My thoughts for today:

You know Ive done a lot of venting and ranting through this profile and journal and it's made some people think I am unapproachable but that just is not true.

I am a VERY loving and dedicated girl. I've devoted 11 years to this lifestyle. And while yes I've found my share of bad situations, I am wise enough not to let a few bad apples spoil the barrel.

On the one hand I love a Dom/Master/Daddy that is gentle and caring, sensitive and sweet.

But on the flip side I really love One who can be rough and a bit brutal at the same time.

No I'm not always brave enough to go through with everything, but I'm hoping to find One who won't let me shy away, but has the patience and guiding hand to help me overcome my fears.

So if there is a Sir/Dom/Master/Daddy out there somewhere seeking a devoted, affectionate and cuddly girl who can be a bit of a painslut at times, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Rant time

Ok I keep getting hateful mail from people that I don't even fucking know.

ARE YOUR FUCKING LIVES SO PATHETIC YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN HATE ON PEOPLE YOU'VE NEVER MET?!!?!?

GET a FUCKING life you morons. You don't like me or what I have to say, then get the fuck off my profile and go look at someone else! I don't have time to bother with you weak minded morons who have no joy in life other than to run others down.

What  choose to do is MY business.

Don't like it? Dont let the door hit you in your fucking whiny ass on the way out!

Also if I'm in the videochat rooms and you are watching me on the cam, SAY SOMETHING to me rather than just inviting yourself to stare at me or i WILL boot you off my cam.

I've had it with people badmouthing me when they don't even know me!

Get a fucking clue you fucking losers!

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you three were busy squabbling about the glass of water,

I got bored and drank the damn thing.

Sincerely,

The Opprotunist

I wake up this morning and surprise, another day of agony as my tooth kicks in again. and no dental clinics have any openings for the next week or so.

It hurts like hell and I have nothing to take my mind off it...help?

Look guys, if you're not interested, fine! But don't sit here pretending you are, promising the moon and then disappear! It's not cool and it's not right. Save us both the wasted typing and leave me be if not interested.

A lone figure gazes out the window heaving a heavy sigh, blue eyes staring into nothing, leaning against the wall wondering if ever someone will come for her, or if shes forever doomed to being unwanted, unneeded, alone. A heavy heart weighing her very soul, as though filled with lead. Staring at a star and making her heartfelt wish.

late in the night, i feel a warm solid form against my back, hot breath against the back of my neck, i hear heated panting and feel a warm mouth against the back of my neck, i feel licking at the edge of my shoulder.

i wake and roll over my every nerve ending alert and tingling

my eyes open, my mouth dry with anticipation....

oh...

Dammit...

Porky stop waking me up you dumb dog ...

~facepalm~

So cold. 3 blankets on and still shivering -whimpers-

Some say i am odd, and i dont deny it. I love ballet, opera, musicals and older movies, strange for one of 29 years i know but there it is. perhaps that is why i tend to click more with older Doms than ones my own age. I prefer older music, older tv shows. I love antiques and learning about history. Am i wierd? perhaps. but i am me.

What is this burning ache inside me, i dont understand it , i dont know what to do about it, ive fought for so long to keep my head high, but now all i can think about is crawling on my belly to the feet of a strong Master, laying at His feet, feeling His power over me. I think about it, dream about it, the thought sends a restless ache through my body, i find myself  weeping miserably as i think of it, craving it. I have no idea how to handle it. I feel lost, scared, alone... helpless. What do i do? Who can i turn to? i need help before i go mad.

i think ive finally figured what my problem is, im so darned afraid to trust anyone again that i pull back before i even begin. I have no trust to offer. Why should i? im not pretty, and i have little to offer you other than what you see. but at least im finally being honest with myself. my biggest impediment is my own fear.

OMG i am fuming, started talking to a so called Dom on here and things were going smooth, then suddenly he starts a rant about how all arabs should die, i CALMLY pointed out that my brother is arabic, and what does he say in return but that my brother should be killed. You hate racism but yet you condemn people you don know for being of a certain race? uh DUH? I'm fuming mad. no one talks about my brother that way!

I just want to go through one day, free from pain, nightmares, flashbacks and tears.Is that possible?

