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I could tell you I fantasize about being dominated, and that would definitely be true, but it's truer to say that I fantasize about being vulnerable:
More specifically, I fantasize about being vulnerable with someone who senses my vulnerability and reflexively sizes it up, gets a feel for its depth, and smiles a feline smile when she does. She engages it - playfully, casually - toying with it in a frolicsome way that makes me feel safe and afraid and comfortably, nervously certain I'm about to be owned. Tactfully, soothingly, she coaxes me into a more and more open and trusting and receptive place, until I feel my vulnerability - which began as something I was giving her - start to become something she's taking. Then I ache for her to take it, and soon I'm begging her to take it all, and then she has me, and she knows it - it's so obvious in the softness and willingness in my face - and that feline smile creeps wider across hers. Then, suddenly, without warning, she takes what she's been coaxing so carefully out of me, grips it firmly and yanks every timid inch of it out, balls it up in her hands, and, looking down at the nakedly vulnerable, helplessly malleable toy left cupped between her palms, that feline smile reaches her ears.
And then she dominates me. She fucking owns me, taking full advantage of every shred of vulnerability she's extracted. I'm fucking hers, and the more palpably she enjoys making me hers, the more palpably I'll enjoy being taken - because that's what my only real fantasy is: Being vulnerable, then being made more vulnerable, then having every drop of my vulnerability taken advantage of and enjoyed to the fullest:
Don't get me wrong - I have all sorts of kinks and fetishes and fantasies about them (see the list below for the first ones that came to mind), but they're not things I enjoy in and of themselves - they're my favorite ways of being enjoyed: There's nothing I adore more than being bent over, gripped by my hip flexors and energetically fucked until she cums with her strap-on vibrating an inch from my belly button (because nothing makes me feel so vulnerable) - but I've learned that, if I get the sense that she's fucking me just because I enjoy it, not because she enjoys taking me that way, my enjoyment evaporates - because I only feel taken when I'm clearly being taken and enjoyed.
I say I'm a switch because, for the exact same reason, I also very much enjoy being the taker with a partner who enjoys being taken. I'm in a really submissive place right now, and I'm only actively seeking to engage that part of me, but I'm most compatible with partners who can engage both sides and who have both sides to engage: Someone who equally enjoys being taken and pounded and turning me over and pounding me back - I see a beautiful sex-positive expression of gender equality in that, and it's incredibly arousing to me on both a sexual and a broader human/social/political level. I'm still trying to put my finger on how to articulate that expression - if you want to chat about that, or think you can help me articulate it, by all means please message me!
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