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ok world -- i am feeling happy with life once again. (insert big smile here) no, life did not suddenly turn perfect on me, i have just finally accepted that what will be, will be. and if it is not meant to be no amount of desire on my part will make it so. with acceptance i can now move on.
i still have the same feelings regarding what i am looking for -
i am not seeking.
i am not looking.
i have found this is the best way to find things - by not trying to do so.
i wish...
i want...
i need...
i am.
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to hold on, or to let go...
always this is such a difficult decision. when is over really over? how do you really know? there isn't usually any nice big billboard by the roadside to announce it for you (and the rest of the world), nor are there instruction booklets telling us these are the 6 or 8 or 10 signs to check for and if you see them then you *know* its really really over.
he comes. he goes. he was here, he is gone. now he plans to start seeing me once again -- mondays he says. what the heck does this mean???
i had gotten to the point where i could say 'this is my friend ____________.' when i introduced him to people. seems he still calls me his fiancee. i am not, and never was, that...not really. his lover -- yes. and he was the love of my life. i was his sub, he was my Dom.
i do not know what i am now, i do not know what he is now, i do not know what is going on now. i am so CONFOOZED!!!! and i do not like to be confoozed. not at all.
i am afraid to ask myself if i even want him back, because i fear what the answer may be... how's that for honesty?? |
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have you ever given much thought to how we express happiness and joy? as an example, which would you prefer, to
1 - die of happiness or laughter
--OR--
2 - bust a gut ?????
just a thought.......
as i sit here and crack up myself...
giggle |
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new year's eve was ... interesting, and fun too.
got together with the lesbians upstairs, had a beer, and shot off fireworks....
i think i may need a life..... |
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i have made a momentous decision/discovery:
other than during the holiday season, i am incredibly glad to be alive!!
the holidays i've decided to be a non-participant in during all future such seasons -- long dull story as to why this will be so..
tonight i make a couple resolutions for the coming year ~~~~
i vow to laugh at least once a day.
i vow to bring a smile to at least one other human being each day.
i vow to learn something each day.
i vow to do my utmost to give more than i recieve.
i will find each glass half full, see each road as an adventure not yet begun, and to look both back and forward with more joy than sadness.
may we each have a fortunate new year. may we all be well.
namaste y'all!! |
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oftentimes life presents us with situations where we have but two choices of action available to us:
we may choose to laugh OR we may choose to cry.
i always have, and always will, make my choice laughter: crying so screws up ones make-up, don't you know? |
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| Age: 29 |
| Orofino,
Idaho |
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