Just a little note, if i have viewed your full profile i am interested, however if i havent mailed you it is likely because i am a bit shy and honestly it is because i feel i am not good enough to plase you, so i dont bother. please dont be offended.

ok heres a question for all the Doms out there, just a little poll,

You're playing with someone and the sub in question is bound immobile, if during the session the sub/slave in question breaks wind, do you:

A: laugh and continue

B: end the scene

C: other (please elaborate)

i'm a lover, a cuddler. an out and out romantic at heart. yet what is more passionate and perfect love than that of a sub/slave in the hands of her Master/Dom? is there a more perfect love?

Ok rant time, don't like it? Suck it up buttercup,  a journal is for me to post my thoughts. You aint bein forced to read it at gunpoint. 

Now on to the rant.

WTF is up with all these so called Doms posting pics of their dicks as their main pro pic? and some where theres nothing BUT cock shots?

I mean are you such an arrogant narcissistic jackass that you spend all day staring at your dick? Do you get some kind of wierd pleasure out of looking at your own dick? Or do you think any self respecting sub/slave is going to see it and be like "ooh his profile sucks but hes got a huge dick, screw my inhibitions and red flags I want him!" or better yet maybe you think showing off your dick makes you a big manly man or toughguy, if so, reality check buddy.

nobody wants to see your wedding tackle within the first 2 seconds of meeting you.

Listen if Victoria can keep her secrets, so can you. 

Keep it in your pants boys.

One question, one chance, one honest answer. You can ask me one question (TO MY INBOX ONLY!). Any question, anything, no matter how crazy, dirty, naughty, perveted or wrong it is. No catch. But I dare you to post this on your status and see what people ask you!... My dare done! Now I dare you.

What is a kajira? If one wants the technical definition of kajira one would possibly conclude that a kajira is a female slave on the fictional world called Gor which is the setting of a science fiction book series written in the 70s by a man named John Norman.

But to those of us who truly understand it, it is so much more than a literal mumbo jumbo technical rambling.

A kajira is a complex creature, as a whole, worthless as a stray dog, but yet to the right Free Man, she is in her way, a precious jewel, much like a favored pet, so long as she minds the rules and obeys without question.

The Duties of the kajira are simple, even if sometimes they are not so simple to fulfill. Ravynn for instance, fullfills the latter of the following, but falls way way short of the former. a kajira's duties are nothing more or less than:
1. Exquisite Beauty (for this one a definate epic fail unfortunately)
2. Absolute Obediance

I think the following quote sums up a good portion of who and what a kajira is in the eyes of the true Gorean MAster.

The female slave, in her excitement and beauty, is an embodiment of sensuality, love, and service. (Vagabonds of Gor, page 260).

Thus the kajira is an inherently lusty, sensual, service oriented being who derives her own personal joy through nothing more or less than the sheer unbridled delight and joy of serving the Free.

The privelage of being permitted to serve, being her only true reward, though she wouldn't turn down a kiss or two or a good piece of chocolate either (wink wink hint hint all you smexy Masters out there)

In conclusion the Gorean Kajira is a complex beast, yet simple to understand all at the same time. As long as she does as shes told and is pleasing, her lot will be pleasant and enjoyable for the mostpart. Remember, we kajirae serve as if our lives depend upon it for one very practical reason! BECAUSE IT DOES!

These have been this slave's thoughts and words on what it is to be kajira, submitted for the approval of the Free.

She begs that the Free find her words pleasing and wishes both Free and slave alike well.

Humbly Yours

~La Kajira~

im not over weight im just under tall

the day i find an honest Dom who actually gives a shit about a girl is thew day i'm a cowboy

betrayed again. are there no REAL Doms on here? Ones that wont lie and tell me things they do not mean?

ok i have a serious question to all the Dom/mes out there. How does one go about handling a "damaged" sub/slave? Having been in the relationships i have been in over the years i have grown increasingly timid and skittish in the presence of a Dom/me to the point no one wants to bother. 

  Is it now just the practise that damaged girls aren't worth messing with? Or is there some way that such "broken" sub/slaves can be "repaired" to good as new again?

I meekly and humbly ask for any input to this from any Dom/mes that would be so kind as to reply with Their opinions.

thank You for Your time.

OK time for a rant.

I came on a few minutes ago to find this in my inbox:

ok my profile CLEARLY states i am NOT Dominant. Why can people not read for god sake?

let me make this perfectly clear.

