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I always knew I was a sub. Without exception, I knew. I had my first fantasy of being tied up when I was five years old. And yet, when I was old enough to date, I dated vanilla. I went from one failed relationship to another, chasing this vision of normalcy, of happiness that had been put into my head by the world around me. For years I crawled through the desert towards a mirage, and when I realized there was no water I drank the sand.
I drank the sand for the same reason most others do: the fear we won’t be loved for who we truly are, both by others and especially ourselves.
One day I made a decision to stop fearing who I was, and embrace it. I joined the community and made a friend, and then another and another. Within a week, the depression I had been struggling with for years was gone. My mind had grown so powerful from learning to hate myself, from holding me back, that when I turned it around and used its strength to push me forward, the results were more amazing then I could have ever imagined.
I have experienced more joy in the last few years than I had in the first 34 combined. It’s the kind of joy that only comes from taking risks. Huge, ferocious and terrifying risks. From trying things I’d never thought capable of— not because I was brave, but because the idea of going back to the person I had been was even scarier.
Dare I actually say that I am happy now? :)
I’ve met so many wonderful people along the way and hope to meet many more. Friends and playmates are always welcome but ultimately I would like to find a long term relationship with a Mistress/Owner. I know in my heart that I have so much love and loyalty to give the right person.
Age and appearance are a distant second to the quality of your mind and your heart. I promise I will reply to everyone that takes the time to write, man or woman, even if you just want a friend. Friends are so important too, I think.
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