, my sleepless nights,My journey to madness – my write ups. If you can- fall in love with the naked me. Real, unpretentious, raw. Or my dear, don’t love me at all.Copyright: ©Suman Bhattacharya, 2014
Suman BhattacharyaAuthor, Error Code Love
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