I AM NOT DOMINANT WHATSOEVER. I DO NOT DO WOMEN. IF YOU CALL YOURSELF SUBMISSIVE, SLAVE, PET, WHATEVER... DO NOT MAIL ME! I AM NOT INTERESTED!

*steps off soapbox*

Thank you for flying Bitchyslut Airlines, here's hoping my boot to your ass left a mark so you remember not to come back.

in a girls heart is always that acheing need to be owned, taken, to relinquish control into His capable hands. To serve with no reservations. to gaze up at Him and see Him gazing down in stern , firm , but loving eyes. to see his pride in his girl.

This heart of mine,

such a small token,

so fragile and fine,

so easily and often broken

seeks the One to heal the pain,

To mend the wound,

rekindle the flame.

To hold close the shattered pieces,

and to smooth out the creases.

Who sees not some useless fool,

But inside, a tarnished jewel,

awaiting the craftsman whose skilled hands,

can polish it into the finest in the lands.

an empty meaningless existance...yay

If you are near Albuquerque, New Mexico and looking for someone for a casual encounter or just a friend for coffee, hit me up, I'm really looking to meet some new people to make new friends.

Feeling so alone and invisable, unseen , screaming in a crowded room but no one even looks up. where do i go from here?

what to say about today, it's a quiet day where i find myself longing for a strong pair of arms to curl into, just sitting and imagining the day when i finally find where i truly belong, when my search ends and the life i yearn for begins.

Someday i know He will call for me and i will run to him.

ya know, Ron White had the right idea, Cum should taste like chocolate, all the women would be chasing men down the street shouting "Get back here Willy Wonka, I want more of your Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar!"

Please excuse me if i appear normal
to the naked eye,
While i dream of my submission to you,
Perfect and complete.

looking hard for the One that speaks to my heart, are you out there somewhere?

sleepy, lonely, hungry, bored

no those aren't dwarves in some twisted Snow White parody ya doofus

deeply longing for some good rp

new rant :

If you cannot be bothered to speak clearly and use proper English then why would I be interested in you?

I take the time to spellcheck every single mail I send out.

Please, have the courtesy to do likewise.

Well my mind is made up. I am willing to relocate ANYWHERE within the continental US to the right Master after November.  so please Sirs and Masters dont let this one's distance deter You if You truly desire this girl. I have absolutely nothing holding me here. Please, hit me up if interested, will talk to any serious Doms.

After a long time of soul searching and thinking, mending and healing, I now know that I am truly ready to fully serve from the bottom of the pit of by very being, the word "no" being slowly chased from my vocabulary, and ready to commit my body, mind, heart and soul to the One who comes, whispering those three words that make every girl quiver with joy, "You are mine" I am ready to serve, but where is the One who desires unwavering devotion and obediance, who can see that a girl's beauty comes , not from her physical attributes, but from the genuine desire to serve and please.

since no one wants to talk, off to play wow

Does no one want to talk? at all? Ive been sitting here for 4 days straight taking the courage to go ahead and say hi to some people and no one bothers to reply. Whatever happened to saying "no thanks" or just making friends?

Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting, if you don't mean what you are telling me, don't bother mailing me!  I absolutely refuse to speak to another liar or game player so if that is your intention get lost and kiss my ass.  You don't even deserve the courtesy of a reply let alone any respect from me. I am done blindly trusting people here, there was a time I would have given you the benefit of the doubt. Not anymore, prove yourself real or fuck off. To all the True Masters out there please forgive my bitchiness and language but it had to be said.

Thank you for flying Bitchyslut Airlines

Don't let the door hit you where the good Goddess split ya.

Have a nice day

If anyone in Albuquerque area is looking for a play partner etc, let me know, gets boring around here

A study has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire... No further studies are expected on this subject

how do i describe this sense of emptiness, hopelessness? life gets worse and worse i want someone tos top this insane roller coaster i want to get off. i feel like curling in a ball and crying, i want to go home but cant.  i want to go back to the days when i didnt have to worry about getting enough to eat. or having a home..i just dont know how much more i can take

Ever wonder why this girl would read your entire profile then not contact You?

