Collarspace.com

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I am an experienced dominant man, looking to meet women with BDSM interests. A long-term relationship is a possibility, but I don't want to over-promise and under-deliver, so let's start with coffee. I am in good shape, but I'm not a bodybuilding competitor; am 43 but relate equally well to people of all ages; I am financially comfortable; I have nice teeth, shower often, and have a few colognes. I prefer an art museum to a sporting event and wine over beer. I only say these things because I have heard some horror stories about "men on the internet." I'm hoping to hear from you - you're a woman who is both interested AND interesting.

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7/26/2015 10:39:04 PM
"Well, what would you call woman A, who likes to be tied up but doesn't necessarily enjoy submitting to a man's wishes?"

Some people refer to this as "topping from the bottom" - someone who wants to bottom (meaning, have things done to them, like bondage, spanking, flogging, etc) but wants to be the one directing the action. A person like woman A wants to call the shots, write the , direct the scene.

Some dominant men say that makes a woman a "bad submissive" and that in order to be a "true submissive" they must do whatever he wants, even if they don't enjoy it. Of course this doesn't sit well with the woman who likes spanking but hates the idea of pee play, for example.

So, what would I call woman A? I would say she's neither dominant nor submissive, she's just exploring her desires as a BDSM bottom. She's interested in the experiences and sensations of BDSM, playing with rope, fun kinky toys, and trying out new sensations, but isn't aroused at the power exchange that comes from submission of her will to a dominant man.

Maybe you're a bottom, not a submissive. And that's okay! It doesn't make you a bad submissive. Don't let a dominant man tell you that you have to do something that you are not comfortable doing just to fit a mold that he thinks you should fit.

7/25/2015 11:53:44 PM
On Submission

If you like it when a man ties you up with rope, puts a blindfold over your eyes, puts a ballgag in your mouth, puts nipple clamps on your nipples and a plug in your ass, you might think that you're a submissive.

I would say that's not necessarily true - because you are calling the shots, telling your partner exactly what you want him to do to you, and you are laying back and enjoying the service that he is providing you. Much like you would enjoy a massage or spa visit, tailored to your exact specifications.

Submissive, to me, means that you are sexually aroused when you are *submitting* your will - meaning, doing what your dominant partner wants you to do, even if you don't necessarily enjoy that specific activity.

For example, compare these statements that might be said by women who describe themselves as submissive:

1) "My dominant tied me up and spanked me last night, but I like it better when he uses the paddle. And he didn't even use the nipple clamps like I like him to!"

2) "Last night I did something that I never thought I'd enjoy, and guess what? I was right, I didn't enjoy it. But my Dom loved it, so I can't wait to do it again for him."

Which sounds more like a submissive person to you?


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PAPainPiggie
 
 Age: 26
 Meridian, Idaho