6/1/2017 2:16:56 PM: Finding My Niche I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle by a good friend who lives it 24/7. He is way more strict, in to advanced protocols, and much more strict than Me. Lives for the planning, details, and order of it all.He has the ability, and is,  more of a Sadist, but taught Me that the submissive's safety, and well being is priority one. Personally, I desire more sensual, spontaneous play, what many would call vanilla. Hugs, kisses, erotic massage, teasing, foreplay, passion..... He was meticulous in his planning,..... I tend to make it as I go. Of course a 'good' Dominant learns what his sub's needs and desires are, and makes sure they are addressed,and satisfied. If it's not mutually beneficial to both, then what's the point?         And to be honest, I'm much more of a sex freak than he is...lol......He once told of a play session with a sub, where he used toys on her all afternoon, bringing her to orgasm over, and over, but he never had sex with her. That's not happening with Me....I love to play, bringing the sub to an intense orgasm excites Me to no end....having that kind of control does excite Me to no end...but if we're playing, she is going to get fucked....just the way I roll. I'm way too freaky, and enjoy it too much, not to include sex in our play. I get no satisfaction from dispensing pain, it doesn't make me feel more like a man.....Leaving marks and bruises does not excite me at all. However I have learned that to a submissive........the bruises, the rope, the blindfold, the pain, is more of a badge of honor, and that's its not the end result of the pain so much..... as the circumstances in which it's applied. But I do not judge, that would give people the right to judge me, so,  to each, his/her own, diversity is what makes this world we live in interesting.          For a long time, I did not explore my kinky side,( or anyone else's for that matter), but one day, circumstance opened my eyes, showed me the connection between 'pain', and sexual satisfaction. I had a 'lover' while in between marriages, and while in bed one afternoon, while resting from 'Round 1',the pillow talk turned to my BDSM friend, who she had met, and knew of his kink.She proclaimed that she was not 'in to that', and would not allow someone to do the things he did to some of his subs......After hearing that, and me being somewhat of a smart ass, and instigator at times, I reached over and gave her a slap on her ass cheek, not hard, did it just for meanness, figured it would result in some sort of negative reaction. We were somewhat cuddling, laying side by side, facing each other....... She was stroking my cock,( getting me ready for round two), the reaction I got was anything but negative......she whimpered slightly, put her face on my chest, and squeezed my manhood just a little harder....Subscribing to the theory that if a little bit is good, a lot is better, I gave her another smack, and when she kept moaning, burying her face in my chest, and pulling harder on my cock with every stroke...I would up up giving her a good little spanking.  Somewhere in there, I became aware of the connection, it was like a light bulb went off in the brain....suddenly ...'I got it'....it excited me to no end....she was very turned on, her excitement made me just that much hotter....the details sorta became a blur after that, but we proceeded to have the hottest sex ever.....it was pure animal passion, carnal lust...... no making love...it was absolute fucking....at one point I remember her digging her fingernails in my back, to the point where she left several deep scratches.....the pain just made it more intense... I pounded her even harder .......she screamed for her maker, moaned, groaned, I was grunting and growling like a wild animal...that has to be the definition of 'subspace' ...for me anyway...nothing mattered, no social constraints,  or structure, just raw emotion......My orgasm was earth shattering, couldn't count how many she had...left us both emotionally, and physically spent.            After was over, she wouldn't let me spank her anymore,but I didn't press the issue, not that I wanted to do it for the spanking, I just wanted to feel that intense emotional rush again......Now I'm not about to try to figure what caused her to go off like that, what dynamic we shared, or how she saw me in her mind to cause those triggers to kick in...that's what therapy is for....lol...all I know is the intensity of it all was so rewarding.......that old saying about the mind being largest, and most potent erogenous zone in the body.....you better believe it!......I've learned over the years that it is not the spanking, bondage, blindfold that  gives the submissive the rewards they seek sometimes, as much as the ACT of spanking, tying, etc....and what that represents to them.       I have also learned why the kink lifestyle is called a 'journey'....it's always evolving...never exactly the same....depending on the dynamic between the parties involved. I also have learned that there is no 'rule book'.....we are all different, what works for one, maybe not so much for another......I've found that I prefer a more soft and sensual beginning, especially with people just beginning their journey. Naturally the more experience involved, the more advanced the dynamic.....but always stimulate the mind....explore, learn what 'buttons' to push....the rewards are amazing! Pretty Cool.......