Truth is i read it but am too timid to make first contact most times. I look at the pictures and think, yeah like He'd look at me twice, so in fear, i stay away. I dont know how to get over it, i guess its just because ive been rejected too many times.

I sit here staring at the screen, I fight and fight to keep my emotions in check but it does no good as the tears begin to flow, as the emptiness within slowly begins to envelop my entire being, so hollow, so alone, so hopeless. My heart grows darker by the hour as the fire that once burned so bright within me flickers one last feeble attempt to reignite itself before my bitter tears extinguish its light. Alone now, alone forever. Unwanted, unneeded, without value in the eyes of any, i fade into the shadows of life,feeling everything fade to blackness as i curl up, broken, perhaps beyond repair. Not knowing where to turn, having no light to see by, no rope or guiding hand to pull me out of this deep empty black pit of pure dispair. I Am Forgotten.

Why must my life be an eternal rollercoaster? i feel like ive been strapped in with a padlock and can never get free. When will that special Master reach out and pull me loose, and set my spirit truly free?

someone please just let me curl up and die

Sure schools going ok, but im so damn lonely. at night theres no one to curl up with after a long day,.. my heart aches

Who am i really?

I know that I'm a loving caring girl that just wants someone to love and to love me back just for being myself. I love to read and watch tv and hopelessly addicted to being on the computer, i love to roleplay, the more bizarre the better lol.

My heart has been heavy for a long time due to bad relationships, though i wont point any fingers. I dont judge and I dont hold grudges.

Want to know more of me?

mail me, i never ignore anyone.

lonely and sad, wishing for the one

Will scene for smokes lol

For the record I've worked for a long time to get down as much as i am now, so stop judging me for being lazy! yes i was once almost 500lbs now im down to 225. So i think ive dome DAMN good at dropping weight. Do not judge me!!!!

i swear im gonna end up dead. im so terrified i dont know where to turn, my last hope is gone

ok ok i get it ok? im fat and ugly why must you all keep sending me hate mail telling me that? Ive done everything i can to drop the extra weight but i cant. If you dont like how i look why dont you just move along instead of mailing me to remind me how everyone thinks im a fat ugly pig? Im getting sick of it!

life seems to get harder every day. im so tired lately, cant keep my eyes open most days. i do believe it may be depression setting in. really need someone to talk to to drive this sadness away.

Why is it that when people find out my living situation tey turn tail and run? Do they think I enjoy living this way?  Everyone has times when they get knocked down by life. Don't judge me just because life has dealt me a hell of a blow. im still the same person. just in difficult circumstances.

any Doms near Albuquerque want to hook up for coffee or something? I'm hoping i can find a nice Dom to talk to

so what is it i want, simple. a gentle yet firm and loving Daddy/Sir to make my innards quiver with the anticipation of serving him one who i would eagerly crawl across the floow on my belly to lick His feet, feeling His eyes uopn me knowing im His. Knowing so long as i obey and serve him well i need fear nothing, for His protection is guaranteed. it isnt easy to put it into words, and i know theres a lo of spelling and grammar errors here but im only writing as it comes from my heart paying no heed to grammar atm.

I am seeking a safe place to go, nothing expected, can provide own transportation costs, just in a big mess with nowhere to go, seriously in need of help.

Can you read past my poker face to see the pain within? Can you break htrough the walls to the broken person within?

...feels like I'm the worst person in the world...not good enough..always broken, unfix able!!!

I sit here thinking how Id love to be held close by a Sir or Daddy. My lil kitsune heart cries out for One to serve. So far all I get is people telling me how ugly I am :(

So who am I really? Let's see, I'm a true babygirl seeking a loving Daddy to complete me. My heart is full of love to share. I have a truly submissive soul. I know I will never be complete without a Daddy or Sir to love and serve with all I am. Someone I can gaze up at in pure reverence and adoration. The feeling that I am safe, owned, protected filling my heart and soul to the point of bursting. That is me.

Wondering why I even bother when every Daddy or Sir I start talking to suddenly vanishes off the face of the earth. About ready to just give up and stop trying at all.

Have met so many nice sweet Daddies on here so far, it's hard to say who is the nicest.Though honestly one in particular is definately in the lead

I goes nite nite now. Goodnite all the Daddies out there. 

*curls up with her blankie and pillows with a biiiig yawn afore goin to sleep*