S&M is wishing you were Batman just so you can meet the Catwoman

S&M is overhearing vanilla folks discussing their fears of those creeps who are into whips and chains, and you laugh to yourself because they're so serious

S&M is finding the perfect pair of boots

S&M is people asking to try on your pair of handcuffs "just to see how they feel"

S&M is explaining the massive frame in your living room to your landlady. She listens

quite intently but you know your lease will be ending soon.

S&M is having your nipple and cock rings set off alarms at the airport

S&M is the shock at discovering that the submissive you've been training is much more experienced than you.

S&M is wanting one of everything you see at a fetish shop

S&M is learning elementary arithmetic. "One thank you, two thank you.,"

S&M is the novice you've been mentoring that just said something original that took your breath away

S&M is the erotic feeling you get when someone passes you on the street clad totally in leather

S&M is looking in the mirror the next day to admire your marks

S&M is buying a chain frame license plate holder for your car

S&M is redefining the English language by discovering that a switch is not something to turn your lights on nor a long skinny object to beat someone with, rather it's someone who sometimes begs their slave for mercy.

S&M is leather, PVC, leather, latex, and oh the leather

S&M is the hours you spend at a hardware store seeking the items that only the maddest of scientists would enjoy

S&M is feigning knowledge of horses while you're buying whips and crops at a riding shop

S&M is watching a torture scene at a movie and getting an erection.

SAM tips for the VERY brave :)

SAMtip 1: While your dominant is whipping the hell out of you, yawn. Or if you're really brave, ask if the scene had began yet.

SAMtip 2: When your dominant lets you down after a severe beating and asks how you liked it, say "That would have been a great beating if I wasn't controlling the situation."

SAMtip 3: Make your dominant a birthday cake and put on too many candles.

SAMtip 4: Ask your dominant to help you find your OTHER collar.

SAMtip 5: Remove all the food from your dominant's refrigerator and refill it with low calorie meals.

SAMtip 6: Hide all your dominant's favorite toys that you hate.

SAMtip 7: Be sure to compliment your dominant's rival's new boots.

SAMtip 8: When your dominant smacks you really hard and asks if it hurt, say "I'm sure it did. Do you want me to put some ben gay on your elbow for you?"

SAMtip 9: Send your dominant an Easter basket, but don't boil the eggs.

SAMtip 10: When at a S&M shop, show your dominant a nice pair of boots and ask if they like them. When they say "yes" say "Good. I wonder if they have them in my size?"

(The above was posted as humor only and are not recommended practices)